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Thread: How to recover after being a total AFC?

  1. #11
    Dragearen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to recover after being a total AFC?

    So I've been following your advice, and now I'm getting lots of one-word answers and "I'm really busy" responses, non-committal answers, so on. Any ideas on what I can do here?

  2. #12
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    Vicodin24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to recover after being a total AFC?

    You should have met up with her by now or at least scheduled a date. That was the purpose of texting her.

    It would help to have some of the conversation up here to work from.
    Always leave her better than you found her.

  3. #13
    FaithfulRaider is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to recover after being a total AFC?

    Can I offer a word of caution to you in this situation?

    Reading your story has me very worried. She's just out of a relationship. A long term relationship (you didn't post your age but I'm guessing you two are fairly young based on your comments). A relationship in which she got hurt. Maybe it was her first longish relationship. This are all signs which you need to be wary of, especially when you sound like you have already developed some feelings for her. I hope I'm wrong, but you certainly could be put in a situation where you are the one that ends up getting hurt.

    I would slow this one WAY down. As mentioned above, unless this is some Romeo and Juliet star-crossed lovers thing going on (which doesn't seem the case since she already busted out on the whole "I don't want to get into another relationship" card), I would tread lightly. Stop and take a look at how thinks have gone. She's fresh out of a relationship that ended badly, she had a moment of distraction with someone (you) who already seems is in the Friend Zone, and now something has changed (as you noted with the texting). Are you sure you aren't unwittingly now in the middle of a love triangle? She trying to prove something to her ex? She trying to get him back? Remember you are now the rebound guy... That's a tricky role, especially if you care for her.

    I think there's a few ways to play it. Both involve you slowing WAY down. If I were you, and I was serious about the long term with her, I'd slow play it. I'd put her in the Friend Zone in her mind, which does 2 things. It lets her figure things out (ie if she's really over her ex), and gives you time to show her that she isn't your only option. If she's in the friend zone, she won't see it as "cheating" but shows her that, like her ex, that you can get other girls. Trust me, that get them out of the whole "not ready for a relationship" thing...fast. It'll also give you chances to work on kino with girls you really aren't all that interested in, which would reduce the stress of learning, and would make it that much easier for you when the girl you like really starts dropping the kino IOI's. Remember she's coming from a year long relationship, she knows all about kino IOI's.

    If you don't want to play it that way, you can play it more direct, but thats pretty tough in your current situation, especially based on her comments and actions. It pretty much comes down to figuring out what would make her forget about her ex and that 1 year relationship, without you coming across as needy and willing to fall down and worship her. Thats a tall order unless you're an Alpha.

    Last, you could just ease off and let things go along. My guess is she won't like that, either she'll just use you to cry on your shoulder, get some attention to build up her self-confidence, then start dating the first Alpha that comes along after you, or she'll end up with her ex. In the long run either of those could work out well for you if you're looking to go long-term on this, but it certainly is risky.

    Or you could hope she goes for the Mr. Nice Guy approach you've been using. That sometimes does work for girls who have recently been hurt, but usually only in the short term. That usually goes smooth for a while, while she gets her self-confidence together, then you get the whole "its not you, its me....lets just be friends..."

    TL;DR version: Since she's already started to ignore you, put her in your Friends Zone, go find some other girls, preferably ones she knows or will hear about, then demonstrate higher value. You could even talk with her about advice with these other meaningless girls. Then be ready for the IOI's to come fast and furious, and have a gameplan where you want it to go from there. Do not fall in love with this girl, especially with a) her recent breakup and b) the way she's been acting to you recently. Wanna do her a real favor? Get your PUA skills honed, then sweep this girl off her feet. Trust me, nothing gets a girl out of those "ex-boyfriend blues" faster than having a guy know what he's doing dazzle her.


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