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  1. #1
    RebelKnight is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default 12 Years Since We met, Delicate Moment I'm Making Mistakes

    Hi Guys this is a long post but i really hope you can help me. I met a polish girl on-line 12 years ago and I traveled to see her for a weekend, which was great but other things in my life took over and we lost touch. Anyway she got married moved to the US had a kid. Now she's almost divorced and back in Poland. We always kept in touch and when her ex was abusive, she always turned to me for help and support as I was the only person there for her. She left the US in a hurry and this year I helped her fill out divorce forms and get in touch with people she needed to talk to and she was so grateful and I was happy to help.

    I've had my own problems in life with depression and she said she wanted to be there for me, and challenged me on the fact that I didn't trust her and she wanted in to my life. So I let her in and everything was going great, until a few weeks ago. I asked her if she wanted to meet for NYE, and she agreed, she went bright red and couldn't wait.

    Her current situation isn't good and she's at home with her parents and kid, so she arranged it all with them. Then she seemed to change her mind and said she couldn't be selfish as her kid was upset about it, I don't know if she was genuine about this or making an excuse.

    At this point I'd already booked the tickets and she knew that and I didn't know what to do or say. Some of my health problems are to do with abandonment by my mother as a child, and it kinda flipped me out when she told me. I guess I felt totally rejected and that took over, I didn't even think to rearrange and took some time out to get my head straight. I also told her that it was ok as I could rebook my tickets and go somewhere else, she asked me where I was going to go and I said I didn't know. When I got back in touch it was as if she felt rejected almost and the level of intimacy and relaxed connection seemed to vanish.

    When I bought it up that we didn't talk anymore, she was pissed off and said that she couldn't spend as much time online goofing around and had to worry about her situation and she didn't want to be alone. Which hit me out of the blue and I made the mistake of sending an email saying how I didn't want to be alone and I hoped we'd be together after she got divorced. She didn't respond at all to that. I then signed upto instagram and while we talked on there I saw she was basically chatting up other guys.

    I didn't want to just talk to her through there with little comments so I just closed my account and thought this was a waste of time and I was being played. I emailed told her that I missed her and she got back in touch a couple of days after. She hasn't mentioned that I closed my account.

    Since then and we've been emailing, but whatever is going on in her personal life she keeps locked away ie she used to talk all the time about her divorce and such and now we just swap almost meaningless but fun emails about how are day is etc.

    I want to rebook these tickets to see her at another time, but I just feel while she likes me she's closed down and just views me as a friend and someone to have a laugh with and some company over the course of the day, or an if all else fails option which is really bad for my self esteem and confidence, which was pretty low anyway.

    She knows my situation is bad, currently in therapy and unemployed, and I know she's thinking of her child and her bad situation. I feel I've lost control of this situation and I know she feels in control and happy I think to keep me at a distance. Telling me everything while showing me nothing.

    I also realise that if I carry on doing what I'm doing then I'm going to get hurt when she ends up with another guy.

    So I'd like to reset this whole situation if possible, and get her to want me to rebook the tickets to see her. I also don't want to lose her as a friend as well I don't have a lot of friends.

  2. #2
    YOKiTran's Avatar
    YOKiTran is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 12 Years Sine We met, Delicate Moment I'm Making Mistakes

    rebel,

    i'm gonna give u the bottom line.... as a man, u know u gotta create a strong base that ur woman can rely on - or - one that u urself can rely on.

    u r unemployed - she isn't financially sound & she has a child.

    it's a blessing this woman thinks of her child's welfare over the feelings she has for u.

    if i were u, and i am in a similar deal, i would be a man and do what's necessary to make sure ur own situation is good before adding it to hers. i mean, ur in a bad place and she is in a bad place, man. u wanna add love and bad times into the mix.?! it becomes an emotional mess.

    this is not bad - use ur feelings to create that dream. make ur base strong.

    -// 1 let her know ur intentions and plans
    -// 2 let her kno u'll get ur life together: how & when u'll achieve
    -// 3 don't pressure her to wait on u.
    -- don't project ur luv on her - b/c she's trying to make stuff
    -- happen on her end, and ur giving her emotional conflicts
    -// 4 be there to support her morally tho
    -- be a friend that she needs

    when u two r better sorted out... well damn. but not now man.
    u don't make regular pay and ur pursuing her.?

    sorry - u wanna look at ur relationship as a whole. not because u want it.

    let me kno how it goes.! i hope it's positive

  3. #3
    RebelKnight is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: 12 Years Sine We met, Delicate Moment I'm Making Mistakes

    Thanks for the advice, and I appreciate the honesty. Ye I'll keep you posted if anything happens.

  4. #4
    YOKiTran's Avatar
    YOKiTran is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 12 Years Sine We met, Delicate Moment I'm Making Mistakes

    gl, man.... i'm really rooting for u.

    i'm doing long distance also with single mom 3 kids.

    but at least me n her have good futures.

    u already kno life is hard on ur end - can u imagine her sh*t.?

    be ready for the chance u may lose her, but at least u did not make her life harder. true love means making sure u make her life easier.

    GL, man.!

  5. #5
    RebelKnight is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: 12 Years Sine We met, Delicate Moment I'm Making Mistakes

    I guess I have been just looking at my needs, and thinking about what I want. Well I'm really glad I signed up here and wish you all the best with your long distance!

    Thanks again and i'll post up if anything goes on !

  6. #6
    RebelKnight is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: 12 Years Since We met, Delicate Moment I'm Making Mistakes

    **Update**

    I basically took what you said and put it all in an email. It was hard to write I think mostly as I had to accept that I could lose her before I could tell her that it would hurt to lose her. I just said that she deserved to have a beautiful life and that I'd be there for her whether she was with me or someone else.

    She replied today saying that I was great, it was so sweet what I wrote, and that she couldn't wait to see me.

    So were rearranging the tickets, and Poland here I come next year

    But the best bit of advice you gave me was to use this emotion and power to give me strength to sort my own life out, and while I have been trying to do that I feel a lot more confident that things can be different for me.

    I know I need to move forward next year and it's given me a goal to show her that I am capable of changing my situation, but more importantly I think by accepting that I might lose her it gave me the freedom to think about just myself and what I want and how I want my life to be

    Merry Xmas!

  7. #7
    YOKiTran's Avatar
    YOKiTran is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: 12 Years Since We met, Delicate Moment I'm Making Mistakes

    love can move mountains.

    just remember not to push ur love onto her... she doesn't owe u for what u do... but if u truly love her, it will not matter.

    find what inspires u to become better.^^

    GL


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