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  • 1 Post By longhornglfr10

Thread: I am so sick of the Friend Zone! Tips for success?

  1. #1
    ThePupil is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default I am so sick of the Friend Zone! Tips for success?

    I'm 21 years old, and I'll be honest, I haven't had the best success with females. Maybe it's because I'm extremely picky, I don't know. I'm attractive enough, I'm funny, etc, but it just doesn't work out for me when I find someone I actually want.

    So here's what just happened. This semester at college, I just so happen to meet up with this girl for breakfast three times a week before class. So we get to know each other, we become cool. I make her laugh, we have good conversation, etc. So I start to go over to her room, which is single and has a king sized bed, to watch this show we like. So me, being the scaredy cat that I am, makes absolutely no moves. Three times I go over there to watch, and I do nothing. Not to mention that when I see her, we rarely hug each other.

    So just today I go over there to watch a movie. We're watching, and all of a sudden I'm like "raise up for a second, I want to try something." She raises up, I put my arm around her, and she says I'm messing up her groove and she was comfortable, and tells me to "scooch, dude." That's when I knew I was done.

    So now I'm dedicated to changing this. I've approached like no girls at this school at all either, that has to change too. But how could I have changed this? What would an expert had done had a cute girl had breakfast with them often? Please give details, I'm so sick of failure.

  2. #2
    boondockarchangel is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I am so sick of the Friend Zone! Tips for success?

    It kind of sounds like you know the answer. There was something that she liked about you initially ( looks or personality) but you obviously dropped the ball....and then you went for a Hail Mary and tried to do a MAJOR kino move realtive to whats been going on.

    You obviously made her comfortable....but as a friend....you didnt make her comfortable...as a potential lover. Just being around her and eating breakfast isnt going to cut it.

    Yo need to read up on creating attraction seduction and escalation......basi cally you made a move without firing up her negines. She got creeped out because you put each other in the friendzone and then randomly went for a move.

    Not sure how much you like this girl...but if you want to giveit another shot the only way I see that happening is if you get other girls and hookup and pay her ZERO attention. She will either get jealous or be happy for you....either way you are getting other chicks.

  3. #3
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: I am so sick of the Friend Zone! Tips for success?

    look, the only way to save yourself from a girl like this, is to cut her out of the picture. once you're too far in the friendzone there's no turning back. you only have two good options for a circumstance like this, eiter:
    1. cut her loose and save yourself alot of heartache
    or
    2. stay friends with her and use your friendship to game the girls in her social circles.

    the reason this happened to you is your own fault, you were too much of a pussy to show interest from the beginning and establish a sexual relationship. to complicate things even more, she was the only girl you were pursuing at the time (wich makes it burn even more when you get friendzoned)

    in the future,
    1. be direct and honest about your intentions with the girls you pursue, be clear to them.
    2. always always always pursue multiple wemon, having no backup plan is like jumping out of an airplane with only one parachute, if it fails your done.
    3. no neediness!!!! you acted like this girl was the only girl in the world (and you can see where that got you) never be afraid to walk away from a girl.
    4. spending tooo much time with a girl = friendzoned, you need to refrain from constantly talking to the same girl every day (or even more than a few times a week)

    read this: http://www.puaforums.com/how-pick-up...ame-rules.html

    always remember there are plenty of other girls out there.
    good luck in your future pursuits!
    METEORA

  4. #4
    ThePupil is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I am so sick of the Friend Zone! Tips for success?

    Alright, one more question. In the beginning I used me having all the episodes of the show we liked as a reason to hang out, and I gave her all the episodes. I also gave her a lot of music for her iTunes. Should I not have done that?

  5. #5
    ThePupil is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I am so sick of the Friend Zone! Tips for success?

    Quote Originally Posted by ThePupil View Post
    Alright, one more question. In the beginning I used me having all the episodes of the show we liked as a reason to hang out, and I gave her all the episodes. I also gave her a lot of music for her iTunes. Should I not have done that?
    Also, how would I show interest while at the same time giving off a "idgaf" confident attitude.

  6. #6
    longhornglfr10 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I am so sick of the Friend Zone! Tips for success?

    Your last question reminds me of a scene from "Office Space". When Ron Livingtson adopts his new attitude and doesn't haven't care in the world, he goes to the same burger joint where Jennifer Anniston works. I hope you know this scene. Basically he asks her out to join him for lunch, but delivers it in a way where he's indifferent about how she responds.
    If a girl gets flakey on you and responds she can't make a date via text, say no worries, no big deal, or the best one yet... ok. Don't say another time, or why not. That displays weakness. You are unaffected by her decisions. If she says yes, awesome, no, fine. This will make you mysterious, laid back, and her intrigued by you, leading her to chase you more. If she is at all attracted, she will offer a rain check. If she doesn't, move on. If you really want to game her, say ok, then reengage her a couple days later, but that's if she still says no.
    To answer your original question, don't flatter her with compliments and gifts. That is very beta and will make her think that her value is higher than yours. Instead, you have to train yourself, that YOU are the prize, and the one that needs to be chased. You have sexual intentions with girls as you are a sexual being. A lot of guys fall into the trap of wanting to build comfort before attraction before they make a move. They do this because they want to be polite, the nice guy, and don't want to come off as a creep. You don't have to be a tool and grab her ass when you first meet her, but you have to make it clear that you are interested in her by being more than friends (without being needy of course). Just remember this:
    Attraction before comfort = dating material
    comfort before attraction = friend zone

