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Thread: I ruined a great thing...

  1. #1
    ryuzaki21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default I ruined a great thing...

    How do I deal with this since I am really screwed. Well, I met this great girl in college. Very pretty(easy 9) and on the last day of our post graduation ceremony she asked me out stating that we looked great together. Anyway, I was a bit flustered back then since all that talk about marriage and stuff caught me off guard. Although it wasn't the first time a girl was asking me out - but it was not someone this pretty.I genuinely liked her. I feel like dr frankenstein, really coz I might have ruined a great thing that was happening to me.

    Anyway, a year later we become friends on facebook and start seeing each other.4 dates in all. Everything's going great - . Then I get a neurotic relapse wherein I send in a stupid message on facebook that's one of the most defining epic fail moments of my life.

    "I am just writing this so that we can understand each other better since we are friends. r. U knw when I first saw u I wasn't really attracted to u. I mean u have big eyes, big lips and sometimes u scare the living crap outta me. But u knw there is a sense of familiarity with u. U remind me of my old self. I really don't think that looks are that important and ur a great person.I am a bit crazy myself and I do crazy stuff like learning to be a Pick Up Artist"

    I pressed the sent button and it was gone.I wanted to unsend it but there is no way u can do that on fb.

    Alrite she responded...I"ll change the words so it isn't u know traceable "I never told you that you are actually falling for me .... a mere sms or msg on facebook doesnt make u love me.... if u feel uncomfortable with me then plz let me kw i wont trouble u anymore... i m very jolly and cheerful many a times even i don't even realise what m i saying or doing...i do things just bcz i like it..... i nvr ever try to impress any1....anywayz ....tc"

    I write back telling that she's great and blah, blah but she is obviously pissed off. Now, I really like her and it is one of those moments in my life when I regret my impulsive behaviour and stupidity. Can I salvage this thing in any way possible?

    I don't even feel like Sarging even though I am actually good at it. I am not stupid in general but this whole experience makes me re-evaluate everything I know about myself. I even wonder if I was possessed when I wrote that tripe. Hope this post remains coherent and I really appreciate any constructive feedback. Spoke to my best friend whose also a chick and she was pretty mad when she heard it.

    Okay, my best friend(also a girl) after terming me as an 'irredemable arse' also tells me that from her response it seems like she knows I am friggin' nuts. So I should probably cool off and call her on friday. Test the waters a little bit. What do u guys think I should say?...I am not sure how bad the situation since it is pretty much like schodinger's cat right now.

  2. #2
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I ruined a great thing...

    Ohhhhh godddd Bro. Seriously LOL. That sucks like bad. Sorry I'm a little awestruck. I'm sure one of the allstars will tell you what to do in a reply soon, but in the meantime this is my advice.

    I know that when it starts getting real with a girl you want to tell her everything, thats honestly my biggest issue. I've openly talked about being a pua.. Well lets just say more than I should. In my experience, its best to stand behind what you say, even if you shouldn't have said it.

    Don't try to change it or make it look better, maybe clean it up a little; but don't appologize or justify yourself, its beta and will be sending you in the wrong direction. I would maybe tell her that it was a miscommunication as far as the big beautiful eyes goes and that when you said your were scared you meant more along the lines of intimidated which tbh might make your situation better while at the same time putting the ball in her Court a little bit. Shouldn't be a big problem if you don't show your intimidated from here on in.

    However if it were me I would set up a date, and sweep that whole thing under the rug.
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  3. #3
    ryuzaki21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I ruined a great thing...

    Well, I still have two days on since she is travelling coz she has some religious festivities to attend to. So there is technically very little I can do till thursday. I reckon that might work but I might have to probably to explain the whole PUA thing. I accept the situation for being the massive screwjob that it is but judging from her response there is a slim chance that I can still fix things...Well, I still have two days on since she is travelling coz she has some religious festivities to attend to. So there is technically very little I can do till thursday. I reckon that might work but I might have to probably to explain the whole PUA thing. I accept the situation for being the massive screwjob that it is but judging from her response there is a slim chance that I can still fix things...

    Okay, I have been thinking. I don't think deception is going to work here since she is an aspiring actress and would call me out on that right away. So I"ll just be upfront with her. Tell her that this was one of those moments where I have been a colossal d1ck and all. Nevertheless, I am just a deeply flawed human being and I was only trying to say that I was attracted to her personality rather that her looks. Even though I think she is absolutely gorgeous. It just came across the wrong way.

    Also I thought of something regarding the pua thing too - since I am actually an introvert.I'd just call it a social experiment.Probably going to take some explaining....

    Anyway this is all true. So there is no lying here to her. What do u guys think?

