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Thread: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strategy?

  1. #1
    Mr White is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Exclamation Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strategy?

    Situation (explained in few words)
    Were in a relationship with this girl for about 9 years, but then we broke up. And now I got relocated to a place about 2000 km away from ex's location. Need suggestion for a strategy how to get her back.

    Duration since break up
    Exact 1 year now

    In case u want more details about the break up
    (as per what I could figure out as the reason of the breakup):
    1) I was about to get relocated to a very far location. So feelings were experiencing a little change in those days.
    2) plus moving to far place from her, pushed me into beta male personality ( mistake i know..) and this even messed up the things

    If u want details about the current situation
    Just as her general defence mechanism (in the early days of breakup), she blocked me on Facebook, email, whatsapp, changed her mobile number (though I have her new number now(but that will soon be getting changed as she is expecting a relocation due to job, to a place 150km away from my current location, and here she will buy a new local number)
    She is out of her rebound , since approx. 2 months now.
    On my side, I have attained back my alpha male personality, plus even more polished now. Had been in no contact. Since year now(with mixed feelings rich communication from her side ocassionaly)

    Need expert opinion on
    Strategy on
    1) how to get her back
    2) how to show her my alpha male traits
    Last edited by Mr White; 11-12-2012 at 02:44 AM. Reason: corrected alignment

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    She blocked me on Facebook, email, whatsapp, changed her mobile number (though I have her new number now)

    .................... ..........

    You've "attained back [your] alpha male personality," but you still want your ex back.

    Think on that. Think on it long and hard.




    If for some reason you can't see the light, here's how you can get your ex back.
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    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    9 years is a long time. Not trying to knock the idea of getting back together, but have you been dating other people in the last year? Just trying to understand why you want her back after a whole year. To prove that you have changed?
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    @cody:
    Your comment brought a cute smile on my face. I appreciate your opinion.
    And it stands correct in the concept of alpha male theory. However,
    I'd elaborate my perspective on this.. To me, being an alpha male, is much more about not just personality, but character as well. I had a very loving relationship with this girl and had it for 9 years. And we were like perfect for each other. And were very happy together, throught for these years. However at the time of breakup, there was a guy(who had been friends with her since last 3 years) with whom her relationship went a little close. And during those days I was busy with some important work and was not able to give her much time. Which made the situation correct for this guy to get highlighted as a more value guy than me.. Plus his playboy tactics managed to change her opinion for me.
    in short various small things contributed in leading our relationship to breakup.

    I know we can still make a good couple, our chemistry is just amazing.
    and in my opinion, being alpha male does not convince me for not getting my girl back.

    Moreover even she still loves me, as per various indicators I could see. Its just her defence shield that she wore at the time of breakup which is not breaking, as breaking this would make her look weak, idiot and low value.

    And hence the problem...
    I feel my opinion would be little more clearer to you now...
    Just in case you want to know more, I'll be happy to share.

    PS: thanks for your suggestion

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    @batman:
    I appreciate your understanding attitude. (y)

    Yes i had been dating few girls after the breakup. And it was an interesting experience as for last 9 years i never dated any other girl other than my girlfriend (and it was mutual from her side as well)

    All these girls are hot.. Few are even hot then my ex. But i don't feel that in any way these mean that i should not get her back ( i can handle it maturely if i don't get her back, but this doesn't mean that i should not give in my best to get her back (its also a trait of an alpha male to pursue what you want and bring the obstacles down to your knees and achieve your goal ;-) )

    I want to get her back, because some part of my heart still loves her, and i want to see us together some day again..
    I don't want to prove anything to anybody. Its just that i loved her, i still think good about her and my feelings for her.. And I'd like to have my girl back

    And with great PUAs like you and other artists on this forum i believe it can be made possible.. :-D

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    To me, being an alpha male, is much more about not just personality, but character as well.

    Alright, if you want to take it in that direction...

    In the scientific community there is an ongoing debate, and that debate is over the influence of (or lack thereof) genes and their effects on behavior—most specifically HUMAN behavior. Now, the two examples that you have mentioned, personality and character, both fit under the category of behavior, do they not? So as we are discussing them here the difference does not matter.

    A sociological perspective would say this: As it pertains to character and personality traits, human beings are most heavily influenced via their socialization process. On the other hand, one who primarily studies evolutionary sexual selection would argue the opposite, that genes are hardwired to affect your behaviors. Now I don’t know how long you’ve been in pickup, but you should know that there are dozens upon dozens of books recommended on the topic of evolutionary sexual selection and none, I repeat, NONE on that of love from a sociological perspective.

