Ok, so I have finaly decided to quite being the AFC i have always been.
but quite frankly this is very hard to do because I have convinced myself for so long that I am not going to be able to get with women and be able to be attractive to them. See, all my life I have been convinced that its all about looks. or that my personality wasnt good enough to accomodate my lack of sex appeal. whenever I see someone who I think isnt very attractive with women that are very attractive, I think that they have something that I dont. and that certain thing will forever ellude me.
I also am a rather anxious and paranoid person. I read too much into things and assume the worse. I try very hard not to do this, but I keep doing this. it prevents me from trying things I read or things people tell to me. For example, when my mom tells me that people always told me I was good looking, i think shes lying because shes my mom and shes trying to make me feel better. ]
Its paranoid things like that.
See, I feel this confidant, great person inside of me. I know it exists, but I cant seem to manifest it into my real self. It might sound silly, but every since I saw the movie Iron Man, I always kinda idolized Robert Downey jr's protrayel of Tony stark. In fact I remember leaving that theater completely jealous of that character. I wasnt jealous of his destructive behavior, but rather the character who he really was. Confidant, arrogant, brilliant, knowing what he wanted, not giving a sh1t what people thought. He knew who he was. He knew he was the man. and I wanted to be like that.
I honestly believe I have a Tony Stark person inside of me, but cant seem to get him out or I feel its strange to try and model myself after a fictional character. This goes beyond just meeting women, its about all aspects of my life.