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  • 1 Post By rebelwithacause

Thread: Am I dealing with this friend's zone situation right?Any additional advice?

  1. #1
    rebelwithacause is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Cool Am I dealing with this friend's zone situation right?Any additional advice?

    Hello I kind of want to lay out a situation I am in and want to know if I am
    going about it in the right way and if any additional advice could be offered. Here it goes.

    The Backround:

    I have known this girl for a LONG time. Ever since we were 12 but only online. She has seen the worst and best aspects of me throughout the last 10 years and has generally been one of my best friends. She knows I have had gfs and been successful with them. One time however I made the big mistake of trying to pursue an online relationship and I literally made myself look like a complete idiot. We still talked after that but then conversation sort of broke off for a year and I though I'd never hear from her again.

    The Problem:

    Circumstances had me move to where she lives in another province and I happened to run into her on a bus. At first she didn't recognize me but once I asked her who she was and told her who I am we got to do some catching up. I managed to get her number and we have texted the last 2 days. Conversation was casual and playful, and I even managed to secure meeting her at the mall this thursday afternoon. She put up no barriers even telling me how she has a lot of spare time but really wanted to have coffee first. She was busy mon/tues so I chose to meet on thursday thinking wed would be too desperate. Everything seemed to be going casually until I got the ever dreaded friends zone message.

    The Exchange:

    I essentially asked her what kind of stuff would she be up to aside from just sitting, talking and playing video games (what she said she did with her friends). She essentially said what and earlier I mentioned bowling what she didn't like so I said this:

    Me: "We aside from bowling esque game activies what about some of the events or shows I always see stapled around?" (on billboards and such)

    Her: 0.o you see events and shows stapled around? So long as you realize you will most likely be forever in my friend zone lol

    Me: Yeah and you don't? and haha sure since you know you are already in mine

    Her: No I don't lol then again I'm not usually looking around for them I guess. Woot! Glad to hear we are both on the same page

    Me: Do they even have those poster near you? I don't recall seeing any up there. And horray indeed now I don't have to worry about you acting all wierd with me :P

    Her: No, I don't think so.. they do have posters wrapped around the light poles but I never really read them. Oh no, I'm a weird person no matter what situation I am in lol.

    Me: You should read them! I found a cool one I'm going to go to for new years eve. As for weirdness I mean the wierdness and cryptic strange behaviour that I don't figure out until 5 years from now that you liked me or that awkward avoidance if you thought I liked you that way.

    Her: Lol weird avoidance, I prefer to call it strategic ignoring

    Me: Well "strategic ignoring"is not my thing.

    Anyways you get the gist of it. The conversation then went on to talk about phones, what's been going on in each other's lives etc. It went well.

    The Solution:


    So I have come to some sort of solution to all of this and this is where I want advice or criticism. I've decided to sort of let her be in my friends zone. My plan is to see how things go Thursday. Be myself, be laid back, be funny/normal with her and judge her personality. If things go well I am going to ask her to come with me to the New Years event as a wing woman. It is a 1920s themed event and they have a dance lesson for 45 min before the event begins. I figure that if I can get her to go one of two things will happen:

    A. She will help me meet and get numbers from other girls either directly or indirectly which will help me socially.
    or
    B. It will allow me to engage her physically and will allow for us both to have fun thus increase her attraction to me.

    If she says no to that specific event then I am 100% sure I can get her to go to a similar venue to have this happen (though I am not much of a dancer :S)

    Tell me what you think? I know the text message seems long but I am trying to get the feeling across here. I am fine with not getting her but considering this is one of those girls I have always wanted but didn't get the chance to before I think it's worth a shot.

    I am hoping to get some responses before Thursday.

    Additional Information:
    -Our conversations are so smooth and casual (yet not personal/emotional in a way that would mean I am bogged down in friends zone).

    - I am not as needy or desperate as I was years ago before we met in real life. I am more assertive now and self confident (which is why I think she gave me her number at all

    - From my knowledge she has no dating experience (unless something happened in the last year) and doesn't seem to do much when she hangs with her friends

    - Has always been kind and friendly with me but often hostile in dealing with others (both from group conversations online and from people she occasionally told me about in her personal life).

