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  • 1 Post By Slybootsucci

Thread: Need help understanding what I did wrong when she visited?

  1. #1
    Slybootsucci is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Need help understanding what I did wrong when she visited?

    So we broke it off. Had been long distance dating this girl over the course of a year and finally we planned a weekend together.

    THIS IS LONGGG but I REALLY need some advice and analyzing. Read as much or little as you like and just dish out whatever the situation says to you. Thank you all so much.


    This was it, it was sex or no sex and that would determine of we were going to make things official or not. We had been talking everyday (mostly text) and calling on occasion at night, etc.

    She visited and heres what I can remember:

    Night 1 (we get back to my place);
    We watch a movie then go to bed
    In bed we start making out and getting touchy feely after an exchange of massages.
    She turns on her side and I dont pursue any further so as not to annoy her (we were both way tired)
    I slept anxiously and f'ed with her sleep too trying to cuddle all night

    Day 1:
    We wake up at like noon and make b-fast

    Forget what happened in between, but she wouldnt go brush her teeth or really let me kiss her much.

    We had dinner planned so we both got ready and went to that. (Got some drinks at a bar beforehand)

    Night 2:
    Came back watched a movie and some shows. She proceeded to pass out on the couch instead of coming to bed. I laid in bed not knowing what to do and felt shunned. I was afraid to call her in or something because i didnt want to seem needy.

    Day 2:
    Woke up. Got coffee. Came back to her getting ready (we were gonna go watch some football) and she asked why I didnt tell her to come to bed.

    I explained I didnt want to annoy her n that I had been confused.

    She said, "I was just tired, I thought youd call me in. I wanted you to come grab me and carry me to bed haha." This is where I assume she made her decision that we had no "spark".

    She had packed all her sh1t and mentioned that if I didnt wanna go watch football I should take her home so she could catch some of her teams game.

    We went to watch the game. She paid. We got back, I started to make out with her, she blocked me off after a bit and then we had the talk.

    She said there was no spark and it wasnt gonna work out. I agreed and said Id been expecting her to say something as she seemed pretty closed off the entire time (even on night one when she turned away to sleep).

    She said she had been trying to force herself to like me cuz she didnt wanna lose what we had and she knew I was not willing to talk if we werent dating/being intimate (no friends).

    I stood by that and took her home initially excited and amped and then by the time we got there very sad and depressed about the whole thing. We said goodbye forever.

    The End.



    Guys. What went wrong?

    Im convinced she already had it in her head that she was going to break it off and just wanted to do it in person (she did say something about how she thought it was best we did it in person).

    She claims she didnt have that planned and she came because she still was unsure and needed to find out if it was yes or no. But I say it was more like she came to find out if it was no for sure (as in she had planned no but yes couldve emerged - not the same as being indifferent imo).

    If she wasnt bs'ing then when did she decide no for sure? When I didnt come carry her to bed? And how can she expect me to do that, I mean I was already being very pushy about kissing and trying to make something happen, if I forced her to come to bed wpuldnt that annoy her? Apparently not.

    Anyway. I just need some feedback.

    How could I have played this so that she did feel a spark. What seductive moves should I have employed to make things happen seeing as she was coming out to potentially seal the deal with some mind blowing sex.

    I blame myself completely because I got it all to that point and then she didnt feel the spark so clearly I blew it somehow. Im wondering exactly when she decided no (maybe even on night 1?) and also what I couldve done better to make her decide yes.

    Im extremely sad now obviously and she prolly is too seeing as she did tear up a little breaking it off. It was opposite tho which is funny, I was stoked initially (played it off like a champ) an she was upset and sad knowing I was not going to talk to her ever again. Then by the time I got her home I was speechless and depressed and she was happy and cheery to have gotten it of her chest.

    When we said bye I just told her I regret none of it and she taught me alot about myself. She was a bit taken aback and didnt know what to say really and asked what I meant. I just told her its exactly what it sounds like and Im simply thanking her for the experience and the life/self lesson.

    She kept saying how she didnt understand why we couldnt stay in touch. I tried to explain to her that were different and to me ill always like her and it would make me super jealous and upset when she met someone else and just beig in touch but knowing it would never go anywhere. I asked her what she expected if I did stay in touch and she got a bit heated for a millisecond like "what do you mean, we'd talk and be friends, thats what friends do." I just wasnt having it.

    I had broke it off irrationally a month before and told her that if it wasnt going anywhere im done and cutting her off. She couldnt decide so I decided for her and she got upset and came crawling back saying she wanted to be in touch and be intimate so I gave her one last chance and what does she do, plays it off until she gets the chance to be the one who dumps me or whatever. I resent not standing by that decision and letting her see if it was a yes or no for her, she shouldve known by then, but she claimed it wasnt fair and thrres no way she couldve known yet.

    Anyway. She also told me I was too nice a bunch of times on the final trip back. I was like yah I know, story of my life but wtf, does she really want me to just be a effing a-hole and point out all her flaws and make it out to be all her fault and get genuinely upset about her not sleeping in my bed the second night and blah blah blah? Come on, im better than that shiz, sorry, to me thats not being nice thats simply respect and me trying to keep her in a good mood at all times despite her behavior upsetting me or making me feel awkward. I guess I jut need to be more assertive and point things out.

