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  • 1 Post By daltonbrayall
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Thread: Is My gf is using me?

  1. #1
    Fl3my is offline PUA in Training
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    Unhappy Is My gf is using me?

    Hi
    iv'e been dating a friend of mine for several weeks, well were a couple and all but i feel she is taking me for granted.
    she constantly asks me to do small stuff (I sometime do and other times ignore).
    well she actually asked me to help her roommate by doing some school work for her.
    I said I'll try,but It pissed me off and I showed it.

    My gf asked me if there is something wrong.
    so I told her I don't like being used, she became sad and said she has problems of her own that cause her to act that way and that she screwed up other relations with it.
    I told her I dont like her using sex as a reward, I said I dont see it that way.
    well she said she was sorry and that she's really trying to make me happy and that sex is enjoyable for her and not a reward for me.

    we talked and then our neighbors interrupted and the vibe turned to a good one.

    and for conclusion should I give her a real chance?
    I felt like telling her I deserve more And I'm ending the whole thing, but didn't say it.

  2. #2
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is My gf is using me?

    okay so heres my thoughts. people in relationships, both the man and the woman, more the woman than the man, do this. they push the boundaries and see how much they can get away with, and how much you will do for them before you draw the line. once the line is drawn she will back off for a little while before she pushes it again. this will not stop. and its natural in relationships, some do it more than other. you never know, growing up her parents might not have been there for her or maybe past boyfriends or friends. could be the other way around, she might be used to people doing things like that. either way i would stop looking at it like shes using you and decide exactly how much your willing to do for her without giving her too much slack and stick with it. no matter how little you will do for her, as long as your consistent she will be greatful.

    i would give her a fighting chance at leaat, no point in breakin it off because of some extra homework
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  3. #3
    Fl3my is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Is My gf is using me?

    Thanks for the info

    An update
    my gf wanted to go back to sleep|(she only slept 4 hours till morning).
    she asked me to wake her up because she tends to over sleep,
    i called her twice and half an hour later came by(we are neighbors) to wake her up.

    she asked me about the assignment and i told her the truth, I read one article but I have to work myself,and I'm going to take a nap.
    I decided not to do the assignment for her friend , I'm willing to help not do her work for her.

  4. #4
    daltonbrayall is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is My gf is using me?

    tbh im kinda confused by your post but sounds good to me
    If i get a guy some a$$, he gets it for a day; if i teach him how to get it for himself, he's tappin forever

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Is My gf is using me?

    I wouldn't give up. Truly worthwhile relationships take work. Period. Imagine if you broke up with every girl for the rest of your life over something so trivial. Just get your frame back and hold it.

    You never EVER want her to use sex as a reward. But women are pretty much raised to use sex as a manipulation tool. By parents, media, friends, etc. So you can't really blame her for that. But you also don't have to accept it. You have to view your touch and attention as a reward for her. It'll take time to switch around. But if your frame is strong and you are consistent then she will eventually view sex with you as a reward. And she will never reject your advances.

    Learn to pick your battles. If she asks you to pass the salt then that's not worth picking at. If she asks for something that requires more investment then you want her to do something in return. And again, it can never be for sex in exchange. Not even a kiss. You're a couple so you should feel free to do stuff for each other as long as the investment level is fairly equal. And never tell a woman what to do. You wouldn't want that so.neither does she. But focus on expressing your standards and expectations. The rest is up to her to respect your views.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    blazeboy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Is My gf is using me?

    All good points from dalton and batman. here are my quick thoughts.

    In relationships, even friendships with dudes, I tend to be very generous with my time, and favors, etc. Some people are givers and some people are takers (not necessarily in a bad way, but that's the focus)... I am a giver. So I tend to feel betrayed or used when someone does not reciprocate my niceness or generosity. Over time though, I realized it's silly. Everyone is different. And a lot of times, people are not "reciprocating" because they are trying to be mean or dcks... but it's just their personality... they are less giving, etc. and less sensitive to other people's feelings. So if it's truly not a big deal, then it's probably more on you. But if you really feel unappreciated, there are chicks that are very appreciative. I've dated a few in my time. So you just have to see what's right for you. But I have gone through a ton of relationships precisely because i felt unappreciated, and now I'm thinking that's a flaw of mine
    The world is your matrix. You control the strings.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Is My gf is using me?

    From experience in LTRs, my suggestion is not to bring shit up verbally unless it's really serious. In this case, I would have tried to shape her behavior using frame control and reward/punishment before bringing it up with her (which it appears like you tried to do until she asked you what's wrong). Be careful with "what's wrong," once you start telling a girl there's something wrong they will ask you endlessly, "what's wrong." It's really hard to break out of this once it's started.

    Also, like everyone else has said, don't just walk away from a good relationship because it has one bad point. ALL relationships take work, and since she said she'll work on it, I don't see why you would walk away. She seems willing to work on the relationship, so why wouldn't you (provided you're happy in the relationship otherwise).

  8. #8
    Fl3my is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Is My gf is using me?

    an Update

    Hi guys, well I didn't give up and my girl passed the assignment to a friend of hers.
    I came out clean as much as I can see.
    she realized I wasn't going to do it and I'm not going to be affected by it, I guess I like making her the morning coffee or massaging her, but I do have a limit.


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