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Thread: frustrated from being dumped

  1. #1
    mojoman is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default frustrated from being dumped

    Hi guys,

    Really need some advice here. I got dumped about a week ago.

    I've been looking for a relationship for about 12 months now and in this time dated a few girls. All of them have dumped me around the 2/3 month mark. They all give reasons like 'too busy' 'not ready for a relationship' etc which have been partly true but then I see them months later in a relationship and it is demoralising.

    I have been pretty good in playing by the PUA rules.

    There are two things I might be doing wrong:

    I do mostly DIRECT GAME

    AND

    only dating her.

    I think especially the second one.

    Is it necessary to date other women to keep a woman interested? That way I'm guessing she has to 'earn' you rather than have the power to decide if she wants to keep you or not.

    I'd like some input on this topic please.

    Getting dumped over and over is not good on the self confidence levels let me tell you....

  2. #2
    Thatoneguyonforums's Avatar
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    Default Re: frustrated from being dumped

    It's neither of those that are the problem, the number one thing to remember is to keep her interested. Make her chase you, make her think she needs you more than you need her. Be busy, make it apparent that you have other things to do and don't seem needy. What you may be doing wrong is making it to obvious you want a relationship, that in itself is a turn off for them. If you give me some more in depth details on how they ended, what you guys did in those 2 months, how it escalated maybe I could help you out more.
    "Act like you're interested, not like you care."

  3. #3
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    Default Re: frustrated from being dumped

    There is a 110% chance that you created solid attraction, took her all the way to a "close" and then stopped being attractive.

    Attractive is not automatic. You have to maintain attraction, consciously, from the very beginning or the very end.

    You know all those guys who are able to close the deal with a woman in a relationship? It's because her boyfriend lost his ability to maintain solid attraction at a level that keeps a woman satisfied.

    Make no mistake, guys work the same way. Unfortunately it takes a hell of a lot more (in my opinion) for a woman to keep a guy satisfied than vice-versa. So in some ways, it sucks we have to game, but in reality, we have the upper hand (IMHO).

    TRY THIS: However you attracted her in the first place, amp it up and go do it again. You can get a girl back by showing her what you showed her the first time. But because you lost brownie points for losing in round one, you have to drink some Red Bull and crank it up a notch.

    Or better yet, just go find another girl and keep the attraction going this time
    - CR

  4. #4
    mojoman is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: frustrated from being dumped

    So how to you keep a girl interested, get her to chase you, and make her feel like she wants me more than I want her?
    You make it sound so easy.

    Well, I played all the rules right and did exactly what you said: showed her that I have a busy and exciting life (which is true by the way), kept things fun and spontaneous, didn't give too much away too early, and didn't give off the 'needy' or 'really want a relationship' vibe. I DHV'd, playful negged and all that.

    In answer to your question about how we escalated:

    I saw her out one night and did the direct game thing and told her she looked cool and interesting, we chatted, I gave her my number and told her that if she wanted to catch up some time to shoot me off a text. She did a day or so later and we caught up later that week. After that we had a second date at her suggestion. We kissed on the second date and she went away for a month. We stayed in contact all that time with text, phone. Nothing heavy just light, fun stuff. I was careful in text and demonstrated DHV and humour.

    When she came back we had a third date, also at her suggestion, and thats when we slept together. The sex was amazing, she even took me out for breakfast the next morning. We caught up a few days later and watched a movie, followed by sex at my house. She was really, really busy at this stage with work (10+ hour shifts) and we caught up again for some amazing sex about a week later. She told me then it was starting to get difficult.

    She went o/s for a week and when she came back we caught up the next day, I saw her the week after for more sex but at that stage she had moved house (an hour away) which had been on the cards for a while. I drove to visit her a couple of times. After that it just got harder and harder to see her and she didn't initiate texts and took ages to get back. I was happy to go slow and see her once a week or so (because I'm really busy myself) but she said she didn't have the time to invest to take it to the next level (she's a 2nd year med student).

    I've never heard from her since (been a week now) and I somehow don't think I ever will. She rejected me twice (one because she took a week to reply to my text and another for dumping me) so I just don't feel the urge to chase her any more.

    The thing is, she truly is busy but I don't believe it's the whole reason. After the 2nd time we slept together she said she wanted to take it slow, which we did, now she's saying she doesn't have time for me (yet I know she was spending the weekend with some of her friends that she sees all week)

    My friends don't get why I always get dumped. I'm not quite sure why either. If anyone has any insight into what it could be then please let me know. It's not that I'm really hung up on this one particular girl, I just don't want to be dumped all the time. It's just ruining my mojo.

    Thanks in advance for your replies/suggestions

  5. #5
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: frustrated from being dumped

    It sounds to me like she is genuinely just busy and doesn't want a relationship, not just with you but with anyone.

    She doesn't have the time to commit to a relationship and the move, I know its only an hour, probably added extra stress and made things more difficult. The 2-3 month barrier is a common stall point for relationships as you are still having to work to build attraction.

    I know you say you didn't pressure her but, comments like "lets just go slow" can be a warning sign for "you're pressuring me, slow down". I think you may need to learn to slow down your thinking and not think about long term relationships until they hit the 5-6 month mark.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: frustrated from being dumped

    Let me ask you something...

    How often did you and this girl argue? And what about?
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
    Thatoneguyonforums's Avatar
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    Default Re: frustrated from being dumped

    Quote Originally Posted by mojoman View Post
    So how to you keep a girl interested, get her to chase you, and make her feel like she wants me more than I want her?
    You make it sound so easy.

    Well, I played all the rules right and did exactly what you said: showed her that I have a busy and exciting life (which is true by the way), kept things fun and spontaneous, didn't give too much away too early, and didn't give off the 'needy' or 'really want a relationship' vibe. I DHV'd, playful negged and all that.

