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Thread: One-itis.. Help me please?

  1. #11
    Looper is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Based on how defensive you are on this girl, I'm sure she's really special to you. And I'm sure she's very physically attractive, but I bet you love her personality too. Even you said just physical beauty wouldn't cut it.

    I want you to start thinking what sets this girl apart in your mind from any pretty face on the streets. Make a list of all these traits that you want in a perfect girl, that this girl has.

    I did this a few years back. It had a bunch of generic qualities like wittiness, confidence, down-to-earthiness, maturity, humility, etc. At the time, many of the things on the list I did not have myself, and I really desired in a girl, to "complete" me so to speak.

    Recently, I stumbled upon this list, and I found every one of the items on there I had myself now. Today, I don't have this need to have a girl in my life. I'm a lot less easily impressed because on my own inner qualities. I have completed myself. My relationships with women depends on whether I'm having fun, and if I'm not enjoying it I end the relationship. It's funny that I used to subjugate myself to these heartaches over girls. Why would anyone continue in a state that makes them feel negatively?

    So to sum things up, my two cents is to figure out all the qualities you admire in an ideal girl, an ideal person. Then learn to acquire these traits yourself. Before long, you'll find out others are drawn to you the same way you're drawn to this girl right now. And they're drawn to you for the same reason, they admire these same traits that you desire so much to be in your life right now.

  2. #12
    SOUTH_FL_PUA is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    I get one-itis sometimes.

    One thing I read that really clicked with me is that typical guys that get oneitis get it because the girl makes them feel a certain way about themselves.

    This was very true for me personally because any girl I get oneitis with it's because she makes me feel like I'm a great guy.

    Then I realized my issue was more self acceptance than the fact that the girl was so great.

    Because lets face it: there is always a more beautiful interesting girl that we have yet to meet
    .-* WWWEEE *-.

  3. #13
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    look man, she's not some kind of goddess. she is just another girl. the problem with one-itis is that you put all your eggs in one basket and when you drop it they all shatter. clearly you are being extra emotional about this. the only solution is to move on, you can't erase memories, you can only figure out what went wrong and not make the same mistake again with the next girl. the reason we tell you to move on is because its the only thing you can do to make your life better. i think its great that you sought out counseling. we can only do so much for you. if this has caused some deep emotional problem, we can't fix it for you. we are in the buisness of helping people do better in the future, we can't fix your past mistakes. you have to come to terms with reality and get over her or die lonely.

  4. #14
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Everyone here has it right. You just have to man up and move on. I used to get very attached to girls very easily. Every girl was "the one". I went through multiple relationships with a girl because she was perfect and "completed" me. Then I'd find another girl who was even better. Then another who was better than the last. Then I had an epiphany.

    I don't need a girl to be happy.

    Since then, my relationships have only been stronger. I haven't had a serious relationship since that realization because I haven't needed one or really wanted one. I've loved the girls I've dated since then (not in love, just loved the girl, there's a huge difference that I wish more people understood). But I made it as clear as possible - I was living for myself and if she got in the way of that I would drop her. Simple as that. She did something that made me unhappy, she was gone. Obviously I didn't take it to the extreme of one thing and she's gone, every relationships has its troubles and you'll fight, but if I felt she was really hindering me, she's gone.

    I know it's harsh, but it's the reality of life. There's no fairy tale ending. There's no one perfect for you out there except yourself. You lose a girl, stop trying to pick up the broken pieces of the relationship. Because there's a better girl and better relationship out there. You just have to realize the chances that are out there and stop living for a girl and start living for yourself.
    DOOOOONNNN'TTTT CAAAARREEEEE

    You are the prize. She needs to earn it.

  5. #15
    .complete.noob is offline PUA in Training
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    Default

    I appreciate you guys taking the time to write these responses for me.. I'm just having some troubles applying the advice I get. It just doesn't seem to sink in..

    I can't seem to believe I'm going to find someone better than, or even as good as her. Sending me freakin' nuts.

    I dunno man.. You say this about "She's not some goddess.."
    Answer me this, please.. You guys get in to pick-up for what reason? To get beautiful girls, right? They clearly hold a high value in your life, just as they do in mine..

    When that HB10, with the peronality that exceeds her physical beauty is constantly on the phone with calls, RRtexts, day in day out, hanging out, sleep overs, laughs, jokes.. And all you did was be one hundred percent yourself, no studying of game, no 'pretending'/learning to be alpha, no nothing but saying "wanna hang out tonight?" "wanna do something the weekend?".. Just genuinely being yourself around her..

    Man, when you deliberately screw that up for whatever head fked up reason I had those couple days with telling her what I told her, man I dunno..

    Can't believe there's anyone who wouldn't be kicking themselves. Complete MESS.

    The question really isn't "what do I do?"- I know the answer is move on..
    The question really is.. "How do I move on?"

    It's hard to pinpoint her qualities, it's just the whole package, good parts and bad. (I'm not pretending she was 100% perfect, but snap, even the bad parts kept me entertained. It's weird man.)

    Never known anyone like her. Ever. I'll get there though. Thanks for getting back. I know I'm completely screwed over this girl, I know you guys can't fix it for me, I hope you don't mind me venting a little on your forum!!

