Trying to keep this as short as I can, but I clearly need help with this PUA stuff, this is my second big failure, and went major AFC today... might of farked up with someone I care a lot about... huge failure, my last screw up doesn't even compare.
Background: Girl I have known (most people would think HB 8.5-9, she is a 10 to me from our history) since elementary school (was basically "the girl next door") and dated for 3 years off an on before college, flew down to see me this past weekend. A lot of talk and hype leading into the weekend, very sexual. She is currently separated from her 2nd husband, has always made comments about how she wonders how much life would be different if we never broke up and got married.
This weekend: I pick her up at the airport and it instantly clicks, just like 13 years ago when we were last together. She was a lot more timid vs how we were talking prior to her visit, and more of a clear sexual tension. We go out Fri night, have a blast... almost even closed a threesome (mostly due to HER help with a HB10 23yr old blonde)! No threesome but F-closed my girl and it was amazing. Saturday we couldn't keep our hands off each-other all day. She helps me shop since I'm not that fashionable and picks out stuff for me, all while being very flirty. Get back to the hotel she is staying at in the city and she starts to get ready for dinner. Now, I'm not going to lie, I am at this point thinking "what if" this could play out over time and she could be the one? Maybe she was the one I meant to be with all along.
Sat. Night: With those thoughts, I make dinner reservations at Fleming's (high, high end steakhouse) to surprise her with. We walk in, she is floored that I (1) made reservations and (2) she has never eaten at fine dining her life. Dinner is amazing. She looks at me at the end of the meal and says let's not go out tonight and just go back up to the room. She strips down, I keep mine on hoping she was going to be aggressive, but she waits for me to make a move. Things progress a bit, but we're taking it slower that I planned. She ends up falling asleep! ...granted we both got only 2-3 hours of sleep so far in the weekend.
This is where I think I farked up: I go complete AFC, emphasis on the frustration. I "check on her" asking if she is going to just sleep and she says no, just had too much wine. Ok, I go down on her to keep her interested and she tells me I don't have to do that. She then goes on me until I'm done and after says "better now?" and goes to sleep.
Sunday Morning: She is up well before me (around 6am I think), goes out to get coffee and I hear her when she comes back in (it is now around 8). I'm still half asleep, she is dressed but I ask her to come back to bed. I should have known something was off and gotten out of bed! She doesn't, and I doze back off. When I wake up again, she is gone. Just a note saying "Thank you for a wonderful weekend, I got an earlier flight and will find my own way to the airport". I am CRUSHED. My wife walked out on me about 9 months ago, literally, moved out and took the kids while I was at work. This brought that pain back along with where I though this relationship could go. I call, I text, I call again, just wanted to know what went wrong. She finally replies when I tell her I'm on my way to the airport and will buy a ticket to anywhere to get past security to see / talk to her. (It works in the movies, right? but, I know, total AFC move. I was serious about it and almost really did. She tells me not to and also twists the knife with texts such as:
"Our unfinished business is finished. And our history is exactly what it is. History."
"We are just two completely different people now. This is the way it has to be."
...I asked why she didn't wake me and say goodbye...
"I could have. But you were sleeping and peaceful and I'm just that cold hearted bitch and jaded and that much of a bitch."
... I tell her I feel played, and thought with some time we could have had it all...
"No, we couldn't have. I need and deserve way more than you can offer me." (keep in mind, she has 2 kids, 2 diff dads, I have two kids with my ex... both her ex's are deadbeats and she makes 16k a year organizing event for a swingers club inside a strip club. I have a solid 6 figure career, a house, the "american dream" only broken by divorce).
That was her last text to me. I was at the airport, I did not go past security and didn't see or talk to her. I don't want to end like this. I have known her for over 25 years!
- Is she saying that stuff to push me away, or do you think she feels that way?
- What do I do??! I want her back, but I at an absolute minimum don't what to lose what we had before this weekend.
Thank you for even reading this, thank you in advance to anyone who can help (and if telling me to go see a PhD tomorrow is your advice, I just might anyway). I want to call her again tonight when I know she would be back home, but I doubt she will answer, and I doubt it would actually help. A "freeze out" seems to be the way to go. I just don't know that I can do it and I can let her go. I'm afraid a freeze will mean it is over