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Thread: Problems I am having with my progression...

  1. #1
    RavenSword is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Problems I am having with my progression...

    Hello everyone,

    I do not know if this is the proper forum area for this, but it is something that I need to get off my chest.

    See, for the longest time I have been very shy and have had no action or skills with women. I have never been on a date, never been kissed, still a virgin, yadda yadda.

    See, over the past few months I have been on a very large self improvement kick. Armed with my Kindle I have purchased a few self improvement books, most of which on attracting women and becoming the type of guy women love to be around.

    But as with any change, there is fears. my fears are that if I adopt the various forms of advice or traits that these books instill or teach, that there is going to be more negatives than positives. that the changes are the wrong ones. So after i am done reading a book, I am hesitant or do not attempt to make the suggested changes. however, I have no way of telling if this is a legit thing or just my old, over thinking and cautious personality self sabotaging my progression.

    I remember a quote from Neil Strauss that I thought really clicked for me. He said that we should not try to be ourselves, but become our best selves. That is what I want. to take the positive traits I already have, do away with the damaging ones, and introduce new, foreign ones that will build me into the best ME I can be.

    Does anyone have any advice or guidance in my current search for answers?

  2. #2
    Cody's Avatar
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    Default Re: Problems I am having with my progression...

    Tell me your fears and I'll tell you if you're justified.

    Also, Xavier wrote this. It's a good thread you might find interesting.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  3. #3
    pua_wannabe is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Problems I am having with my progression...

    Although change can be a scary thing, only you can truly control how it affects you. So guy I say go for it l mean Why not? After all wouldn't it be much scarier staying the same, neither a winner nor a loser more of a watcher simply watching life go by...
    Your better than that! Good Luck
    Take her off that farking pedestal!

    “The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.”
    ― Flannery O'Connor

  4. #4
    RavenSword is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Problems I am having with my progression...

    Quote Originally Posted by Cody View Post
    Tell me your fears and I'll tell you if you're justified.
    My fears are that I become manipulative to women, or atleast perceived that way. That I'm going to lose the empathetic, caring guy I am. Or that I become a jerk or something.

    That this stuff dosent actualy work on women. That if I change myself too much I might lose friends or my family dosent take to the changes.

    You know, stuff like that.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Problems I am having with my progression...

    That I become manipulative to women,

    You'll only become manipulative to women if you allow yourself. As long as you continue to be self aware you most likely won't. It will always be within your control.

    Or at least perceived that way.

    Much more probable, but you'll learn not to care along the way.

    That I'm going to lose the empathetic, caring guy I am.

    You won't, if only because you said that. You'll learn to step up when the time calls then kick back when you're no longer needed. Have you ever seen Scrubs? When I started out I was like JD, emotions all over the place, a hopeless dreamer. Now I'm like Dr. Cox, hard 95% of the time but I know how to get real when sh*t hits the fan. I'm not saying that'll be you, I just wanted to paint a picture for you. You'll be whatever you want to be.

    Or that I become a jerk or something.

    Again, not likely. You're self aware, and thinking men don't become jerks but by choice. Example: I am a jerk, but by choice. It's your call.

    That this stuff dosent actualy work on women.

    It does, but you have to make the investment. You may not see results right away, but stick to it and the results will come.

    That if I change myself too much I might lose friends or my family dosent take to the changes.

    Friends? Yeah, you'll probably lose some friends. You've got to realize that chumps have chump friends because they're, well, chumps. That's why you're all friends; because you share that in common. But the road you're about to travel is narrow and something you have to do entirely on your own. We can help, but you're ultimately helping yourself. Others may follow or they may lead, but they don't walk beside you. Your friends may try until they realize that they're on the wrong path.

    Your family? They'll always be there. That's why they're your family. They have to accept you for who you are, and while that might not happen right away, in time it will. The same applies to your true friends. Most people are just passing through your life, but your real friends will always be there regardless of where you go.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  6. #6
    RavenSword is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Problems I am having with my progression...

    Quote Originally Posted by Cody View Post
    That I become manipulative to women,

    You'll only become manipulative to women if you allow yourself. As long as you continue to be self aware you most likely won't. It will always be within your control.

    Or at least perceived that way.

    Much more probable, but you'll learn not to care along the way.

    That I'm going to lose the empathetic, caring guy I am.