    I'll be asking for some 'real' advice ones I get my sh!t back together HA! Thanks. n003

  6. #16
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Quote Originally Posted by .complete.noob View Post
    I appreciate you guys taking the time to write these responses for me.. I'm just having some troubles applying the advice I get. It just doesn't seem to sink in..

    I can't seem to believe I'm going to find someone better than, or even as good as her. Sending me freakin' nuts.

    I dunno man.. You say this about "She's not some goddess.."
    Answer me this, please.. You guys get in to pick-up for what reason? To get beautiful girls, right? They clearly hold a high value in your life, just as they do in mine..

    When that HB10, with the peronality that exceeds her physical beauty is constantly on the phone with calls, RRtexts, day in day out, hanging out, sleep overs, laughs, jokes.. And all you did was be one hundred percent yourself, no studying of game, no 'pretending'/learning to be alpha, no nothing but saying "wanna hang out tonight?" "wanna do something the weekend?".. Just genuinely being yourself around her..

    Man, when you deliberately screw that up for whatever head fked up reason I had those couple days with telling her what I told her, man I dunno..

    Can't believe there's anyone who wouldn't be kicking themselves. Complete MESS.

    The question really isn't "what do I do?"- I know the answer is move on..
    The question really is.. "How do I move on?"

    It's hard to pinpoint her qualities, it's just the whole package, good parts and bad. (I'm not pretending she was 100% perfect, but snap, even the bad parts kept me entertained. It's weird man.)

    Never known anyone like her. Ever. I'll get there though. Thanks for getting back. I know I'm completely screwed over this girl, I know you guys can't fix it for me, I hope you don't mind me venting a little on your forum!!

    I'll be asking for some 'real' advice ones I get my sh!t back together HA! Thanks. n003
    Like you said dude, you know what you need to do and you have been told. I know it is more of a vent than anything. The best thing to do is just go out there and fuck more girls. Eventually YOU WILL find someone who you will really like. If not, well at least you're getting girls which is better than sitting at home looking at the past.

    You might be right, there might not be anyone like her, but I am sure you will find some fucking good ones along the way.

    Cheers dude

  7. #17
    KnightTurner's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    I think that at this point all that can be said has been said by us. It's now up to you to take action. The best way to help you get over her is to talk to a counselor/psychologist about what's going on as it's hard to help someone over the internet like this. Also, make sure you're still going out and having fun, getting your mind off of her and looking for more girls. Best of luck, I'm sure you'll get through this much quicker and easier than you're expecting.
    DOOOOONNNN'TTTT CAAAARREEEEE

    You are the prize. She needs to earn it.

  8. #18
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Answer me this, please.. You guys get in to pick-up for what reason? To get beautiful girls, right? They clearly hold a high value in your life, just as they do in mine..
    when i first started pua it was all about the girls, but as i grew more experienced it became less about girls and more about self-improvement. i wanted to be my best self all the time and not just when some girl liked me. so now it is no longer about getting girls, its about being excellent in everything i do and having the skills to have true choice with wemon rather than just taking what i could get.

    The question really isn't "what do I do?"- I know the answer is move on..
    The question really is.. "How do I move on?"
    simply put moving on is never easey, it is a grieving proccess and like all grief it goes away with time. the best thing you can do for yourself is to hold your head high and try not to think about her. spend some quality time with good friends and family. you will get through this, it just takes time..

  9. #19
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Last piece of advice and im out. I date hb10s. How cause i A) believe im enough....how cause ive read affirmations everyday and cuz i have massive possitive feedback from getting good at the game. B) gotta quit moping change ur negative mindsets and focus on ur thought process and make everything into a possitive. U get what u put out there, make it possitive and ur quality of life will improve. C) u gotta go out and approach i approach everyday for hours at a time with a 8 to 5 job. Why cause i want to be good at this more than anyone else here. There are 100s of millions of girls as good and better than ur girl. How do i know, cuz i fucked them and didnt give a fuck what they thought of me.
    "I've never seen anyone pull as quickly or as efficiently as you"
    -HarryRat(Simplepicku p)

  10. #20
    inter1010 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Hey Bud,

    Theres some great advice here. Especially South FL PUA's and LOOPER...

    Listen bud, I ve been in your shoes before. It's Like you THINK that your never gonna meet someone as hot as her again. And you NEED to erase her from your brain like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

    A lot of the advice on here sounds insignificant to you right now cause your in a charged emotional state. Give it some time. What you should do now is go to "COUNSELING"... It will help you tremendously. LIke South FL PUA said, "Your in Love with the way she made you feel about yourself" and the "empowerment feeling" she gave you, the way you could "show her off to friends", going out to eat and having "everyone look at you with a hot chick"........ Thats all it is! I'll be honest with you bro, IF YOU NEED A GIRL TO MAKE YOU FEEL COMPLETE you need therapy to figure out WHY! ... To figure out why you can't give yourself that COMPLETENESS. All she is, is a distraction to keep you occupied from looking in to yourself. SOrry if your not getting this, I can go deeper into it saying; that humans in general look for the love they don't give themselves, but thats for another thread.

    SO just relax(as hard as it may seem) and go to therapy. You'll be even better than before, and then you'll attract HB10's and keep them cause your OK with being YOU and all you need is YOU. And that my friend, is something everyone, not only HB10's are attracted to and want to be around.

    cheers


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