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Thread: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

  1. #1
    Schmoffel is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    Hi all,
    I'm a 28 year old guy with basically no PU experience at all; far from a male virgin but my relationships were more or less initiated coincidentally, and it's been a while since I had any.

    Now there's this girl, Ive known her for like 1.5 years and during the whole time I've been trying to get her. Before I knew her, I was a loser with a beerbelly and no job, but meeting her somewhat made me realize I'd have to get my head outta my my ass if I wanted to be a match for a woman anywhere close to that. So here I am, with an apprenticeship training position as a programmer, an evolving sixpack and way more self-confidence. Not all just for her, but she kinda gave me the kick I needed. That girl really washed my head, but she refuses to get outta there...

    We've become somewhat close friends, while both of us know I want more. Usually we get along fine, then there are crappy times when we have ugly drama sessions, and epic times when she sometimes even seems to apply IOIs and sh1t tests (which I honestly screwed up in the past). I stopped counting the people who tell me we'd make a perfect couple and how happy she seems when close to me etc etc, my pic may give you an idea.

    Well, now out of the blue she asked via Facebook whether we'd still be friends if she got herself a BF, and "if not, we might never really have been". My point is usually "if you don't want a honest response, don't ask", so dumb me drove the whole, total AFC route, not for the first time... Guess you could say our friendship is dominated by me playing the AFC and her being the selector, she kinda often shows up late when me meet, if she doesnt blow the meeting completely (seems like a general habit of her, though), and thinks it's totally ok for her to be jealous when I talk to the HB9 who used to be her best friend ("...and you stared at her tits alltime!", which isn't even true, but she caring bout it might be a good sign).

    So I found this forum and already read a bunch, just to find out I basically did the wrongest things I could do, in as many situations as possible, lol. Well, what I read gave me the feeling it's still doable, the question is where to start fixing things. Right now, trying the HmS method would most likely be pointless, as she is already questioning the value of our friendship atm. I'm thinking bout investing there, giving her some good time as a friend while fixing the AFC issue and make her gently realize she can't do whatever sh1t she wants, and when she's back to really enjoying spending time with me, kick the HmS stuff in.

    Well, for now I'm in the "Overwhelming" part, there's so much stuff to read, so much stuff I already read and prolly gotta reread to have it stick in, and likely quite some stuff I haven't even found yet... Thus I'd appreciate any hints about details on how to work this out the right way, missing basics I might need, finding out where to start, or alternative options (giving up is none). I also got a "so we meet next weekend, ok?" from her which I don't really know what to do with, didn't reply yet and dunno if I should. She won't have access to the web till Friday anyways, and texting her doesn't feel like a good idea right now.

    Well, any help is welcome... Thanks in advance and credits to all those who already posted those loads of useful stuff in here

  2. #2
    hyp
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    Default Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    Not all just for her, but she kinda gave me the kick I needed

    they usually do that if you've hit rock bottom

    "...and you stared at her tits alltime!"
    don't apologise for this, woman push them out and sh1t on a conscious level
    it's a sh1t test

    I also got a "so we meet next weekend, ok?"
    Next weekend you are either busy with something more important OR
    you're already doing something and she's being the tagalong, theres
    plenty of threads for texting and being alpha just search (y)

    Well, now out of the blue she asked via Facebook whether we'd still be friends if she got herself a BF, and "if not, we might never really have been".

    i would've asked her whether she'd still be friends if you got yourself a girlfriend, i'm pretty certain given the info above her heart would sink if she saw you with another woman

    also as for the last part check this out, pretty solid stuff (y)
    props to Virgil
    The Newbie Guide

  3. #3
    Schmoffel is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    "...and you stared at her tits alltime!"
    don't apologise for this, woman push them out and sh1t on a conscious level
    it's a sh1t test
    Yeah, figured as much by now. Any general hints on how to react to those? Still can't think of anything better than a cheerful "Hey I'm single so what?"...

    I also got a "so we meet next weekend, ok?"
    Next weekend you are either busy with something more important OR
    you're already doing something and she's being the tagalong, theres plenty of threads for texting and being alpha just search (y)
    Well, her being the tagalong is just a usual thing as most friends are common ones and I'm usually better informed on what's going on.
    Was also thinking bout the following options, based on your first suggestion...

    • tell her I got better stuff to do than hanging around with her just to calm her conscience... Too whiny?
    • tell her my ex gf would come over... Too hard yet?

    Anyways I gotta be prepared to have her asking what I'm gonna do... Or just ignore it? Doesn't seem to wise, as for now she doesn't seem to be willing to put much effort in keeping the friendship up and I don't wanna be caught lying too obviously. Maybe "you dont wanna know "?

