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  • 1 Post By Gaul

Thread: How to reconnect 7-8 years later ?

  1. #1
    FlowTime is offline PUA in Training
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    Thumbs up How to reconnect 7-8 years later ?

    I post this in a desperate attempt , i do not want to mess this up . I'll keep digging through this amazing forum in hope of finding material that touch on the subject, if you went through a similar stage and no matter if it worked or not in the long run for you , please share your experience
    and if you know the exact material i need

    A few months ago i moved back into my hometown

    I recently got back in touch with one of my oldest best friend and she invited me over for diner the other day , we bonded again like i had never left . She told me she had long since changed her circle of friends and quickly became "BFF" with one of her workmate which happen to be an old flame of mine .

    To put you in my shoes, I met her in high school as she and her girl friend were walking back home to said friend for a sleepover , they had to walk through a rather small but somewhat unsafe forest (2 sexual predators had been caught the previous year) so i volunteered to walk that extra mile or 2 just to make sure they'd get home safe , chitchatted her for a good half hour before getting her name , she started visiting me at my "hang out" spot during break/lunch time and after a while i managed to get her phone number. Called her the next day or two after school , she seemed really interested but sadly i was a teenager and only wanted to party and explore the inner of girls . The following weekend , the friends and I were invited to this party and a new girl came in the picture , I'll skip the detail of that misadventure haha

    Fast forward 7-8 years later , she's a single mom with a 1+- year old baby , i'm okay with that , i think she's been single since around June-August . (from what her BFF/my friend told , there is no unresolved/hidden feeling towards the father aka she unconditionally love her baby but it was a mistake)

    What is blocking me is i don't know How and Where i should start reconnecting with her .

    Facebook , Face to Face or <your suggestion here>
    If facebook , what msg do i send her , do i skip sending and just add to facebook , what if she don't remember me and simply choose to ignore friend request
    in the event that she does , what do i start with
    If face to face , i won't stalk her to the job , she's a pharmacist and works behind the counter , this leave next to no room to chat . I could convince my friend to invite her over but then how do i organize it ?

    Maybe I'm over analyzing it but I DO NOT want to screw this up

  2. #2
    FlowTime is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to reconnect 7-8 years later ?

    Update 1
    Things are taking a rather different turn (Good or Worst idk)

    My Friend has been talking to her about me at work .
    Their conversation went as follow.
    Friend ; Hey do you know Jason <Famname>
    Her ; Hmm No i don't think so , why ?
    Friend ; I just recently reconnected with him and when i spoke about you being my BFF he said he knew you
    Her ; Aww okay
    Friend ; get her cellphone out and goes on facebook to show my picture <Application fails to load said picture> She half recognize me ( at this point i dont know if she recalls me at all or think im someone else )
    Friend ; *lies* He has only been talking about you for the past week , even told him to just pm you on facebook but is too shy.
    Her ; Well i'd like to see him again ,
    you should invite him at your place and i "randomly" come by your place with <kid name here> ( it was originally my master plan )
    /End

    I went crazy and told my friend that she'd just C-Blocked any chance i could of have , all the while she was already on her cell trying to make things up by just "presenting" us over the freaking phone .. i luckily managed to dodge that bullet.

    I need perspective , supportive and honest feedback here . Has my chances increased/decreased ? What will i look like if she tells her what happened this evening <aka me throwing a fit and saying she ruined my chances>

  3. #3
    Gaul is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to reconnect 7-8 years later ?

    Hi FlowTime. I'm gonna try to give you some basic advice without being too hypocritical, I have my own problems but it's good to comment on others to help see things more objectively.

    First I have to ask, what is your objective exactly? It sounds like you're ready to declare your undying love rather than just fark her. What is your current frame of mind? I'll cite a few examples to show you. Tell me what you think..

    "I post this in a desperate attempt"

    "i do not want to mess this up"

    "sadly i was a teenager and only wanted to party and explore the inner of girls" Nothing sad about that!

    "she's a single mom with a 1+- year old baby , i'm okay with that , i think she's been single since around June-August" Who cares?

    "Maybe I'm over analyzing it"

    "I went crazy"

    Here's what I think, you're letting your emotions control you instead of controlling the emotions of those around you. You're too dependant on the result, instead of just not giving a fark, which would arguably increase your chances. You're talking about her marital status and motherhood as if any of that matters, well, maybe it does if it's a relationship you're after, is that what you want? You are indeed over-analyzing and yes it will send you crazy.

    So, I suggest, like for myself, that you work on some inner game before launching headfirst into some kind of soul-destroying catastrophe. Strengthen your mind, then formulate a plan. Instead of saying, "I don't want to screw this up", say, "I'll give it a shot and if it screws up I will have lost nothing, not a single thing". There is no failure, just a learning curve and as hard as it will be to hear it, there is nothing special about this girl, absolutely nothing at all. Believe me, I know more than most that it's hard, but you have to hear the truth.

