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  1. #1
    Flynn is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default failed to seal the deal and kicking myself

    okay,

    so i was into this incredibly attractive girl, she always sort of yoyo'd in and out of my life. whenever we would be hanging out i wouldn't entertain her higher value. she would start jokingly tell everyone that i was her "husband" sometimes she'd hold my arm. now myself always putting myself down and lacking confidence i interpreted this action by her as a playful friendly tease and nothing would come from it, and why should it? i had been demonstrating low value. the funny thing is i would tell people infront of her that i think she's crazy and we are not married. in a playful way of course. i then told her one day to not say call me her husband and told her its getting stale. she agreed, but next time we were together infront of people then BANG she would do it all over again. i wont lie i did enjoy the attention. but what sucked was believing i wouldn't really get with her cause she's way out of my league. then i start getting clingy and messaging her a lot as those playful husband comments started making me fall for her. now i've lost my game at this point even though unsuspectingly and unsuccessfully being able to identify my own game. anyways in true form i loose her, and she's disinterested in me. i think largely due to the fact i know become an "option" for her. Months go by she starts messaging me and i'm not being as engaging and she hints that she wants to come over to my place after her work and come play xbox with me. she finishes work at 11:30 pm at night and works about 30 mins from my house. my first thought, " must be just a friendly game of xbox". Again lowering my self value. lets be real which girl travels 30 mins late at night just to come play xbox and subsequently her house is 30 mins away from mine as well. so i knew she would have to stay over. so we play xbox and i'm just being myself and making her laugh and we start getting tired. i opt to take the couch - again do not feel worthy of this gorgeous creature infront of me- she opts for us to share the bed. so we share the bed. yes didn't end in a happy ending, i was too afraid to capitalize and became stiff and awkward. i couldn't bring myself to snuggle go in for the kiss. Were all the signs there? i dont know. nevertheless she's distanced herself from me again. i really need help. i know a lot of you guys reading this are probably cussing at me and throwing your arms in the air over my blatant inadequate ability to close the deal. and it does make me feel like a loser. and questions my worth in society. any help please i cant live like this anymore.

    i am 25, lack self esteem due to being fat. feel like a loser, and expected rejection while still fearing it while i'm actually getting rejected.

    an aspiring PUA

    Flynn

  2. #2
    Supremo's Avatar
    Supremo is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: failed to seal the deal and kicking myself

    You are right we are cussing you ha ha just kidding. But man if you were ever offered anything on a silver plate, it was that. Dont beat yourself up too much but use that as motivation to improve your game. One thing I will suggest is try losing some weight. It is unbelievable what losing a few pounds does to your confidence. Have a look at "The Four Hour Body" by Tim Ferriss. I am using his material right now and it is great. You afraid of gym? Perfect you dont need a gym. Everything can be done at home

  3. #3
    Flynn is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: failed to seal the deal and kicking myself

    @Supremo

    you are a legend man. will definately check it out. i am working on my wait. the moment i decide NO MORE i kicked in. eating right is a first thing. and the weight is a personal issue with me. hahaha you gonna slap me but even that gorgeous woman was open to state to me that she doesnt find it a turn off, i picked it up in the way she spoke and what she said. so far man i have used it as a learning point, and it actually felt good to recognise that part of it. just a problem with me that i will still not believe she's into me. but i think its the fear to pull the trigger. and before i stumbled on this forum and some of the material i have started really recognising that some of the traits i have in me that i just do naturally are already in me and its really good to finally be able to recognise that some of my game has always been there. so its just brushing it up but iit really starts with my mindset. its all in my head. i have to know i'm Top Dog in order to feel like Top Dog, to have that natural vibe of giving off the Top Dog persona. i do naturally feel a little nervous and feel the fear. and that comes with practice but at least now i can iron out my game.

    how do i tame the fear of pulling the trigger? or even how to pull the trigger?

    Flynn

  4. #4
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: failed to seal the deal and kicking myself

    *Bonks you on the head* I wish I had your problems, haha!

    As for taming the fear of pulling the trigger, you have to keep on pulling the trigger. You ever saw the movie "Sniper" with Tom Berenger? Repetition. I will give you an example.

    A few years ago, I was a training to be a stuntman. One of the things we had to do was high falls. Not easy. Almost all of us in the class froze at the top. Even a 10 ft drop to a pad looks high up. It was psychological. But, every time you fall, the next one becomes easier and easier. So what it comes down to is repetition through practice. After you get over that hump, you might fall wrong, off target, but you keep practicing until you hit the mark regularly.

    Another example is telemarketing sales. You know the guys you hang up on when they call your house? These guys get rejected as much as mormon missionaries. But after getting rejected so many times, you become unaffected by fear. Jim Rohn, a great motivation speaker, preached that success is a numbers game. To be successful you gotta fail. So say you close 1 out of 10 solicitations. But someone is so good they can close 9 out of 10. While, they talk to 10 and get 9. You talk to 100 and get 10. Eventually you will up your averages. You just beat their ass. In order to swing the fences, you gotta learn to strike out. As Babe Ruth said, "Every strike, leads me to the next home run."

    You have confidence issues, I have nice guy's syndrome. Stuff like that is psychologically coded in us due to upbringing. We can't decode it, we just have to overwrite. We overwrite by going out of our way by creating new experiences to change.

    There are tons of things to do to boost your confidence. Some of the things I can think of.

    - Condition your mindset by working on your inner game to have higher value.
    - "Fake it til you make it." So next time that girl tells everyone you are her husband, well, adopt the persona of a high value husband who is a producer at Activision or something and SHE IS YOUR TROPHY WIFE. Seriously, stay in character and have fun with it but don't over do it.
    - Exercise to transform your body.
    - Up your fashion. Clothes make a huge difference.
    - I believe that you are the product of your surroundings. So, if you live in a gamer's pigsty, time to feng shui that place. Also, who you hang around with matters. Birds of a feather flock together. So if you hang out with AFC friends with low confidence. It keeps you down. Notice how broke people hang out with broke people? It's true. If you want to be successful at the game of pickup, find and hang out with guys who are successful at the game or want to be successful.
    - Practice, practice, practice by putting all those PUA skills to use in the field aka the batting cage.

  5. #5
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: failed to seal the deal and kicking myself

    She'll be back. Work on your inner game and alpha characteristics. When she rolls around again, you will know exactly what to do.

    This situation only goes to show you what you are capable of and the kind of girls you could have access to if you work on your inner and outer game. Also weight loss will help you, but it is not mandatory.

    Good luck man.

  6. #6
    Flynn is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: failed to seal the deal and kicking myself

    Right on Guys!

    yeah i didnt think to just play along with it and use it to raise HV, i think i know what to do. i sometimes fail by also falling into the nice guy persona. i will continue to practice. and keep pulling the trigger. i just got back to campus, so its perfect to start working on my game. and working on identifying IOI and what not. i think for the first time i am actually excited to do this and not fear the social interaction. its a good chance to create the 2.0 upgrade new version of myself as first impressions. i did it first wheni got there, i am starting to see things very differently.


    more to follow lads!

    Flynn


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