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  1. #1
    Sirdinkleburg is offline PUA in Training
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    Default How can I break my oneitis to focus on self improvement?

    Hey guys,

    That girl in my other threads, even though I thought I had eliminated it, when things started to go south, my oneitis came back.

    I guess the main feeling is, I'm in high school. I don't find many girls dating material, even though I wish I could see that so I could get myself to date multiple girls, so when I start to like a girl and talk to her a lot, I like her a lot.

    Things had been going great with this girl, but she was too scared for a relationship and I knew she had maturity issues but I always looked past that (Another thing is, I want to be able to say no to a cute girl if there's something i don't like, a confidence thing) and thought it was cute. I know I get attention from other girls, kinda. It's high school, girls often only like one guy at a time and it's hard to sweep in and get them to like you enough to go on a date.

    Anyways, before winter break I had unbreakable confidence, this girl crushing hard on me, me being the life of every group, laughing, having fun. But now I've seemed to have lost that, I've lost some of the desire to go out with friends or even try to talk to other girls. I just feel like other girls aren't worth it, and I need to stop thinking like that. Anyways, I see this girl all the time and she's one of my best friends, but I really need to break this oneitus so I can things back in control with her, and my own social life.

    My social life has been taking a beating, it seems like I can't find things to talk about anymore. I usually always had something to say, and it's not that i'm scared to talk, I just can't think of anything. I can tell it's boring to some girls I talk to so I really want to better myself.

    I've been reading a lot of alpha male and self improvement books. I know that's the kind of person I want to be, an Alpha Male. I have a decent amount of passions, but sometimes I find I lack the drive to go do them and I need to do that.

    But more than anything, I want to better myself. I want to be able to talk and have lots of fun again, with or without a girl. But I see this girl everyday and I dont know why I think about her all time, sure she's cute and smart, but I don't know why I should be obsessing over it. Plus my bestfriend is also secretly in love with her and he is depressed and very needy, and he's always with us, so he's quite the cockblock.


    ANYWAYS again. I want to be able to find myself having the drive to just go and talk to anyone. I want to be able to like a girl or want to date her without falling hopelessly in love with her.


    With the girl I've described, I'm not in the friendzone, but I fear I could be if I don't get my shit together.

    I text too much and I know that, but I feel the need to text her even though I know it's not accomplishing much. I feel like that's the only way to keep her interest up, but I know it isn't, I just need to get back my social skills and inner game.


    This is all really tough for me right now because I see it as a personal failure that I don't have it all together.


    Thanks

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: How can I break my oneitis to focus on self improvement?

    If you are not in the friend zone then what are you in? I haven't read your previous posts with this girl so forgive me. But I will say that if there hasn't been any escalation between you two then you may be something called an orbiter. (A guy who is waiting around for her to decide she wants to be with him.) Which is what a woman's friend zone consists of my friend...orbiters.

    We all have our down times where our confidence is thrown and our self esteem plummets. That's the beauty of human behavior. Dynamic, never static. So you have to learn to roll with the punches and realize that happiness could not exist without sadness. So confidence only exists because there is doubt.

    I recommend you literally write down what you want from a woman and from yourself. Separate lists. And stick to them. It's only when I did this that I found such high-caliber women I'd never thought I'd date. Which ultimately brought me to my current LTR to which I have a strong belief we will last a long time.

    I had down times where I did not want to go out with friends or hit on women. These are phases. You are reaching a new level of understanding and you will come out of it with a drive and ambition you thought you'd lost. It just means you are growing in your game, which is a good thing of course.

    As for the girl you want, keep practicing and don't limit yourself to one book or guru. Learn as much as you can and try new things to find out what works for you. Because we all may be aspiring pickup artists or experts, but we all have our different flavor of game.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    Sirdinkleburg is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How can I break my oneitis to focus on self improvement?

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    If you are not in the friend zone then what are you in? I haven't read your previous posts with this girl so forgive me. But I will say that if there hasn't been any escalation between you two then you may be something called an orbiter. (A guy who is waiting around for her to decide she wants to be with him.) Which is what a woman's friend zone consists of my friend...orbiters.

    We all have our down times where our confidence is thrown and our self esteem plummets. That's the beauty of human behavior. Dynamic, never static. So you have to learn to roll with the punches and realize that happiness could not exist without sadness. So confidence only exists because there is doubt.

    I recommend you literally write down what you want from a woman and from yourself. Separate lists. And stick to them. It's only when I did this that I found such high-caliber women I'd never thought I'd date. Which ultimately brought me to my current LTR to which I have a strong belief we will last a long time.

    I had down times where I did not want to go out with friends or hit on women. These are phases. You are reaching a new level of understanding and you will come out of it with a drive and ambition you thought you'd lost. It just means you are growing in your game, which is a good thing of course.

    As for the girl you want, keep practicing and don't limit yourself to one book or guru. Learn as much as you can and try new things to find out what works for you. Because we all may be aspiring pickup artists or experts, but we all have our different flavor of game.
    To be honest, I'm not quite sure where I'm at. She says she likes me a lot, and I know she does. But quite honestly, it's her first ever serious relationship. On our date, I went in for the kiss, and the look on her face, she was scared out of her mind. It was cute, but you know, firsts can be scary for girls. It was a big step for her to even come over.

    So I guess I'm kinda waiting on her to decide, but what do I do? I'm of course living my own life outside of her, but I do really care for her cuz you know oneitus. I know not enough comfort was built there, and I'm trying. But her emotions are weird, because she thinks more logically than emotionally and she feels weird about things even if she likes them.


    But I totally get the confidence thing, thanks for that. It helped

  4. #4
    YOKiTran's Avatar
    YOKiTran is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How can I break my oneitis to focus on self improvement?

    if this is her first, then just don't say or do anything sexual... but allude to it and don't admit that u r alluding. it's her slut shield that u r now dealing with - u just bring it down by putting pressure off her and giving her excuses to act.

    u can read more abt this concept if u google "slut shield". it's textbook advice.

    she need time to come around on her own... u've already shown her ur game. so now all u have to do is be cool abt it and let her know ur into her.

    meanwhile, live ur life....

    also, the more u try to figure her out - the worse off u'll be.

    again - show her ur there and interested... and she will come to.


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