    And as said, I'm about to invest in making her re-realize she at least likes me pretty much before making a HmS-like push, so should I still avoid contact for a while before...?

    Well, now out of the blue she asked via Facebook whether we'd still be friends if she got herself a BF, and "if not, we might never really have been".

    i would've asked her whether she'd still be friends if you got yourself a girlfriend, i'm pretty certain given the info above her heart would sink if she saw you with another woman
    Well I see the point and was thinking bout it myself, but the whole jealousy thingie of her was like 2 months ago when we got along better. Else (or when done recovering friendzone) I might even push it further and go for a try on becoming FBs with that other girl, though I guess I absolutely lack the PU knowledge and practice for that yet.

    also as for the last part check this out, pretty solid stuff (y)
    props to Virgil
    ...
    Thanks, seen that one and worked through some of the links already, surely gonna make up for the rest of them in time, i.e. right after this post

  4. #4
    hyp
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    Default Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    Yeah, figured as much by now. Any general hints on how to react to those? Still can't think of anything better than a cheerful "Hey I'm single so what?"...

    i'm still learning how to deal with sh1t tests, you can just say "Right." and continue on whatever convo u were having ;;; "damn right i was looking at them, i'm not apologising for being a man";;; stuff like that where you
    don't be a p*ssy in the response and look beta (DLV)


    tell her I got better stuff to do than hanging around with her just to calm her conscience... Too whiny?
    tell her my ex gf would come over... Too hard yet?


    you'll most likely get a negative response on both, rather than say Ex, just say "friend"

    you'll have to figure out what ur gonna do and let her know if she asks u can avoid it by saying you're gonna watch the solar eclipse again in Australia ;D (just happened recently i think, or its going to )

    And as said, I'm about to invest in making her re-realize she at least likes me pretty much before making a HmS-like push, so should I still avoid contact for a while before...?

    do what u want to do, i'm not sure if you'll need to go NC for a bit if your responses are already Delayed by a few days here and there

  5. #5
    Schmoffel is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    Sounds like a good hint about the sh1t tests, guess imma go that way.

    As for an excuse to call her off for the weekend, got one now as the boss of my side time job asked me to work this weekend, so that prob's solved as well. Might even try to use some off the stuff i read here on some1 over there... The more I read, the dumber this whole ONE-ITIS stuff actually feels, lol. Like ok I want her, badly, but if she's too dumb to realize we'd be an awesome match, it's her loss, no reason for me to give her pointless & undeserved confidence pushes.

    Well, it's hard to delay a msg a few days when she only got net access on the weekends... However, I'm kinda perma available to her on Facebook when she's on, I see the mistake in there.

  6. #6
    hyp
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    Default Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    call me paranoid, cautious or whatever u want, but when i'm on fb i hide offline and only come on for certain periods to start convos with my mates and sh1t, and then disappear and carry them on through private messaging, that way no one see's you on what appears to be 24-7

  7. #7
    Schmoffel is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    Hmmm I usually have the PC on when I'm at home and so is the FB chat... Might be changing that, we'll see.

    Had a nice open-to-all talk with that HB9 on FB... Guess my beloved saw it, she told me we could go wherever I want this weekend. I went off every now & then and told her I'm somewhat busy. Now she's kinda begging me to come over tonight. I never thought it could be that easy... Hell, I love this forum already

  8. #8
    Schmoffel is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    Ok, I somehow seem to have messed it up, don't really see where but I'm aware I'm just starting this stuff and can't expect epic results instantly... Putting translated chatlog on here, open for critizism
    (adding noses to smilies so the img limit won't be exceeded )

