Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 21
Like Tree5Likes

Thread: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strategy?

  1. #11
    Mr White is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 222, Level: 4
    Level completed: 44%, Points required for next Level: 28
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    India
    Posts
    26
    Points
    222
    Level
    4
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    @Batman:

    Thanks a lot for the warm words..
    I do understand the grey areas. I am just trying to share a scenario with all and trying to use it, as well helping others to use it as a platform to design new tactics, point of view etc.

    Ill keep answer the answers for your questions short (while still mentioning what seems further r elevant to the question), but will happily elaborate as and when you ask for.

    What's the current situation now in terms of contact and any meet ups?
    Contact is minimalistic: no facebook, email, sms, phone call etc (though we communicated for a while through whatsapp status messages :P (it was an indirect way of communication (i signalled that this also was a way to talk(while keeping your defence shield worn) but usage of more directly related messages to me/us were initiated by her)
    but then due to this idio*ic fu*king windows phone, one message got forwarded to her on whatsapp which was meant for some other friend ( though later i realised that it had the potential to make sense, if she thinks that this message was intentionally sent to her ) and she blocked me on whatsapp ( supporting her previously worn defence shield )

    Is she single?
    Yes she is single now ( after breaking up with other guy in approx 5-6 months )
    the clock with this new guy began right at the time of our breakup. also, this guy had been a common friend of her and me,earlier for last 3 years.

    Are you living closer together now?
    we would be living closer together in approx a month or two.
    (although i have her current mobile number (which she changed) and as she come to this closer place, her number will most likely change and will be very difficult to arrange then (if the need arises))

  2. #12
    Cody's Avatar
    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
    Points: 23,461, Level: 94
    Level completed: 12%, Points required for next Level: 889
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social10000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    CF, IA
    Posts
    1,097
    Points
    23,461
    Level
    94
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 6 Times in 4 Posts
    Rep Power
    994

    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    i agree with you.
    NoW what i wanna highlight here is that "I dont want to CHANGE her this behavior/personality/character trait of her"
    what i actually want is to "USE" this trait of her to mold her further behavior with me.(i am drawing a small border between "Changing" and "Molding" here)

    I hope you are understanding what point i am trying to make.
    I am not hoping/trying/wanting to change her evolutionary/biological/genetic hard coding. But instead i want to MOLD her behavior which is based on these traits, and guide her back into me using Pickup tactics.
    And i believe "this" CAN be done. because we are keeping her hardwiring/foundation/genetical traits entact.

    Cool. We get each other now. I see where you're coming from, I just can't bring myself to help you any further.

    You can become the alpha male again and win her back, but your life will be a constant struggle to keep her around.

    And this is why. I just can't support that. If you're okay with the idea, that's totally fine, and it's looking like BatMan has your back, but as for me I just can't bring myself to help you. Ethically I won't allow myself to have a hand in bringing that potential further strife upon yourself.

    Though I do wish you the best of luck and hope that everything works out.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  3. #13
    Mr White is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 222, Level: 4
    Level completed: 44%, Points required for next Level: 28
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    India
    Posts
    26
    Points
    222
    Level
    4
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    You can become the alpha male again and Win Her Back, but your life will be a constant struggle to keep her around.

    ==> If i elaborate on this.
    the only thing that i am trying to do with all this is, removing her defense shield. Rest would fall in place automatically.
    I agree, It would be struggle if i have to continue doing this to keep the relationship alive. But just as beautiful it was for the earlier 9 years, its very much possible that it could become equally beautiful again(as everything that made it beautiful then, is available even now as well)

    And this is why. I just can't support that. If you're okay with the idea, that's totally fine, and
    ==> And this(point elaborated above) is why i would like to have you standing by and run the horses of your mind and suggest some strategy. I know i am pushing you a little. But its my belief in you(which you have managed to set with the kind of knowledge and understanding attitude, in my mind) that you are a kind of person who doesn't quits too easily, and instead would thrive to learn and grow his skill and knowledge; and these kind of situations are real tests that push your current limits of knowledge/skill/tactics and hence improve you. I believe you can certainly contribute with a valuable asset to the kind of solution we are trying to achieve in this situation

    it's looking like BatMan has your back, but as for me I just can't bring myself to help you. Ethically I won't allow myself to have a hand in bringing that potential further strife upon yourself.
    ==> My regards to Batman
    This motivates me to not give up on this situation so easily..
    If you give a little more thought on this point, that we had a lovely and cute relationship for 9 long years (if i had to constantly struggle to keep it alive, i don't think i am stupid enough to continue struggling with this girl only for all these years, whereas i could get any other girl with my PU tactics and i believe you also understand this) so.. "Ethically" its an opportunity(if you believe) to do something to bring smile in life of two people..

