Re: It's been a year and she hasn't left yet!
Sorry to say, but I could tell this was a disaster since the first paragraph. (I still read the rest of it though lol)
An affair is never a good premise to start a healthy, long term relationship. People tend to think that they are special enough that their partner would never do to them that they were doing to their previous partner. Until the problems start. Then they realize that, that is how they handle stress in a relationship.
Ok that's it for the stuff you didn't want to hear lol. Now what should you do to get her?
Well you're off to a good start. You have been giving her 100% of you. So if you only give her 10% now she will start to feel a very powerful emotion....fear of loss. However, if you sleep with other women and throw it in her face you run the risk of her seeing your manipulative behavior, which still shows that she has that power over you.
From now on, everything you do is "not your intention." She cannot see that you are doing these things on purpose. Slowly withdraw yourself from her.
Most likely her first response to your distance is to explode on you. She may yell or criticize you. She may tell you that she doesn't like your behavior or ask what's wrong. Anything to get you back to the way you were before. But she doesn't get to have you since she hasn't done her part. So you DON'T open up about your feelings and don't become reactive to her. Does a stranger get you riled up if they say they don't love you? No. So treat her like a stranger so whenever she says something hurtful, see it as an attempt to get you back to the way you were and say "Ok whatever."
Again I think in the long term this isn't healthy, but no one likes to hear that. So I hope that one day you are able to walk away before it gets worse.
"All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."