    her: hihi, finished ya book yesterday, took just a year + 2 months!
    me: congratz ^^ /* going off */
    her: well, else I'd also be free this WE. If you want we could do something, also whenever you want
    me: idk now I told my boss I can come for sat noon & sunday morning, so tomorrow isn't an option and today idk. Also gotta take care of some stuff... But if you so urgently wanna come around, you could help me a lil with that :-P
    /* mistake, obviously, tried to go for selector position but well */
    her: eeeh, do something... Just reminds me I got no time ;-)
    me: lol...
    her: and, what's up with (common buddy)? Was on a min ago
    me: idk hung around with him last weekend, dunno bout today
    but since you got no time, doesnt matter anyways, right ;-)
    her: :-P
    /* me going off */
    her: imma come around in a bit. Wanna watch a movie or something?
    me: /* doing my stuff off comp */
    her: or you really got no time?
    me: ah, scared to help me with my stuff? :-P
    me: /* after a bit */ Bring something to drink :-D
    her: oh, I don't drink anymore
    me: geez, you again ^^
    her: been 4 weeks now :-)
    me: You really allow yourself nothing huh? ;-)
    her: absolutely nothing!
    her: gonna come by car
    me: your own fault :P
    me: well, i got my beers ready here.
    her: fine
    me: nearly sounds like I gotta take that threat seriously :-D How much time I got left? ^^
    her: bout 3 quarters
    me: geez
    ----
    her: Hi
    her: Just talking to daddy for a sec
    me: yaya, take your time
    her: well yeah... now I'm also tired already
    me: well, go sleep then ^^
    her: and tomorrow really doesn't work?
    me: Sunday at 4 am night's over for me
    her: I'm really horrible to always assure and cancel :-(
    me: absolutely ;-) But I'm not used to anything else ^^ /* trying to tease her on that fact, guess it didn't work */
    her: puh (devil face smilie)
    her: but then this WE, somehow... got into too much talking with dad
    me: except for today, there aint many options left for this weekend :-P
    her: sunday we gonna celebrate mom's b-day
    her: good thing you're so tolerant and lenient towards me :-) /* I'm not, I'm lacking options... */
    me: As I said, I got other stuff to do as well, and I'm done with putting myself down just cuz of one woman ^^ So either you get yourself a strong coffee now or this WE aint gonna work ;-)
    (she didn't read the last one yet, seems to have gone sleeping, but I feel I shouldn't have sent it -.-)

    I also got the option to tell her tomorrow would work, if earlier... but I don't see how to put that option up without looking absolutely beta :-/ Any suggestions, or should I better drop it?

  9. #9
    hyp
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    Default Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    the dialogues good imo, the last part is good, i prefer to drop that sort of sh1t in person but since you were using facebook medium it's also alright, gotta be ready to lose everything to gain, don't worry about her, if she says no you'll still go out on a high, her cancelling on everything is a major - _ - so don't worry too much

  10. #10
    Schmoffel is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF ONE-ITIS stuff gone solid

    Nice to hear I'm not doing too bad

    Well, here's the new stuff...

    So yesterday, right after coming home from work, I got a common buddy msging me on FB along with a text msg from her, both asking me to come to a gaming night at his place... Wasn't sure if I should go there, in the end I did cuz it sounded like fun I wouldn't wanna miss due to that girl.

    When I rode over, she wasn't there yet but a few others, among them the HB9 she canceled friendship with. (I actually noticed that girl being kinda shy towards me, she kept looking away and stuff o.O Wondering if I should better invest there, lol...) Well, pity she left before "that girl" showed up, otherwise I could have teased her like crazy talking to her ex friend instead of her.

    I didn't answer her text message, assuming she'd show up sooner or later. Then after maybe 2h she called me asking if I'd come and got kinda pissed when I said that we're already there. I told her since she brought it up, I figured she knew time n place, and blocked her further blabla by "anyways, we're here, cya in a bit".

    Well, when she showed up and sat next to me, I acted kinda passive, if not ignorant. She pretty soon started driveling bout that other guy (the reason she asked me about what would happen to our friendship if she got herself a BF) out of any context... Was something like "Dunno if I want a realtionship, or maybe we already have one but I think I gotta quit it cuz I don't feel anything for him". Realizing she's most likely already farking that guy shocked me to the bone, but I somehow managed to show no reaction. Well, she soon dropped the topic cuz no one really cared. Wondering if it's all a big fat sh1t test, she's surely giving me a hard time.
    That evening, we made a limited bit of smalltalk, occasional short eye contacts where I tried throwing in a bit of triangular gaze while consciously not facing her with my body. I also had my knee "coincidently" touch hers a few times, other than that we pretty much spent the evening isolatedly next to each other. Left early cuz of work today.

    So summed up, I'm dealing with quite a few issues right now...

    • how to behave towards her, especially with having others around... I guess ignorance isn't the best way to go.
    • a solid lack of sexual tension -> friendzone, I've been through a few exemplaric posts but not sure how to apply them and what steps to take next. Like hell, if she farks a guy she feels nothing for, she might as well pick me... But I can hardly just ask her, lol
    • I kinda asked her to play now and she seems to play back hard which is really painful at times, dunno how hard she'll go and how much I can take... Maybe just gotta get used to it.
    • the playing aspect pretty much results in a lack of trust between us which is kinda the opposite of the plan I originally had. And, heck I admit it, I already miss talking to her in that honest, genuine way about kinda everything. That's what, way more than her looks, drove me into her and it feels like I'm going against my real intentions here. I mean I want to intensify that deep trust in a relationship, not kill it so we can have one. Confusing


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