    Though I do wish you the best of luck and hope that everything works out.
    ===> I sincerely thank you for your wishes. But with due respect, i feel you have the potential to do much more than this..

    regards..

  4. #14
    Mr White is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 222, Level: 4
    Level completed: 44%, Points required for next Level: 28
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    India
    Posts
    26
    Points
    222
    Level
    4
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    @Autismus
    Buddy you did a very nive dicection of the post. It shows your willingness to help. I appreciate your attitude and style as well. I tried giving answers to your question (please find them below) , in case they still leave ambiguous area, please feel free to ask, ill be happy to share more details.

    Originally Posted by Mr White;69284And it stands correct in the concept of alpha male theory. However,

    I'd elaborate my perspective on this.. To me, being an alpha male, is much more about not just personality, but character as well.

    [B
    What's the difference? I'm guessing personality is the alpha behaviors and character is the alpha attitude/perspective? In this sense, going for the ex is a beta behavior, but you'd like to go for it with an alpha attitude - right? Hmm, the two are pretty interdependent, not really sure how that equation is gonna balance...[/B]
    ==> hahaha.. :P valid concern.. but for time being ill take charge of balancing this equation and letting u focus on the other parts of crafting the strategy

    I had a very loving relationship with this girl and had it for 9 years. And we were like perfect for each other. Aaaaaand why'd you break up?...
    ==> Ill answer this question along with cody's question as "why i did not put a ring on it" (coz both these question head towards a same direction (though little indirectly ))

    And were very happy together, throught for these years. where'd it go bad?...
    ==> I am not sure whom to blame on this.
    I'd elaborate:
    There had been lot of expectations/beliefs/dreams of my family members (parents,grandparent s,uncle,aunty.. u name it) that they want to find a girl for me themself. And this gained the heat with the realization that i am the only male child in my whole family on my mom's family side as well as my dad's family side. And i had been receiving lots of love from all in both side of families.. etc. which lead to me under pressure of not letting them lose their dreams that they have in association with me.
    Though i tried to know their opinion about this girl.. at that time it was not into her favor. And similar was the case on her side of family.
    And This lead me to sow a seed in my girl's mind that i might not be able to "put a ring" on our relationship (i hope cody is also reading this(its a small part of the answer to the question you asked)). sowing was still ok, but i took a step ahead and watered it many times. and hence leading to.. the situation we are now in. One can say, the situation was handled with little immaturity. But i did not want to have a marriage that was make on top of so many broken hearts of so many people in so many ways. and i was firm with my opinion on this then, and now as well.

    Now a valid question one can ask is, why am i trying to get us back together now!
    => some how, (before the breakup happened, my girl had a strong belief that she would be able to win everybody's heart at my family and they would themself choose her for me (see the kind of love we had, and the kind of contribution each of us is/was willing to make our relationship a success :P ) and she did almost everything that she had in her power to achieve this and i also acted on my part well to achieve something similar on her side of family. and now as i have come away from home, plus heading to a perfect age for getting married, everybody at my home is showing interest in this girl and i see similar mindset of people in her family (probably she succeded in what she wanted to do). And now when i can see more clearly that with this girl also, justice could be done to all the expectations/dreams of all the people in family. I wanna try getting back with my girl.


    However at the time of breakup, there was a guy(who had been friends with her since last 3 years) with whom her relationship went a little close. Physical? or just a Jealousy thing?...
    ==> not physically. though on her part, she was trying her best to get physical pretty easily and early (while trying to fill the gap with this rebound kind stuff, that was created by me being absent coz of breakup). But she could not succeed coz this guy was living very far (as far as i am right now :P ). he tried to visit her 1-2 times, but before that level of comfort could actually, they broke up!

    And during those days I was busy with some important work and was not able to give her much time. Are you sure it was necessarily that unique work situation and not just getting "comfortable"/"stale" in the relationship after several years? Something to really ask yourself before embarking on this same path...
    ==> It could be more associated with watering the seed of not being able to put a ring on the relationship, that was sown long back.

    Which made the situation correct for this guy to get highlighted as a more value guy than me.. Plus his playboy tactics managed to change her opinion for me. Is she a 'cheater?' That's another thing to ask yourself. Loyalty is important for the longevity of a relationship, you need to objectively assess her sense of loyalty, not to you, but her loyalty to the integrity of the relationship - meaning: if things get rough is she gonna talk about it and try to work through it or is she gonna drift away and bail?
    ==> not exactly yes, but not exactly no also.. i cant answer it clearly; as it was my seed that pushed her into doing this. But when this seed was not sown, till that time she never ever tried to cheat on me. and i am sure on this.

    in short various small things contributed in leading our relationship to breakup. Again, you gotta figure out if the same thing is gonna happen again when things get stale.
    ==>well this is a valid concern. so i am playing as safely as possible.. ( i hope u can understand this answer, while relating to what i elaborated above (if there are any grey areas left, please feel free to ask, ill be happy to explain)

    I know we can still make a good couple, our chemistry is just amazing. Objective assessment time again, if the chemistry was great, how did a bunch of little things get in the way?
    ==> Because focus was deliberately(though sometimes unintentionally/intentionally) pushed in the direction where these little things managed to make this big impact.

