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Thread: Help to find out if girl is truly interested or not!?!

  1. #1
    moernmachine's Avatar
    moernmachine is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Help to find out if girl is truly interested or not!?!

    Hey, so it all began like 5 weeks or so ago when I met this girl at a restaurant with a couple of friends of mine and we all had fun and this particular girl invited me and my other friends all to her own party she was having next week. By this time I was already attracted to her. Anyway before we went to her party the next week me and one of my friends saw her and her friends this week before the party and when we were around each other she kept touching my jumper and pulling dog hair off it which was on there from a friends dog and was complimenting my clothes and hair etc.. That night when I went to go home and was about to leave she ran up to me and hugged me and made me promise I visit her party that weekend.

    So later that week I went to her party and she was kind of aloof half the night until the night except right before I left when she came up and started hugging me and not wanting me to leave and being really affectionate but I had to leave so we were both joking around about it and other things and eventually I left her party leading her out the door with my arm around her shoulders and hers around mine. After this night I decided how much I liked her and was going to ask her out and saw her with no boyfriend that night so assumed she was single too and my friends told me that I had a chance!

    Then about a week or so passed and I hadn't seen her or her other friends so a friend of mine tired messaged her trying to get her come hang around with us a group kind of thing, but she flaked and said she was tired. I then decided to grab her number off my friend seeing as me and her didn't exchange numbers already because she was drunk at the party and I was sober and it seemed weird to ask things like that at the time and somehow it just seemed like we were going to see each other soon so getting numbers didn't seem that pressing and I was waiting to see her next to ask her out and get her number anyway. But anyway I got her number off my friend and my friend told her I had her number which she was happy about but seeing as she was not feeling well and I hadn't seen her I waited until about 3-4 days later then sent her a message to see if her and her friends and all wanted to catch up. After I sent her the first message she was very happy to hear from me and responded she wasn't going out tonight but wanted to catch up soon! So I left it for that night and ended up texting her the next night after asking "When are we going to catch up?" kinda being demanding and insisting in a friendly,flirty way. To which she replied "Whenever I am free all week! ". So I invited her out Monday night that week but she was tired that night, then I waited until Wednesday and asked her again but she said she was still "tired" in the text so I got a little pissed off and started ignoring her but not before sending her a kind " Hope you feel better" or something to that affect, I was polite about it but kinda pissed and also was not going to keep initaiting conversation and wanted to wait for her to. On Firday morning she responded and sent me a message asking to hang out with me on Friday but I was busy and could not get there on time. So I did go meet up with her and with one of my friends but I was late which she knew as I told her I might be and things where weird, she was very quiet at first. But then at the end of the night she came right up to me and hugged me tightly and said she wanted for me and her to catch up in the week and do something fun. I agreed with her and we both went our seperate ways that night.

    I then waited 3 days until Monday to see what she was doing. I texted her and me and some friends all caught up with each other at a comedy show, it was brief though. But she was still really happy to see me and was hugging me and stuff. However she left early with some Gay friend she had with her or at least people told me he was Gay ( I got worried it was a BF). When I realised she left I texted her asking when we where going to catch up again properly and she did not respond until the next morning as it was late but she responded saying "when the weather isn't so hot!". Now it is summer over here but for some reason when I got this message I got really annoyed and felt like she was being evasive. I mean every time she sees me she acts really happy and hugs me and says she wants to catch up.

    But every time we go to organize something over text messages she seems to become nervous or evasive and makes little jokes and will never want to make an actual time or day it's always vague. So I called her out on her texts and asked her if she really wanted to hang out or was she just making excuses. It felt a bit harsh doing it but I was getting frustrated and starting to feel played and wanted to figure out the story. After asking her if she really wanted to hang out or was just making excuses, she sent a text message back apologizing say she really,truly wants to meet up and do something with me and she is sorry for making excuses. I responded by saying "Ok ok, I still want to hang out with you too" to which she responded " Good! ".


    Anyway since all this has happened we made a date last Thursday but she blew me off saying she had some problem with her dog being poisoned and needed to take him to the vet in an emergency. I got kinda pissed of with her for doing that and told her off a bit, then she didn't reply the next day until Saturday but said she was really sorry and felt awful for doing it and wanted to reschedule for Sunday.

    But at the time I was too annoyed with her for blowing me off on Thursday so I didn't reply. I then saw her best friend on Saturday night and she told me that this girl was telling the truth about her sick dog and was upset and this girl was also suffering depression too ( which the girl previously told me). So I sent her a message saying I hope she was ok and if she wants to catch up or reschedule to let me know.

    But she did not reply to that and I'm not sure if it was because she wasn't well or was not responding me for some other reason. So I sent her message today telling her " not to become a a stranger" and asking if she was ok and if she wanted to catch up" to which she quickly replied she is feeling better and talked about herself a bit and also said she wants to catch up. I replied to that wishing her well and sort of Humanising with her to try and make her feel comfortable as she has been sick with depression and I want to be someone she cane speak with me but she stopped responding after that last text I sent. Also worth noting is she does alway add "xxxx" kisses at the end of messages to me which makes it more confusing

    Now her friend gave me the impression this girl is interested but is just going through personal problems so I don't know if it's that or she is pissed off and/or lost interest?

