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Thread: One-itis.. Help me please?

  1. #21
    LockDown's Avatar
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Only thing i want to add...

    You OBVIOUSLY love this girl. If u did something wrong did u man up to it? Did u aplogize?

    I think everyone's got the right advice but i didnt catch WHY things went wrong for u. Some probs come from being AFC but some problems are far worse.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
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  2. #22
    .complete.noob is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Quote Originally Posted by LockDown View Post
    ..some problems are far worse.
    She'll never look at me again.. Really not down to write out all the stupid sh!t I did tbh

    Thanks everyone for the responses tho. n003

  3. #23
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Well my thing is that you keep saying you messed up a ton of times. Maybe u didnt. But it seems like you will never get the answers you need because you automatically assume you did something so unforgivable as to have no chance with her again.

    Your guilt could be making u keep your onitis... and there's no cure for that.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
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  4. #24
    .complete.noob is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Quote Originally Posted by LockDown View Post
    Well my thing is that you keep saying you messed up a ton of times. Maybe u didnt. But it seems like you will never get the answers you need because you automatically assume you did something so unforgivable as to have no chance with her again.

    Your guilt could be making u keep your onitis... and there's no cure for that.
    What I did is unforgivable man. I could write it out and you'd see how freakin ridiculously I acted, realise there is no chance on earth she'll ever be my friend again, but then I'll probably never get any advice on here again. Sh!t's embarrassing.

    "Your guilt could be making u keep your onitis... and there's no cure for that."

    That's exactly how I feel. It's wrecked. Holding guilt over it forever.
    Awesome.

  5. #25
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    you could just try appolagizing to her. at the very least it would make you feel better. just be honest with her and tell her how you feel about whatever it is that you did. i'm sure it wasn't bad enough that she would never talk to you again.

  6. #26
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Im thinking meteora is right.

    Unless you burned her parents house down and ran them over as they tried to escape, i dont think its unforgivable. You are holding onto something that u will never forgive yourself for unless u seek an apology.

    And if u did burn her parents house down... well yeah u do kinda suck
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  7. #27
    .complete.noob is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    -Called her by her prettiest friend's name a few times in bed, joking about.

    -Ended up tellin her I actually liked hanging out etc. with her prettiest friend during the time we didn't talk.

    -She got upset. Thought I was taking her for a joke calling her by her friend's name in bed etc.

    -Told her more about that friend, and another girl I had arranged to hang out with ..(2hrs before the most important exam of her life).

    -She screwed at me for two days.

    -I screwed back (saying REALLY horrible sh!t, threatened her to not come near me again)

    -I went to hers to apologise the next day, she was not AT ALL pleased to see me. The sh!t I said scared her.

    -I went nuts.. Walked out on my job, wrote her letters, messaged her FB thousands of times while she was on holiday, spoke to a bunch of old friends, her ex bfs, friends of hers that I never met.. She changed her number and blocked my FB.

    -I went to her house a few more times. With her screwing everytime, slamming doors.

    -Made more FB accounts to contact her after one was blocked.

    -Hung out at the pub by her house, where she saw me a couple times.

    -She called the 5-0 and I was warned to leave her alone.

    -Messaged her more times on FB, til she changed her settings so I couldn't.

    -Went to her house again.. She stood and spoke to me for 30mins, explaining we couldn't go back on this after all the sh!t I've done, she wouldn't feel safe, she can't trust me, she doesn't ever want to see me again etc.

    -I apologised to her mum on FB

    -I hit up her sister on FB a bunch of times one day talking about 'ex-friend' with no reply, then went to knock 'ex-friend's' door on the night..

    ".complete.noob I'm calling the 5-0, FARK OFF!" *door slammed in my face*

    -Two days later, arrested and cautioned for harrassment.

    -I haven't been back. Haven't spoken to any of her family or friends.

    -Between christmas and new year I sent her an apology over Email. (turned in to three emails.. 1..I'm sorry. 2..I'm sorry for disturbing you to apologise again. 3..Please don't get me in more sh!t for apologising again.. Yep, freaked myself out)

    -She didn't respond, and I have no intention of ever distrubing her life again.

    She'll NEVER look at me, talk to me, acknowledge me in anyway EVER again. I completely farked things up. Wrecked EVERYTHING with who is probably the most important friend I ever had. (First love, first real sexual encounters etc. Pretty much the girl who taught me what it's like to feel love for a girl)

    I feel terrible for how I treated her. Cannot believe I've scared someone like that (to the point of having to tell her daughter's school to make sure she 'doesn't leave with anyone else', having her university deadlines pushed back, calling the police etc.), let alone HER, with our shared memories and w.e.