    Are you idealizing the former time you spent together because you currently desire a LTR and that's the longest/best example of an LTR in your history.
    ==> well saying this also would not be wrong (but the memories of her annoying habits are equally strong in my mind)

    Do you remember her annoying habits as well as all the things that are great about her? These are all things you need to ask yourself because when you game to get back your multi-year ex, you are basically playing for keeps.
    ==> yes your point seems valid. But there is nothing that convinces me that in any way, this "keeping" is wrong...


    and in my opinion, being alpha male does not convince me for not getting my girl back. Fair enough. IMO and alpha doesn't drop an allegorical bucket down a metaphorical well that's figuratively gone dry. But fair enough.
    ==> Well you crafted a complex sentence with pretty heavy terminology. Ill appreciate if you could please reframe it. It would save me from understanding it incorrectly..

    Moreover even she still loves me, how do you know?
    ==> valid question, it is.
    she talked to one of my friend and informed that she is single.
    she would ocassionaly unblock my profile on FB and go through my public updates (i caught her on this, as i could see her profile unblocked as well) though after visiting, she again blocked back.(but its justified by her previously built defence shield)
    once she knew her junior would be visiting my current place and will be meeting me and she deliberately called him at the time when possibility was me being with him was max. and then she asked about me also to him.(though dint straight away talked to me, neither did i try to talk with her that time).
    she asked her friend to make a palindrome art of my name and make him send it to me.. (while i was totaly out of contact of this friend and her as well)


    as per various indicators I could see. what kinds?
    ==> mentioned few above.

    Its just her defence shield that she wore at the time of breakup which is not breaking, as breaking this would make her look weak, idiot and low value. Love is a spectrum. Does she have feelings for you? Curiosity? Infatuation? Fondness? Where on the love spectrum is she?
    ==> she is still wearing her defence shield, but below that, she is fond of me, she i mesmerised with me. its more than infatuation i believe, much much more than that..

    And hence the problem...




    For the same reason that most people end up with others who live near them, LDR's often don't work. Proximity has a HUGE correlation to relationships.

    ===> I understand this very well. and this is the reason why i am here. With all great PU artists available here on this forum, i am in a hope that we can design some out of the box scheme to turn the tables with current constraints. (Plus to add some positivity to the situation, she would be coming to a place about 150 km away from my current location, so we can meet on weekends(if everything become gud again))



    I've thrown a bunch of questions/obstacles at you not to discourage you (tho I'm not adding this to necessarily ENcourage you) but only both to compel you to carefully examine yourself, your situation, and your desire to pursue her before you lock yourself in to any situation.
    ===> sure buddy, the time when i decided to join this forum i decided to keep an open mindset with everything we discuss here. and ill embrace your opinion as well, with the same mindset




    Quote:
    Originally Posted by BatMan

    What's the current situation now in terms of contact and any meet ups? Is she single? Are you living closer together now?
    For the same reason that most people end up with others who live near them, LDR's often don't work. Proximity has a HUGE correlation to relationships.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Mr White
    Situation (explained in few words)
    Were in a relationship with this girl for about 9 years, but then we broke up. And now I got relocated to a place about 2000 km away from ex's location. Need suggestion for a strategy how to Get Her Back. See Cody's first post. Srsly that link is .


    Duration since break up
    Exact 1 year now Is it possible you're just feeling nostalgic?


    In case u want more details about the break up
    (as per what I could figure out as the reason of the breakup):
    1) I was about to get relocated to a very far location. So feelings were experiencing a little change in those days. Was it that? Or was it all the little things and the guy?


    2) plus moving to far place from her, pushed me into Beta Male personality ( mistake i know..) and this even messed up the things


    If u want details about the current situation
    Just as her general defence mechanism (in the early days of breakup), she blocked me on Facebook, email, whatsapp, changed her mobile number (though I have her new number now(but that will soon be getting changed as she is expecting a relocation due to job, to a place 150km away from my current location, and here she will buy a new local number)

    She is out of her rebound , since approx. 2 months now.
    On my side, I have attained back my alpha male personality, plus even more polished now. Had been in no contact. Since year now(with mixed feelings rich communication from her side ocassionaly)
    I'd say if you're in her city for a day trip, message her and be like "hey, I'll be there for business for a couple days, we should get lunch (or dinner - maybe drinks, but probably not drinks)" and see where it goes.