    She is younger than me so it could explain a bit. I am used to dating girls my own age and they are easier to talk with. I just want to know if she has flaked multiple times and ignored a couple of message, does that mean she has lost interest even though she has given me plenty of signs such as touching, previously asking to catch up and her friends telling me she was keen to see me.

    Anyway my question is to finally boil it down, does this girl have high enough interest in me and is just being nervous and shy or does it seem like she is playing games for attention or already has a boyfriend and is stringing me along. Or is she interested in me as friends and trying to blow me off gently as not to lose my friendship or scared I will become her enemy if she rejects me or something or god knows what? it is so confusing. I really like this girl and am pretty sure she likes me too but need to know if I should just handle her differently if she is nervous or get rid of her if she is playing games and attention seeking. Is it is screwed? or is there some kind of way I can text her to show her I am interested without seeming creepy or alienate her and basically finally get her out?? Thanks guys - Sam

  2. #2
    Anuks's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help to find out if girl is truly interested or not!?!

    First of all, you shouldn't ever wait to see if a woman/girl is "keen" on you. They don't want to be in the place where they are sure. That is your job. Just assume attraction and she will follow. You're the leader.

    Second all signs to me point that she is interested. She initiated touch with you, and was pulling hair of your sweater. HUGE sign!

    And last but not least, since she is suffering from depression, she is going to be very vulnerable and afraid of getting hurt. She is a bit damaged goods, so to speak. If you haven't gone through something like that yourself it is going to be hard for you to relate to her.

    Just be understanding and just accept her for who she is, with no agenda, no outcome in mind.

  3. #3
    moernmachine's Avatar
    moernmachine is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help to find out if girl is truly interested or not!?!

    Ok, so if I texted her a couple of days ago and she said we will catch up this week do I wait for her ( which is unlikely as she seems to wait for me to initiate) or if I don't wait for her should I text her again. I mean seeing as we coiuldn't go out on the date because of Her pets issue and then we never properly rescheduled is it up to me to get her to make a time with me? She does seem shy and has been a bit sad so I would love to take her out if possible but don't want to be overbearing or get flaked on again. Has she possibly lost interest or am I just not pursuing her the right way? I really want to get her out, soon! Any suggestions would be appreciated.

  4. #4
    Supremo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help to find out if girl is truly interested or not!?!

    I agree she is definitely interested But you have come off needy. You can't wait for a women to make plans because you would probably wait a very long time lol women are very undecided about a lot of things. You should give it a couple days before trying again.

    With regards to her depression. You need to really sit and think clearly about pursuing this girl. I speak from experience and what you need to understand is that you will not be able to fix her depression, no matter how hard you try, it's something that will always be a factor. Simply taking her out for a good time will make her smile and be happy but that will only be temporary. I dated a girl that had depression and bipolar disorder and I tried everything I possibly could for over a year but things got worse and I couldn't deal with it any more. Now I'm not saying this will happen with your lady, it's different from person to person but the girl I dated used her sicknesses as an excuse to do as she pleased, ie flirting with other guys, etc. all I'm saying is that getting into a relationship with someone that has depression is a big decision and it takes enormous amounts of work. I would seriously suggest seeing other women as well before anything gets serious. That way you can tell if you really want to be with her or if you have a case of one-itis

  5. #5
    moernmachine's Avatar
    moernmachine is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help to find out if girl is truly interested or not!?!

    How have a come off as needy? What should I have done differently and if so is there a way to undo the possible perception of neediness. I really don't care if I am seen as needy cause I don't come across that way in person. I have simply felt like I have just been being the more assertive one whilst still being nice about it. If I seem needy surely that can't be as bad as her being flaky and me having to hear about her moodiness. She is Ok to deal with once she is out only when we talk through texts it seems that way. I really want to know what I have done to come across as needy cause I have been so careful not to put myself in such a position. If I text her again is that going to make it worse or is there a particular way I can do it without having to worry about coming across as needy and all that stupid stuff. Any suggestions?

  6. #6
    Supremo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help to find out if girl is truly interested or not!?!

    Well when I say you came off needy I mean that asking her "when your going to catch up again" nearly every time you speak to her is needy. You should never ask when you can see her but rather tell her that your going to see her. For example you could say " Me and a few friends are going out for drinks on Friday evening. How does 8pm sound? That way you show her that you have definite plans, you like to socialize and you also thought of her. If she flakes then all you say is " Ok no problem maybe next time" or something along those lines. She needs to understand that the outcome of your night is not revolved around whether she tags along or not, but rather that you are still able to have fun without her.

    You do not want to come off as needy because that will push her away. Women want a guy that can take control instead of being pushed around.

  7. #7
    moernmachine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help to find out if girl is truly interested or not!?!

