This is a continuation from my original post:
Hey what's up guys. Im 31, she's 23.
Having 99 problems and a girl is all of them. Haha. I wish I didnt have to ask for so much advice from everyone around me, especially my friends and family. Wish I could read between the lines a little better.
Ill call her Latina from here on out. Me and latina have been texting/talking every day for 2.5 months. hanging out 3,4,5 x per week. We met at the gym and she considers me her best friend now. She's even said she loves me 2x a couple days ago, but then she corrected herself and said, as a friend. I believe she does truly love me as a friend.
Shes never had a bf and the last guy she was exclusive with lied to her like crazy style. 2 days after we first messed around a couple months ago we were at a party with our gym and I saw her making out with a guy she was flirting with the whole night. I got pissed and made a big ass scene cuz I was drunk and hurt. We tried working out a solution and often after we have sex or mess around lately she would say, so you are not going to get upset if you see me make out with another guy right. She said I should just turn around and walk away and I am like ok fine I will.
I haven't wanted to rock the boat that much because I enjoy hooking up with her and I don't have anymore prospects because I have been spending so much time with her and neglected the others to the point where I dont even text them anymore. I know thats not good, but this is the truth.
I also told her that I will never ask her to be exclusive and if she wants to be all she has to do is ask me and I will consider it. I messed that up already too. I'll tell ya later.
So recently, after spending two full days and nights with her and having sex and messing around the entire time, we both meet up at a xmas party with everyone from the gym. I figured she might end up making out with someone and was trying to prepare myself for it. She showed up, wasnt treating me the same at all and I was upset because I wondered where my friend is. Also, she keeps insisting that we are only friends and not seeing each other or anything like that. Labels arent working out I guess. I hate that she has so much control over this relationship. Hate Hate it.
So since I had no one to talk steadily the whole night I made good friends with my drinks and had a lot of them. Then I guess I was being negative towards her or something, I dont really remember but then later I went looking for her and I found her and that guy making out again.
I turned and walked away, but I guess later I started talking sh1t to her and getting pissed. Again. Geez. She drove me home that night, I cried on the way home and looked like a real wuss. Next day she came over and I told her how I felt extremely hurt, then upset. She understood, or at least thats what she said.
So next time we hung out I was like hey, if you are looking for something real we can turn it up a notch. I know I told you I never want you as my girlfriend but if you are interested in being gf /bf I would be open to the idea. If not, we can keep things how they are not and just go one day at a time. She didnt want to be exclusive and says she likes being able to have the freedom of making out and flirting with other guys. She said she DEFINITELY doesnt want to have sex with anyone, but shes also been telling me that we would not have sex and we have been.
She says she likes flirting with guys and luring them into liking her. I interpreted that as she is an attention whore at least. We agreed that as long as I dont see her making out with a guy then we are ok and I wont get upset. I told her if I see it or know about it I will more than likely get upset because that hurts me.
Most of you guys would prob just say ditch her and find another girl. It has been extremely hard for me to find another girl, ill try harder though. Her and I click extremely well and the sex is really good. She is very intelligent and I enjoy my time with her more than any other girl I've ever met. It just sucks she is so scattery.
I see a few options to make her want to be exclusive. That is what I will have to do, I cant convince her with logic. I need to somehow make her feel and want to be exclusive. I can try and make her jealous at one of these next gym parties by bringing a girl with me and having her be very flirty with me. I already have a girl in mind and she will be cool with it.
Another option is that I can wait for things to continue going well with her and I and draw a line in the sand by giving her an ultimatum. Not sure how that will go though, but its possibly a good idea because I need to establish control of this relationship. As of now, she is in total control of everything such as sex, labels, how we act in public, etc. I hate it.
Last option is that when she wants to do something in the future I can say hey sorry I have a date that night, and let her know that I am looking for a girlfriend still. Someone that I can spend large amounts of time with and who will be faithful.
Also, she has a hard time making out with me, she says its something she is working on. It sucks because that makes me uncomfortable like, ok you will do all this stuff with me but you have a hard time making out and in time she thinks it will get better.
I would really like some input on pushing her into an exclusive relationship, because now I feel like she thinks, why buy the cow when the milk is free.