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Thread: How to recover after being a total AFC?

  1. #1
    Dragearen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How to recover after being a total AFC?

    Alright, so I just met this girl in September, at a monthly dance, and we quickly became dedicated dancing partners. Anyway, a few weeks ago, at the last dance, I finally got her number as she was leaving. A day or two later, we started texting a bit, and I immediately started hitting almost all the texting "don'ts". I was being predictable, texting good morning every morning, not picking up on conversation cues, always initiating the conversation, so on.

    Move ahead about a week to when I ask her to go ice-skating with me. The date was ok, though she spent a good amount of the time ranting about the fight she had just had with her mother prior to the date. After the date was over, I asked her about relationships, perhaps pushing the envelope a bit. She replied that she is very cautious about relationships and trusting people right now, because her boyfriend of a year cheated on her 4 days before her birthday.

    Ironically, this was also just a few days before I met her. So she said she's not ready for a relationship, but she does want to talk to me, get to know me better, so on. She did give me some IOIs while we were skating, such as when I paid for her, she said "alright, next time I'm paying." And when I dropped her off back at her house, she gave me a gift basket with all kinds of homemade food and a card thanking me for the date. Well, that's a good sign.

    That was on Tuesday, and we've been texting a bit since then. Today I also met her real quicklike as she was Christmas shopping, and gave her some chocolate for her and her family, and a necklace. Still, she's not initiating any conversation through texts, and I'm being an AFC, yet she did seem pretty happy to see me, brief as it was. What can I do to move ahead here?

    One thing I do want to make clear here is that I'm not purely looking for sex - I do want a steady relationship to come out of this.

  2. #2
    mrtorrence is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to recover after being a total AFC?

    First off she had a card and gift basket ready when you dropped her off from your first date??

    And then you got her chocolates and a necklace? I dunno seems a bit weird so soon if you haven't kissed her or anything. Is your goal to date this girl?

    Well either way I would play it pretty cool over the next few days and even if things get better. She just got out of a relationship and unless you guys are meant to be or something she's not going to want to get serious quickly. Make sure she knows you also want the physical stuff because she is probably trying to get down too. Go for the kiss asap

  3. #3
    Dragearen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to recover after being a total AFC?

    Quote Originally Posted by mrtorrence View Post
    First off she had a card and gift basket ready when you dropped her off from your first date??

    And then you got her chocolates and a necklace? I dunno seems a bit weird so soon if you haven't kissed her or anything. Is your goal to date this girl?

    Well either way I would play it pretty cool over the next few days and even if things get better. She just got out of a relationship and unless you guys are meant to be or something she's not going to want to get serious quickly. Make sure she knows you also want the physical stuff because she is probably trying to get down too. Go for the kiss asap
    Yes to all three questions. I thought it was a pretty damn good sign, is it not? And no, we have had almost no physical contact besides hugs and our dancing. I'm very bad at kino because I'm a naturally touch-sensitive, introverted person, so I feel very awkward touching other people or being touched myself. Even people I am very comfortable with otherwise.

    That's pretty good advice. I was planning on starting to spread my texts out a little bit, unless she texts me first. Actually, she may be going out of town and cell range, so I won't be able to talk to her then either.

    I must admit, I'm pretty bad at all this though. I've had two relationships in my life, the first was mostly manipulative and ended quite poorly, and the second one lasted about a week, so my experience is very limited.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: How to recover after being a total AFC?

    I say to take it easy on the "good morning" texts and so on. Cut back on the gifts, too. Be less available. Not wipe yourself from the face of the earth, but keep busy. Busy enough that you don't notice how much time it takes you to reply to her texts, etc. Go a while without initiating texts. Chances are she'll get to you. Study the posts on text game thoroughly.

    Now for the good part - dates. Lots of dates. Take her out. Build attraction and comfort. They don't even have to be expensive - a walk in the park, for example. Perfect for comfort and kino. Hold her hand as if you're guiding her, and then keep holding it. Chances are she'll hold on, too. That's a start. Get her to be comfortable around you both emotionally and physically whilst building attraction.

    Keep your confidence up, show you can be trusted, etc. Also, don't be afraid to push the kino envelope a bit. Go from holding hands to poking her sides. Give her a hug when you see her and tickle her at the same time. Be FUN.

