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  1. #1
    TheLostGuy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Think I've messed up...What can I do?

    This is going to be a long story, please bear with me.

    Two weeks ago I met this girl at a bar, we got talking for about 5 minutes and eventually asked if she would mind me asking her out for a coffee or lunch sometime because I had to leave. She said she doesn't and so I got her number and then I left.

    I texted her a day later and eventually organised to go for a drink instead of a coffee, which is perfect! A bit of alcohol is always better than caffeine!
    We met up had a lot to drink and had a great night, had a laugh, talked a lot, and near the end of the night we even kissed.
    I ended up back at hers and the kissing continued which then led to her initiating the next part.

    However half way through she didn't want to continue because she 'didn't want to have sex after the first date'

    So I stopped, but the kissing continued, which is where I believed I farked up....we were continuing with the passionate kissing which in my past experience (not many...) means that a cheeky foreplay was ok, she moved my hands out the way, and I tried again, up till the point where a bit of struggle ensued and her telling me 'You can't make me do what I don't want to'
    I apologised and moved myself away.
    That's when it hit me that I definitely went too far and messed it....we ended up just spooning and fell asleep.
    The next morning we both tried to make a conversation but it was clear that it was a bit awkward, maybe because I felt proper guilty for the night before.
    Before I went home I went for a hug but she went for a peck on the lips, which I did and I thought it was all ok...

    I knew she had rehearsal on that day and decided to text her at the time I knew she finished. the text was:

    'Hey, hope the rehearsals went well. Last night was fun, proper enjoyed myself! Except for the drop (I fell over, we both had a laugh)...Lol. Hopefully see you again sometime soon x'

    she replied with:

    'Yeah it was really lovely!! Thanks so much xxx'

    I didn't know what to write back to that so decided to leave it.

    Two days later I text her:

    'Just wanted to say good morning and hope you have an amazing day!x'

    I know this text is damn weird, but at the time I thought it was kind of cute, clearly not, no reply.

    and today (3 days later):
    'Danielle! Lol I'm messing with you Danni (She hates being called her full name, obviously I didn't use her real name). hows things been with you? How's uni and rehearsals and all things in between?x'

    that was 5 hours ago....

    I know I messed up, but I really like this girl and I want to know if there is anyway to fix this?

    Thank you for taking your time to read this.

    C

  2. #2
    blazeboy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Think I've messed up...What can I do?

    Read this from Savoy, who wrote the following on this forum:

    savoy
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    Perspectives on Last Minute Resistance (LMR)
    Have you ever had the feeling that you did everything right with a woman, but when you're in bed, she says no?

    Of course you have. We all have. It can be intensely frustrating. The good news is that it's avoidable. You can remove Last Minute Resistance (LMR) from your life. Not through any trickery and not by "scamming" a woman, but simply by understanding what it is that causes last minute resistance, and helping her get past it. As usual, to really understand this topic, we need to take a step back and make sure we are all on the same page.

    LMR occurs when a woman says no to sexual touching when you're somewhere where it would be reasonable to have success and you're already attracted to each other. Saying no to sexual touching can occur anywhere from touching her breasts over her clothes to putting a condom on. It's all LMR, and it's triggered by her emotional state and Comfort level with you.

    Some women don't feel LMR, but most do. It's not a fun feeling for her either - she gets intensely nervous and uncomfortable with a knot in her stomach. Biologically, by having sex with you, or doing things that she knows will lead to sex, she is taking a big bet on you. In modern society, sex usually doesn't lead to pregnancy, but her emotional instincts were designed thousands of years ago. That's why comfort is so important to a woman before sex.

    For men, it can be deeply frustrating. You usually won't have these same emotions about sex, and hers can be difficult to relate to. An easy analogy for this is how women often don't understand how it can be tough for a man to approach a woman whom he doesn't know. "Just go talk to her," she says. Or "be yourself." She doesn't understand the pit in most men's stomachs that comes in when a man begins the process and prepares to approach a woman he doesn't know. Similarly, we don't intuitively understand the feeling women have at the end of the process.

    What are we supposed to do?

    Be persistent - If she says no or indicates that she is uncomfortable, you need to stop what you are doing. Any deviation from that is immoral and illegal. However, you can certainly go back one step and then try again later. If she won't let you remove her top, go back to kissing her for a few minutes, and try again later. The interesting thing about female psychology is that women are often spectators in their own seduction. It's your job to keep Escalating.

    Use arousal - If you can arouse her enough, she will want to sleep with you. She knows this, and often won't let you do a lot of things that would arouse her (like touching her genitals). That's why LMR can occur way before sex is an actual possibility. However, you can often get away with kissing her and being on top of her. If you rub against her in that position ("dry humping") she will often be receptive, especially if you are also kissing her neck or ears.

    Minimize physical state breaks - A physical state break is where you go from doing one sort of activity to another in a sharp, not gradual, way. Women get through LMR by gradually moving from one activity to another without ever having to stop and think "should I have sex?" Many women like to be seduced, but not to have to feel responsible for sex happening. So when you move her to your bedroom, or you take off her clothes, it gets her thinking about how far she wants things to go, rather than enjoying the slow buildup. Minimize this by moving to the bedroom early or not at all. Removing her pants should be done gradually, and while focusing on other activities like kissing her.

    Know the little things that work - These don't fall into a category, but they're useful. If she says "we shouldn't be doing this" agree with her, "Yes, we shouldn't." If she repeats that you shouldn't, then you have to stop and regroup, but often she won't. Never take her underwear off by itself. Either take it off when her pants come off (at the same time), or just move it to the side.

    -NS

    P.S. I'd love to hear some honest thoughts from women on this one.
    The world is your matrix. You control the strings.

  3. #3
    blazeboy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Think I've messed up...What can I do?

    I think you messed up by going to far. You didn't take one step back when she said no. That's the first mistake. But the second, was letting it be awkward in the morning. I think you over analyzed and therefore you added to the discomfort by feeling guilty, etc... instead of it being a fun time for both of you. You could've made it a light hearted thing in the morning. "Wow, you just couldn't keep your hands off of me, huh, maybe slow it down next time" Kiss her and walk out. The two follow-up texts were not ideal for sure, especially the second one is definitely you trying too hard, and she has picked on that. In terms of fix, the damaged might have been done, but I would suggest waiting a day or two, give it one more try with something cocky funny and then invite her out. No response, move on.
    The world is your matrix. You control the strings.

  4. #4
    TheLostGuy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Think I've messed up...What can I do?

    Thank you blazeboy, yeah I realised I went too far too late...and I know it is definitely messed up my chances now...
    when you say cocky/funny can you give me an example? As you can tell my texting 'game' is non-existent.

    C


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