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  • 1 Post By BatMan

Thread: Just when I thought things were getting better

  1. #1
    Glider001 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Exclamation Just when I thought things were getting better

    Hello PUA's, It's rather urgent, here's the deal:

    I really like a girl, and I managed to friend zone myself.
    As I thought I was getting Out of the friend zone, she came up with the following:

    She: I hate love.
    Me: Love is something powerful and can be truly beautiful, why do you hate it?
    She: I'm too weak for it. That's why.
    Me: Each ones heart melts for this one special person. So does mine.
    She: I mean it. How much can one love another? Even if the other person doesn't deserve it..
    Me: Who doesn't deserve it?
    She: The guy I told you about. (She apparently cried over that guy. They don't know each other for a long time. But they haven't spoken to each other for THREE(!!) whole months. They don't have their contact info, except for home address.)
    Me: Honey/darling (hard to translate from my language), out of my heart: If you say that he doesn't deserve it, and you don't just say such a thing, add up to that that he didn't come looking for you for three whole months... It's never easy, I can tell you all about it, but I would let it rest and slip away.
    She: I can't. My hart and ratio aren't on one line (no idea what that meant). I just can't control it. It doesn't matter how hard I try.
    (10 minutes ago)


    Okay, so I have no idea how to continue.
    Advise is very much appreciated!
    Speak your thoughts, if you think I'm a fool, do tell me; I want your honest opinion.

    Thanks in advance.


    Update:
    She: Anyway, I don't want to bother you with this. Sorry. It wasn't a well-thought outburst.
    (5 minutes later)
    Me: It's okay
    She: What u up to?

  2. #2
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Just when I thought things were getting better

    Holy fricking crap man. Stop. STOP EVERYTHING. Lol. I'm glad I caught this early. Before I tell you why just trust me and STOP being her crying pillow, her emotional tampon, her girlfriend with a *whistle* extension.

    Ok....good. Now that that's over with let's move on.

    You have a way with words my friend. I was nearly moved and you could've melted my heart. But understand this...there is a difference between logical communication and emotional communication. Check these two scenarios out.

    1: A guy sits her down and tells her how much he cares for her and that he is a better fit for her. How he has his life together and is ready to settle down with someone special like her.

    2: A guy takes her out and has a good time. They laugh and have fun. When they finally sit down and talk he talks about his childhood and the pranks his best friend plays on other people. And confesses he sometimes joins in.

    Which is which. If you are thinking that number 1 is emotional communication then that is a big fat ERRR wrong answer. Why? Because emotional communication follows one simple rule. That you focus on changing her mood, not her mind. Trying to convince a woman something about love or her emotions is logically handling it. The underlying tone of the whole conversation you are having is.....sadness. Emotional communication would be taking her out to have a good time and making her forget this ex of hers. Show her that being with you is more fun and happy. Not TELL her that it is. Actions really do speak louder than words.

    Lastly, do not be her friend by giving her advice. If she wants to vent to you that's ok. Not ideal, but ok. You want to quickly change the subject when appropriate and never give advice on her situation. Just listen then quickly move on when you can.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    Glider001 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Just when I thought things were getting better

    Thanks for the quick reply.

    Never saw it that way, but I definitely see your point.
    In this sort of situations, is it OK to suggest to do something fun together in the future to get her mind off it? And thus change her 'mood' into something 'fun'. But keep the topic related to the two of us, so she has her mind on me.
    Or would you suggest something else?

    Let me ask you differently:
    What would you have done, from the very beginning?

    And what do you think of the Update I wrote? You probably didn't read that yet since you were writing the above whilst I updated it.

    I'm happy I asked you, I'm also happy I didn't say all too much to her yet, and took my time to ask you guys here. lol

  4. #4
    Swagman's Avatar
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    Default Light at the End of the Tunnel

    Never lose hope, my very confused and hopeless friend. As I have said before, there is no such thing as being trapped in the friend zone. You hear stories of men getting out to hook up with their friends, some of them even after a decade of friendship. Nothing is ever too long.

    I definitely agree with Batman on this one, don't be a crying pillow for her. Stand firm and maintain your mindset on coming from a position of many women. If you want to get her best, try to pick her up as if she didn't have a boyfriend or an interest in another man in the first place.

    Try to be entertaining, engaging, fun, spontaneous, you, everything that you can show, but don't make it free access for her. You want to make her want to come into your world as if it was exotic, rather than typical.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  5. #5
    Glider001 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Just when I thought things were getting better

    I definitely agree with Batman on this one, don't be a crying pillow for her.
    So do I, and I definitely don't want to be that! I want to avoid that at all cost, that's why I came here.

    try to pick her up as if she didn't have a boyfriend
    Good, that's what I've been trying to do.

    Try to be entertaining, engaging, fun, spontaneous, you, everything that you can show, but don't make it free access for her. You want to make her want to come into your world as if it was exotic, rather than typical.
    I'm trying trying trying! I started another thread on this girl (Forum Dating Advice: Getting mixed signals, it's confusing me) a few days ago when she first mentioned that she cried over this other guy. People from here have been giving me good advise and I feel like I've been making progress. (Well, what she just said was a major blow. Lol I never could have thought she was still so much into him. Hurts me saying this, actually.)

    I'm not losing hope! Once I got my mind fixed, well, then it's fixed. (can be a great burden sometimes, though)


    I just told her some random story about 2 years ago (when me and my friends (UNINTENTIONALLY) nearly killed a young couple at winter sports by throwing gigantic icicles off the gutter (lol, still gets me giggling), and that I nearly got buried under 2m of snow. (both truth, actually, lol) I got her occupied and laughing. But She's still in a bad mood though.

    Update:
    Quote, She: "Hahaha *my name*, why are you so cheerful all out of the sudden. It's so contagious
    A little Yay for me

    Update 2:
    (talk talk, mostly the above 2 stories)
    She: *my name*, I'm really not in the mood for this. (okay just shoot me now)
    Me: Ah okay I understand. I'm sorry, your forgiveness would mean the world to me
    She: Silly, don't be like that. no need to say sorry -flower emoticon-
    Me: You're too sweet ^^ Why don't you go to bed? (it's 2am here) Have some lovely dreams.. You're good at that.
    She: Yes, probably I should
    Me: You should
    (random talk..)


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