    This is starting to sound like a stream of consciousness more than anything, but I think you can figure out what I'm getting at
    Always leave her better than you found her.

  5. #5
    Dragearen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to recover after being a total AFC?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vicodin24 View Post
    I say to take it easy on the "good morning" texts and so on. Cut back on the gifts, too. Be less available. Not wipe yourself from the face of the earth, but keep busy. Busy enough that you don't notice how much time it takes you to reply to her texts, etc. Go a while without initiating texts. Chances are she'll get to you. Study the posts on text game thoroughly.

    Now for the good part - dates. Lots of dates. Take her out. Build attraction and comfort. They don't even have to be expensive - a walk in the park, for example. Perfect for comfort and kino. Hold her hand as if you're guiding her, and then keep holding it. Chances are she'll hold on, too. That's a start. Get her to be comfortable around you both emotionally and physically whilst building attraction.

    Keep your confidence up, show you can be trusted, etc. Also, don't be afraid to push the kino envelope a bit. Go from holding hands to poking her sides. Give her a hug when you see her and tickle her at the same time. Be FUN.

    This is starting to sound like a stream of consciousness more than anything, but I think you can figure out what I'm getting at
    Alright, I already gave her all I planned to give her anyway. Well, actually, I hadn't really planned to give her anything besides something small, like maybe just the chocolate. But when she gave me as much as she did, well, I felt like I had a responsibility to give her something too. I agree on the texts, I think I'm doing a little too much with those. I am making myself available, but I want to BE available. Grrr, it's all very counter-intuitive.

    Thanks for the advice though. I've been reading on some of the asking girls out threads, and I am really crap at doing that. So I'll practice, well, just doing it more bluntly to be honest. The park is a good idea, if only it wasn't so damn cold out right now. -20F does not make for fun walking.

    The advice on kino is especially appreciated. I can't believe I never really thought of something so simple - just having fun about it. Gotta have fun to keep the interest, right?

  6. #6
    Vicodin24's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to recover after being a total AFC?

    There's a learning curve, yes. Very few people get it from the start. I'm still learning, but the most important thing is confidence. Enough of the, "I'm bad at this, suck at that" crap. Rephrase it. "I'm having trouble with ___; here's how I'll improve." And you will improve. Not overnight, not tomorrow, maybe not even next week, but you'll get there. Enough of the pep talk - keep your confidence up and the rest will follow through smoothly

    Good luck!
    Always leave her better than you found her.

  7. #7
    Dragearen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to recover after being a total AFC?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vicodin24 View Post
    There's a learning curve, yes. Very few people get it from the start. I'm still learning, but the most important thing is confidence. Enough of the, "I'm bad at this, suck at that" crap. Rephrase it. "I'm having trouble with ___; here's how I'll improve." And you will improve. Not overnight, not tomorrow, maybe not even next week, but you'll get there. Enough of the pep talk - keep your confidence up and the rest will follow through smoothly

    Good luck!
    I thought of another question for you. How often should I be asking her out? I wouldn't want to come off as pesky, but I do want to spend time with her.

  8. #8
    pickuptranslator is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to recover after being a total AFC?

    I would cut back on the texts alot, sometimes it can add alot of pressure. The key is be confident but no pressure. I am not sure how interested she may be, but i think you can turn this to your advantage.

  9. #9
    Dragearen is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to recover after being a total AFC?

    Quote Originally Posted by pickuptranslator View Post
    I would cut back on the texts alot, sometimes it can add alot of pressure. The key is be confident but no pressure. I am not sure how interested she may be, but i think you can turn this to your advantage.
    So how often would you say is fair for texting?

  10. #10
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    Default Re: How to recover after being a total AFC?

    Try texting just to meet up with her, at least for now. That way, you don't come off as needy assuming she agrees to meet up all the time. I'd say take her out one or two times a week, but use good judgment here. Space it out, keep things fresh, etc. Same applies to texting. Something I'm trying to get in the habbit of doing is texting only when I have an objective - meet up, flirt lightly, etc. Anything that can gauge some type of emotion out of the girl. You can benefit from that, too.
    Always leave her better than you found her.


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