    Finally, I don't understand why you flipped out when you had the chance to meet the chick. Ok, your friend would have been there, but I don't see what's wrong with that for the first time. You're re-establishing contact, that's all. The second time you invite her out on your own. Even in the case where you would have been presented over the phone, so what? You're saying you don't know how to get back in touch, tormenting yourself with questions surrounding how best to use Facebook to do that, when in fact your friend is offering an easy solution, to simply say hi and some funny sh1t. Just do it, get it over with.

    To get over the over-analyzing of all this I suggest you DO something. A positive pro-active decision and fark the consequences. You can do it any way you like. Just don't be afraid or ashamed or overly-self conscious of your actions, play it cool, like it's completely normal. I wouldn't hesitate to use the friend to make it happen. Does your target know that you're doing that? Of course she does, but she's probably curious about what's come of you, so she won't really care and she likely has the same plan so who cares! The amount of cheesy, obvious reasons or excuses I have used to meet chicks is staggering but it matters not if they're curious. They'll still meet.

    I would organize a night out, a group of people and hit a bar or something, get your friend to make sure she's there. I think she won't meet you alone for the first time because there's no more rapport (I mean if you can't even say hello on FB then we are starting totally from scratch), you have to rebuild it and she'll feel more comfortable at first with others around. Rebuild the rapport, comfort, attraction, etc, during this meet, use other chicks there as pivots, to DHV yourself, etc, pique her interest again. Once that's done, if you can't extract on the night, then you can add her to FB and later set about organizing a cosy night alone with her. She won't feel weird about communicating online with you or meeting you after having met you already again and seen what a cool guy you are these days.

  4. #4
    FlowTime is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to reconnect 7-8 years later ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gaul View Post
    Hi FlowTime. I'm gonna try to give you some basic advice without being too hypocritical, I have my own problems but it's good to comment on others to help see things more objectively.

    First I have to ask, what is your objective exactly? It sounds like you're ready to declare your undying love rather than just fark her. What is your current frame of mind? I'll cite a few examples to show you. Tell me what you think..

    My objectives are to find a long term relationship , i don't fark around anymore but no i'm ready to throw the L word at anyone just yet . It's something that you have to deserve .

    "she's a single mom with a 1+- year old baby , i'm okay with that , i think she's been single since around June-August" Who cares?

    I thought it'd put people into perspective that she's not out every weekend and i'm more likely to see her during the day at a lunch or diner rather then at a bar , and I've never dated a mom so i thought i needed to change my approach .

    Here's what I think, you're letting your emotions control you instead of controlling the emotions of those around you. You're too dependant on the result, instead of just not giving a fark, which would arguably increase your chances. well, maybe it does if it's a relationship you're after, is that what you want? You are indeed over-analyzing and yes it will send you crazy.

    When i come to think about it , Yes i'm already seeing the end result /bad me

    So, I suggest, like for myself, that you work on some inner game before launching headfirst into some kind of soul-destroying catastrophe. Strengthen your mind, then formulate a plan. Instead of saying, "I don't want to screw this up", say, "I'll give it a shot and if it screws up I will have lost nothing, not a single thing". There is no failure, just a learning curve and as hard as it will be to hear it, there is nothing special about this girl, absolutely nothing at all. Believe me, I know more than most that it's hard, but you have to hear the truth.

    Wrote that down on a piece of paper and stickied it on my motivation wall

    Finally, I don't understand why you flipped out when you had the chance to meet the chick. Ok, your friend would have been there, but I don't see what's wrong with that for the first time. You're re-establishing contact, that's all. The second time you invite her out on your own. Even in the case where you would have been presented over the phone, so what? You're saying you don't know how to get back in touch, tormenting yourself with questions surrounding how best to use Facebook to do that, when in fact your friend is offering an easy solution, to simply say hi and some funny sh1t. Just do it, get it over with.

    Yesterday things just happened so fast , 4hours earlier my friend was talking to her about me and as she was recounting her story to me in the evening, she was already dialing her number to reacquaint us over the phone I pushed the red alert button , I've only just started reading about PUA subjects and to me it felt like if i had spoken to her the same day , it would've looked like i was Needy Impatient Scarcity person. Also i want to win said number , i don't want it handed to me a on a silver platter

    To get over the over-analyzing of all this I suggest you DO something. A positive pro-active decision and fark the consequences. You can do it any way you like. Just don't be afraid or ashamed or overly-self conscious of your actions, play it cool, like it's completely normal. I wouldn't hesitate to use the friend to make it happen. Does your target know that you're doing that? Of course she does, but she's probably curious about what's come of you, so she won't really care and she likely has the same plan so who cares! The amount of cheesy, obvious reasons or excuses I have used to meet chicks is staggering but it matters not if they're curious. They'll still meet.


    I mean if you can't even say hello on FB then we are starting totally from scratch

    you have to rebuild it and she'll feel more comfortable at first with others around. Rebuild the rapport, comfort, attraction, etc, during this meet, use other chicks there as pivots

    Notes taken , there won't be any other available chicks , is that a problem ?

    to DHV yourself, etc, pique her interest again. Once that's done, if you can't extract on the night, then you can add her to FB and later set about organizing a cosy night alone with her. She won't feel weird about communicating online with you or meeting you after having met you already again and seen what a cool guy you are these days.
    Why is it that much harder to fix our own problems haha
    Really appreciate your feedback !
    (Answers in bold)

  5. #5
    Gaul is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to reconnect 7-8 years later ?