    I’m going to try to dumb this down the best that I can: In the animal kingdom there are all sorts of species (genera, families, orders, it keeps going up), and each one shows a different side of the “alpha male.” Birds…wolves…apes…th ey all display different alpha male behaviors. Birds in particular show the “two daddy” phenomenon, if you will. They mate with the alpha then raise their children with a beta. Now I may be wrong, but that seems to parallel pretty closely with the situation you described: You were with her for nine years, another guy comes in displaying alpha male behavior, she left you for him, yes? All of this you agree to as alpha male theory, which is to agree that at least THIS aspect of evolutionary sexual selection is ingrained deep within every party involved.

    In The Red Queen, the last chapter is dedicated to the fact that we are humans with the power of choice; choice to dedicate ourselves to certain beliefs such as “true love.” But the fact of the matter is that hundreds of pages before were dedicated to evolutionary theory. Your views, whether you want to admit it or not, reflect that. You’ve subconsciously admitted to the theory but are holding onto the hope that things might change, but they won’t. She got with another guy, and that is a behavior/personality/character trait of her own, and there is nothing you can do to change that.

    You can become the alpha male again and win her back, but your life will be a constant struggle to keep her around. The women that stick around have stuck around from the start, while the others rarely ever change; the best girls you can't destroy. If you want to know why true love exists, it is because of this: both members believe that it exists. That’s what their vows are. It’s more than a commitment. It’s a belief.

    If that doesn’t get through to you I don’t think anything will. But the real question is...after nine years…why the f*ck didn’t you put a ring on it?!?
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    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    Well seems like you got a good head on your shoulders. However, I do want to clarify that what we do drastically increases your chances, but never guarantees.

    What's the current situation now in terms of contact and any meet ups? Is she single? Are you living closer together now?
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr White;69284And it stands correct in the concept of alpha male theory. However,

    I'd elaborate my perspective on this.. To me, being an alpha male, is much more about not just personality, but character as well.

    [B
    What's the difference? I'm guessing personality is the alpha behaviors and character is the alpha attitude/perspective? In this sense, going for the ex is a beta behavior, but you'd like to go for it with an alpha attitude - right? Hmm, the two are pretty interdependent, not really sure how that equation is gonna balance...[/B]


    I had a very loving relationship with this girl and had it for 9 years. And we were like perfect for each other. Aaaaaand why'd you break up?...


    And were very happy together, throught for these years. where'd it go bad?...


    However at the time of breakup, there was a guy(who had been friends with her since last 3 years) with whom her relationship went a little close. Physical? or just a jealousy thing?...


    And during those days I was busy with some important work and was not able to give her much time. Are you sure it was necessarily that unique work situation and not just getting "comfortable"/"stale" in the relationship after several years? Something to really ask yourself before embarking on this same path...


    Which made the situation correct for this guy to get highlighted as a more value guy than me.. Plus his playboy tactics managed to change her opinion for me. Is she a 'cheater?' That's another thing to ask yourself. Loyalty is important for the longevity of a relationship, you need to objectively assess her sense of loyalty, not to you, but her loyalty to the integrity of the relationship - meaning: if things get rough is she gonna talk about it and try to work through it or is she gonna drift away and bail?


    in short various small things contributed in leading our relationship to breakup. Again, you gotta figure out if the same thing is gonna happen again when things get stale.


    I know we can still make a good couple, our chemistry is just amazing. Objective assessment time again, if the chemistry was great, how did a bunch of little things get in the way? Are you idealizing the former time you spent together because you currently desire a LTR and that's the longest/best example of an LTR in your history. Do you remember her annoying habits as well as all the things that are great about her? These are all things you need to ask yourself because when you game to get back your multi-year ex, you are basically playing for keeps.


    and in my opinion, being alpha male does not convince me for not getting my girl back. Fair enough. IMO and alpha doesn't drop an allegorical bucket down a metaphorical well that's figuratively gone dry. But fair enough.


    Moreover even she still loves me, how do you know?


    as per various indicators I could see. what kinds?


    Its just her defence shield that she wore at the time of breakup which is not breaking, as breaking this would make her look weak, idiot and low value. Love is a spectrum. Does she have feelings for you? Curiosity? Infatuation? Fondness? Where on the love spectrum is she?


    And hence the problem...

    I've thrown a bunch of questions/obstacles at you not to discourage you (tho I'm not adding this to necessarily ENcourage you) but only both to compel you to carefully examine yourself, your situation, and your desire to pursue her before you lock yourself in to any situation.