    You won't, if only because you said that. You'll learn to step up when the time calls then kick back when you're no longer needed. Have you ever seen Scrubs? When I started out I was like JD, emotions all over the place, a hopeless dreamer. Now I'm like Dr. Cox, hard 95% of the time but I know how to get real when sh*t hits the fan. I'm not saying that'll be you, I just wanted to paint a picture for you. You'll be whatever you want to be.

    Or that I become a jerk or something.

    Again, not likely. You're self aware, and thinking men don't become jerks but by choice. Example: I am a jerk, but by choice. It's your call.

    That this stuff dosent actualy work on women.

    It does, but you have to make the investment. You may not see results right away, but stick to it and the results will come.

    That if I change myself too much I might lose friends or my family dosent take to the changes.

    Friends? Yeah, you'll probably lose some friends. You've got to realize that chumps have chump friends because they're, well, chumps. That's why you're all friends; because you share that in common. But the road you're about to travel is narrow and something you have to do entirely on your own. We can help, but you're ultimately helping yourself. Others may follow or they may lead, but they don't walk beside you. Your friends may try until they realize that they're on the wrong path.

    Your family? They'll always be there. That's why they're your family. They have to accept you for who you are, and while that might not happen right away, in time it will. The same applies to your true friends. Most people are just passing through your life, but your real friends will always be there regardless of where you go.
    Yeah, I see your points. Honestly, I think my friends would be cool with it. they are the kind of people that like going out to bars and clubs and stuff. its just hard for us to get together and do it it seems lately. Im tempted to go out on my own to practice. but didnt know if thats creepy or weird or how to do it solo.

  7. #7
    RavenSword is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Problems I am having with my progression...

    Quote Originally Posted by Cody View Post
    That I become manipulative to women,

    You'll only become manipulative to women if you allow yourself. As long as you continue to be self aware you most likely won't. It will always be within your control.

    Or at least perceived that way.

    Much more probable, but you'll learn not to care along the way.

    That I'm going to lose the empathetic, caring guy I am.

    You won't, if only because you said that. You'll learn to step up when the time calls then kick back when you're no longer needed. Have you ever seen Scrubs? When I started out I was like JD, emotions all over the place, a hopeless dreamer. Now I'm like Dr. Cox, hard 95% of the time but I know how to get real when sh*t hits the fan. I'm not saying that'll be you, I just wanted to paint a picture for you. You'll be whatever you want to be.

    Or that I become a jerk or something.

    Again, not likely. You're self aware, and thinking men don't become jerks but by choice. Example: I am a jerk, but by choice. It's your call.

    That this stuff dosent actualy work on women.

    It does, but you have to make the investment. You may not see results right away, but stick to it and the results will come.

    That if I change myself too much I might lose friends or my family dosent take to the changes.

    Friends? Yeah, you'll probably lose some friends. You've got to realize that chumps have chump friends because they're, well, chumps. That's why you're all friends; because you share that in common. But the road you're about to travel is narrow and something you have to do entirely on your own. We can help, but you're ultimately helping yourself. Others may follow or they may lead, but they don't walk beside you. Your friends may try until they realize that they're on the wrong path.

    Your family? They'll always be there. That's why they're your family. They have to accept you for who you are, and while that might not happen right away, in time it will. The same applies to your true friends. Most people are just passing through your life, but your real friends will always be there regardless of where you go.
    so whats the right attitude to have about all this?

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Problems I am having with my progression...

    So whats the right attitude to have about all this?

    There is no right or wrong, there is only perspective. I'd be lying if I told you there haven't been days when I've missed my AFC life. It was safe. It was comfortable. It was vindicating, because there were always other p*ssies around me to support my b*tchy claims about the unfairness of it all.

    I was never worried about being manipulative to women because I knew I wouldn't, and if I would it would be my choice. I was never worried about being perceived as an asshole because I was at a point where I didn't care what people thought anymore. I didn't even consider losing the fact that I am a caring guy. I know the difference between when people need a kick in the ass and a gentle shove, though sometimes I don't care because they won't listen regardless of how I say it. I also didn't know (nor care) if these tactics worked on women, but when you feel so beat down that you're at a loss for everything, that's when you're willing to do anything. I wasn't worried about my family. They have loved me and always will despite my choices. That's the unconditional love we all look for in a relationship (though I've heard terrible stories of families who don't even do that--the unconditional love).