    Hey man cheers for the quick response! ok I totally get your point you just made. I was going to wait a few days until messaging her again and then just basically ask/tell her that I will be around town this weekend and she should come out this time. I'll add all the callback humour and DHV in the text. But I guess at what point would I give up if she still seems to flake. I mean like taking into account she might still honestly be having anxiety/depression issues, how many chances should I give her? Or should I just try to be laid back about it and just persevere for however long it takes. A Lot of people have already told me to give up on her, but I kind of enjoy the challenge. Just curious as to at what point would be fair to give up without throwing in the towel too early? Also if the girl writes those "xx" or "xxx" kisses at the end of texts to me but not other males that she texts is that her shy way of hinting she is interested. I am wondering if this her retarded shy way of giving me a hint to keep me interested. But taking everything into account not sure whether to give her only a few more chances and give up or "stand out" and be possibly the first guy who has stuck by/persevered with her. At the very least I am just looking for a hook up with her and maybe she is too. But if we get along maybe a relationship is on the cards too. Just working through this whole cat and mouse shit is the difficult part I guess. Is laid back indefinite perseverance the way to go or should I flatly give her 3 more chances then let her know she has flaked too often and missed out? Cheers dude

  8. #8
    Supremo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help to find out if girl is truly interested or not!?!

    Look I can tell you do have some feelings towards this girl seeing as a possible relationship could be on the cards. It would be wrong of me to tell you to give up in her because maybe something great could happen. Her flaking could be a sh1t test, it could be that she is shy, especially around other people, or more then likely she is going through a depressive stage when you ask. But I don't think it's because she isn't interested because she clearly has shown interest. I would give it one more shot and if she flakes then I would freeze her out for a few weeks. You ultimately want her chasing you but she might view some of your behavior as you chasing her. The only way to change her perspective (if she feels you are chasing her) is to show her that you aren't bothered whether or not you get to see her again. Even if it does bother you, you must never let her see that.

    Like I said girls with mental problems such as depression or bipolar are always difficult to deal with. If you plan on a relationship with this girl then I would suggest doing some research on depression. Doing that will give you a better understanding of what to expect and how to deal with certain issues that will arise.

    So if she flakes again freeze her out for a week or 2 and I'm pretty sure she will contact you to see why you've been so quiet. When that happens you just say you've been busy and you never let her know that you are punishing her for flaking too many times. Remember this shouldn't be bothering you and even if it is, she must never know that

  9. #9
    moernmachine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help to find out if girl is truly interested or not!?!

    Thanks bro for the advice. Yeah I have experienced depression before firsthand and have close friends with it so I do understand how it can make people. I work in a hospital and am generally pretty empathetic when it comes to people not being well. That being said the last thing I want to do is come across as annoying or needy. The irony is she is shy and wont initiate contact via text so it will be hard getting her out through that way. I will just be laid back about it and try not to push it too much and I will also start gaming some other women to keep my mind busy enough so I don't over think or obsess about how to deal with her. Some of my friends think she is just flirty and I am wasting my time but they are older than me and too old to date an 18 year old and are probably just jealous I am still young enough to get her. Plus she has shown me more attention whenever we are in a group. She only ever hugs me and just says seeya to my other guy mates. Which definetely comes across as I am her favourite. I will try invite her out in the next couple of days and see what happens. Ultimately I think it might be worth me pulling right back and make her wonder where I have gone. Then next time I see her in person I have to make somekind of move. She has given me openings to kino escalate but at those times my friends and her mutual friends where around and making it awkward. There is also this creepy old guy who has some perverted crush on her and he knows I like her and he always starts staring when we talk or hug, which makes escalating hard because he fucks shit up with his weird,creepy, jealous vibes. He knows he has no chance and doesn't like the fact I might. I guess as long as I don't come across as needy and pushy it should be alright. I will try to chill out from now on and keep myself busier so I don;t obsess

  10. #10
    hyp
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    Default Re: Help to find out if girl is truly interested or not!?!

    how many chances should I give her?

    i think the real question is how many more chances should she give you?
    seriously, she's come up to you like 999 times for hugs and sh1t when you're about to leave, that's when you wanna kiss her and give her something to think about (: don't wait for the moment, create it

    A Lot of people have already told me to give up on her, but I kind of enjoy the challenge. Just curious as to at what point would be fair to give up without throwing in the towel too early?
    alot of people are weak, they don't have perservereance and are most likely AFC and don't understand social dynamics to the extent that we do hence why we can point out sh1t that you're doing wrong

    overall she likes you, the window will close if you don't take action, i can't remember who said it, but she'll just go find someone else if you don't make a move, it's true, and then you'll be #friendzoned

    as for the needyness part Supremo's advice is A1 (ace), state your dates, don't give her choice, a prime example i have no idea but for some reason i was thinking of Die Hard, John Mclain and the movie where they steal the gold from the national bank or whatever,
    anyway i told her to "Meet at [xyz], [time], come alone or the hostages die" she changed the time because it didn't work, so i said "As long as there's a payphone nearby to receive your next instruction" i was having fun while i wrote this cause id never done something so bold before, that's what happens when you don't give a fqck, you don't come across as needy

    also Props to writing an essay here, A+ in the description


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