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Thread: Does she want us to be a real thing??

  1. #11
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    Default Re: Does she want us to be a real thing??

    Here's my take on this

    Quote Originally Posted by Maz_Martin2 View Post
    So there is this cute girl I've dated now for 3 months since the school started, and just recently after texting for 4 hours night time I texted her I wanted to come over to her house the night after, but her parents were there. I told her she could just say like we are study partners and need to finish this project for the next day as an excuse

    Lol nice, plausable deniability

    but she replied with "I don't think that's a good idea"
    And then she wrote:

    Ooooh, Ka-Pow!

    "at the risk of sounding like a total girl, but if we would ever become a real "thing" they wouldn't mind you coming over, but we aren't so...sry hheehe"

    Reply: "But you ARE a total girl, that's WHY I wanna come over babe " nah, jk jk

    Does she want us to be a real thing????

    Ehhhh, can't really say 'yes' or 'no' to that question; but what we do know is she doesn't think you guys are the 'real thing' now.

    Afterwards I kinda complained how she needs to be more spontanoeus and I hate how everything has to go a certain way with her, which she replied

    I don't think that's a big problem. Doesn't really lower your value by much, tho it might reduce rapport a bit. Telling a girl to be more spontaneous is an example of a good move when picking up a girl, but which becomes less powerful of a move once there's a relationship (after the first night).

    "thats who i am and if you don't like it then we shouldn't hang out at all but I'm really tired now, so I'm going to go to bed cuz we have been talking for like 4 hours haha, goodnight"

    This ^ is fine, actually you can go somewhere with this...

    Anyway I want us to go back to flirting (nope, can't go back, always forward) instead of staying mad at eachother, (just gotta unwind the tension knot) so the two things I'm wondering about is: What to do now? (see below) and "Does she want us to be the real thing? (maybe)
    Before figuring out a game plan, you need to ask yourself a few questions first:

    First of all, what does she mean by the 'real thing' - Does she mean 'the one'? Does she mean 'officially bf/gf'? Does she mean real thing = will be the first guy she sleeps with?
    From knowing this chick as you do, what does she mean by 'the real thing'?

    How invested in you is she? Have you guys hooked up? Do you share a social circle? How does her social circle compare to yours in the 'hierarchy' of it?

    Now I'm gonna throw in a a couple 'IF's.
    If you have hooked up with her, then she probably sees you as more of a casual hookup than bf material - to fix that you just need to flip more 'care taker of loved ones' and 'ability to emote' attraction switches.
    If you have not hooked up yet, then she is probably considering you to be tossed into the friendzone - to fix that, build attraction (DHV, Neg, ramp up Sexual Tension, make her jealous)
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  2. #12
    Maz_Martin2 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Does she want us to be a real thing??

    The real thing to her is bf/gf..
    She has this thing that she wont sleep with anyone till' 18..
    We've kissed/makeout 3 times..
    She does seem very interested in me based from her other texts, and I clearly texting I'm into her too..

    And to answer the hierarchy question - She is in the top hierarchy social circle and I'm kinda everywhere. I get along with everyone, and I seem to be the more outgoing one, while she is sort of the innocent hot girl in groups.

    Finally - Thank you Autismus, seems to me you know what you talk about. Your reply was much appreciated and I hope I will hear more from you

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Does she want us to be a real thing??

    Quote Originally Posted by Maz_Martin2 View Post

    Finally - Thank you Autismus, seems to me you know what you talk about. Your reply was much appreciated and I hope I will hear more from you

    Sooner than you might think Maz

    And to answer the hierarchy question - She is in the top hierarchy social circle and I'm kinda everywhere Good. I get along with everyone, and I seem to be the more outgoing one, while she is sort of the innocent hot girl in groups.

