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  • 1 Post By Learning The Ropes

Thread: What Is With My Ex? And Me?

  1. #1
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default What Is With My Ex? And Me?

    I am new on here. 1st post so here goes. Sorry for the long story but this is a bit complicated.

    I met these two girls on a night out January last year. I was in a relationship then so was just out having fun. One was in a relationship with a young kid and the other one had a BF although she was touching me and stuff. End of the night both asked me for my number and started texting me.

    I arranged to meet the one with the BF and saw her for about 6 weeks. All this time her friend was texting me saying I was a lovely genuine guy and if she was single she would be after me. I kept it cool and nice and friendly because I wasn't that interested.

    I stopped seeing the 1st girl (bad argument) and we ended up talking and texting quite a lot to the 2nd girl. She always initiated the texting and talking. I learned a lot from the 1st one so played it very cool and was evasive about meeting up which she suggested. We eventually met-up. Saw her 5 or 6 times, the last two away overnight in hotels because she was still with her BF.

    She then seemed to lose interest and I made the fatal mistake of chasing her - bear in mind she chased me for months. I got dumped by text. She said her BF had found an e-mail so it was over. But it was all very amicable and she said I was an amazing guy etc.

    I tried to do the pal thing but it wasn't working for me. Called her and told her we were both pretending we wanted to be friends at first. Said I didn't want to be her friend and she wanted to see me because I do everything for her (emotionally and physically) her partner doesn't. Went NC and it was hell for like 2 months.

    So 6 months later we hook up again. I e-mailed her but it turns out she had tried to contact me 2 weeks before this. She said she still had feelings for me and she had cheated on her BF again with another guy but 'she was trying to replace what he had'.

    But this time she was real serious. She kicked her BF out so she could see me and she was talking about making things official in a few months. We also talked about getting together properly.

    But she had a vacation booked with her BF, kid and some friends. She said she was only going for her kid. I respected that and this time saw her 3 times. 1st time we met up again the spark was still there and we kissed and stuff. 2nd and 3rd time were overnights.

    The week before she was due to go away the texts stopped and I read this as a loss of interest (same pattern as before) so I said to her things were over between us. But she kept contacting me. I felt I owed her the truth though so I sent her a letter before she went to explain what I was thinking... I told her I liked her and I know she liked me but basically my message was that she needed to decide what she wants because I am too good to be 2nd choice and if she wants to be with me then I won't stand for any cheating.

    We agreed to talk when she got back. 3 or 4 days after she is back, I didn't hear anything so I sent her an e-mail saying I was back with my partner and I wished her all the best. There was no response at all.

    About 2 weeks later her and her pal walk into a bar I am in with a friend! It was horrible seeing the two of them together and I swear my heart was in my stomach. But I say to myself that I am a confident guy with no axe to grind. So I say hello on my way to the toilet, asked how they were doing, said it was nice seeing them and have a good night. Left it and stayed drinking with my buddy while they disappeared quickly in a cab. Bet that ruined their night! Lol.

    Next day I get a text from the 2nd girl saying she missed me so much but she told me she had got engaged to her BF and she was going to be faithful to him forever. She was very complimentary about me so I just thanked her for being nice and said we were both working at relationships with our partners, which was the best thing for our families. I wished her all the best but a reply came back saying ‘until the next time, see you later’. I didn’t reply and deleted her number, e-mail address and deactivated my Facebook account.

    About 2 months later an e-mail arrives. This was a year to the day from when we had a very special day away at a hotel on the lakeside. This was a day that she absolutely loved. She said she was studying right beside my work so we might bump into each other. She then sent texts a couple of days and asked if we could meet up. I declined as I was very busy at work.

    But it was annoying me what was on her mind so I suggested she should tell me what she was thinking. No reply came for like 3 days so I asked her to delete my number and that we shouldn’t contact each other so we can focus on our partners.

    She replied and thanked me for all the times we were together and said I was one in a million and I do make her happier than anyone else. She said she would remember the times we spent together for the rest of her life. She wished me the best but said she would delete my number but she didn’t know if that was what she wanted.

