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  1. #1
    SOIAN is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need somebody to dissect this

    Alright, lets start from the beginning. But first understand that I'm not an active PUA nor am I somebody that follows the readings anymore (and when I say anymore, I mean over 5-6 years). However, I'd like some input from those that still keep up with the PUA scene.

    Three years ago I was hired on at my work. I was hired on with a female that was good looking, but a little overweight. I did not think anything of her until about a year ago when we started chatting on the computers at my work. I'm not even sure why we started chatting, but I think I was asking her if she was the girl that was hired with me. Anyway, after all the "yes, how are you, etc", she gave me her cell # so we could chat some more (our computer chats are logged and the company can go back and see what we talk about).

    So many months went by and I would always text her. If she saw I was working, she would say hello. This continued for another 3-4 months. When we would have our daily briefings, she would sit next to me and chat with me, etc. Well, I started getting this feeling that I wanted to know her better, but I wasn't sure how to approach it since we worked together.

    She's really big into running and so am I, since I'm also in the military reserves. I told her that if she wanted a running partner to let me know. Well, she text messaged me and said she was going to be running at this park if I wanted to run with her. Unfortunately, I could not go that day and politely declined.

    The next few weeks went by and she posted pictures on her facebook (she added me on facebook too btw) of guy she knew that liked to run and workout. I thought nothing of it and kind of laughed about it.

    Well another month went by and we were text messaging again and she told me that I should get a Disneyland pass. I told her that was silly since I never go to Disneyland and I wouldn't have anybody to go with anyway. She told me that she liked to go to Disneyland (but never said she would go with me, only said she liked to go). I told her that if she liked to go, then I'd think about getting one.

    A week or so went by and she posted on her facebook, "Who wants to go to Disneyland?" and a TON of her guy friends (she has a HUGE amount of guy friends) posted saying they would go with her. Well guess what? She posted a picture of the day and only one guy went with her, but it was her girlfriend's boyfriend. So yes, she did not go with anybody. She was the third wheel.

    A couple of more weeks went by and I posted a comment about a TV show on my facebook. It was actually the plot to a TV show that I watch because I was surprised how it ended (Sons of Anarchy). A mutual friend on facebook, two days later, said she also could not believe how the show ended. The girl I've been text messaging me posted on her comment with the effect of, "Yea, some asshole posted on facebook what it was about and ruined it for me". Well, I knew she was talking about me so I said, "Asshole huh?" under the post. I deleted her from my facebook.

    A few days later, I was staying late at work and she text messaged me and said hello. I asked her why she was messaging me if she thought I was such an asshole. She had no idea what I was talking about, so I told her. She said, "You're so dumb, that was not about you". I told her that she had a bad habit of calling people dumb, stupid, and to shutup and it was kinda distasteful. She immediately responded with "Oh, sorry". At 5 a.m. in the morning the next day, she text messaged me and said, "Even got deleted from facebook??".

    Several weeks went by and I did not hear from her anymore. I thought about what I said and how I supplicated like a punk, so I wanted to make things right, even if to just be friends at this point. I text messaged her and told her that I wanted to tell her this in person, but since we now, no longer work the same hours, I would do it this way (she doesn't talk on the phone). I told her that not being able to text message her was crappy and that I apologized for overreacting. She responded promptly with a, "I miss you too friend. Apology accepted". She also told me that her calling me dumb was a form of endearment.

    Now keep in mind, this was the FIRST time she's ever referred to me as "friend". Weeks went by more and still not like it used to be. On Thanksgiving I wished her well and she again said, "Happy Turkey Day too friend".

    Another week went by and I asked her if she wanted to go to a show. She said she had a BBQ on the Sunday I wanted to take her. It so happened that I got the day before off (she has that day off too) and asked if she wanted to go to the show that day, but she said she had a BBQ to go to. I told her that I thought she said it was Sunday and she didn't reply. I told her that I got the hint.

    Now we are up to about a couple of weeks ago. I was telling my buddy that I would like to get her alone with me so that I could tell her how I felt, but he told me that I should move on because she's already placed me in the friend zone and she's obviously not interested.

    An hour after that conversation with him, she randomly text messaged me and asked if I could do her a huge favor. I told her anything and she wanted me to take her to the airport. Now, we are currently on opposite schedules, so when she gets off work, I go into work. I told her yes, I would take her, but she knew that I'd have to take time off work to do it. Keep in mind too, she has a ton of girlfriends and guy friends that would have taken her, especially all of the guy friends that drool over her.

    So another week passes and I asked her if she wanted to have lunch, since she told me before our falling out that she would go to lunch with me at this cool place. She agreed to go to lunch with me.

    A few days later, we are texting again and I told her that a chocolate cake sounded good. So promptly said she would make me one and bring it when we go out to lunch.

    Then the lunch day comes and she meets me at the place. She does not have a cake with her, so I make no comments about it. She gives me a hug and asks me how I'm doing.

    We go into the place to eat and things are going well. Great eye contact, she's not looking away from me. She's touching her hair every once in a while, etc.

    Now, a little backdrop on this girl before I continue. This is important. This girl is 29, she has her own place, but she works two jobs to pay her mortgage. I've told her several times to get a roommate so she doesn't have to be tired all of the time. She was getting so stressed out that she was getting migraines from it, which I'd get her medicine for when we were working the same schedule (yes out of my way to get it). She has sleeve tattoos and is tattooed on her chest, legs, etc. She has a large tattoo on her chest, a tattoo on her ring finger, and she's told me that she despises cheaters because she was once cheated on with a guy she liked a lot.