  4. #4
    ryuzaki21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I ruined a great thing...

    Can someone please help me with this?...I absolutely want to turn this thing around.

  5. #5
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I ruined a great thing...

    I never said deception, I was trying to rephrase what you meant without steering too far from what you said because I was pretty sure thats how you felt, and correct me if I was wrong. Don't call or a social experiment. She's gonna feel like a test subject. Your going in the wrong direction. If you have to explain looking into being a pua tell her this.

    Girls read Cosmo which teaches them how to seduce men, reading into pick up s the same thing, its just trying tobgive yourself a fighting chance
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  6. #6
    ryuzaki21 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: I ruined a great thing...

    Well, I"ll give her some space.This is what neil strauss told me. I emailed him but I am not sure like he read the whole thing.

    Neil Strauss:If you’re hung up on one particular girl you just can’t get out of your mind—and she hasn’t given you any sense that she shares the feelings—then recognize that’s not love you’re feeling, but obsession. And that obsession is likely to scare her away. The best thing you can do for yourself and for her is to go out and interact with as many women as possible, until you realize that there are plenty of people out there for you—some of whom are capable of recognizing your worth and reciprocating your feelings.

    1. Give her space - Make yourself scarce for a bit
    2. When you do come back, let her see you with other women
    3. Later, reintroduce yourself to her with a different look or vibe. Let her see a different side of you.


    But this is what she messaged me before she read that crap on fb and send in the above response in the Opening Post.I had already sent her are apology but she didn't know what it was about...neway this is how it went from her side before the above message "Why are you thinking so much sweetheart.You told me that you have a devil may care attitude.Please, Please text me as much as you can. I always like the presence of people who are close to my heart and friendz alwayzz..."....so it is a pretty complicated situation that I am stuck in here. It would be really awesome if an all star to get back to me.I really need expert advice on how to tackle this one. I do not want to trail off acting too desperate though and I realize that she is certainly attracted towards me except I am not sure how much I effed things in her mind, now...I am not in love but I reckon that it would be an absolute waste to let this one go.

    So here's the clincher:Should I give her a call on friday or wait for a week and then do so?...

    Btw just out of necessity for reference, I"ll re-post what she said on facebook "I never told you that you are actually falling for me .... a mere sms or msg on facebook doesnt make u love me.... if u feel uncomfortable with me then plz let me kw i wont trouble u anymore... i m very jolly and cheerful many a times even i don't even realise what m i saying or doing...i do things just bcz i like it..... i nvr ever try to impress any1....anywayz ....tc""....

  7. #7
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    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: I ruined a great thing...

    Yea seems like a bad move. But NEVER come from the frame that you have to "salvage" this. Rather, come from the frame that you are human and are not perfect. If anyone doesn't like it, then eff them. You're less likely to convey AFC behavior if you think like this.

    You could try an outright apology. There is a way to apologize and come across as alpha. And that's saying it purely for yourself and not because you want a certain outcome. Ex: "Wow that was a real d1ckish thing I did. I guess I seem like an asshole now. I'll be honest...I do have my moments. Lol." Then talk about something else.

    Not sure if you can ignore it and try to talk to her without bringing it up. I take it as an opportunity to turn this around and reach a deeper level with her anyways.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  8. #8
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I ruined a great thing...

    Yeah I meant sweep the whole pua thing under the rug, obviously your going to have to "amend" for lack of a better word; the rest of it. And yeah thats pretty much what I was trying to get across Haha Batman is better with that than myself.
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  9. #9
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    Default Re: I ruined a great thing...

    AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

    I ve been writing an reply to you for over and hour and my macbook just froze and i lost the whole thing

    (T_T)

    I gotta start all over i literally wana cry

  10. #10
    Conchappie's Avatar
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    Default Re: I ruined a great thing...

    I can't be bothered to retype everything...

    I spent ages analysing what you said how it it comes across and then what you could have said instead...

    i broke down each sentence and criticised it where you went wrong.. it was epic trust me...

    you would have loved it i assure you lol


    No imma just bullet point cause im pissed now... sorr if my being pissed influences my answer in any way lol (>_<)


    from What i read here's how she may have read it... (Urgh how i did it before was sooo good)


    I am just writing this so that we can understand each other better since we are friends. r. U knw when I first saw u I wasn't really attracted to u. I mean u have big eyes, big lips and sometimes u scare the living crap outta me. But u knw there is a sense of familiarity with u. U remind me of my old self. I really don't think that looks are that important and ur a great person.I am a bit crazy myself and I do crazy stuff like learning to be a Pick Up Artist"

    "I just wanna make things clear we are just friends. i don't think your attractive, i've noticed you flaws (Big eyes big Lips) and you scare me... i like you as a friend because you remind me of how i use to be, its familiar. i don't think looks are important (You have big lips and eyes) but whats inside is better. But hey we all crazy I'm learning PUA"



    im rushing through this now Bullet points...