    This works well, she's confined to clinging to social groups while you are just a social guy - that's a nice intrinsic DHV

    The real thing to her is bf/gf..
    She has this thing that she wont sleep with anyone till' 18..
    We've kissed/makeout 3 times..
    She does seem very interested in me based from her other texts, and I clearly texting I'm into her too..

    If you want to be her bf, maybe go for something like
    "Listen, I don't usually go for the sweet and innocent types, but I'm interested because [then a few ways that she seems like she might live up to your standards]"
    This ^ would be tough to pull off and remain a non-chasing frame tho.
    A lower risk option would be to be like "yeah, I'm probably not you type, LJBF" and then put her in your friendzone and build attraction from there.
    http://www.puaforums.com/how-seduce-...advantage.html
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  4. #14
    Maz_Martin2 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Does she want us to be a real thing??

    I want to be her bf so I don't wanna say "You're not my type".- I liked the other option though. you mentioned in your previous reply (just gotta unwind the tension knot)
    What is the best way to do this, should I as the other repliers says avoid her in the next couple of days, or can I skip that. What should be the next thing I say to her?

  5. #15
    Maz_Martin2 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Does she want us to be a real thing??

    Autismus.. Need your help here

  6. #16
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    Default Re: Does she want us to be a real thing??

    Quote Originally Posted by Maz_Martin2 View Post
    I want to be her bf so I don't wanna say "You're not my type".- I liked the other option though. you mentioned in your previous reply (just gotta unwind the tension knot)
    What is the best way to do this, should I as the other repliers says avoid her in the next couple of days, or can I skip that. What should be the next thing I say to her?
    Yeah the "you're not my type" move is higher risk because (1) if attraction is high then she'll try to become more like your type, or (B) if she thinks your type is girls she doesn't respect then she'll take it as a compliment

    As far as unwinding the tension there's just two elements really:

    (1) Resolve any current conflict
    (2) Move the focus elsewhere

    Whatever the cause of the tension currently is will need to be resolved in some way. I guess right now it's the idea of you wanting to go to her place and her saying no - this can be resolved by putting her in YOUR friendzone, with something like "yeah it probably wouldn't work out between us, lets just be friends"
    (telling her it wouldn't work out doesn't hurt anything because it's already what she's thinking, and it will most likely help you because Cat-String Theory)

    Once that's resolved you just talk to her about the weather, or about what you are doing next weekend, or about your math homework - point is, move the focus away from the previous tension and conflict. From there you build attraction
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  7. #17
    Maz_Martin2 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Does she want us to be a real thing??

    Wooooow, that's a huge step back in our relationship. Don't wanna do that, I wanna move forward as you said earlier. As I said, I want to be bf/gf. I don't wanna talk about the weather. I was looking for an option that doesn't apply that I'm not into her, I want the relationship to develop, sorry if I didn't make that clear. Any other options perhaps?

  8. #18
    Autismus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Does she want us to be a real thing??

    Right now you're pursuing her (because she's shown disinterest and you've shown interest) and if you chase a girl, she'll run. If you take a step back then she'll feel a void and she'll pursue you.

    It's like when you dangle a string in front of a cat, it seems like pulling the string away will make the cat think it isn't going to get the string - right? wrong. It'll jump even higher for the string. Girls are the same way. But if you make it too easy to get the string, then the cat will just batt at it once and move on. Girls are the same way. She is the cat, you are the string. You have to pull away from her to get her chasing you.

    If you want an option that doesn't show disinterest: not recommended, but here it is.

    At this point, the only thing I can think of is what I call 'the Brovlovsky gambit: making a heartfelt speech at the end'.

    Basically tell her that you like her, why you like her (in detail) tell her what you want out of the relationship, tell her what she mistakenly thinks you want (the reason she's thinking your not bf material) tell her how things would go well (or even how they migh go well) if you guys were bf/gf.

    This ^ will work if she makes her romantic decisions based on logic, but as we know most girls make decisions emotionally - in which case telling her you're not interested would be best because it stimulates the emotions.
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR


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