    I feel like a complete scumbag! Never acted anything like that before. Never said such stupid sh!t to anyone before. FARKED UP!!!

    Dunno what the hell to do! Any kind of contact to her EVER again, will be unwelcomed, to say the least.

    So ye, nice to meet you guys. I stalked my old best friend and don't know how the fark to fix my life.
    n003

  8. #28
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Quote Originally Posted by LockDown View Post
    ..well yeah u do kinda suck
    I know.. I have to wake up and look in the mirror everyday. I know. I know.

  9. #29
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    Default Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Okay obviously it's pretty bad, but I'm gonna share an idea here. There's no guarantee since, well your situation is very bad. I came up with this one earlier this week.

    I had a huge one-itis situation back in the day. Never did anything threatening, but just very AFC. Professed my "love" to this girl many times, even though she told me we could only be friends. Wrote really long messages (1000+ words) on facebook to her. This mostly happened about 5 years ago. It went on for about a year, though still occasional hijinks up until 2 years ago. Then pretty much stopped contact.

    Difference in my situation was I was only very AFC, never threatening. So we're still facebook friends. Obviously I've grown and am a completely different man since 2 years ago. I don't have any feelings for this girl anymore. She's a great person that I would like to be friends again with her. I have other girls I've blown off in the past and they're not even worth my time anymore cuz I've realized how sh*tty they really are. But this girl is a genuinely good person, and I would only consider what I'm about to tell you if you really think it's worth it.

    So here's what I realized. Because there is no contact between us and I'm no avid facebook poster, she wouldn't know how much I've changed. Her level of respect for me is probably as low as you can go. Without any interactions, even if I become the next Mystery, this girl will still have the same impression of me. If I laid out my situation, most people on here would tell me there's no way to rebuild a relationship.

    I really don't care if I rebuild a relationship with this girl anymore, but she is a great person from when I knew her. The only real incentive pushing me to even try to rebuild a relationship is that it would be the ultimate proof that I have grown as a man. If you want to even think about rebuilding a relationship, you need to at least start with this mindset.

    I'm going to tell you what I have done and what I plan to do. Like I said, our situations are different in that she pretty much has a restraining order on you, so I don't know how she'd feel if you tried to contact her again, especially knowing you had to really look for her info, not just randomly click her name on your friends list.

    This is what I would do though. It's a long-shot, but I'm giving you something, which I know is what you're looking for. I don't condone this, but us telling you it's over and to move on is obviously not working.

    Step 1: (Year 0-2) Have zero contact for at least 2 years. During this time, lose the one-itis on her. Become a better man. Build your inner-game. After that, access whether you even want to rebuild a relationship with the girl. Chances are you'll realize she's actually not some goddess. Only proceed to Step 2 if she's really worth it.

    Step 2: (End of Year 2) On January 1st, 2015, message her a brief message wishing her a happy new year and something showing you've realized how bad you were, but keep it short and not apologetic or AFC.

    For me, the message I sent this past new year was:

    "In retrospect, I would say pride and a general sense of entitlement was the root of all problems for me. Happy new year Abby."

    Remember this was after about 2 years of no contact. She responded with a simple happy new year back. I went on to write a little more candidly talking about how bad I used to be. I never talked about how I'm better now or anything. Show that stuff, don't tell it. She responded with:

    "I knew you had the best of intentions. No judgement here. Good luck with everything."

    Really I shouldn't have even sent a reply to her happy new years response. As you see here, her second message ended with "Good luck with everything." That pretty much meant she didn't want to have a conversation. I can't blame her, I have very low value in her mind. I tried to joke a little more back, and started asking how her life was going, but no response as expected.

    So really with this step, all you should be looking for is any not "go away" response. If you get something like "happy new years" back, go to step 3. If no response or negative response, give up.

    Step 3: (Year 3) Message her a happy holiday for every major holiday. So say "Happy Easter" for Easter. Nothing more than that. I'd hit Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas for that year. Remember only big holidays here. Hopefully, you get similar happy holiday responses back. If not, give up and move on.

    This is where I'm at with my girl. Even though I messaged back a few more times when I shouldn't have, I'm gonna try to proceed with this step.

    Step 4: (Year 4) After the new year, exactly one year after you've made contact again, do the same thing, except this time you start including more minor holidays. I'd start slow, add in St. Patrick's Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day. By the second half of the year start adding in more obscure holidays like Columbus Day and Veteran's Day, topping it off with Boxing Day, a Canadian holiday.

    Note: For steps 3 and 4 on the holidays, no personal holidays like birthdays or anything like Valentine's Day. Use your judgment here.