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post

    What's the current situation now in terms of contact and any meet ups? Is she single? Are you living closer together now?
    For the same reason that most people end up with others who live near them, LDR's often don't work. Proximity has a HUGE correlation to relationships.


    Quote Originally Posted by Mr White View Post
    Situation (explained in few words)
    Were in a relationship with this girl for about 9 years, but then we broke up. And now I got relocated to a place about 2000 km away from ex's location. Need suggestion for a strategy how to get her back. See Cody's first post. Srsly that link is .


    Duration since break up
    Exact 1 year now Is it possible you're just feeling nostalgic?


    In case u want more details about the break up
    (as per what I could figure out as the reason of the breakup):
    1) I was about to get relocated to a very far location. So feelings were experiencing a little change in those days. Was it that? Or was it all the little things and the guy?


    2) plus moving to far place from her, pushed me into beta male personality ( mistake i know..) and this even messed up the things


    If u want details about the current situation
    Just as her general defence mechanism (in the early days of breakup), she blocked me on Facebook, email, whatsapp, changed her mobile number (though I have her new number now(but that will soon be getting changed as she is expecting a relocation due to job, to a place 150km away from my current location, and here she will buy a new local number)

    She is out of her rebound , since approx. 2 months now.
    On my side, I have attained back my alpha male personality, plus even more polished now. Had been in no contact. Since year now(with mixed feelings rich communication from her side ocassionaly)
    I'd say if you're in her city for a day trip, message her and be like "hey, I'll be there for business for a couple days, we should get lunch (or dinner - maybe drinks, but probably not drinks)" and see where it goes.


    Need expert opinion on
    Strategy on
    1) how to get her back
    2) how to show her my alpha male traits
    Basically the answer to both is gonna be proximity. If it seems like you're chasing her, then that will simultaneously come off as beta and kill any hope of attraction. So play up the proximity.
    "blah blah blah - some comment about the local culture that is common to both of your cities (150 km apart, right?)"
    "blah blah blah - question about something that she does that you encountered and that was a big thing in her life while you were dating"
    "blah blah blah - you'll be visiting her town or a town near there and want to know what's good to do, etc"
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    @cody:
    I agree with your theory.. and i believe its important to mention that you have a sound base of evolutionary developments related to humans, and i appreciate it

    However here in this case, we are trying to do something more shrewd than what your current opinion about me and my beliefs is heading to..

    ill try to explain it in easier words

    Now,as u say :
    "You’ve subconsciously admitted to the theory but are holding onto the hope that things might change, but they won’t. She got with another guy, and that is a behavior/personality/character trait of her own, and there is nothing you can do to change that."

    i agree with you.
    NoW what i wanna highlight here is that "I dont want to CHANGE her this behavior/personality/character trait of her"
    what i actually want is to "USE" this trait of her to mold her further behavior with me.(i am drawing a small border between "Changing" and "Molding" here)

    I hope you are understanding what point i am trying to make.
    I am not hoping/trying/wanting to change her evolutionary/biological/genetic hard coding. But instead i want to MOLD her behavior which is based on these traits, and guide her back into me using Pickup tactics.
    And i believe "this" CAN be done. because we are keeping her hardwiring/foundation/genetical traits entact.

    consider it in this way, you have a line named 'A' of 10 units in front of you. then another line named 'B' of 6 units also come into play. Now line B's aura would be beta in front of A(considering that her hard wiring makes her bigger length look more attractive). similar was my situation. consider me as A and the other guy as B, now at the time of breakup i was in a situation where i was not able to give her much time and this made line A to be absent at times and B's aura automatically came out to be Alpha in front of A (as, as per current situation there was no line A in the picure for some times (and In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king)) and then to the addition, when i came to know about all this phenomenon i reacted in a way that was beta in nature (though which was triggered due to various factors, but any way that result was beta behaviour) and hence that guy apeared more alpha than me and she got along with him.
    Now this can be an example that her genetic wiring is same (to get attracted to longer length line, but still shorter length line managed to become a part of the picture)

    you see!

    (well at that time all this was made possible by "time" and the events that were hapenning then naturally, and now the only difference is that i want to replace "time" with the strategy that we as PUAs design)
    thats it.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Brainstorming situation even fr exprts: breakup,now long distance.strat

    And "why did i not put a ring on it..?"

    well your question is valid,.. but its a topic of discussion for some other day. right now if i answer you this.. then we will get out of track from the current topic.
    But later we will discuss it for sure. O


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