    - On an attractiveness scale she'd probably be about a 7-7.5 and is kind of an introvert.

  2. #2
    Vicodin24's Avatar
    Vicodin24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Am I dealing with this friend's zone situation right?Any additional adv

    If you're planning on keeping her in the friend zone, feel free to flirt shamelessly. If she calls you out on it, insinuate that you're just friends and it doesn't mean anything. Sending mixed signals tends to work in your favor.

    When you do meet, initiate kino. Give her a hug, sit close to her, etc. Eye contact and body language are important, as well, but you already knew that ;]

    Moving on!

    As for the friend zone texts, don't let it kill your confidence. So what if she says it? You agree - happily! Also, try not to talk about it. The more you bring it up, the more needy you might seem. Keep your conversations fresh. It might be tough since you text all the time, but try to slowly ween off of that. Send shorter texts and try to get the point where you text her solely to meet up. If you're gonna talk, insist on talking on the phone Say something silly:

    "I can't really text right now because I'm fending off a bear. I'll give you a call in a minute." - be a badass and wait 5; claim that the bear stole your phone. Have fun with this one!

    More importantly, don't lose confidence! Good luck!
    Always leave her better than you found her.

  3. #3
    YOKiTran's Avatar
    YOKiTran is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Am I dealing with this friend's zone situation right?Any additional adv

    Vico pretty much gave u a great blue print

    and u did good on her sh*t test.

    i have had a similar situation as urs... and i would change it if i could.
    --// 1. friends for 15.yrs
    --// 2. moved away - lost touch
    --// 3. regain touch - saw her on my vaca
    --// 4. secretly wanted to bone her but played FZ with her
    --// 5. she takes me out to bars and sees me work
    --// 6. we r still FZ - but i will change that when i go c her agn
    ---- 1-5 sound dead on.?

    what i wish i did:
    --// 1. work her like a target - don't go FZ mode
    --// 2. let her know ur interested - AND - u value her bounderies
    /../ she will giggle and i'm sure her head has shot into the clouds
    /../ because i don't think this happens often.
    /../. u want her to kno - but it's cool if she's not into u
    --// 3. here - 2 things happen
    /../ A. she tells u she's interested (game on)
    /../ B. she agrees she's not there yet - sooooo
    1) now u can game targets freely n she's ur net
    2) if she gets mad - PUA her
    3) if she watches u silently - PUA

    i dunno - try this for me... back then, i had a GF, so i had bounderies i could not cross... not like i didn't practice PUA, but i had my boundries.

    let me know how it goes down.^^

  4. #4
    rebelwithacause is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Am I dealing with this friend's zone situation right?Any additional adv

    So what went down was something I completely didn't expect but I take as generally for the worse. Basically my time slot got wedged between two other friends she had to meet and I didn't find out until time was up that I had only an hour and a half to perform.

    She doesn't want to merely be friends that much I can ascertain. She passed all compliance tests and generally distanced me from the rest of her friends when I talked about me and her though in a more acquaintancey way. Kino worked well and I was given a chance to escalate (well to sit real close to her and hold her) but failed to do so do to the fact I had a bit of a cold and getting too close to her wouldn't help in the long run.

    Couldn't create sexual tension due to it being in a mall and there were children and old people around everywhere. Additionally she kept looking at the time like every 2 min which gave a bad impression. I left when her other friend showed up and she just waved goodbye when I stuck my hand out and I was shocked and said "I don't even get a shake?" and I got a side ways hug which she did for keeping up her reputation with her friend (she said she doesn't do hand shakes and her friend confirmed).

    She didn't like the idea of being a wingwoman. She told me if you want something you should go get it yourself.

    Regardless I texted her afterwards trying to set up an evening dinner or event and it ended up turning into a discussion about her and her trust issues as she put it.

    IN THE END, I think it would be best for me to sort of back away from this one for now.


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