    Funny thing is when I woke up on day 2 I contemplated telling her it was over because I was that upset about her not making her way back to bed. I had expected that if she really wanted me she would show it, and I guess she expected the same? Sigh. I know for sure this could still work which is what upsets me the most. It was just a fluke weekend, we were both too nervous and confused, it needs another shot honestly but I also need to stand by my decision, and Im also afraid to go back on it and contact her and have her say no is no and that there is no second chance and she lost too much interest to try again, then I look like a chump/desperate loser for changing my mind and I get not one but two rejections.

    This is unbelievably long but it needed to be.

    Please evaluate what you can an just point out anything: what you wouldve done, what I shouldve done, what I did right, what she did wrong, vice versa, etc.

    Thank you.

  2. #2
    Slybootsucci is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help understanding what I did wrong when she visited?

    Oh and did I mention I sent her flowers already for her bday on Dec28?

    Yah. And I was gonna say something or cancel them but Im just going to let it go and still not talk to her. Eff it.


    In any event this whole thing is more of a vent than anything. A way, or rather one tiny step, to get over her. Im also chronicling my feelings throughout each day to see my greiving and healing process, figure itd be easier/more interesting if I did an experiment instead of just wallowing and being a downer.

  3. #3
    Slybootsucci is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help understanding what I did wrong when she visited?

    Ive never had a real gf. Only had sex once, didnt bust a nut even. And now im attached to a girl I didnt even have sex with I just dated her for a while, and have been dead set on her for 4years only 1 of which we dated, thats probably why this hurts so much. Is it even possible for someone like me to just 180 my lifestyle and start dating and having sex with all sorts of girls just to catch up on what I missed out on?

    Just blabbing on still....feel free to overlook the post in its entirety. I just feel better knowing someone somewhere might feel even an ounce of sympathy or have an ounce of hope for me.

  4. #4
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Need help understanding what I did wrong when she visited?

    Ok, do you want to get over her? I'd say that's your best move, it's hard to match the obv intimacy you built up by text or email or whatever when u meet in person. Also long distance relationships rarely work :/ and it is possible for someone like you to start dating and meeting lots of women it just takes some work. There's lots of material on this site which can help. So shall we begin?

    If you want her back http://www.puaforums.com/how-get-you...r-ex-back.html

    If you want to get over her Getting over your ex.....the lowdown

    And this is to help you on your journey to becoming a PUA The Newbie Guide

    That lot should get you on your way good luck

    Linking x

  5. #5
    Slybootsucci is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help understanding what I did wrong when she visited?

    Hey man thanks! I know that I wrote way too much, but you helped for sure with those links. Ill be sure to read them over tonight after my workout!

    If theres any way you or anyone else can maybe add a few of your personal tips for the categories each of those links goes over that'd be great too. Its kinda funny how bipolar im feeling lately lol. One moment im so far down the next im overly ecstatic when people like you give support. Appreciate it. Thanks again!

  6. #6
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Need help understanding what I did wrong when she visited?

    Well the getting over your ex thread is one I wrote anyway and is exactly how I coped with my break up as for starting as a PUA, I read 'the game' by Neil Strauss, it's a fantastic introduction to game even if it's a little outdated its quite inspirational as well

    Linking x

  7. #7
    Slybootsucci is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help understanding what I did wrong when she visited?

    YO linking...

    So i read thru those links, clicked on the others that those lead me to and I just figured it out.

    I was fail at Kino. I would just kiss her, then her neck, then fail. Everytime. Its cuz ive only ever banged a girl once a long time back and I wasnt ready to give this girl that SPARK she spoke of.

    Thats all there is to it. The great feeling is that it was something so simple and easily fixable so long as I go out, up my inner game, embrace the AA and practice my kino.

    The horrible feeling is that I feel like i totally unattracted this girl all in one fell swoop. If she'd just gimme 1 more chance I would have it in the bag. But unfortunately she already called it saying there wasnt a spark so shes probably got it in her head that there wouldnt be and wont ever be. On top of that shes probably got it in her head that if we did continue to stay in touch ( and can I mention im proud I vowed to no contact? Because id be royally screwed if not) that she wouldnt feel the need to kiss me anymore or do anything kino wise.

    Wht I need to do now is decide do I want her back pr am I moving on. But im comfortable saying I dunno which it is yet. I need some time to pick up other women and just be myself and maybe if I feel it one day Ill contact her to catch up or whatever and play it from there knowing if she lets me control the frame (and I will!) that Ill eventually get us back to that point and lay down the kino and ignite that spark like a PUA boss.

    Im so thankful for that little read I just had. Taught me so much in so little time. Huge confidence boost, although of course im super nervous, but Im loving the fact that this is all up to me and that she really was into me I just needed to know how to spark her and unfortunately didnt ask for help beforehand or im sure yall wouldve pointed to me to the right help before she visited. Oh well, shot happens, I sort of DO want her back to just prove to myself that I had it all along and Not just as an ego boost but because shes great for me too and I think we should be together for sure.

    Anywho ill be around. Thanks again. Ciao!

  8. #8
    Charlie Neptune is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help understanding what I did wrong when she visited?

    You maybe could have got a yes out of her but I think it's a real long shot. She most likely made a decision in advance but had to prove it to herself. If you have ever been around a woman you know they think and worry over everything. Her body language showed she was ready to pull away regardless of your advances. Long distance is not great for relationships and can set up a false reality about the situation. Hit up your area with friends and meet some girls. Best way to get over her is to hook up w/ a new hb


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