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Thread: Need Help With The Art of Conversation

  1. #1
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Need Help With The Art of Conversation

    Hey guys, I found out that I need help with the art of conversation. I read all the threads on it about how to build off of other questions. But I still feel like I get awkward silences. Like lets say I meet a girl on facebook and I am going to meet her, how can I be interesting? How do I keep the conversation going? Thanks.

    Edit: Also I just remembered, there is this girl that keeps liking my pictures and statuses and stuff. I am guessing these are IOI's? So how can I jump on this to hopefully hook up with her...?

  2. #2
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need Help With The Art of Conversation

    bumpity.

    30 characters.....

  3. #3
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need Help With The Art of Conversation

    You don't have to worry about a conversation right away, if this is a girl you're approaching / meeting for the first time.

    You want to flirt first... Build attraction / curiosity. (Teasing, bantering... playful stuff)

    THEN, when it's time to work on building rapport you can get into "Conversations".

    By that time, the girl is most likely going to be chatty & you won't have to worry about keeping it going. (When girls like a guy & are interested in him, they're a lot more talkative.)



    Just focus on being fun, & don't worry about "what to say".


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  4. #4
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need Help With The Art of Conversation

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    You don't have to worry about a conversation right away, if this is a girl you're approaching / meeting for the first time.

    You want to flirt first... Build attraction / curiosity. (Teasing, bantering... playful stuff)

    THEN, when it's time to work on building rapport you can get into "Conversations".

    By that time, the girl is most likely going to be chatty & you won't have to worry about keeping it going. (When girls like a guy & are interested in him, they're a lot more talkative.)



    Just focus on being fun, & don't worry about "what to say".
    I need examples of stuff, things to say.

  5. #5
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    Autismus is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need Help With The Art of Conversation

    To get rid of awkward silences keep a few conversational threads in your pocket. So if you're talking about - I dunno, whether she's a cat or a dog person, and you're engaging/challenging her: while that conversation is going on you should have it on the back burner of your mind how to transition into any one of several threads like - I dunno how Family Guy is a great show ("...I wish I could have a dog like Brian...") or where you work (seeing eye dig came into work) or how many siblings each of you have (story about your sisters' cat).

    Awkward silences are usually the result of not transitioning smoothly between threads, so figure out how any thread might (even by a stretch) transition into another.
    DTF HB's omw 2 LTR

  6. #6
    Big Shawn is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need Help With The Art of Conversation

    Do you ever have any long conversations with anyone? If yes, then think about how you do that. Just add some flirtation and teasing and DHVs into that. Of course, it will take time and experience to master, but practice makes perfect.

    If you can not have any good conversations with anyone, you can do a few things. Keep in mind there are nearly infinite things in the world to talk about. From your surroundings to your future to your hobbies to things you find interesting, if you are passionate about your subject, she will probably be engaged as well. There are so many things in the world to talk about, but AA usually gets in the way and blocks everything out. Just rember that.

    Anyways, how you can practice getting long conversations is by having long chats with people that you know like close friends. Talk about things you are engaged in. When they tell you things, ask about it. If an experience or viewpoint of yours is similar to theirs, tell them about it.

    This will take a while to master if you are not good at it, so I suggest you start today. At first do not worry too much about body language because it will just distract you from having an adequate conversation. I really do not know how good you are at conversing, so I'm just giving advice from the extremes.

    If you have trouble finding things you like, take on a hobby, go to a class, learn about the world. Even history and science can be interesting if you express them with zeal.

    Have new experiences. Travel. Go to new restaurants. If you dont have many friends, do it alone. Make friends there. Dont be afraid to talk to random people. YOU WILL LOSE NOTHING. There is this game I used to play; me and my friends would go around and say hi to literally everyone, and see if they smile back. It was called bitter or sweet (if they are friendly or prudes). Another similar game to just practice not giving a fark is the "penis" game, where you just shout embarassing words, such as "penis" as loud as you can. While you may feed embarrased, you will realise nobody cares. It doesn't affect you at all.

    Of course, you should check AA threads for more information. Many times AA stops conversation with women and you should get rid of it asap.

  7. #7
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need Help With The Art of Conversation

    Quote Originally Posted by Big Shawn View Post
    Do you ever have any long conversations with anyone? If yes, then think about how you do that. Just add some flirtation and teasing and DHVs into that. Of course, it will take time and experience to master, but practice makes perfect.

    If you can not have any good conversations with anyone, you can do a few things. Keep in mind there are nearly infinite things in the world to talk about. From your surroundings to your future to your hobbies to things you find interesting, if you are passionate about your subject, she will probably be engaged as well. There are so many things in the world to talk about, but AA usually gets in the way and blocks everything out. Just rember that.

