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Thread: LJBF as a result of not enough report and emotional connection

  1. #1
    PUA Bart is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default LJBF as a result of not enough report and emotional connection

    Hello,

    I got LJBF'ed a while ago. Let me explain:

    I met this girl when going out. We danced and laughed together the whole time. She was all over me. I got her phone number. She came over. We cooked dinner together and then watched a movie on the couch. I grabbed her hand and started kissing her. When things got heavier, she froze up, and left my appartment before I was able to say something.

    Remark: I did not build any report or any emotional connection with her.

    We kept on dating afterwards. Once every two weeks about a month or two.It was always an action date: dancing salsa, doing fun stuff, ... Everytime we were holding hands. Conversation: lighthearted banter. We never spoke about personal topics like something about fantasies, sexuality, dreams, future plans... you know, the usual "getting to know each other"-sh1t. Eventually on one of the dates, we ended up kissing again. The date after she told me right of the bat, she did not feel comfortable kissing me, because she feels I don't know her and she doesn't know me and that she's scared I'll leave her... and that she would want to stay friends.

    Remark: I like to stress that up until now we only had fun together, I never talked to her about personal stuff, never tried to build report or an emotional connection.

    At first I was dissapointed in her (which scared her even more)... but eventually I said I thought she was really sexy and fun to be around with, and I just wanted to show it to her by escalating sexually. I also said there was nothing more than attraction going on and that I did not yet feel an emotional connection, but that I would really get to know her as a person.

    She replied it will never become sexual anymore because she really really disliked it I was pushing for sex without trying to get to know her and if I was ok with that.

    I said I was ok with that.

    I thought I would never hear from her again. But twoo weeks later she asked me to go to a a party together by mail. In the mail she explained she waited a while to make sure we were able to process the situation alone and that she wanted to meet me again to see what's going on between us and if we are able to both feel comfortable when we're hanging out together. During the party she followed me around everywhere, and left her group of friends to sit next to me and to dance with me the whole time.

    I was wondering if my analysis is correct. She still is attracted to me although she says otherwise, but wants to be "friends" so she can feel comfortable again around me so we can get to know each other? She wants to feel she has some value and really means something to me as she probably thinks I only regard her as someone I just want to have sex with?

    Am I correct? Can I still turn this thing around? I know I should keep going out meet other interesting people, but specifically regarding this girl how should I take it from here? I want to try to get her to my place again to build that report and connection while a soft music plays and candles are burning in the background (i should have done this the first - and only - time she came over), but I feel if my timing's not right I will scare her off again by just inviting her.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: LJBF as a result of not enough report and emotional connection

    It's ashame. I was really hopeful for you. It is rare thing that a woman is comfortable with her sexuality enough that she doesn't need the "get to know you" part and is just enjoying your company. It's almost straight out of a romance novel. Sadly most of the time you DO need to build comfort. So she feels like you won't leave after sex.

    I think you still have very strong chance with her. Seems like the attraction is still strong. But you should work on building comfort. Problem is, you have to find a way to do it on your terms and not because she whined about it. I think the best way to do this is to vent to her about something in your life. Something heavy. I believe this will open the doors into more personal conversation and gives you a REASON to build comfort with her other than just because she mentioned it. But don't just give out your life story. You have to be somewhat hesitant in your voice while telling her. Otherwise she may see right through to what you're doing. Hope this helps and good luck.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
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    Default Re: LJBF as a result of not enough report and emotional connection

    I read your description carefully. If i was the girl i would feel confused about your feelings for me.
    She likes you.
    D not invite her in your house because she will be more suspisious and if she looks all those candles, music etc shit she will freak out for SURE.
    Take outdoor experience and know her friends.I supposed that from her party invitation.
    (I have done the same fault).
    She is social person but insecure,beacuse she followed you at the party.
    Best way for those women is become funny,lighthearted,n othing happends...
    Trust Thoughts-Words-Actions
    No permission boy
    Fat CEO

  4. #4
    PUA Bart is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF as a result of not enough report and emotional connection

    Hello Traffy,
    That's all we are doing (and also being) funny and lighthearted stuff together... so just continue doing it? Not trying to build a connection? I really want to get to know her and build that connection. There aren't many people around with whom I share such a connection.


    Can I ask her out, or do I have to leave the initiative to her? I think I can easily overdo it with her? I am affraid that as soon I show initiative or interest, she will freak out.

    Batman,
    I do not really have something heavy going on in my live, it's all sunshine lollipops and rainbows... or at least not stuff heavy enough to talk about. Although I had this fear recently, when I saw my parents walking hand in hand together. At first I just saw an old couple, but then I realized it were my parents. It really make me feel like I should cherisch every moment they are still around becaus I really really love my parents... and it reminded me also of my own mortality. I didn't really like it...


