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  • 1 Post By Shakeshi

Thread: It's been a year and she hasn't left yet!

  1. #1
    pj2crazy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Ok so here's the story. I met this girl online over a year ago, after a few conversations I found out she was married. That being said, she is so not happy with this guy that she has been with for 12 years. He has torn her down completely and has destroyed her self esteem and self worth. She is absolutely beautiful and an amazing person, who doesn't believe it, no matter how many times I tell her, because of the damage he has done.
    Since we have met, we text each other everyday, and talk on the phone as much as possible, on a daily basis. She wants to leave him but she is scared. I believe because she feels like she is not strong enough to make it on her own. However, I have told her on several different occasions that I would be there for her and support her in anyway when she decides to leave.
    I have met her mother and her mother knows about me and knows that her daughter is in love with me. I have her mother's full support because she absolutely hates the guy she is married to. And her mother absolutely loves me and encourages her daughter to be with me.
    Recently I have discovered the pandora's box system and had determined that she is an investor, justifier, and realist.
    She knows that I want to be with her and that I would love to have a serious committed relationship with her, however for some reason she hasn't left yet!!
    So recently I decided that because of this I should "punish" her. So I went out with another girl and she came home with me and I told her about this. However I did say that she did not sleep in my bed and that nothing happened besides us making out. It did indeed hurt her, and I text her told her that if she wanted to say goodbye I would respect that, however it would completely break my heart. She text back and said she didn't want to say goodbye.
    What should I do now???

    Also I should mention this little fact.... I am a very attractive lesbian and I have no problem attracting women .... however I am stuck on this one.

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's been a year and she hasn't left yet!

    Sorry to say, but I could tell this was a disaster since the first paragraph. (I still read the rest of it though lol)

    An affair is never a good premise to start a healthy, long term relationship. People tend to think that they are special enough that their partner would never do to them that they were doing to their previous partner. Until the problems start. Then they realize that, that is how they handle stress in a relationship.

    Ok that's it for the stuff you didn't want to hear lol. Now what should you do to get her?

    Well you're off to a good start. You have been giving her 100% of you. So if you only give her 10% now she will start to feel a very powerful emotion....fear of loss. However, if you sleep with other women and throw it in her face you run the risk of her seeing your manipulative behavior, which still shows that she has that power over you.

    From now on, everything you do is "not your intention." She cannot see that you are doing these things on purpose. Slowly withdraw yourself from her.

    Most likely her first response to your distance is to explode on you. She may yell or criticize you. She may tell you that she doesn't like your behavior or ask what's wrong. Anything to get you back to the way you were before. But she doesn't get to have you since she hasn't done her part. So you DON'T open up about your feelings and don't become reactive to her. Does a stranger get you riled up if they say they don't love you? No. So treat her like a stranger so whenever she says something hurtful, see it as an attempt to get you back to the way you were and say "Ok whatever."

    Again I think in the long term this isn't healthy, but no one likes to hear that. So I hope that one day you are able to walk away before it gets worse.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    Shakeshi is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: It's been a year and she hasn't left yet!

    You are trying to be the white knight and save a woman who is
    supposedly having her self esteem trampled on. How do you
    propose to achieve this, by utilizing manipulation tactics that play
    upon her lack of self worth. Hmmm.

    Here is some food for thought, there is a very solid chance that
    her self esteem was lacking long before she ever met her husband.
    A person who was raised with a positive sense of self worth in all
    likelihood will not allow someone to take it away from them. She
    probably had serious issues long before she ever met him.
    Maybe her mother is the one that helped her along the road to
    low self esteem. You really do not know.

    Here is something else to think about, there are two sides
    to every story and you do not know his side. Perhaps she is
    just as abusive as him or even more abusive. Do you know
    whether this is the first time she has carried on this type of
    affair. She may do this all the time and drop little hints to
    torment him. Due to her poor self esteem there is a high
    probability that she does all kinds of unhealthy or even
    downright messed up things to feel good about herself.
    Since you view her purely as a victim you may very well have
    turned a blind eye to evidence pointing to this.

    If you do manage to pull her away from this man then rest
    assured that she will be looking for you to make her feel
    better about herself. It will be a daunting task and you have
    little to no training to deal with her issues. She will
    use up much of your emotional strength and time dealing
    with said issues. If you have your own problems to deal with
    then they may very well become secondary. When you fail
    to meet her excessive needs, you may become the
    next person who she feels damaged her self worth.

    Pursue this further if you must, but do not be surprised if
    the outcome is not the one for which you had hoped.

  4. #4
    Autismus's Avatar
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    Default Re: It's been a year and she hasn't left yet!

    Can't save a drowning person

    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

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