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  1. #1
    bigdaddymomo is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default I Can't Figure This Woman Out...

    First I want to start by saying I've been reading the forums for a while, but never actually registered until today. There is so much helpful advice on this forum. Here's the story, I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

    We are both 34, known each other since 2nd grade, but lost contact for 15 years after high school. We were always good friends in school, but never dated. I ended up finding her on Facebook and sent her a friend request, which is how we reconnected. We were friends on FB for 2 years, with minimal interaction, a like here and there, maybe a comment once in a while, but nothing else.

    I should tell you I always had a crush on this girl in school. More than a crush, she was a dream to me, perfect, the one girl I never thought I'd ever have a chance with. She was the first girl I ever loved. But due to my own shyness/insecurities, I never told her. I still consider that a major part of my life, since I've lived having to think about "what if" for so many years. I never forgot about her and how I felt. I would still think of her sometimes. I always told myself if I ever saw her again, and there was still attraction, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her, since I had already missed so many opportunities with her.

    A few months ago I saw she was coming home for Christmas, she lives in Virginia now, I'm in Maine. I sent her a message suggesting we get together to reconnect, which she said sounded like a great idea, so I gave her my phone number. No other contact until the day she drove up here. She called me as soon as she crossed the state line and said she wanted to tell me she was back in the state before she told anyone else. We talked for about an hour while she was driving.

    We planned on getting together the day after Christmas, but when she found out I was going to be alone on Christmas, she insisted I come to her family's house. It ended up being one of the best Christmases I've ever had. Seeing her again after so many years brought back so many memories.

    There was instant chemistry and we both started flirting with each other. I ended up bringing her back to my place and we had sex. We spent all of the next day together hanging out and reminiscing. She was stunned that even after all these years I still remembered her birthday, middle name and where she had lived during school. That was when I told her I had always had a crush on her in school, which surprised her.

    While she was here, we talked about the distance and we both said it wouldn't stop us from seeing what could happen between us and that we were both just going to go with the flow of things. I am planning to move closer to her this summer, about 2-3 hours from where she is, which she seemed excited for.

    She went home the next day, but we texted or talked on the phone every day for the first two weeks. I still like her, and want to see if something more could come, but didn't want to seem needy or clingy so I kind of played it like I wasn't too interested. she would start a conversation just as often as I would. I also noticed that during those first two weeks, she would like or comment on every single thing I put on FB.

    Then all of a sudden, everything stopped. I sent her a few texts and got no reply. She texted me the other day but I was at work so I told her I'd call when I got out, she said ok. But when I called it went to voicemail, so I left a message. That was 2 days ago, she still hasn't called back. She still likes or comments on some of my statuses, but not every single one. And when she does comment, it's obvious there's still attraction. I'm pretty sure she's still single, but obviously can't be 100% sure of that.

    Here's a status and comments from the other day:

    Status:55 degrees yesterday, 3-5 inches of snow tomorrow, I'm starting to get tired of this Maine weather...
    Her: Come further south, the weather is more predictable
    Me: Sounds like a good idea, maybe I need a change of scenery
    Her: Virginia's not too bad.....
    Me: I've heard that before. I've been there a few times, it seems nice...
    Her: There would be a few good things if you lived down here...

    So she's showing interest on FB, but now ignoring me everywhere else. I don't know what to think of it. Besides the text the other day, it was a week in between her texts. I sent two texts during that week.

    So I guess my questions are:

    Is she playing hard to get, or is she not interested, or is she scaring herself away? Did I maybe play too hard to get and she thought I wasn't interested?

    And the big question for me is should I tell her I still like her? I always told myself I wouldn't miss another opportunity with her if I ever had the chance. I don't want to continue living with "what if". This girl has always been a dream to me. Part of me wants to come right out and tell her I like her and want to see if we could be more, at least that way I'd know how she feels. I really don't have anything to lose. But I would have to tell her in a letter. And another part of me says to wait and see how this continues to play out, but it seems like, for whatever reason, my window of opportunity to tell her is closing fast.

    Thanks for any advice you can give me!

  2. #2
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I Can't Figure This Woman Out...

    Quote Originally Posted by bigdaddymomo View Post
    First I want to start by saying I've been reading the forums for a while, but never actually registered until today. There is so much helpful advice on this forum. Here's the story, I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

    We are both 34, known each other since 2nd grade, but lost contact for 15 years after high school. We were always good friends in school, but never dated. I ended up finding her on Facebook and sent her a friend request, which is how we reconnected. We were friends on FB for 2 years, with minimal interaction, a like here and there, maybe a comment once in a while, but nothing else.

