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  1. #1
    alexgu is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How to recover from appearing needy?

    These past few days I may have made a mistake of pushing too hard. She's still receptive towards me, answering my IMs and receiving my calls but I think I've been hounding her and I want to put a stop to it before it's too late. How do I recover from this? do I stop all sorts of communication for a while?

  2. #2
    TheDuke's Avatar
    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to recover from appearing needy?

    Yep, it's freeze out time. Don't communicate with her for about a week. Let her communicate with you in that time. If she doesn't contact you, then after 5-7 days send her a communication.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  3. #3
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to recover from appearing needy?

    I disagree. Do NOT freeze her out. if she likes you and you just stop talking to her it is going to make her think you are mad at her, or worse just don't want to talk to her.

    Tone it down, find some other stuff to do, keep going with your life. If she calls or texts, answer them...but only AFTER you are done doing what you are doing. It would also help to know who is the one initiating the communication.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  4. #4
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    Default Re: How to recover from appearing needy?

    You really don't think it would work here?

    Mayber not a 5-7 day freeze out, and it also depends on the circumstances the OP hasn't gave us yet. But I think a freeze out could work.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  5. #5
    alexgu is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to recover from appearing needy?

    Well I've been contacting her daily, we're both busy so normally it's just IMs and then a 15-30 minute phone call before sleep. Usually I initiate the convo but occasionally she called me. The thing is she hasn't initiated for a while, I'm not sure if it's because she's busy (she works till noon and then has to do housework after) so that's why I was a bit alarmed and post this.

    A bit info: I think she's attracted to me at some level cos she laughs even at my lamest jokes and still open for calls no matter how tired she is and we flirt but I could be misinterpreting.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: How to recover from appearing needy?

    I'd try not calling her tonight and see if she responds tomorrow. When she asks why you didn't call, say that you were busy with something and it slipped your mind.

    If she asks you or she calls you that's a great IOI and then you know for sure. Good luck!
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  7. #7
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    Default Re: How to recover from appearing needy?

    FREEZE HER OUT!
    she will go crazy which is what needs to be done!
    trust me, i did this before.
    I showed her soo much, and she just couldn't resist it anymore. All girls are like this, once they have a connection, its very hard for them to not think about it.
    She will be like "omg, why hasn't he texted me today, should i text him? or should i wait longer (cuz he's my bitch)."
    She will give up and text you! I can give you TOTAL confidence in this. JUST DO IT! Freeze her out bro! before she feels like ur showing too much interest of becoming needy.
    Life is too short. Go ahead. Live it up. And enjoy the ride before its over(;

  8. #8
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to recover from appearing needy?

    Hey alex, what's the circumstance behind all this? Have you guys actually dated before? Was she some girl you met on social networking and got her phone number?

    Because if you haven't dated, then you need to move it in that direction and not keep playing 'grab ass' via IM and getting trapped being a phone buddy. You risk getting tossed in friendzone the longer it takes.

    Also do not get responses and her laughing mixed up with attraction (although the groundwork is there). For all you know you got just a rapport going.

    A good indicator of her showing interest is her initiating contact with you. Based on what I gathered, you've been the one initiating all along.

    Heres' the thing: if you can't date her for whatever reasons, you need to put her in what's called a 'holding pattern.'

    That means you will need to contact her enough to stay on her radar. So yes that means you have to tone it down with intermittent freezeouts. You need to eventually break out of that rapport and move things forward. Calibrate her interest to see if she initiates contact. If she does contact you first, then there may be some attraction there.

  9. #9
    alexgu is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to recover from appearing needy?

    hi Mortal, thanks for the response. Yes, I've dated this woman in the past. I'd say I've been initiating about 70-80% of the time. There were times when she just messaged or called me out of nowhere. I've tried the freeze out tactic several times in the past and it usually took about 1-2 days before she contacted me. I'm pretty sure I've built enough rapport because she admitted that she feels a deep connection with me. I'm just not sure how to give her the final push. Any advice would be appreciated.

  10. #10
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to recover from appearing needy?

    I would call it more of a "chill session" than a freeze out. Don't ignore her, just be short with her. Send her a clever good morning text, but don't respond to her, she will probably contact you. If she calls, answer but keep it a short conversation. Basically what I do is pull away somewhat. I still make myself available/attainable but at the same time, I let them know that if they don't have time to spend with me, that is totally cool and I understand they are busy, but at the same time they won't be getting these long conversations over the phone with me and the validation, empathy, compassion and support I offer them if they don't desire to spend time with me.

    Of course, you don't want to say all that, you want to SHOW them with your actions.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple


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