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Thread: Messed up with a girl - can i get it back? LONG POST WARNING

  1. #1
    ninjabib is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Messed up with a girl - can i get it back? LONG POST WARNING

    Right guys need some advice if possible.

    Quite lengthy so Iíll try and keep it concise, need any more info let me know.


    I used to be like so many others an AFC but because I feel like I snatched defeat from the jaws of victory with yet another girl I did a little reading and I am now 2 months in my PUA training N close and K closing minimum every attempt so happy with the way Iím progressing but this girl is a sticking point for me. The girls im meeting just don't have anywhere near the same level of connection.

    October 2011- May 2012 Ė Meet a girl called R, through a male friend J. Me and R hit it off straight away the first night we meet, have a great time, sheís in a LTR with Jís best male friend though (7 years at this point). When we are in taxi going home the first night weíve met she gets out, walks round the car to my side, opens my door, gives me a kiss and says ďI donít know why, but I really, really like you, you are different, I havenít met anybody like you in a long, long timeĒ Because she has LTR and Iím AFC I donít try or say anything to let her know I feel the same.

    Through till May 2012 we randomly meet up with mutual friends in group settings and remain flirty, she is touchy feely with me but I never give her any kino back as it seems pointless, she is in a LTR and I am an AFC.


    June 2012- Bombshell, I am in a bar, sitting directly between R and her BF except that he is now her ex-bf. A mutual friend stands up and shouts out in front of everyone that it has been suggested (NOT BY R) that me and R are setup together. This is now very awkward, Iím getting killer looks from her ex on the chair next to me but she continues to be smiley but Iíve become awkward and anxious with this situation and stop talking to her. She tells me to keep talking to her; she wants me to talk to her. I say ďno I donít want to!Ē (DOH). So eventually she says ďfine if you wonít speak to me Iíll go and sit somewhere elseĒ which she does.

    She then goes travelling for a few months which she had planned so I donít see her again until Oct 2012 and I thought she might be funny with me because I was a bit weird last time we met but no, hit it off again, have a great, fun conversation. She is laughing a lot, telling me ď I am so very wrong but so very funnyĒ I also notice that when I turn round to face her if I am talking to others she is already looking at me, smiles for 5 seconds or so then looks down at the table still smiling. Again I pussy out of asking her out.

    See her again randomly in a bar a week later but I am DRUNK, she comes over for drinks with me but I am totally thrown by this, coupled with being drunk, the night is a disaster. She also is throwing loads of tests out (first thing she said when sitting next to me ďOk, pick up lines wonít work on me, some friendly advice, now go for itĒ) which I didnít understand how to beat at the time so my confidence GOES! Less said about this night the better.

    See her again 1 week later but she looks extremely hostile so we donít speak really. Turns out this night was the 1st night sheíd seen her ex and he was in the bar calling her a whore etc across the bar.


    See her again a week later randomly, we get chatting, she apologizes for the hostile week and says was purely down to her ex, she chucks out some IOIís again so I decide that Iím going to ask her out for drinks. She says ďyes but I donít want anything other than friendship at this point in my life from any man, you included. This doesnít mean Iím pushing you away howeverĒ I say letís just forget it as she obviously has some kind of issues hanging over her.

    Nov 2012 until now sheís been very cold and distant the 4/5 times Iíve seen so after the 2nd time of her being cold with me I then started to freeze her out when I saw her until the other night, again randomly bumped into her in bar. She comes over says hi, super friendly etc, then asks me to go and join her and her friends for a drink, she says there is a seat next to her that I can have but I decline politely as itís late and I was genuinely just leaving. She says sheís going to the bathroom and that I should think on it, she comes out, asks me again, I politely decline again.

    Do you guys think I ever had a chance here? I think I did but really messed it up but now it feels like sheís trying to play some kind of game with me. Canít work out why sheís asking me to go and join her table with people I donít know.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Messed up with a girl - can i get it back? LONG POST WARNING

    You are reading into this man...

    1. She is either partially rebounding with you, shit-testing you, or it's just her personality. In any event, she is screaming for you to escalate her and you are just doing nothing. You can ask for advice all day long, but eventually you have to take action. She is direct, so be direct back and escalate her (but read the rest of what I'm saying first).

