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Thread: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

  1. #11
    hyp
    hyp is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Cool Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    didn't answer her text message, assuming she'd show up sooner or later. Then after maybe 2h she called me asking if I'd come and got kinda pissed when I said that we're already there. I told her since she brought it up, I figured she knew time n place, and blocked her further blabla by "anyways, we're here, cya in a bit".

    good maintaining of your frame there, don't take her bs if she already knew the time and date, some people play nice
    as if they didn't know she knew even though she invited them - i don't, its fqking stupid

    Realizing she's most likely already farking that guy shocked me to the bone, but I somehow managed to show no reaction.

    good move, act like you don't care, you shouldn't



    that evening, we made a limited bit of smalltalk, occasional short eye contacts where I tried throwing in a bit of triangular gaze while consciously not facing her with my body. I also had my knee "coincidently" touch hers a few times, other than that we pretty much spent the evening isolatedly next to each other.

    if you wanted to make her uncomfortable intentionally that was a way to do it, if your goal was kino, that wasn't the way to do it


    to sum up your end points
    look for other women, don't be afraid to risk your entire relationship it's pretty unstable at the moment from what i'm hearing mainly because of -->her<--
    if she chooses another guy over you it's on her and you have every right to do the same,

    as for your trust part, i'll give you an example from mine, pretty much i was dating this chick unofficially, eventually found out she would cheat on me because that was just her, so i ended it, i never trusted her again, this
    was primarily because of who she was and how she thought about relationships

    relating this to you, it takes 2 people to be in a relationship each earning one each others trust, but ultimately you need to have complete trust in one another from the beginning, slightest doubt can fqk things up completely and will end up being a waste of your time if you're looking for personality

    you can't just have you trusting her, or her trusting you where you doubt whether she sees other guys and sh1t

    let her know you don't give a fqk about her and you're not waiting around, she should be wanting to be with you aswell

  2. #12
    Schmoffel is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    Ok, sorry for the delay, been thru quite a bit more sh1t and reading...
    Quote Originally Posted by hyp View Post
    didn't answer her text message, assuming she'd show up sooner or later. Then after maybe 2h she called me asking if I'd come and got kinda pissed when I said that we're already there. I told her since she brought it up, I figured she knew time n place, and blocked her further blabla by "anyways, we're here, cya in a bit".

    good maintaining of your frame there, don't take her bs if she already knew the time and date, some people play nice
    as if they didn't know she knew even though she invited them - i don't, its fqking stupid
    Well, looks like she keeps blaming me for her delay, she was all like "you could at least have texted back, small & usual thing to do". I even get her point there, which doesn't mean I share it, but I'm neither feeling too well about not having replied in any way. I guess a teasing "ok we're here, what about you, slowpoke?" would have been the way to go... However, lesson learned (I hope).

    Realizing she's most likely already farking that guy shocked me to the bone, but I somehow managed to show no reaction.
    good move, act like you don't care, you shouldn't
    Ik but well, I do, and it's freaking hard not to show it. Now she could go even worse... There's a long term event we were planning to visit, starting this weekend. For now I'm going NC (reasons below), but was gonna ask her about it in maybe 2 weeks or so. Now what if she agrees on going there and after we made it certain she tells me she wants to bring that other guy too? (Like how to give her a "no" while not coming across as jealous?) Or if she replies like "I've already been there with [idgad about his name] last week"? I totally can't tell how I'd react to stuff like that, or how I should. Too many IFs in my head ...

    that evening, we made a limited bit of smalltalk, occasional short eye contacts where I tried throwing in a bit of triangular gaze while consciously not facing her with my body. I also had my knee "coincidently" touch hers a few times, other than that we pretty much spent the evening isolatedly next to each other.

    if you wanted to make her uncomfortable intentionally that was a way to do it, if your goal was kino, that wasn't the way to do it
    Actually I don't have the slightest clue about my goals back there. I just felt somewhat beta'd out by her kinda telling me where to go at a time when I originally told her I'm not available. Or at least that's what it looked like. So semi-ignoring her was an attempt to show her I'm NOT following her and that I was NOT there just because of her. I might have overdone it there...
    About the not-really-kino, it was probably a cautious approach at giving her the idea that we COULD be closer... Idk, but since she prolly didn't even notice, it doesn't really matter I'd say.

