Hi Guys this is a long post but i really hope you can help me. I met a polish girl on-line 12 years ago and I traveled to see her for a weekend, which was great but other things in my life took over and we lost touch. Anyway she got married moved to the US had a kid. Now she's almost divorced and back in Poland. We always kept in touch and when her ex was abusive, she always turned to me for help and support as I was the only person there for her. She left the US in a hurry and this year I helped her fill out divorce forms and get in touch with people she needed to talk to and she was so grateful and I was happy to help.
I've had my own problems in life with depression and she said she wanted to be there for me, and challenged me on the fact that I didn't trust her and she wanted in to my life. So I let her in and everything was going great, until a few weeks ago. I asked her if she wanted to meet for NYE, and she agreed, she went bright red and couldn't wait.
Her current situation isn't good and she's at home with her parents and kid, so she arranged it all with them. Then she seemed to change her mind and said she couldn't be selfish as her kid was upset about it, I don't know if she was genuine about this or making an excuse.
At this point I'd already booked the tickets and she knew that and I didn't know what to do or say. Some of my health problems are to do with abandonment by my mother as a child, and it kinda flipped me out when she told me. I guess I felt totally rejected and that took over, I didn't even think to rearrange and took some time out to get my head straight. I also told her that it was ok as I could rebook my tickets and go somewhere else, she asked me where I was going to go and I said I didn't know. When I got back in touch it was as if she felt rejected almost and the level of intimacy and relaxed connection seemed to vanish.
When I bought it up that we didn't talk anymore, she was pissed off and said that she couldn't spend as much time online goofing around and had to worry about her situation and she didn't want to be alone. Which hit me out of the blue and I made the mistake of sending an email saying how I didn't want to be alone and I hoped we'd be together after she got divorced. She didn't respond at all to that. I then signed upto instagram and while we talked on there I saw she was basically chatting up other guys.
I didn't want to just talk to her through there with little comments so I just closed my account and thought this was a waste of time and I was being played. I emailed told her that I missed her and she got back in touch a couple of days after. She hasn't mentioned that I closed my account.
Since then and we've been emailing, but whatever is going on in her personal life she keeps locked away ie she used to talk all the time about her divorce and such and now we just swap almost meaningless but fun emails about how are day is etc.
I want to rebook these tickets to see her at another time, but I just feel while she likes me she's closed down and just views me as a friend and someone to have a laugh with and some company over the course of the day, or an if all else fails option which is really bad for my self esteem and confidence, which was pretty low anyway.
She knows my situation is bad, currently in therapy and unemployed, and I know she's thinking of her child and her bad situation. I feel I've lost control of this situation and I know she feels in control and happy I think to keep me at a distance. Telling me everything while showing me nothing.
I also realise that if I carry on doing what I'm doing then I'm going to get hurt when she ends up with another guy.
So I'd like to reset this whole situation if possible, and get her to want me to rebook the tickets to see her. I also don't want to lose her as a friend as well I don't have a lot of friends.