Re: Think I've messed up...What can I do?
Read this from Savoy, who wrote the following on this forum:
Perspectives on Last Minute Resistance (LMR)
Have you ever had the feeling that you did everything right with a woman, but when you're in bed, she says no?
Of course you have. We all have. It can be intensely frustrating. The good news is that it's avoidable. You can remove Last Minute Resistance (LMR) from your life. Not through any trickery and not by "scamming" a woman, but simply by understanding what it is that causes last minute resistance, and helping her get past it. As usual, to really understand this topic, we need to take a step back and make sure we are all on the same page.
LMR occurs when a woman says no to sexual touching when you're somewhere where it would be reasonable to have success and you're already attracted to each other. Saying no to sexual touching can occur anywhere from touching her breasts over her clothes to putting a condom on. It's all LMR, and it's triggered by her emotional state and Comfort level with you.
Some women don't feel LMR, but most do. It's not a fun feeling for her either - she gets intensely nervous and uncomfortable with a knot in her stomach. Biologically, by having sex with you, or doing things that she knows will lead to sex, she is taking a big bet on you. In modern society, sex usually doesn't lead to pregnancy, but her emotional instincts were designed thousands of years ago. That's why comfort is so important to a woman before sex.
For men, it can be deeply frustrating. You usually won't have these same emotions about sex, and hers can be difficult to relate to. An easy analogy for this is how women often don't understand how it can be tough for a man to approach a woman whom he doesn't know. "Just go talk to her," she says. Or "be yourself." She doesn't understand the pit in most men's stomachs that comes in when a man begins the process and prepares to approach a woman he doesn't know. Similarly, we don't intuitively understand the feeling women have at the end of the process.
What are we supposed to do?
Be persistent - If she says no or indicates that she is uncomfortable, you need to stop what you are doing. Any deviation from that is immoral and illegal. However, you can certainly go back one step and then try again later. If she won't let you remove her top, go back to kissing her for a few minutes, and try again later. The interesting thing about female psychology is that women are often spectators in their own seduction. It's your job to keep Escalating.
Use arousal - If you can arouse her enough, she will want to sleep with you. She knows this, and often won't let you do a lot of things that would arouse her (like touching her genitals). That's why LMR can occur way before sex is an actual possibility. However, you can often get away with kissing her and being on top of her. If you rub against her in that position ("dry humping") she will often be receptive, especially if you are also kissing her neck or ears.
Minimize physical state breaks - A physical state break is where you go from doing one sort of activity to another in a sharp, not gradual, way. Women get through LMR by gradually moving from one activity to another without ever having to stop and think "should I have sex?" Many women like to be seduced, but not to have to feel responsible for sex happening. So when you move her to your bedroom, or you take off her clothes, it gets her thinking about how far she wants things to go, rather than enjoying the slow buildup. Minimize this by moving to the bedroom early or not at all. Removing her pants should be done gradually, and while focusing on other activities like kissing her.
Know the little things that work - These don't fall into a category, but they're useful. If she says "we shouldn't be doing this" agree with her, "Yes, we shouldn't." If she repeats that you shouldn't, then you have to stop and regroup, but often she won't. Never take her underwear off by itself. Either take it off when her pants come off (at the same time), or just move it to the side.
P.S. I'd love to hear some honest thoughts from women on this one.
The world is your matrix. You control the strings.