    to sum up your end points
    look for other women, don't be afraid to risk your entire relationship it's pretty unstable at the moment from what i'm hearing mainly because of -->her<--
    if she chooses another guy over you it's on her and you have every right to do the same,
    Well, I wouldn't really call this a relationship at all... And it's not like I wouldn't care bout other women, the whole PUA stuff actually sounds too interesting not to try a few things out, lol. I guess the point of my one-itis issue is that she's absolutely the first woman I've ever seriously approached, including giving her roses in public etc. I just felt like that girl was worth any risk... But well, at least I start seeing things a lil differently now. Once I manage to grab some courage and turn from reading to the practical PU part, she might turn from one-itis to "just another woman"... maybe.
    And actually, I don't think I'd risk anything if I got myself another girl, might even be healthy in terms of friendship with her. If it'd initiate jealousy, the better. If it'd be something serious (most likely since I'm absolutely the LTR type), her bad, I've been trying 1.5 damn years. No worries, I'm aware I don't owe her anything there

    as for your trust part, i'll give you an example from mine, pretty much i was dating this chick unofficially, eventually found out she would cheat on me because that was just her, so i ended it, i never trusted her again, this was primarily because of who she was and how she thought about relationships

    relating this to you, it takes 2 people to be in a relationship each earning one each others trust, but ultimately you need to have complete trust in one another from the beginning, slightest doubt can fqk things up completely and will end up being a waste of your time if you're looking for personality
    Yeah well, trust is becoming a major issue it seems... Ok, confessing time I guess.
    So as you may have figured from the above, we had another FB talk the next day. She semi-contextually brought up that evening, started by complaining bout her having to put up any kind of conversation that was happening between the 2 of us...
    Well I guess I screwed it up another time. I moved to honesty, told her I recently had to deal with her doubting our friendship, with her telling me NC might be better, with her delays and cancellations on meetings of any kind, that I kinda feel like some doggy she expects to run whenever she whistles, and that that's not gonna work.
    She actually denied the whole first part of this. Browsing thru our chatlog to let her eat her own quotes didn't feel like a smart idea, so I dropped that part.
    For the delay / cancelling part her point was she's like that towards everyone and that's just her - nice irony here, as she basically used your words. (And it actually made me wonder whether a girl I can't rely on is the right one for me)
    She went on like, I was the one who wanted to meet so she asked me to come there (I asked her out for dinner, a few days before my first post here... another AFC action), "so what's your prob now", "you confuse me", "it's enough", "I really don't need to whistle for you", "I'm not up for this kind of sh1t". Looks like she was pretty mad.
    At that point I kinda bent down, told her I'm fed up with permanent drama, that I miss the good friendship we had a while ago and that we maybe should do something funny together again for a change, before we maybe kill that friendship completely.
    Well, didn't make things better, her reply was "Dunno what's your prob again now, then we gonna do something funny. I'm outta here now, laters" ...
    She came back on after a few hours and we - slightly - de-escalated things, she told me she's trying to work on her general delay / cancel issue, lowering her defense a little again. The conversation died pretty soon though, guess we both got tired of it.
    Well, that was nearly 2 weeks ago, we haven't talked since. Now I'm back in the "YOU wanted to meet" corner, running in circles...

    So prob #1 seems to be me always building stuff up in my mind by interpreting her actions in the wrong way. Like she isn't playing, she's just plain honest (and that's what I love her for after all). Then, when that build-up stuff gets me pissed enough to talk to her about it, she points out her view and it all seems so logical, which makes me feel I mistrusted her for so absolutely no reason, so I go apologetic. I seem resistent to learning there, gotta find a way to cautiously test the waters before starting drama I guess.
    Prob #2, I ruined a lot by being overly jealous and AFC, now it seems I ruin even more by going the other way and acting overly cold... Still running in circles, just the other way round.

    you can't just have you trusting her, or her trusting you where you doubt whether she sees other guys and sh1t

    let her know you don't give a fqk about her and you're not waiting around, she should be wanting to be with you aswell
    Yeah, that's where the honesty issue comes back in. If I act like I didn't give a fark about her, she'll plainly take it for granted and maybe make out with some other guy right next to me next time, not to hurt me but just cuz she thinks I don't care. And again, I can't predict how I'd react to stuff like that...
    However, she's absolutely free to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants, she made it clear from the beginning that she's not interested in more than friendship. I even told her a while ago, yeah ofc it would hurt to see her with some other guy, but that'd be my prob and doesn't have to keep her from anything... I just should get prepared for that kind of stuff to happen, somehow.

    Guess that's it for now, I got the feeling my English is horrible atm, but don't see where... If so, sorry

  3. #13
    Shortman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    Let her go man... honestly I just read everything and you need to forget about her. Don't chat with her, just let her find her way, you need to go out and meet other people and get your mind off her for a bit, would be healthy for ya . Your wasting precious time and energy into her and she isn't giving it back. A girl flakes on me once, I will allow it, twice? It's over and done with. May sound harsh, but it keeps me from investing anything more into a dead end.

  4. #14
    hyp
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    Default Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    Shortmans definitely right, fqck her off

    on a side note you need to work on standing up for yourself, it changes alot of things when you do


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