    2. Pick-up lines do work on everyone regardless of whether they say they don't. There are TONs of ways to respond to this, from insulting her and pushing her away forever, to reversing the role and DLV'ing her or reversing the role and just being funny and blowing it off. If a girl EVER says those lines, she is looking to be escalated. Commit that to memory.

    3. WHAT SHE SAYS: "yes but I donít want anything other than friendship at this point in my life from any man, you included" == WHAT SHE MEANS: "i will put out, once you are able to at least connect with me on an emotional level because i need to detach mentally for a while but also not feel so bored and alone in a relationship." == HOW YOU SHOULD INTERPRET: "she's already attracted to you, you don't have to go back and forth qualifying. Just work on mentally connecting with her and kino SLOWLY but steadily. In other words, just act normal with your kino being on par with your emotional cultivation/connection with her."

    ** Most importantly. DO NOT EVER, EVER, EVER reciprocate what a girl tell you what she needs mentally or emotionally. You MUST interpret it because many times a girl can know her emotions, but doesn't really know what to do with it. For example, she may say "you need to spend more time with me" but in reality, hugging her and telling her that "she's a cool girl" 2-3 times per day is really what she wants. This takes years of experience to truly grasp, but at the end of the day, just remember that girls are not always able to understand why they are attracted or even what makes them secure, so they grasp at straws as to what they think they should do to get what they want.
    - CR

  3. #3
    ninjabib is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Messed up with a girl - can i get it back? LONG POST WARNING

    Thanks for the advice, i appreciate it. I think like i need to be more direct and in control. I shall start the process of seducing her again, she's already (effectively) turned me down once so she can't hurt my pride that much again.

    Like i say it's just that i used to be such an unconfident AFC i've never asked a girl out twice, i normally just say "YEA LJBF" and agree with them.

    It was the fact that she was so cold with me after asking her out, it was as if she was angry with me but i couldnt work out why.

    I shall start the flirting with added touching and try and move things along.

  4. #4
    ninjabib is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Messed up with a girl - can i get it back? LONG POST WARNING

    Sorry to bump this after so long but as expected i have not randomly bumped into this girl at all. However i know we are going to see the same live band on Monday with different groups of friends.

    Any advice on how i should play this if i see her? I regret not going to join her for a drink, i've got a feeling she's gonna be hostile.

    edit - should point out that the reason i think she might be hostile is that our mutual female friend/her best friend, suggested to me that i get set up with R again when we were out clubbing about 2 weeks ago, like a drunk emotional fool i said "No, shes too much a drama queen" Ooops. Girls being girls this has no doubt been fed back to R

    Her ex will be there in her group of friends although he is not an option for her anymore just feel it could be awkward.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Messed up with a girl - can i get it back? LONG POST WARNING

    You've simply been rejecting those windows of opportunity. I think you still have a chance. But the way you do it is more important.

    Now, in a way you have been setting yourself as a challenge. But not the right way. You're doing it that would make onlookers think you're gay or shy lol. Maybe even stubborn.

    You have to imagine yourself as a kind of coach. And telling her that if she jumps this hurdle she can get you. When she does, you move back and tell her to jump the next one and she'll surely get you. She gets a little closer this time, but you still move back again, telling her to jump the 3rd hurdle. That's the metaphor I'm using, yes.

    So don't go all in and just throw yourself at her. But you can't be stubborn about it anymore. Find that middle ground. Have the mindset "Ok, you can have me. But first you gotta do this..." She WILL NOT reject you if you do this right. The less manipulative to make it look, the better.

    Each time she makes an effort to win your approval, reward her with your ATTENTION and your TOUCH. That's it. Rub her hand, arm whatever. And give her attention. When she doesn't comply, remove your touch and attention. Put it on something or someone else. You're essentially playing at her own game with this.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #6
    ninjabib is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Messed up with a girl - can i get it back? LONG POST WARNING

    Quote Originally Posted by BatMan View Post
    Now, in a way you have been setting yourself as a challenge. But not the right way. You're doing it that would make onlookers think you're gay or shy lol. Maybe even stubborn.
    Funny you should say this literally the weekend after posting my original message on here above, i got with some girls in a club and on the Saturday AM following posted a status on my FB, not dishing any gory details, but basically being a bit pleased with myself for beating loads of tests and k-closing a few girls ( i only got 'game' at any level in Jan/Feb this year after messing up with this girl R so pleased to start winning a few females over) and within 30 seconds she put a status up saying " LIAR!!! YOU ARE A SHY NOB!" (NOB for non UK people means idiot/fool etc ) sooo she was either jealous or angry with me for not hitting on her i guess??

