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  1. #1
    Rando9009 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Big fight with girlfriend last night, how to proceed?

    Guys, trying to keep this as short as possible, thanks for reading and advice. My girlfriend of 4 months and I have been on slightly rocky terms now for the past couple weeks due to her becoming ill and has been in and out of the hospital, surgery, and in alot of pain for about the past 2 weeks, which hardly seems to be improving. During this time, she has not acted like I would think she would. She is distant, does not really want to hang out much, etc. We had some talks about it (and I've got the inside scoop from her friend) and have come to the conclusion that this is just how she deals with pain and sickness, she'd rather focus on recovering and have some space from others, even boyfriend. Now we still do see each other here and there but maybe twice a week briefly.

    There have been times I felt like breaking up with her, but I really do care for this girl and I don't feel right causing her to be more upset by arguing and everything while she is trying to recover. Plus I want to see how things go once were past this illness.. I've been doing my best to request her space. However it is a push pull constantly. When I back off and "give her what she wants" (space) she then asks me why I'm acting weird and distant etc, and vice versa if I ask to hang out to much.

    Last night I was just leaving her be, supportivly texting her back, and she wound up flipping a shit on me for NO reason. Basically turned her depression and anger from everything going on (failing school because of being bedridden, job loss, pain) on me. I don't mind her to vent to me a little, but this was over the line. I do so much for this girl, and am always there for her through this, but she's starting to treat me like shit, and use me as a punching bag. We had a fight back and forth over texts about this. She was acting very headstrong and not appologizing for her shitty actions and was just like blowing off everything I was saying. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt through all this, as she is EXTREMELY stressed, but this pissed me off too. She actually was almost like breaking up with me too! However she seemed to be using it more as a threat, and kind of recinded her opinion.

    Ended the night with her texting goodnight, then me one or two other texts, and a good night with no response. I would like to try to mend things for now and see how she is in another week. If this continues I will break up with her. Whats my best course of action today? Its already 12:30 noon and have not heard anything from her (nor have I texted her).

  2. #2
    YOKiTran's Avatar
    YOKiTran is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Big fight with girlfriend last night, how to proceed?

    ask urself,
    1) would u tolerate this behavior on ur 2nd date.?
    2) then ask what would u do as a mature man.?

    it also seems that u r living off her every word - so the ball is in her court.
    and u r allowing her to mess with your boundries.

    i suggest
    1) finding things to take ur mind off her till she comes around
    2) when she does, tell her abt how her behavior is effecting the relationship/set boundries
    a) keep it short
    b) don't use "i feel like" to describe ur emotions. just "i feel angry/sad"
    c) tell her u want this to work and this is what u need
    3) cut her out if she rages - tell her communication is breaking down and end the convo
    4) be ready to lose her - u cannot ever come to a girl from a place of neediness. this rule applies to when u pick up a girl till even when ur in a relationship. u r just devaluing urself in her eyes. and women wanna kno u r the protector/man that she needs


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