Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Results 1 to 4 of 4
Like Tree4Likes
  • 3 Post By Sense
  • 1 Post By Flyboy86

Thread: Lots of First Dates, No Second Dates

  1. #1
    ThawraHatalNasr is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 54, Level: 1
    Level completed: 8%, Points required for next Level: 46
    Overall activity: 3.7%
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    2
    Points
    54
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Lots of First Dates, No Second Dates

    Hey Guys,

    New to this board, but here's my situation. Since I started dating after the dissolution of my last relationship, I have been pretty successful getting dates (although at first they were almost exclusively through online dating). Unfortunately, despite getting over a dozen first dates, I have never succeeded in getting a second date with any girl I've been interested in. Here's an example that happened recently - I'm giving a lot of detail to give you guys more information to work with:

    I meet extremely cute, nerdy, but strangely athletic HB7 at a bar and though conversation is at first fairly conventional, I quickly go in with DHV's, disqualifiers, and jokes. She's shooting me massive IOI's, laughing at things that aren't even funny, and while she had at first hesitated to order a second drink, once the conversation got good, she decided that she wanted another round. As I continue to get IOI's, I kino-escalate her and it gets to the point that we're literally holding hands (and carressing hands) in the bar. She just coincidentally lives on my street (we're both Ph.D students in what's essentially a college town) and so we walk home together, I start holding her hand, and during the light-hearted chat on the walk home, she says "wow, honestly, you're just so cool. I can't believe it." - not in a fake way, but very sincerely. When we get to my place, I mention that we're at my house and ask her if she wants me to walk her home. She says no - but we kiss - like 8 seconds, light tongue. Then I tell her that I'd be interested in meeting up again, she says "Alrite, just let me know."

    I text her the next day, and almost immediately, she's extremely flaky on text messages, Often waiting tons of time to text me back. What follows below is our correspondence, maybe you guys can help me diagnose what happened:

    Me: Hello Ms. [[LASTNAME]. I had a very nice time last night. You down to hang out this weekend? (Thursday morning, day after the date)

    Her: I had a nice time too. I'm unfortunately gonna be out of town this weekend but maybe next week? (Thursday evening, 6 hours later)

    Me: That should work but I don't know when yet, I'll let you know. (5 hours later, late Thursday night)

    Me: Hey, my nights this week are pretty busy but I'm down for Lunch if you're interested. [Restaurant name] has really good Biryani. (Monday afternoon, 3:00 PM)

    Her: Hey, unfortunately my lunches are pretty much booked up this week. Maybe coffee? (Tuesday Morning, 11:00 AM, 20 hours later)

    Me: Sounds like you're a popular girl. And wow, waiting 18 hours to text back? You must REALLY like me. Wednesday or Thursday for coffee should work. (Tuesday, 12:00 PM, one hour later)

    Her: Haha, should I not tell you it was mostly because I was driving through the frozen north with no cell service? Thursday would work better for me. (Tuesday, 12:30 PM, thirty minutes later)

    Me: Ah, I see, so your undying passion motivated only 40% of the decision - that's fair. Thursday is flexible so you can pretty much pick your time. (tuesday, 12:50 PM, 20 minutes later)

    Then, strangely, about an hour later, I run into her at this cafe where I normally get work done, we exchange small talk, she says, with a laugh "haha, I just got your text." and I was like "cool" or something kind of dismissive. She sits down with her friends while I keep working, then gives me a wave on the way back. Doesn't respond to my text then Thursday rolls around, and at like 4:00 in the afternoon, she texts to say: "hey, sorry but my day just exploded and I don't think I'll be able to make it, sorry, I should have realized this sooner." I tried to do a slight neg, dhv and text back saying "That's fine, listen, I'm intrigued by you, but I meet a lot of intriguing people, so the ball is in your court." She responds by saying "Well in that case, let me just be honest and say that since I started this new project, I don't really have much time for dating." I think this is BS, because I found her OkCupid profile and she has been on it a fair amount even after she sent me that text, including within a couple of hours of sending it.

    So, experts - what do you think? Clearly I soiled this in the time after the date, but I just can't figure it out!

  2. #2
    Sense is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 221, Level: 4
    Level completed: 43%, Points required for next Level: 29
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points7 days registered
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    15
    Points
    221
    Level
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    12

    Default Re: Lots of First Dates, No Second Dates

    Ouch, this is a tough loss. I myself am a Ph.D student so I'm already amazed you ran into another one, haha. I'm instantly enamored by an intelligent girl. She was definitely interested initially, I have almost no hesitation in saying that. The problem with starting things with a girl is that because they have many opportunities to meet other guys, it's important to keep the momentum up from the get-go. Assuming she was truly out of town the first weekend, that put an immediate hurdle in your way, even if she didn't intend to. And another hurdle the following week. New encounters/relationships/hookups require a lot of energy before they develop some sort of self-sustaining inertia, but I think by the following week, she had lost the initial intrigue she had with you, and it became more of a struggle to find availability than an excitement.

    How to combat this? Well, in my experience, you can't always if it's not possible to meet up (like in this case). But the key is to keep up that momentum however you can! Don't plan for a week ahead. Plan for 2-3 days ahead to keep you on her mind. This was not really possible for you in this case, because she was either really busy or not making it easy for you. Perhaps with this girl the best thing would have been to stop giving her choices- but instead offering specific days rather than asking if she'll be available at all during the week.

  3. #3
    Flyboy86 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 739, Level: 14
    Level completed: 78%, Points required for next Level: 11
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered500 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    101
    Points
    739
    Level
    14
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    39

    Default Re: Lots of First Dates, No Second Dates

    Sense is right on target. Too often on this site I see peoples text conversations and the go on and on. Texts are fine, but really I only use them to plan the next meet up. Every time you interact with a girl it should make her day. It is hard to do that with texts, not impossible, but hard. I typically just use them to build a little excitement, make a plan and bam! duck out and leave her wanting more. If the text convo goes stale and then you leave she will leave with the last impression she got with you. (this goes for all interactions) Always leave on a high note!!

  4. #4
    ThawraHatalNasr is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 54, Level: 1
    Level completed: 8%, Points required for next Level: 46
    Overall activity: 3.7%
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    2
    Points
    54
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Lots of First Dates, No Second Dates

    Thanks so much for this guys - really appreciate it.

    A couple of thoughts: first of all, I wonder if I was too eager texting the next day - because she was being so affectionate, I was trying to "reward" her good behavior by just letting her know that it was on. The thing which I often hear is that girls want a challenge - I'm wondering if I maybe should have waited longer before making the next date?

    Second, one thing I've heard is that instead of asking them out right away after a first date, just ping them - some funny thing about your day to make them laugh - but then don't invite them to anything - which will perplex and confuse them, raising your social value. I wonder if I maybe should have waited a couple of days, sent the quick ping text to remind them of my existence, and then waited another couple of days before inviting them to anything. Any thoughts on this approach?


Similar Threads

  1. Dates!
    By Philboss in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 09-25-2012, 09:50 PM
  2. Here Are My Ideas For First Dates
    By tcomea2 in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 12
    Last Thread: 05-07-2012, 12:23 PM
  3. 3 dates Analysis
    By Sebastian_insane in forum General Questions
    Replies: 5
    Last Thread: 08-27-2011, 11:36 AM
  4. Second dates...
    By AZPUAGuy in forum Isolating And Pulling
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 04-23-2011, 12:07 AM
  5. First few dates
    By crobinson1 in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 04-08-2010, 02:08 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com