So I was feeling profoundly insecure yesterday.
I texted my uncle that my girl was probably going to leave me that night (I didn't think she was going to that night, but I had a feeling she would for another guy; long story).
Anyway, she goes for my phone (this is normal, we completely trust eachother). I grab it, open my messages behind my leg, and delete the message I sent my uncle (STUPID!!!!!) I should have done it in the bathroom, and she WASN'T EVEN GOING TO GO THROUGH MY MESSAGES.
Any way, she gets pissed off that I deleted the message, decides to stop talking to me, I start getting pushy and force her to talk, she says she loves me and wishes I just knew how much she really does.
Some other stuff may have happened, I can't remember, it was a 2 hour car ride.
I stop talking, and she keeps asking me to talk, she says fine, if you won't tell me what's wrong and talk to me, I'll just do the talking.
She talks and talks and talks, mostly about how much she loves me, then I can't remember what happened in between.
I started crying profusely while driving, (I can't remember why, but it was the right thing to do in the moment).
She gets all "stop crying, I love you", over and over and over, trying to wipe the tears away.
I push her away as if I don't want her touching me and forcefully turn the music back on after she begs me to talk to her.
We go back and forth doing that, then I get a red-eyed, no expression face, and entirely stop talking.
She gets minorly frustrated at me, and begs me to get coffee so we can talk.
At this point she thinks I'm done with her, as every exit she asks me to stop at for coffee, I keep driving.
I act like I'm going to drive her to her car, then turn for Denny's (she suggested for coffee).
We get there and she plays the "I'm mad at you and I'm not coming out". I stand in front of the car for a good bit staring at her, and she says "It's disgusting, I hate Denny's!!". I stand still and stare at her through the windshield until she starts moving to get out of the car.
As soon as she gets one foot out, I get in the car and prepare to drive away.
She says "No, wait!! I want to talk to you!!"
I continue driving out, and she says I wanna go home. (a bluff)
I act like I'm about to bring her home, then drive her to IHop.
We get there and sit in silence staring into eachother's eyes,
I order my pancakes and hers exactly how she likes them, still not speaking a single word (Pointed to items on the menu to the waitress).
They come out and she says "I don't want them". (I knew that was coming.
I take two bites, after some more staring, and walk away to ask for to-go boxes, bags, and the check.
I package everything up and ask her if she's ready to leave.
She looks at me, and I get up and walk out.
She follows me to my car, we leave and I bring her back to her car.
We end the night with her saying "I love you SO much, I just wish you knew it, as a matter of fact, I'm going to text you every night and morning how much I love you, and that I'm never going to leave you"
I tell her I love her too, we hug, good long hug, and simultaneously, she says with a smirk on her face "actually, can I have those pancakes?", while I, at the exact same time (because I knew this was coming), say "could you throw these away for me please?" while handing her the bag.
I honestly don't know what the net was that night, because we went through so many emotions each, I can't remember half of it.
Progress, de-progress through insecurity, or nothing at all.
I do wonder though, how you guys would suggest I recover from insecurity if I did display it.
And if admitting to my insecurity if I actually displayed less than I think, could be a bad thing.