    ------------------------------
    I mailed her on what my plans are this weekend and asked if she wanted to join. Friday I am going to a party with friends, if it's not snowing heavily, she will come too she replied. Saturday I will go indoor skiing with a friend. She will not join 'cos she's scared of skiing. Sunday I will go help out during salsa lessons (not enough men during that lesson, so I can help the instructor), but I have the rest of the day off and asked if we can do sightseeing in a nearby town. She declined, cos' she will go dancing on a kind of alternative folk party. She invited me to her birthdayparty... But I am not sure what I will reply. I don't feel comfortable showing up, I don't know why: maybe because I don't really know where it's going,I don't know her or what to expect, and also because it makes me feel as just one of the friends if she won't give most of her attention to me that day And worst of all... I wouldn't even know what to get her (as I don't know her well enough)! But then again I can socialize with her friends and maybe meet someone else interesting.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: LJBF as a result of not enough report and emotional connection

    Meet someone else interesting? Did you really just say that lol. She gave you an open invitation to build more comfort and you're already thinking about how it may hurt your chances. It's this current mindset that you have that's having her not feel comfortable with you.

    Don't you see? If you go meet her friends and they like you, then they'll speak highly of you when you leave and she'll get their approval. Should've had a V8.

    Get all of her attention? Is that really the worst thing that can happen? You are a PUA. An alpha. You don't need her attention on you all the time like some kind of puppy. You know you have to build comfort and this is it. You have to figure out what you want. A relationship? And FWB?

    You make it sound that you want something more with her so go for it and stop being afraid. One reason I'm with my LTR now is that I showed her the I'm NOT afraid to commit. And that I didn't wait for her to give me the OK. So this girl seems to me she wants something more, but you're not being man enough to take it and instead waiting on her to make a decision.

    It's simple man. If you want her, then go get her. Don't let PUA mess up your most basic skill. And that is confident men go for what they want. No excuses.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    PUA Bart is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF as a result of not enough report and emotional connection

    Hello Batman,

    I didn't tell her that. Maybe what I told her is even worse?

    What I told her is that I first want to figure out why I like her except the fact that she's cute and that I would really like to know her better as a person first before appearing on birthday parties amidst her parents and friends. I promised her I will get her a birthday present later once I feel that we know each other.

    What do you mean with V8?

    BTW I already met one of her best friends while we were still dating, and she thought I was very cool.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: LJBF as a result of not enough report and emotional connection

    Lol forget the V8.

    I don't think it's bad you told her that. BUT if all you do is keep implying that you want to have sex yet push her away when it comes to opportunities to build comfort, like her bday party, then I don't blame her for thinking all you want is sex.

    In summary it sounds like this, "Hey I think we need more time to get to know each other before we move things forward. By the way, you should come over and wear something sexy." This is quite possibly how she interprets your behavior towards her. Either way you have to take charge and steer it where you want and not wait on her.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  8. #8
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    Default Re: LJBF as a result of not enough report and emotional connection

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    Lol forget the V8.
    Probably the greatest thing I've read on this forum so far.

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    In summary it sounds like this, "Hey I think we need more time to get to know each other before we move things forward. By the way, you should come over and wear something sexy." This is quite possibly how she interprets your behavior towards her. Either way you have to take charge and steer it where you want and not wait on her.
    You don't want her thinking all you want is sex - don't get confuse PUA with being a player. Women don't want to be used. I've read somewhere (probably here) that the reason some people make PUA work is because they don't do it to make themselves feel better, but to make others (women, duh) feel better. Those that fail do it for themselves. Don't be that guy. Take the chance you have now to build some comfort. Get to know her and make her feel better about herself. Move on from there.
    Always leave her better than you found her.

  9. #9
    PUA Bart is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: LJBF as a result of not enough report and emotional connection

    Yeah, Batman you are so right.
    I did not realize though, that my answer implied I want to have sex with her

    I think it's becoming very obvious of what my issue / sticking point in general is, in just my firts topic... building comfort. it scares the hell out of me (think it has to do something with my youth, I got laughed at a lot because I was extremely fat). Normally guys who have no clue directly start building comfort and with me, I never get to that point. I keep getting stuck in attraction kind of behaviour without comfort and it's tiresome, even for me. A while ago I was making out with someone in my car; She asked me if I was a player and if I do this with a lot of girls, and why I liked her. i told her I am, but that it does not mean I am not capable of loving someone. We continued but afterwards she just didn't want to have to do anything with me anymore. And that really hurt. And it's not her, it's me, I often get the signals to build comfort but I don't know how or I freak out. Result: I get to know many people, but it seldom becomes a high quality relationship or friendschip. It's something I want to conquer during 2013.

    Well I'll see her this friday on a party. If she's scared to drive herself because of the weather, I will suggest that I will drive her with me. Instead of her letting follow me around, asking me to dance and coming to me the whole time I will make it a more mutual thing. And i will start telling her stuff about me, and ask about her also.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: LJBF as a result of not enough report and emotional connection

    Dude, that revelation is AWESOME! And you just gave yourself a golden egg!

    What you said about having trouble letting people in because of your youth and weight. TELL HER! And let her know that you haven't told anyone about that. It's genius!

    I always felt the best game was being genuine to yourself. There's always more feeling from within. So let her know that it's not easy for you to open up and you would like her to help you with that. Does it sound awkward? Good. That means you're trying something new. If she is at all interested in getting serious with you she will absolutely love this. Trust me.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."


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