    Anyways, how you can practice getting long conversations is by having long chats with people that you know like close friends. Talk about things you are engaged in. When they tell you things, ask about it. If an experience or viewpoint of yours is similar to theirs, tell them about it.

    This will take a while to master if you are not good at it, so I suggest you start today. At first do not worry too much about body language because it will just distract you from having an adequate conversation. I really do not know how good you are at conversing, so I'm just giving advice from the extremes.

    If you have trouble finding things you like, take on a hobby, go to a class, learn about the world. Even history and science can be interesting if you express them with zeal.

    Have new experiences. Travel. Go to new restaurants. If you dont have many friends, do it alone. Make friends there. Dont be afraid to talk to random people. YOU WILL LOSE NOTHING. There is this game I used to play; me and my friends would go around and say hi to literally everyone, and see if they smile back. It was called bitter or sweet (if they are friendly or prudes). Another similar game to just practice not giving a fark is the "penis" game, where you just shout embarassing words, such as "penis" as loud as you can. While you may feed embarrased, you will realise nobody cares. It doesn't affect you at all.

    Of course, you should check AA threads for more information. Many times AA stops conversation with women and you should get rid of it asap.
    Great response man thanks. But yeah AA is a big problem for me, i really need to know how to converse with HB's. Any good threads on improving my conversation skills. Like if I am taking a girl out to the mall or something, i have no clue what i am going to talk about.

  8. #8
    Big Shawn is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need Help With The Art of Conversation

    Well, think of it this way. If you can't talk to a girl before she's your girlfriend, it wont be any different when she is your girlfriend, assuming that is what you're looking for.

    I suffered the same issue, HB's intimidating me. Its simply an AA block. The only way to get rid of AA is through practice. You are probably good at conversing, dude. Not "knowing" what to say is not due to a lack of knowledge, it is due to Approach Anxiety. Reading all the material in the world won't stop you from "blanking out".

    The only way to solve that is by practice and experience. If you are too intimidated by girls that you know (because you think it might affect you in other ways if you get rejected), then practice on random girls on the street, in clubs, in malls, in restaurants, etc. Make this a rule: every time you see a HB, go up to her and talk to her. If you get nothing out of it, SO WHAT? A 1% shot at a number is better than a 0% shot. Also, you meet new people and you improve your skills.

    The only way to get rid of AA is through plowing through and taking your fear head on. if you ever get stuck, comment on what she said, something appearant such as what she is wearing or your surroundings or the time of year etc, or even have conversation topics.

    Girls dont mind conversations being jumpy around. especially if youre starting, you do not need to be perfect. You will not be perfect. its impossible. Everyone, EVERYONE farks up when they start. If you do it but they reject you, its a good thing. its improvement. You can see what you did wrong. I prefer to get rejected than accepted because i learn more. That is my point of view on the matter.

    Its a skill, not a personality trait. You will get better with practice, but thats what you need to do, practice. Being on the forum will not help you. reading up on the subjects will just overwhelm you and cause you to have MORE Approach anxiety.

    My suggestion is to start ASAP. EVERY SINGLE HB you see, 3 second rule, go up to her, use any opener. even if thats all you do, just openers. Once you get the AA off the opener, the conversation will be alot easier. Talking to hot babes is something you do often. its no deal for you. that will be your mentality

    Trust me, No more reading can help you. just go out, dont be lazy, and try. Think of rejections as blessings, not downfalls. Learn from your mistakes, and have fun while you do it. I appreciate the adrenalin i get from AA. Ive learned to like it. I hope you will too

  9. #9
    johnnybob62 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need Help With The Art of Conversation

    Thanks Big Sawn. Now in a couple of days I go on winter break for 3 weeks. Any challenges you suggest I can do. You got me thinking, I do need to practice. I was thinking about going to the mall or any store and just try approaching there.

  10. #10
    Kaybee is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need Help With The Art of Conversation

    Quote Originally Posted by johnnybob62 View Post
    Thanks Big Sawn. Now in a couple of days I go on winter break for 3 weeks. Any challenges you suggest I can do. You got me thinking, I do need to practice. I was thinking about going to the mall or any store and just try approaching there.
    I say just approach any pretty girl you see when you're out doing stuff. You have a life(I assume) so you do stuff like going shopping, going to get groceries, going to work, going to the gym, going to get food, etc

    Just approach them in these situations.

    Also, talk to strangers. Doesn't have to be hot girls or even girls, just practice conversing with people. Once you get used to talking to strangers, walking up to a random hot girl doesn't feel as intimidating anymore


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