    I should tell you I always had a crush on this girl in school. More than a crush, she was a dream to me, perfect, the one girl I never thought I'd ever have a chance with. She was the first girl I ever loved. But due to my own shyness/insecurities, I never told her. I still consider that a major part of my life, since I've lived having to think about "what if" for so many years. I never forgot about her and how I felt. I would still think of her sometimes. I always told myself if I ever saw her again, and there was still attraction, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her, since I had already missed so many opportunities with her.

    A few months ago I saw she was coming home for Christmas, she lives in Virginia now, I'm in Maine. I sent her a message suggesting we get together to reconnect, which she said sounded like a great idea, so I gave her my phone number. No other contact until the day she drove up here. She called me as soon as she crossed the state line and said she wanted to tell me she was back in the state before she told anyone else. We talked for about an hour while she was driving.

    We planned on getting together the day after Christmas, but when she found out I was going to be alone on Christmas, she insisted I come to her family's house. It ended up being one of the best Christmases I've ever had. Seeing her again after so many years brought back so many memories.

    There was instant chemistry and we both started flirting with each other. I ended up bringing her back to my place and we had sex. We spent all of the next day together hanging out and reminiscing. She was stunned that even after all these years I still remembered her birthday, middle name and where she had lived during school. That was when I told her I had always had a crush on her in school, which surprised her.

    While she was here, we talked about the distance and we both said it wouldn't stop us from seeing what could happen between us and that we were both just going to go with the flow of things. I am planning to move closer to her this summer, about 2-3 hours from where she is, which she seemed excited for.

    She went home the next day, but we texted or talked on the phone every day for the first two weeks. I still like her, and want to see if something more could come, but didn't want to seem needy or clingy so I kind of played it like I wasn't too interested. she would start a conversation just as often as I would. I also noticed that during those first two weeks, she would like or comment on every single thing I put on FB.

    Then all of a sudden, everything stopped. I sent her a few texts and got no reply. She texted me the other day but I was at work so I told her I'd call when I got out, she said ok. But when I called it went to voicemail, so I left a message. That was 2 days ago, she still hasn't called back. She still likes or comments on some of my statuses, but not every single one. And when she does comment, it's obvious there's still attraction. I'm pretty sure she's still single, but obviously can't be 100% sure of that.

    Here's a status and comments from the other day:

    Status:55 degrees yesterday, 3-5 inches of snow tomorrow, I'm starting to get tired of this Maine weather...
    Her: Come further south, the weather is more predictable
    Me: Sounds like a good idea, maybe I need a change of scenery
    Her: Virginia's not too bad.....
    Me: I've heard that before. I've been there a few times, it seems nice...
    Her: There would be a few good things if you lived down here...

    So she's showing interest on FB, but now ignoring me everywhere else. I don't know what to think of it. Besides the text the other day, it was a week in between her texts. I sent two texts during that week.

    So I guess my questions are:

    Is she playing hard to get, or is she not interested, or is she scaring herself away? Did I maybe play too hard to get and she thought I wasn't interested?

    And the big question for me is should I tell her I still like her? I always told myself I wouldn't miss another opportunity with her if I ever had the chance. I don't want to continue living with "what if". This girl has always been a dream to me. Part of me wants to come right out and tell her I like her and want to see if we could be more, at least that way I'd know how she feels. I really don't have anything to lose. But I would have to tell her in a letter. And another part of me says to wait and see how this continues to play out, but it seems like, for whatever reason, my window of opportunity to tell her is closing fast.

    Thanks for any advice you can give me!
    Hey man, it seems to me that you guys moved really fast. I really DON'T think you played "too hard to get" at all. I mean you confessed to her that you always had a crush on her, which probably made you seem a tad needy and lowered your value. Regardless, I think this really had no impact seeing as how she continued to interact with you after the matter. Good job.

    In my opinion it could be one of two.

    1. There is someone else in the picture...Girls are filled with opportunities, she might have someone else in her work, life she is interested in.

    2. She DOESN'T want to get her hopes up. Let's face it, long distance doesn't work, and you both know that. Maybe she doesn't want to invest a lot of time on something that won't evolve into a full out relationship.

    Whatever is happening your next move is a matter of choice. I would not advice you to move for love or anything of that matter.


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