    Alright, so she tells me a week ago that she was thinking about letting this guy friend of hers move in with her so that she doesn't have to pay all of the mortgage. I told her to be careful regardless if he's a friend. She said he was a big party guy back in the day and hoped he'd settled down.

    Well, at lunch she tells me that she found a female roommate that works with us, so she was happy about that. I say to her, "So no more guy roommate huh?" and she says nope. Then she goes "Can you believe he told me the other day that if he moved in with me that he did not want me to come into his bedroom at 2 a.m.?" I told her that was kind of weird for him to say and she goes, "Yea, we went on a date a long time ago and it didn't work out. He's a little strange".

    I said nothing and continued eating my food. So then we talk about the military and how she was at a bar last night with a couple of her guy friends and noticed this guy come in with his uniform, etc. So I break that conversation and say, "Hey, where is my cake?" and smile. She goes, "Cake?? I didn't have time to make it, I was busy sorry". Well I was thinking in my head, yea busy getting your drink on with your guy friends.

    Some more conversation and then she tells me that her father had 7 wives. Cheated on his wives and then divorced them. One of the wives was her mother's best friend, etc. What was interesting though, she says, "A lot of guys think my dad was a pimp, but I don't think it was right or think he was a pimp". I said nothing at this point. Then she said he passed away. I asked her if her memories of her father were good ones and she said "Yes". Then I told her what he did then doesn't really matter now. She smiled and said she agreed.

    Then randomly she tells me that she wanted to donate her eggs to people that cannot have children. She goes "Not many people know that I wanted to do that". I asked her if she wanted to have children and she said she is undecided. More casual conversation.

    A little more conversation and she asks me if I know this guy, that I later found out also worked where we do but later left to a different company. I told her no and she explained who he was. I remembered seeing his name because he posts on her facebook A LOT. She says, "He called me a bunch of rude names on my facebook the other day. I was supposed to go with him to a concert, but he never called me so I thought we weren't going anymore. Well apparently he went and got mad when I didn't show up. He said I was selfish and only liked guys who are tattooed up and emo guys (this guy is tattooed up too). She said, "I used your tactic and deleted him from facebook", as she smiled and giggled.

    I then told her that I already apologized for doing that and she said, "I know, We are passed that now and are friends once again". (I haven't added her back to facebook btw).

    We left and she gave me a hug before leaving in her vehicle.

    So why did I just type all of that out for you all?

    I'm confused as hell where to go from here. I'm certain she's playing a game, just not what kind of game.

    Why ask me to run and then post pictures of another guy running with you? To make me jealous?

    Why ask me to get a Disneyland pass and then ask who wants to go instead of just saying "Hey, I'm going to Disneyland and I know we talked about you getting a pass, wanna go?"

    Why all of a sudden ask me to take you to the airport knowing that I have work and will have to take time off?

    And the funny part about this whole ordeal, if I don't text her in three weeks, she won't text me first.

    I learned a lot from that lunch though. The very fact that she's willing to roommate with a guy she doesn't trust to begin with tells me that she's immature. Do I want to be with a girl who still hangs out with her ex-dates and ex-boyfriends?

    The fact that she told me about her father was surprising. That is something that I wouldn't tell people that I wasn't extremely close with. That's like me telling the girls I go out on a first date with that my dad used to be an alcoholic and beat my mother while I stood there and watched. It's just something you don't tell people unless you're looking for attention or looking for a certain response.

    I never told her that I thought her dad was a pimp and I sure as hell didn't act excited when she told me that. That's a very sad story in my opinion.

    I get the feeling she's insecure and the constant running around with guys (good looking guys at that) tells me she needs to constantly be validated.

    She's also on a dating site that I used to be on. She looked at my profile so I removed the profile. I called her on it and she said, "Sorry, was curious". I asked her, "Why are you even on that site? You mean to tell me in all of the friends you have that are guys, or even the acquaintances you have, there isn't a single guy that's worth dating or trying to start a relationship with?" And her reply was, "No, there isn't".

    This girl also lost weight and looks gorgeous btw.

    So my question is, why is she so insecure? Why does she need the constant validation from guys? Does she have trust issues, maybe? Is it worth dealing with all of this to get beneath all of the other crap that lingers around her?

    Deep down, I know she's a sweetheart and has a good character. I think she's just too caught up with all of the meaningless stuff right now. Maybe I just answered my own question.

    What do you guys think? Is she just using me because I'm a nice guy, or is she interested and I'm just not picking up on it and moving this the way it should be moved?

    SOIAN

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need somebody to dissect this

    Simple answer:
    If you're interested in her, then FLIRT with her.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    SOIAN is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need somebody to dissect this

    That was an easy answer. But is it important about all of the other stuff? Does it have any meaning at all?

  4. #4
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need somebody to dissect this

    Don't over-think it. That kills attraction.

    What gets a girls attention & makes her interested, is curiosity. Be playful & fun.
    Don't worry about "connecting" or "having conversations" at first. Teasing & bantering should be your focus in the beginning.

    THEN (and ONLY then) once attraction is established, you start building rapport.

    Seriously; right now, just work on the playful teasing / bantering / fun / flirting.



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