    She never puts FB updates either, maybe 2 a month, now obviously she didn't mention my name so it could be about someone else i suppose but i think its about me due to the rapidness of reply.

    I was a shy nob/Uber AFC that night in Oct/Nov when she came and sit with me and i think that lead her to believe im not the man she thinks i was 12 months previous. Do you think i should mention this at all ever again? "Sorry i was a chump that night, dunno what happened but im back to the kick ass me now so let's not mess around" or just pretend it never happened.


    EDIT - just want to point out that when R's best friend suggested she set me and R up, again it is nothing to do with me or R, just our mutual friend trying to match-make.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Messed up with a girl - can i get it back? LONG POST WARNING

    Quote Originally Posted by ninjabib View Post
    Do you think i should mention this at all ever again? "Sorry i was a chump that night, dunno what happened but im back to the kick ass me now so let's not mess around" or just pretend it never happened.
    No I would not mention it. I know we tend the think linear and it wouldn't make sense for you to change that fast and you naturally want to make sense of it. At least to her....

    Don't

    Let her mind wander. Let her imagination do the work for you and leave yourself a mystery.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  8. #8
    ninjabib is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Messed up with a girl - can i get it back? LONG POST WARNING

    Ok thanks, appreciate the advice.

    From Oct 2011- Nov 2012 i wasn't an AFC with her, in fact i was funny, teasing and challenging and she loved it.

    That night in Nov 12 though i don't know what happened, i guess i thought "this is it, this is my time to go for it" then let her tests get to me (eg her saying theres no point me using lines on her at the very start of our interaction) and i got trapped inside my head.

    Right. Thanks again. I'm not gonna stalk the club looking for her but hopefully we see each other.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Messed up with a girl - can i get it back? LONG POST WARNING

    Hey mate, I'm not going to reply to the whole post just because it's late here over in Australia and I'm about to go to bed. But as for that line about 'Pickup lines not working on her', I think you're looking at that statement completely in the wrong way! I mean, sure, it's kind of a shit test... kind of. But really, she's just challenging you! And, it's kind of a funny thing to say if she thought of you in a completely non-romantic way.

    It's almost like she's saying, 'Here! Don't worry about getting all corny with the pickup lines. You don't need them!'. Or at least, that's the way I'd take it! If someone said that to me, assuming they weren't COMPLETELY boring (and I wouldn't be talking to them if they were) I would make use of the opening she just gave you.

    Say:

    "Oh yeah? Well, you haven't even heard my pickup lines. They're the best!" Have fun with it! Do some role playing. Think of your absolute WORST pickup lines and hit her up with them.

    "Is that a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can see myself in your pants!"
    "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
    "Are you tired? Cause you've been running through my dreams all night"

    "What? Aren't my pickup lines working on you? Don't tell me you're into those sensitive, genuine guys.."

    This will get her laughing for sure. She may even go along with you're pickup lines and pretend to be wooed by your suave words. IOI if she does. Either way, you'll have tuned a potential shit test into something you can both laugh about. If she takes to it, text her back later with an even more outrageous pickup line:

    "Hey <insert humorous nickname here>, I think I'm really getting the hang of these pickup lines... did this work? Did you grow up on a chicken farm? Cause you sure know how to raise cocks!"

    In all, she sounds like she likes you. You really should have run with the group vibe and got together with her. Fuck the ex! Who cares about him?

    Good luck mate!
    Thommo

    If you walk in knowing that you're THE MAN, then you've already won the game.

  10. #10
    ninjabib is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Messed up with a girl - can i get it back? LONG POST WARNING

    Thanks for the input dude but this was well over a year ago!

    For those curious, which i imagine is zero, i have never seen her out and about since the night i declined the offer to go and have a drink with her. I think she moves in different circles now. We are FB friends but never speak on it.

    Nevermind, i met a girl aged 23,10 years younger than me, a month after my last post and i've been hitting it hard ever since

    So guys, as the top guys say, there are so many good women out there, never get hung up on one


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