So we broke it off. Had been long distance dating this girl over the course of a year and finally we planned a weekend together.
THIS IS LONGGG but I REALLY need some advice and analyzing. Read as much or little as you like and just dish out whatever the situation says to you. Thank you all so much.
This was it, it was sex or no sex and that would determine of we were going to make things official or not. We had been talking everyday (mostly text) and calling on occasion at night, etc.
She visited and heres what I can remember:
Night 1 (we get back to my place);
We watch a movie then go to bed
In bed we start making out and getting touchy feely after an exchange of massages.
She turns on her side and I dont pursue any further so as not to annoy her (we were both way tired)
I slept anxiously and f'ed with her sleep too trying to cuddle all night
We wake up at like noon and make b-fast
Forget what happened in between, but she wouldnt go brush her teeth or really let me kiss her much.
We had dinner planned so we both got ready and went to that. (Got some drinks at a bar beforehand)
Came back watched a movie and some shows. She proceeded to pass out on the couch instead of coming to bed. I laid in bed not knowing what to do and felt shunned. I was afraid to call her in or something because i didnt want to seem needy.
Woke up. Got coffee. Came back to her getting ready (we were gonna go watch some football) and she asked why I didnt tell her to come to bed.
I explained I didnt want to annoy her n that I had been confused.
She said, "I was just tired, I thought youd call me in. I wanted you to come grab me and carry me to bed haha." This is where I assume she made her decision that we had no "spark".
She had packed all her sh1t and mentioned that if I didnt wanna go watch football I should take her home so she could catch some of her teams game.
We went to watch the game. She paid. We got back, I started to make out with her, she blocked me off after a bit and then we had the talk.
She said there was no spark and it wasnt gonna work out. I agreed and said Id been expecting her to say something as she seemed pretty closed off the entire time (even on night one when she turned away to sleep).
She said she had been trying to force herself to like me cuz she didnt wanna lose what we had and she knew I was not willing to talk if we werent dating/being intimate (no friends).
I stood by that and took her home initially excited and amped and then by the time we got there very sad and depressed about the whole thing. We said goodbye forever.
Guys. What went wrong?
Im convinced she already had it in her head that she was going to break it off and just wanted to do it in person (she did say something about how she thought it was best we did it in person).
She claims she didnt have that planned and she came because she still was unsure and needed to find out if it was yes or no. But I say it was more like she came to find out if it was no for sure (as in she had planned no but yes couldve emerged - not the same as being indifferent imo).
If she wasnt bs'ing then when did she decide no for sure? When I didnt come carry her to bed? And how can she expect me to do that, I mean I was already being very pushy about kissing and trying to make something happen, if I forced her to come to bed wpuldnt that annoy her? Apparently not.
Anyway. I just need some feedback.
How could I have played this so that she did feel a spark. What seductive moves should I have employed to make things happen seeing as she was coming out to potentially seal the deal with some mind blowing sex.
I blame myself completely because I got it all to that point and then she didnt feel the spark so clearly I blew it somehow. Im wondering exactly when she decided no (maybe even on night 1?) and also what I couldve done better to make her decide yes.
Im extremely sad now obviously and she prolly is too seeing as she did tear up a little breaking it off. It was opposite tho which is funny, I was stoked initially (played it off like a champ) an she was upset and sad knowing I was not going to talk to her ever again. Then by the time I got her home I was speechless and depressed and she was happy and cheery to have gotten it of her chest.
When we said bye I just told her I regret none of it and she taught me alot about myself. She was a bit taken aback and didnt know what to say really and asked what I meant. I just told her its exactly what it sounds like and Im simply thanking her for the experience and the life/self lesson.
She kept saying how she didnt understand why we couldnt stay in touch. I tried to explain to her that were different and to me ill always like her and it would make me super jealous and upset when she met someone else and just beig in touch but knowing it would never go anywhere. I asked her what she expected if I did stay in touch and she got a bit heated for a millisecond like "what do you mean, we'd talk and be friends, thats what friends do." I just wasnt having it.
I had broke it off irrationally a month before and told her that if it wasnt going anywhere im done and cutting her off. She couldnt decide so I decided for her and she got upset and came crawling back saying she wanted to be in touch and be intimate so I gave her one last chance and what does she do, plays it off until she gets the chance to be the one who dumps me or whatever. I resent not standing by that decision and letting her see if it was a yes or no for her, she shouldve known by then, but she claimed it wasnt fair and thrres no way she couldve known yet.
Anyway. She also told me I was too nice a bunch of times on the final trip back. I was like yah I know, story of my life but wtf, does she really want me to just be a effing a-hole and point out all her flaws and make it out to be all her fault and get genuinely upset about her not sleeping in my bed the second night and blah blah blah? Come on, im better than that shiz, sorry, to me thats not being nice thats simply respect and me trying to keep her in a good mood at all times despite her behavior upsetting me or making me feel awkward. I guess I jut need to be more assertive and point things out.
Funny thing is when I woke up on day 2 I contemplated telling her it was over because I was that upset about her not making her way back to bed. I had expected that if she really wanted me she would show it, and I guess she expected the same? Sigh. I know for sure this could still work which is what upsets me the most. It was just a fluke weekend, we were both too nervous and confused, it needs another shot honestly but I also need to stand by my decision, and Im also afraid to go back on it and contact her and have her say no is no and that there is no second chance and she lost too much interest to try again, then I look like a chump/desperate loser for changing my mind and I get not one but two rejections.
This is unbelievably long but it needed to be.
Please evaluate what you can an just point out anything: what you wouldve done, what I shouldve done, what I did right, what she did wrong, vice versa, etc.