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Thread: Advice on this situation about girl and second class behavior

  1. #1
    kriskross4 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Advice on this situation about girl and second class behavior

    Hello,

    Would be great to get some advice on not accepting second class behavior from women.

    I've been chatting to this girl online. Things stated very well and I got her number.However when we spoke on the phone I messed up as I didn't know what to say, it was awkward, some nervousness etc. I take full responsibility for it. Anyway naturally her perception of me changed and she started becoming more aloof with me whenever we'd chat after that. By the way we're in two different countries. Two weeks ago while chatting I accidentally pressed the wrong button while which cut off her screen but I had another screen of her page open where I was invisible and I could see there was a genuine concern on her face as to where I had disappeared. Seeeing this I didn't go back to her that very day as I was wanted her to miss me .However she never asked me by email as to why I'd left so abruptly but since I thought it was rude of me I sent her an email 2 days after to explain to her that I had to leave the room as someone had come in. Her reply to me was "Its okay I understand, hope the problem wasn't too bad, kiss :-)" Anyway I didn't chat with her for another 3 days as I had a feeling I was getting into the friendzone and wanted to get a little scarce. When I did get back to her she seemed even more aloof. I feel she likes another guy now. When she asked me about what happened the other day this is what I mentioned 'I don't want to explain it right now but when I will I'll let you know'. Also I told her I've been busy and I can't come everyday to chat. That night I called her and she hung up the phone so I sent her a text message to say " I'm on holidays thats why I called but you could have at least answered" Next day she replied to say "I answered but you hung up" I could see she was trying to pick a fight so I simply ignored this message and said "Is that your child" referring to the whats app image of a child on her phone. She replied after a few hours to say , "No, its a friends". Anyway I didn't chat with her that day and cut off contact for another 5 days.She seemed okay to see me and asked me questions such as how are my holidays going and whats my girl scene like to which I replied that I'm having a great time with various things keeping me busy and as far as the girls go that I am approaching a few which is true btw. However I read an article that says never show your anger which would come across as weak so I did not mention the text message thing and especially since you've never met that person. Today I am thinking I should address this as she may think that I have no value/balls and that I am too much of a nice guy. So without coming across as an angry person is there something I can tell her by email just to let her know that I am not someone to be walked over.

    Here's what I had in mind

    "Hey, I'm not being angry but I want to clear something. When you sent me that text message last time "I answered but you hung up" I would just like to say that it is cute and may have worked with other guys but the both of us have much more class than that so please save it for them and not me.
    Thanks"

    Is this okay?

    Any advice, suggestions would be great.

    Thanks for your time guys as I know its a long message,

    Kriskross

    P.S. I would like to make it with this girl as I like her.

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Advice on this situation

    I know the difficulty of trying to figure out how to not come across as weak or needy, but not wanting to be nice all the time.

    There seems to be a bit of tension between you two. Back and forth mind games. Best way to alleviate any tension is to call it out.

    Not sure why her message about picking up when you hung up bothers you. Whether it is truth or not doesn't matter. The fact is she took the time to explain herself to you. And that is a good thing.

    Also try not to say you are NOT something. When you say you are "not being angry, but...." you might as well say "I'm not being a stalker, but I want to know your address." She may not even have assumed your message was angry. But now you have put it in her mind simply by mentioning it. (It also as a little hint of you being afraid to be judged by her. But that's a whole other subject.)

    So that's enough of me bashing lol. On to the good stuff. And that is "How do you let her know she's crossed the line without seeming needy?" It's simple!....... You state your standards and expectations.

    Understand that this game only increases our chances with a woman, not guarantee anything. Which means we cannot control her. Only influence. So when you tell her something like "I don't like it when someone behaves that way" you are stating what you expect, but not telling her what to do. It's letting her choose her next move. You drew the line, now it's her choice to cross it or not. Of course she may get defensive. You did just challenge her after all. But if you hold your ground and just tell her that you will speak to her later she will calm down from the sudden shock of you confronting her and she'll be more receptive to you the next time you talk. That is...if she does care about you enough that she doesn't want to lose you. Hope this helps and good luck.

    P.S. She was not picking a fight.....you were.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    kriskross4 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Advice on this situation

    Thanks BatMan for your reply. Just in regards to "Not sure why her message about picking up when you hung up bothers you. Whether it is truth or not doesn't matter. The fact is she took the time to explain herself to you. And that is a good thing." While she did take the time to explain herself which is certainly a good thing the only problem was that she was blatantly lying about me hanging up when she picked up the phone said hello and hung up. This gives me the impression that she's not interested in me and was wanting to start an argument or she was geunuinely busy that day. The good thing is that I didn't react to that message and simply commented on her whatsapp image instead. Also when I asked her whether she was busy that day while chatting to her she half heartedly replied 'O yeah sorry'. I can see her face on camera so the emotions come through.

  4. #4
    kriskross4 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Advice on this situation

    Also thanks for the tip of not making women behave a certain way but rather stating what you expect from them. This is something that I will implement from now on. Do you think its a good idea to cut off communication for the next month altogether? This way if she really is interested she'd enquire and also would give me an indication of where she stands with this other guy whom she is chatting to and likes as well. By the way I have not yet sent her this text "Hey, I'm not being angry but I want to clear something. When you sent me that text message last time". I only wanted to know from you guys whether it was a good idea to send it to her or not which I won't.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Advice on this situation about girl and second class behavior

    Oh I see. So you already know she was blatantly lying. That is strange she would take the time to lie about it instead of just saying she missed the call. But I would still not try to think about it too much beings that trying to analyze anything she does is further investment on your part. (Even though it is strange she did that.) We have to be careful that we don't put too much focus on someone that doesn't put focus on us.

    A freeze out? Those are used so loosely and without strategy that most of the time they don't make sense to me. A freeze out only works if she would care. If you really think she would contact you in a month then go ahead. But why go through all that, risking her full attention on someone else when you finally come back?

    There is no real investment on each other (ie: Slept together, relationship, kids, etc.) so going on month may actually hurt you. She would've been found someone else by now. Have you ever heard of the 6 year freeze out? .......No? Because it's dumb. Lol. You think a man who freezes a woman out for 6+ years has so many cool points that he could just sleep with her at any moment? (Exaggerated yes, but I hope you get my point.)

    Me and my gf talk every single day. When we DON'T talk for a day that's a freeze out to us. It feels like a week. But it only works because we HAVE to talk everyday. Yea if you call or make so many attempts to contact her first, you can lose some cool points. BUT I can tell you that if your game is tight, then you'll gain back those cool points tenfold by whatever teasing or push/pull you do AFTER you suck it up and make the call. You got to spend money, to make money. So spend your cool points.

    A bit long winded, but I just woke up lol.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    kriskross4 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Advice on this situation about girl and second class behavior

    I would talk to her 4 to 5 days a week but it seems that I need to make the effort which comes across as needy and also it seems shes giving me the hint that shes not interested. I feel she likes this guy more which I have to accept. For example she was online today but didn't tell me when usually she would. When I asked her about it she said it was expensive to let me know which is BS considering there's whatsapp, yahoo mail, all free forms of communication even though we are miles away from each other. Anyway thanks again for the tips BatMan, appreciate it pal. Btw would be interesting to know, would you still recommend communicating with her in this situation?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Advice on this situation about girl and second class behavior

    I don't see a reason why not communicating. At the very least you will learn something and gain experience. Maybe even try out a new technique you haven't tried before since you wouldn't have much to lose.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."


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