    In your case, you clearly got friend zoned. It's kind of like a first date. A guy who doesn't do anything all night and just throws out a lot of flattery to the girl isn't helping his case. At the end of the night, if he has the guts to go for the kiss, unless she really really likes him, she will turn her head. Show attraction by introducing subtle gambits to employ gradual kino escalation. Use this with plausible deniability so that she doesn't feel like a slut. When you meet a girl, touch her arm, read her palm, when she says something funny, put your arm around her for a couple of seconds and say how funny you thought that was. By the end of the night, you should be resting your hand on her hip knee comfortably like it's no big deal, because you have escalated to that point gradually. Then you walk arm-in-arm out or holding hands, and when you say good night, kissing is just the next logical step, and not something out of left field.

    Hope this helps. Just remember you have to attract her first, and you need to make it very clear early on that you are physically interested in her. You do this with kind escalation having The Vibe.

  7. #7
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am so sick of the Friend Zone! Tips for success?

    Alright, one more question. In the beginning I used me having all the episodes of the show we liked as a reason to hang out, and I gave her all the episodes. I also gave her a lot of music for her iTunes. Should I not have done that?
    you probabaly shouldn't have just givin them to her before you had established an ltr. once a girl is you girlfriend its ok to do stuff like that, but not beforehand (otherwise its seen as a freindly gesture rather than a sign of affection)

    Also, how would I show interest while at the same time giving off a "idgaf" confident attitude.
    the trick is to either selectively show interest and send mixed signals (indirect game) or to show solid interest while still being alpha and not caring what she thinks (direct game)

    but whatever the case, the way to present this idgaf attitude is to be emotionaly detached from any outcome. use time apart and selective dis-interest to show her that you don't need her but you want her.

  8. #8
    Dave-o is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: I am so sick of the Friend Zone! Tips for success?

    Don't be too nice too, I used to think that it was a naive thing to be said but I'm realising that it's not, it's true.

    You can be a nice person, in terms of not acting like an idiot but you need to preserve your own values. You need to not manipulate yourself to bend to her whims. If she asks you if you like something, you tell it as it is, you don't need to talk differently about it. You don't have to give her anything or do anything for her. If you think that it will help your chances then you are likely wrong.

    There is proven scientific material which says that giving someone something, or doing something for them, actually improves your liking for that person and not the other way around. If anything, try to persude her to do something for you.

    I think a lot of us here have paid the price for being too nice but when you realise that you can be yourself but don't always bend over to please then you will realise that this strength of being yourself, is what is valued and what will make you more attractive to women as a potential match. She will respect that you are yourself and that you stand up for what you believe in and won't jump every time she says.

    I do think too that if you spend all your time being comfortable and nice, without escalation of kino or a verbal nature, then you are likely to fall in to the friends trap. You are presenting a situation in which you both get on well together but you are not presenting anything of another nature and so consequently, what will she think? Her mindset will be stuck in the friends zone and you will be marked down as a friend as, between attraction and comfort, you will have only been able to tick comfort.

    I have been guilty of making these mistakes before and it's hurt me by seeing me miss out on women that I was keen on. I have learned a lot, particularly within the last six months, and so hope that you may pick up something of use from my reply.

  9. #9
    ThePupil is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I am so sick of the Friend Zone! Tips for success?

    Alright, I think I'm starting to get it, but I need a little more clarity. So, say I completely reinvent myself. No more Mr. Nice Guy, no more pussy on a pedestal. An indifferent attitude with emotional detachment.

    So say a friend brings a cute mutual friend to lunch. So no approach necessary. How do I show interest while keeping my indifferent attitude? Some examples would be nice. Sorry if I'm being redundant, I'm just trying to wrap my head around this.

  10. #10
    longhornglfr10 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: I am so sick of the Friend Zone! Tips for success?

    I don't want you to get the wrong idea. It's okay to be nice, but you have to make the girl earn it. It's just like psychology: you reward good behavior, and you pentalize the bad. If she gives you an IOI, then you can reward her with some kino or a comliment. Do a compliance test, and she doesn't respond the way you want her to, neg her and throw out a demonstration of high value. Just like anything, there are different style that work; you have to find the one that is natural for you. Some play the bad guy, some play the romantic. Point is, you can be the nice guy, but you NEVER open with that, and you don't just get her gifts just because. Those should be reserved as rewards. They should not be used to gain her attention and impress her. You will come across as easy, and having low value.

    Regarding your situation, start with basic qualifying questions. Ask her if she likes dogs or cats. Regardless of what she says, say that you usually don't along with her type of people, but in her case, you'll make an exception (neg). Grin and do it with a wink. Sit back in your chair, and don't nod your head and say you feel the same way every time she says something. Once you get an indicator of interest, then you can compliment her, but never on her looks.

    Rule of thumb: you can show as much or less emotion/interest in her/ but never more than she has in you. You need to be mysterious. Not necessarily an ass hole, just some one who doesn't care if she likes you or not, becuase you're an interesting carefree guy who already gets all the attention he needs from girls. HARD TO GET.


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