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  • 1 Post By The Red Baron

Thread: Need help with how to deal with Ex-Girlfriend

  1. #1
    salgeek is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Exclamation Need help with how to deal with Ex-Girlfriend

    Hi,

    My girlfriend of two years and I just broke up. We were on a break for about three months (for study abroad) and basically we both did a bunch of stuff during it with other people. Anyway, she wasn't too happy that I hooked up with other girls, and especially the number and how far I got with them. She said it showed I didn't care about her. Anyway, we tried to get back together after it, but it was too different for her, and she said that she needed to be single to get her life in order...

    The last two days have been weird though, as we have still been kinda close, but not hooking up or anything. I told her today though that it is unfair and that we need to just be friends and not be like this. She agreed.

    My problem is that I don't know how to act with her now. I would still like to have a chance of a relationship with her, but I know that one shouldn't really push for it or be too much like her friend. The thing is we are in the same friend group, and she often asks me for advice on things, so how do I act like a friend, but not be a wuss about it and actually make her realize that she is going to lose what we had? Does that make sense?

    To be honest, I had been a bit of a wuss with her near the end of our relationship, apologizing for what happened during study abroad, and just always trying to make sure she wasn't upset. Is it possible to set that straight and get back in charge of the situation?

    Thanks a bunch!

  2. #2
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    The Red Baron is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need help with how to deal with Ex-Girlfriend

    if she fooled around too, she can't be jealous of you for doing it, even if you did it with more

    No leash, means no leash

    But if you did fool around with other people, maybe you're not as caught up with her as you thought? Just a thought.

    Here's my ex back general advice, please read this

    RB - so you want your ex back

    But, you seem to have some perspective and not just being winey wanting her back, so I'll give you more

    You want to make her interested again and act like you're just friends? Well - how do you act with people that are just friends? Or how do you act around girls you may be interested in but have no history with?

    You have to pretend that history is gone. She'll be the one that wants to acknowledge it. You have to be the one that's just cool and awesome

    Basically, be playful again. Kino, disqualify her. Tease her. Play with her. Joke with her like any other guy. Ignore your history.

    Those things denote value. You want her to think about what she's missing? Make her remember why she was interested in the first place. Be alpha, be fun, be you.
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  3. #3
    salgeek is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with how to deal with Ex-Girlfriend

    Hi,

    I really appreciate your advice. I just have two questions about it if you don't mind. I am very grateful for any answer you can give me.

    Firstly, when you talk about acting like she's just a girl that I have no history with and that I must demonstrate value again, does this mean do everything you would if you were trying to pick up a girl, except take it further, i.e. kiss and onwards? Why I ask is that since she was the one who wanted space to figure out her life, and said that she wanted to be single, I would think that she should be the one to ask back into a relationship. FOr instance, I know that if I really wanted to, I could hook up with her this weekend, but I feel that is counterproductive to the reasons for this break up, namely her figuring out her life and seeing what she is missing with me. Therefore, am I right in saying that I should be friendly, a little bit flirtatious, but don't take it anywhere?

    Secondly, she sees me as a really good friend, and so last night she texted me about a problem she was having and wanted my advice. I am worried that if I act like the friend, and respond and help out every time, not only will she see me as a friend, but she will also not be experiencing what it is truly like to not be with me. In other words, even thought the physical side has stopped, the emotional side may be left open, and that will be unfair to me, especially if I am trying to move on. What do you think?

    Ultimately, I want what is best for me. Whether I get back together with her or I move on. The thing is, if I get back together with her, things need to be different. I need to be in control and not acting like a wuss, and I need her to truly want it, make an effort, and give me what I deserve in a relationship. That's why I wouldn't want to just have some way to hook up again. I would need a way to make her want to be with me again and that she realizes that her reasons for breaking up were dumb. Does that make sense?

    Once again, thank you so much for your help, and it really is comforting to have someone who has gone through it before as well tell you that there is light on the other side. Thanks a lot!

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need help with how to deal with Ex-Girlfriend

    You're on the right track on being friendly and flirtatious

    See, when we flirt with someone, essentially the other person doesn't KNOW for sure if you're interested. Your flirting could just be fun and playful, innocent. That's what you want. Don't act like she already knows or like you have certain expectations for her

    And about answering her, this is a difficult one

    Once in a while it's okay, you want her to remember what she had, but you can't be always available to her

    I would say generally no, don't respond right away

    You could try calling her back an hour later. Have a short conversation, 5 minutes, say you hope she's alright, it'll get better, etc. then say you gotta go cuz you're going to meet some friends

    There's a tough balance. Just make sure you don't sit there for 45 minutes on the phone being her shoulder to cry on all the time
    Never need praise, sympathy, or approval



  5. #5
    salgeek is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need help with how to deal with Ex-Girlfriend

    Thank you so much, I will try my best to follow your advice!


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