    1. Disqualification

    Firstly you disqualified yaself by saying we just friends. The PUA advice suggests you disqualify but only at first... because its to let her guard down, to show you aren't a fret you have options and she'll start to sense your the type of guy girls are attracted to.

    but what if shes already attracted to you? and then you disqualify yaself? it pushes her away.
    You are saying you are desirable to others its one thing to say it but another thing to display it....

    if you say it display it

    so the best PUA advice out there are the ones that help you improve your life to become the type of man women want.


    2.

    You Should never Neg someone in the form of text unless its an on going joke

    you raised several insecurities she may have had about herself her lips and eyes and if she wasnt insecure she may be now you pointed them out.

    Alot of PUA advice out there tells you to display you have options....

    DISPLAY dont openly tell her you do...

    "Its not what you say but how you say it" is a common saying...

    but if she can;t hear you say it then ya just left with

    "it's what you say" lol

    and what have you said so far?

    I like you as a friend im not attracted to how you look like ya eyes and lips are big but looks arent important its whats inside that is...

    DUDE HUGE NEG lol

    You need to PUSH and PULL


    you attempt this but the Push aka neg was too harsh for your pull.

    You are have big eyes but don't worry looks don't matter.

    That line is an ok neg if ya in person and she can see ya joking but when its just text it seems alot harsher right?

    Ok i've told you where you went wrong and hopefully though it was a really brief explanation you should be able to see how she may have taken what you wrote...

    Now we gotta fix this...

    You could display that you've moved on from this subject but aren't avoiding it.

    Speak to her... in person is better. but she must hear your voice.
    Invite her out.

    [The Cut Off- opener]

    You can skip step one but its a cool thing to try

    Call her say "Heya" then hang up she'll be instantly thinking about you... your no on her mind

    Wait a few mins and she may call you back... thats a huge IOI if she doesnt call you phone her back again and apologise tell her you had bad signal whatever...

    An alternate to this is to call her and say "Sorry i have someone on the other line i'll call you back"


    Once you or her have phoned back

    Tell her a story with the punch line you have been thinking about her. here's and example from Mystery

    "i don;t noramlly drink too much but i know my friend Chappy does so i make sure whenever he comes over i have plenty of Stella in the fridge for him... so im walking around the supermarket today and i get to the drink isle and i start to think about what to get for you when you come round then i realise... i don't know what drink you like... So i hope you don't mind Stella..."

    Its a nice story you've shown that you look after the ones you love (Ya good ol' pal Chappy ^_^)
    And that you've been thinking about her...

    you can then go one to repeat her words back to her.

    "You once told me that you held me close to your heart, an today i realised that i feel the same way bout you, your an important person to me, you make me laugh ect, im sorry about what i said the other day i reread it and it sounded kinda harsh lol i didnt mean it the way it came across,
    Let me make it up to you, wanna come over and hang out i got plenty of stella lol" "


    She'll then have to replies for you which basically are yes or no lol

    Yes
    sure i'll give you a second chance

    No
    you really hurt me. then you could say

    "Look im here to make mistakes not Fake perfection... i messed up yes but if i didn't think anything was worth saving then i wouldn't be inviting you over
    TBH i'd be more offended if i were you that i never tried to make thing right."



    if she asks you to explain what you said you may say and try and keep it light hearted you don't wanna sound needy

    "i was trying to tell you that i value your friendship and i believe there is more to you then just your looks.... i wanna get to know you better and i want you to know me but im new to this and end up pushing people away lol"

    These are just suggestions of things i might say i'm not saying its the answer and right thing to do but if you can somehow display that you are over the situation but not scared to talk about it and move on it'll display loveable qualities in you.

    Long Story Short

    1.Don't just say your a good person... Display it...
    2.Tell her somehow you've been thinking about her (She's invaded your mind)
    3.Tell her you value her friendship and wanna salvage it
    4.Then leave it up to her...

    All the PUA advice is mainly aimed at Opening all those techniques are just to help you convey you have the qualities most women are attracted to... but thats where the advice stops or where alot of people stop reading,.,..

    You have to now display those qualities the D in DHV is to demonstrate... in early game you do this with stories but in later game you have to make them apart of the story display it in front of them.

    invite her round to hang out but have a reason... i got this new Film i've been dying to see... or if 1 on 1 feels a little too personal invite her out in a group... a bunch of us are going out blah blah wanna tag along ...

    Hope this helps keep us updated

    Chappy ^_^


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