    In answer to your question about how we escalated:

    I saw her out one night and did the direct game thing and told her she looked cool and interesting, we chatted, I gave her my number and told her that if she wanted to catch up some time to shoot me off a text. She did a day or so later and we caught up later that week. After that we had a second date at her suggestion. We kissed on the second date and she went away for a month. We stayed in contact all that time with text, phone. Nothing heavy just light, fun stuff. I was careful in text and demonstrated DHV and humour.

    When she came back we had a third date, also at her suggestion, and thats when we slept together. The sex was amazing, she even took me out for breakfast the next morning. We caught up a few days later and watched a movie, followed by sex at my house. She was really, really busy at this stage with work (10+ hour shifts) and we caught up again for some amazing sex about a week later. She told me then it was starting to get difficult.

    She went o/s for a week and when she came back we caught up the next day, I saw her the week after for more sex but at that stage she had moved house (an hour away) which had been on the cards for a while. I drove to visit her a couple of times. After that it just got harder and harder to see her and she didn't initiate texts and took ages to get back. I was happy to go slow and see her once a week or so (because I'm really busy myself) but she said she didn't have the time to invest to take it to the next level (she's a 2nd year med student).

    I've never heard from her since (been a week now) and I somehow don't think I ever will. She rejected me twice (one because she took a week to reply to my text and another for dumping me) so I just don't feel the urge to chase her any more.

    The thing is, she truly is busy but I don't believe it's the whole reason. After the 2nd time we slept together she said she wanted to take it slow, which we did, now she's saying she doesn't have time for me (yet I know she was spending the weekend with some of her friends that she sees all week)

    My friends don't get why I always get dumped. I'm not quite sure why either. If anyone has any insight into what it could be then please let me know. It's not that I'm really hung up on this one particular girl, I just don't want to be dumped all the time. It's just ruining my mojo.

    Thanks in advance for your replies/suggestions

    Moving is a very stressful process, it really takes a toll on people. Add that to her busy schedule, school and work, it could have become overbearing for her. Or maybe it was just a fling for her, I really couldn't say. As for keeping them interested I understand it's difficult and there really isn't a step by step full proof way of making it work. It's one of those things that vary from person to person, but the most straight forward way of maintaining interest that I've found is to find out what makes her attracted to you and play to those strengths. If you can't find a sly way to get it out of her or read it yourself just ask, it's always good topic for conversation as long as you don't make it weird. Anyways my advice would be to move on and find another girl, but if you really want to try and get this one.. Ask BatMan.
    "Act like you're interested, not like you care."

  8. #8
    mojoman is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: frustrated from being dumped

    Thanks for the input guys.

    BatMan, we never argued. Not once. I've never been with such a placid woman. I've also never been with a woman who seemed so detached.

    As for the part about taking it slow. She didn't actually use those words. What she once said was she wondered if we'd slept together too soon (she's 30 and we slept together after about six weeks). She actually initiated the sex but the next time I saw her after that she told me getting together was a surprise for her and that she wasn't expecting it to happen that night but said she really enjoyed it.

    The busy thing I believe. The part that gets me confused is that a few times she was in town she went to visit friends from uni (that she sees all week) rather than come and see me. Also, she showed no interest in catching up on Valentines Day.

    From what she has told me, she has an orbitor. This is a single guy around the same age that always hangs out with her. While nothing that she has says indicated she was into him romantically, it seems like those two will probably get together given the amount of time she spends with him doing the same course.

    She's been in two 6 year relationships before. The first one from when she was younger with some guy she went to school with. The other, with someone she went to uni with that broke up about 2 years ago or more. Perhaps she's not over that but she's never really talked about either of them. She just doesn't talk much, she's not a very communicative girl.

    If catching up once a week (and only messaging a couple of times a week) was just too much for her, then why did she end it because she said she needed to spend more time with me to take the relationship further and she didn't have any more time to do that. Women just seem to make no logic.

    Thoughts?

  9. #9
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    Default Re: frustrated from being dumped

    6 weeks is not too soon. I know it's all relative, but 6 weeks is a good number. Maybe even too long. Especially if she was the only woman you were talking to.

    How come you didn't argue? I'm sure there was something about her you didn't like. Why do you think women go back to their crazy abusive exes? Conflict.

    Women (and men) love conflict. Plain and simple. Showing a woman how "calm and cool" you are in the beginning is meant to show her that you are emotionally stable. Not some kind of stalker or creep. But after awhile being "calm and cool" gets boring. People like puzzles to solve. Problems to fix. If there are no "problems" then she will either find one with you or get bored and find someone else.

    You have to get her to emotionally invest in you. By building rapport. Rapport simply means a sympathetic relationship. It's beyond just mere comfort.

    There is much more detail about this concept, but the idea is that having conflict/drama can actually be a GOOD thing and helps build rapport. And if you get rapport with a woman, I guarantee it will nearly be impossible for her to walk away from you.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  10. #10
    mojoman is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: frustrated from being dumped

    Batman, I think I love you. The penny has dropped.

    In this one post you have cracked open the issue that might be blowing out all these relationships. I hate confrontation and fighting.

    I never initiate arguments and when when occurs I look for a way out...some kind of way out where I either give in to shut them up or become defensive.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Now I remember a few girls dropping hints, saying stuff like 'it gets boring when there's no passion and arguing' and I just put it down to them being drama queens. Ever since then I've done everything to dodge drama. The more I was cool the more they'd try and initiate a fight.

    I broke up with my first girlfriend for the same reason! Except I was the one seeking the confrontation. She would always close down every time things got heated and it nearly drove me insane. I lost attraction for her and broke up with her. I think she's still wondering why lol


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