    But I did worry about my friends, and rightfully so. As I grew a sense of power they grew in their jealousy, and at the climax of their emotions they (a total of 5) took the biggest stab they could by dating my girlfriends fresh after we had broken up. But that wasn't on me. That was on them. You could say I drove them to do that, but the deciding action was ultimately their choice.

    I live a lonely life. I walk alone, eat alone, and many nights choose to sleep alone. People will love and adore you, but that's only because they don't know you. Take the time to get to know your role models and each and every one of them will let you down. I have guys twice my age asking for my advice every day, and while it's flattering and I do truly love and appreciate the respect, it's lonely. I don't have friends, I have followers and admirers.

    Realize, though, that you can opt out at any time. If the pressure becomes too much you can just drop it all. I've considered it, and I still consider it today, but if I ever want to be something extraordinary I won't get there by making average choices.

    It will always be your call. I'm happier here than where I was because here I have a sense of power, but to show you just a glimpse more of what you could be getting yourself into let me say this: Be happy that you're still at a place where people can answer your questions. Get to where I'm at and your decisions will have to go without guidance, because no one will know what to say when you ask.

    Worth it? For me, but I suppose not all.
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:


  9. #9
    RavenSword is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Problems I am having with my progression...

    Quote Originally Posted by Cody View Post
    So whats the right attitude to have about all this?

    There is no right or wrong, there is only perspective. I'd be lying if I told you there haven't been days when I've missed my AFC life. It was safe. It was comfortable. It was vindicating, because there were always other p*ssies around me to support my b*tchy claims about the unfairness of it all.

    I was never worried about being manipulative to women because I knew I wouldn't, and if I would it would be my choice. I was never worried about being perceived as an asshole because I was at a point where I didn't care what people thought anymore. I didn't even consider losing the fact that I am a caring guy. I know the difference between when people need a kick in the ass and a gentle shove, though sometimes I don't care because they won't listen regardless of how I say it. I also didn't know (nor care) if these tactics worked on women, but when you feel so beat down that you're at a loss for everything, that's when you're willing to do anything. I wasn't worried about my family. They have loved me and always will despite my choices. That's the unconditional love we all look for in a relationship (though I've heard terrible stories of families who don't even do that--the unconditional love).

    But I did worry about my friends, and rightfully so. As I grew a sense of power they grew in their jealousy, and at the climax of their emotions they (a total of 5) took the biggest stab they could by dating my girlfriends fresh after we had broken up. But that wasn't on me. That was on them. You could say I drove them to do that, but the deciding action was ultimately their choice.

    I live a lonely life. I walk alone, eat alone, and many nights choose to sleep alone. People will love and adore you, but that's only because they don't know you. Take the time to get to know your role models and each and every one of them will let you down. I have guys twice my age asking for my advice every day, and while it's flattering and I do truly love and appreciate the respect, it's lonely. I don't have friends, I have followers and admirers.

    Realize, though, that you can opt out at any time. If the pressure becomes too much you can just drop it all. I've considered it, and I still consider it today, but if I ever want to be something extraordinary I won't get there by making average choices.

    It will always be your call. I'm happier here than where I was because here I have a sense of power, but to show you just a glimpse more of what you could be getting yourself into let me say this: Be happy that you're still at a place where people can answer your questions. Get to where I'm at and your decisions will have to go without guidance, because no one will know what to say when you ask.

    Worth it? For me, but I suppose not all.
    Honestly, all I want is to be able to attract women and be a lot more confidant. I don't want to abandon my life right now of anything like that. I don't want to burn bridges with friends and things like that. I just want to be able to go to a bar, club, or any public place, see a girl I'm attracted to, be able to flirt and charm, get a number, get some action, and rinse and repeat until I find the special girl ill have a actual relationship with. I don't know if I'm in the wrong place for that, but that's what I think I ultimately want.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Problems I am having with my progression...

    I just want to be able to go to a bar, club, or any public place, see a girl I'm attracted to, be able to flirt and charm, get a number, get some action, and rinse and repeat until I find the special girl ill have a actual relationship with.

    Well you know you probably won't meet her in a bar or a club, but yes to the public place.

    That'll take you a little less than a month. Go get em', Tiger
    Wondering where I am now? Check out my latest project:



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