    So, any news? I would say that to generate a minimum of interest you have to suggest some competition for the target in question. If there are a selection of chumps or indeed hunks there for the taking, why would she choose you? If you can give solid congruent reasons as to why you should be chosen and nobody else, then fair enough, but if you want to increase your chances, flirt with everything that wears a skirt, get them into you, fark your target, she doesn't even matter anymore. At precisely the moment when your target realises she doesn't matter anymore THEN, THAT will be the moment to strike, if she doesn't strike you down first!

    Even if you don't have any chicks in your group, just socialise with chicks elsewhere, your target will notice. Jealousy is a terrible thing for women!

  6. #6
    FlowTime is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to reconnect 7-8 years later ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gaul View Post
    So, any news? I would say that to generate a minimum of interest you have to suggest some competition for the target in question. If there are a selection of chumps or indeed hunks there for the taking, why would she choose you? If you can give solid congruent reasons as to why you should be chosen and nobody else, then fair enough, but if you want to increase your chances, flirt with everything that wears a skirt, get them into you, fark your target, she doesn't even matter anymore. At precisely the moment when your target realises she doesn't matter anymore THEN, THAT will be the moment to strike, if she doesn't strike you down first!

    Even if you don't have any chicks in your group, just socialise with chicks elsewhere, your target will notice. Jealousy is a terrible thing for women!

    So we finally met last friday, at a friendly gather with a few people . Everything went super fine , although i was extremely tired of my extensive workout . Upon arriving i quickly went for the liquor and did a few shots to boost me up a little , initiated contact soon after . We've hit it off quite well but there were so many things i just couldn't agree with her (in my head) , it's at this moment that i knew nothing would come from this. Before she left , we exchanged number , she told me that she'd love to hear from me again soon then surprisingly (her bff was as shocked as me), She invited me to continue this back to her place , i declined as i don't want to complicate things for either of us. Later that night i tried texting , even called Sunday morning to try to set things straight , she won't answer me .

    I feel bad now .

  7. #7
    Gaul is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to reconnect 7-8 years later ?

    It doesn't seem like you're really wanting this girl for a pickup situation. I'm confused, I still don't know what you want from her and I'm guessing neither does she. She laid it on a plate for you and you refused. She was putting her womanly reputation at risk by inviting you and you threw it back in her face, at least this is how she'll see it. She is now in the strange position of having buyer's remorse without even having bought anything! Now she'll want to backtrack because you rejected her proposition, so she won't show herself as an 'easy' girl, when in fact she was already prepared to make it easy for you!

    So now, the tables are turned. She will probably try to brush you off, unless she REALLY likes you. She's going to make you jump through hoops to get back to where you were and have that same chance again. It's going to be tricky. How many texts have you sent? I suggest not sending anything beta. Make her laugh, then invite her out. If she doesn't answer then leave it, don't text again, she'll just see you as some jelly-spined lapdog who flunked his chance. Don't bother trying to 'set things straight', she doesn't care. She was up and ready to be boned and you didn't take control.

    I think you should play it light and cheerful, happy happy, fun fun, just get her interested, get her horny then get her alone! Don't start sending numerous texts, meet her in the flesh asap. If she's not your type and you don't want to fark her then just be friends, use her as social proof.

    Good luck.

  8. #8
    FlowTime is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to reconnect 7-8 years later ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Gaul View Post
    It doesn't seem like you're really wanting this girl for a pickup situation. I'm confused, I still don't know what you want from her and I'm guessing neither does she. She laid it on a plate for you and you refused. She was putting her womanly reputation at risk by inviting you and you threw it back in her face, at least this is how she'll see it. She is now in the strange position of having buyer's remorse without even having bought anything! Now she'll want to backtrack because you rejected her proposition, so she won't show herself as an 'easy' girl, when in fact she was already prepared to make it easy for you!

    So now, the tables are turned. She will probably try to brush you off, unless she REALLY likes you. She's going to make you jump through hoops to get back to where you were and have that same chance again. It's going to be tricky. How many texts have you sent? I suggest not sending anything beta. Make her laugh, then invite her out. If she doesn't answer then leave it, don't text again, she'll just see you as some jelly-spined lapdog who flunked his chance. Don't bother trying to 'set things straight', she doesn't care. She was up and ready to be boned and you didn't take control.

    I think you should play it light and cheerful, happy happy, fun fun, just get her interested, get her horny then get her alone! Don't start sending numerous texts, meet her in the flesh asap. If she's not your type and you don't want to fark her then just be friends, use her as social proof.

    Good luck.
    I am aware of that , what i meant is .. We've hit it off but as the night progressed then i kinda friendzoned her . I do want a long term relationship as much as she does but we are just not meant together , It is something i had forgotten over the years . I made a big fuss about it .. got me to rethink my current situation and i've made drastic life changing decision recently all because of these events . I'm a weirdo , i believe things happen for a reason.


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