    But then my emotions took over… I sent a message telling her what I remember about the last time we were together – this was pretty graphic as she used to love all that passionate/sexual stuff. I ended this saying I knew exactly why she wanted to get back in touch – how she missed the excitement and passion and how I made her the happiest girl alive – her words. And I told her when she is ready to admit what she really wants she can let me know.

    Here is my take on the situation but I would really appreciate other views. This girl wants what she cannot have and when she got me she lost interest. She has cheated on her BF like 4 or 5 times at parties, one-night stands etc. I was different because she chased me though and I swear I have never seen anyone happier with me than she was. I mean this girl really really liked me but I think she is confused about what she wants. And being honest I think her and her friend are out meeting guys all the time anyway.

    But I decided she wasn’t good enough for me and I am not getting picked up and dropped by anyone so she had to go. But her getting in touch stopped me from moving on. Right now I feel good because the NC is easy and every day I think about her less and less. But the weird thing is I still like her.

    But I feel really bad about not making her chase me and doing the whole ‘don’t contact me’ thing and then going back and saying she could let me know when she decides what she wants. I feel this is giving her power over me and is the worst thing I could have done because now I am not a challenge. I feel weak.

    That said, I hate playing games so if she comes back into my life (and I don’t think she will btw) then I know what she is thinking. And I will also never ever chase her (or anyone else) or let my emotions take over again.

    Having written all this, it feels kind of pointless because I have decided it is over for good and I am doing good at moving on. I suppose I just needed to share my story and getting other opinions on wtf is going on with her would be good. But then again, why should I care?

    Again, sorry for the far too long post but, hey, sometimes its good just to get stuff off your chest! Lol.

    Any views appreciated.

    Thank you!

  2. #2
    PHILTHY is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: What Is With My Ex? And Me?

    In the end you have to realize that the girl cheated on her boyfriend with you. Even if you ended up with the girl, what makes you think that you can keep her attention enough so that she won't cheat on you? A girl that is unstable with her emotions is definitely not a keeper. You may be really into her but it sounds like all she's good for is hooking up and giving some emotional support. Suggestion would not be to date her. Maybe you can LJBF and get some friends with bennys if you can handle that emotionally. I'm having problems as well meeting every damn chick with a boyfriend. Maybe I just like challenge. Once you got the girl you might haven't been a good enough challenge to her. Because you do everything for her.

    It's good you stood your ground though. But it seems a little attention from the women and you take it as a sign they want to be with you forever. Sometimes the girls are trying to find a man to replace what they currently have, but you might have not stepped your game up fully enough to get her to fully commit.

    They're calling your bluff man. Because they know you will respond. I guess at least chance it with one chick and tell her that it's best you not speak. Deleting your social media and stuff seems overemotional like you are devastated. Definitely not attractive if you're trying to get the girls attention in a positive manner. Let the girl chase you. Let the girl come to your door step crying. Don't go back on your word or they will always know they can walk over you.

    At least you realize your faults. Just work on it for next time.

    Never give a woman an ultimatum. It's usually never in your favor. Don't talk about the past because as great as it was, it will bring up reasons why you're not together to begin with...which she will remember and sometimes lose interest.

    Hopefully this brings a new perspective.

    -Philthy

  3. #3
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    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: What Is With My Ex? And Me?

    why the heck do you want to be with a girl who cheated on you and will likely cheat again? you deserve better than that, you are forgetting the most important person in your life, you. don't ever let anyone make you think differently, you are the most important person in your life and you don't need a girl thats going to treat you like that, you are better than that, and you deserve a better woman

  4. #4
    Learning The Ropes is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: What Is With My Ex? And Me?

    Guys, thanks for reading my long post and for your replies.

    I know what you are saying is totally right - I'm too nice sometimes - I should have ignored the e-mail she sent me. But I fell for it - the hook. I know she's not good enough for me anyway - I'm too good to be a back-up plan for anybody. And you're right - she is a serial cheat - I am not the first and I won't be the last.

    She's gone - it's her loss and at least I managed to stand my ground at the end. (But wish I hadn't said she could get back in touch if she wanted - that was weak). 6 weeks NC and it's easy - moving on and your e-mails helped remind me that I am doing the right thing walking away.

    Thanks so much!


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