    Step 5: (End of Year 4) If you made it this far she should have been wishing you a happy holiday back each time. You should have resisted the urge to say anything more than wishing a happy holiday and not replying back to her. When you wish her a happy new years on January 1st, 2017, this time add something witty like:

    "Happy new year. So are we just gonna continue being holiday wishing buddies?"

    Hopefully, she'll respond to this positively and not simply say yes.

    In conclusion:

    The idea behind this is you're showing a lot of patience and that you don't have an obsession about her anymore. A 2-3 word well-wishing takes no commitment or investment on your part, and it's not very risky for her to just return the gesture. Time is your only real ally here, so use it well. Overall, this plan will take at least 4 years to run its course. If you try to speed it up, you will only come off as you're still into her and need to have her as soon as possible. Even with a lot of patience, a show of apathy, and a long period of time, it's no guarantee. You did mess things up pretty badly. This kind of long, drawn out plan is the only real way I can see how you could regain some respect and value from the girl.

    I'd like to believe people are intrinsically forgiving, and that time heals all wounds.

    Best of luck.

    P.S. I officially christen the plan written above "The Hail Mary"

  10. #30
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    Cool Re: One-itis.. Help me please?

    Quote Originally Posted by .complete.noob View Post
    -Called her by her prettiest friend's name a few times in bed, joking about.

    -Ended up tellin her I actually liked hanging out etc. with her prettiest friend during the time we didn't talk.

    -She got upset. Thought I was taking her for a joke calling her by her friend's name in bed etc.

    -Told her more about that friend, and another girl I had arranged to hang out with ..(2hrs before the most important exam of her life).

    -She screwed at me for two days.

    -I screwed back (saying REALLY horrible sh!t, threatened her to not come near me again)

    -I went to hers to apologise the next day, she was not AT ALL pleased to see me. The sh!t I said scared her.

    -I went nuts.. Walked out on my job, wrote her letters, messaged her FB thousands of times while she was on holiday, spoke to a bunch of old friends, her ex bfs, friends of hers that I never met.. She changed her number and blocked my FB.

    -I went to her house a few more times. With her screwing everytime, slamming doors.

    -Made more FB accounts to contact her after one was blocked.

    -Hung out at the pub by her house, where she saw me a couple times.

    -She called the 5-0 and I was warned to leave her alone.

    -Messaged her more times on FB, til she changed her settings so I couldn't.

    -Went to her house again.. She stood and spoke to me for 30mins, explaining we couldn't go back on this after all the sh!t I've done, she wouldn't feel safe, she can't trust me, she doesn't ever want to see me again etc.

    -I apologised to her mum on FB

    -I hit up her sister on FB a bunch of times one day talking about 'ex-friend' with no reply, then went to knock 'ex-friend's' door on the night..

    ".complete.noob I'm calling the 5-0, FARK OFF!" *door slammed in my face*

    -Two days later, arrested and cautioned for harrassment.

    -I haven't been back. Haven't spoken to any of her family or friends.

    -Between christmas and new year I sent her an apology over Email. (turned in to three emails.. 1..I'm sorry. 2..I'm sorry for disturbing you to apologise again. 3..Please don't get me in more sh!t for apologising again.. Yep, freaked myself out)

    -She didn't respond, and I have no intention of ever distrubing her life again.

    She'll NEVER look at me, talk to me, acknowledge me in anyway EVER again. I completely farked things up. Wrecked EVERYTHING with who is probably the most important friend I ever had. (First love, first real sexual encounters etc. Pretty much the girl who taught me what it's like to feel love for a girl)

    I feel terrible for how I treated her. Cannot believe I've scared someone like that (to the point of having to tell her daughter's school to make sure she 'doesn't leave with anyone else', having her university deadlines pushed back, calling the police etc.), let alone HER, with our shared memories and w.e.

    I feel like a complete scumbag! Never acted anything like that before. Never said such stupid sh!t to anyone before. FARKED UP!!!

    Dunno what the hell to do! Any kind of contact to her EVER again, will be unwelcomed, to say the least.

    So ye, nice to meet you guys. I stalked my old best friend and don't know how the fark to fix my life.
    n003
    well if thats the case, your well being is worth more than your friendship with this girl. obviously stalking her and trying to reconnect are only going to cause severe legal implications against you, whatever action you take, you are going to have to leave her alone for a long time. i would simply suggest that you forget about her and pursue other wemon.

    btw why should you feel guilty about anything you do? so what you were young and dumb, you made bad choices, there were consequences and now you just need to forget what happened. the past is the past, it is behind us so we don't have to constantly look at it. live in the present, she isn't a part of your life currently so she doesn't matter. she isn't a part of your futur either, fate has simply torn you two apart for good reason, so you can meet the true love of your life who you have yet to meet


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