    Need expert opinion on
    Strategy on
    1) how to get her back
    2) how to show her my alpha male traits
    Basically the answer to both is gonna be proximity. If it seems like you're chasing her, then that will simultaneously come off as beta and kill any hope of attraction. So play up the proximity.


    ===> could you please reframe your below comments for me to understand them better. Ill appreciate your courtesy.
    "
    "blah blah blah - some comment about the local culture that is common to both of your cities (150 km apart, right?)"
    "blah blah blah - question about something that she does that you encountered and that was a big thing in her life while you were dating"
    "blah blah blah - you'll be visiting her town or a town near there and want to know what's good to do, etc"
    "
    Last edited by Mr White; 11-18-2012 at 01:43 PM. Reason: added more details

  5. #15
    Cody's Avatar
    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
    Points: 23,461, Level: 94
    Level completed: 12%, Points required for next Level: 889
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social10000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    CF, IA
    Posts
    1,097
    Points
    23,461
    Level
    94
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 6 Times in 4 Posts
    Rep Power
    994

    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    Alright, I'm still in (for now at least) :P

    But I do think that you two being together for nine years without so much as an engagement could play a major role in this story, for self-explanatory reasons. Would you elaborate on that? I think this very well could be the key to your solution. I mean, most women don't want to wait five, let alone nine.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  6. #16
    Mr White is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 222, Level: 4
    Level completed: 44%, Points required for next Level: 28
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    India
    Posts
    26
    Points
    222
    Level
    4
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    cool (though u still smell of hunting ways to leave the arena..) :P


    Hm.. i understand your concern, it makes sense.
    ill elaborate details about this:

    our relationship began about 9 years back, and at that time we were not in a age of getting into engagements and all. she also understood it very well.
    But yes she always used to dream about getting married to me.. (and that continued even after i sowed the seed(that i referred to in my reply to Austismus) you might have read my reply to Austismus, it shows i differed a little in mindset in this respect). It is very much possible that this reason could be one reason that slowly lead to the breakup.

    Lets say we have identified a reason that led to the breakup.

    Now whats the next step?

  7. #17
    Mr White is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 222, Level: 4
    Level completed: 44%, Points required for next Level: 28
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    India
    Posts
    26
    Points
    222
    Level
    4
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    We can continue discussing about the causes and more details about the relationship. But parallely we should begin designing something on the lines of attracting her back.

    PS: I have my birthday on 7th December and she would be in a pressure to call me. So we can make use of this somehow
    (if i share more details about it, she used to call me like 50 times on my birthday to wish again and again(while we were together(not sure how it wud be this time) though i am sure she would wish me for once atleast(as i too wished her on her bday, after the breakup(but even otherwise also she wud wish me))

  8. #18
    Cody's Avatar
    Cody is offline PUA All Star (RETIRED)
    Points: 23,461, Level: 94
    Level completed: 12%, Points required for next Level: 889
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social10000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    CF, IA
    Posts
    1,097
    Points
    23,461
    Level
    94
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 6 Times in 4 Posts
    Rep Power
    994

    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    Lets say we have identified a reason that led to the breakup.

    We can continue discussing about the causes and more details about the relationship. But parallely we should begin designing something on the lines of attracting her back.

    Treating symptoms won't solve the problem. If you want this fixed for good you need to know more than a singular reason. You need to know every reason, regardless of how big or small, because people don't break up over one thing. Formulating a plan without knowing the cause is like charging into battle with a blindfold on.

    So you can't design a plan until you have identified the fault lines. When you know why things went bad, then we can proceed accordingly.

    Quick question: Have you read this? Because we're following that blueprint here. This is your inner game.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  9. #19
    Mr White is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 222, Level: 4
    Level completed: 44%, Points required for next Level: 28
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    India
    Posts
    26
    Points
    222
    Level
    4
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    @Cody:
    Yes i am keeping this only as my inner game.
    There were few areas that got neglected in the process(due to various reasons). But now revised the whole inner game again.
    Thanks

  10. #20
    Mr White is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 222, Level: 4
    Level completed: 44%, Points required for next Level: 28
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    India
    Posts
    26
    Points
    222
    Level
    4
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    Seems like Batman and Austismus are giving some serious thoughts on it (dint see them commenting further :P )
    Or have they given up?? :P :P


Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. getting the long distance woman...
    By sonofdad in forum General Questions
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 04-11-2012, 08:24 AM
  2. Help me with breakup - long though
    By Bobbeybouchet in forum How To Get Your Ex Back
    Replies: 11
    Last Thread: 03-12-2012, 07:16 PM
  3. Long distance Oneitis
    By ZakMak6 in forum General Questions
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 03-06-2011, 05:38 PM
  4. long distance relationship..
    By bigmeech82 in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 02-14-2011, 11:45 PM
  5. Getting back with my long distance ex
    By Captain in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 9
    Last Thread: 07-21-2010, 06:40 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com