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Thread: Slept with a Gorgeous Girl who has EPICALLY Pathetic BF - What do I do now?

  1. #1
    Arck is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Slept with a Gorgeous Girl who has EPICALLY Pathetic BF - What do I do now?

    Hey, long time PUA student finally putting some of what I've learned to practice and seeing some of the first benefits. Things took off in a major way with a girl I've wanted for a while, but there are serious complications and I don't know what my next moves should look like.

    This girl has a long-term boyfriend who is a massive loser: he's 30 years old, unemployed, and lives in his parent's house. She has very little sex life with him, all he does is hang out with his loser friends, blow her off, and generally act mopey and depressed.

    I genuinely like and care about her. I've built comfort/rapport, teased, been challenging/difficult/exciting, just very basic game (I have a long way to go), and she showed ever more signs of interest. Recently she admitted to a mutual friend that she has serious feelings for me and is not happy with her bf. A few nights ago after some drinking we started making out and having sex.

    Afterwards she starts talking about ending it with him, wanting to start something new with me. I was noncommital and vague, said something like I was "open to possibilities."

    The day after she lies and tells her bf that we "made out." According to her he was "sad but understanding, didn't want to get into it, didn't want her to feel bad about it." If that sounds passive and wimpy, here's the kicker: a few hours after she told him we "made out" he MESSAGES me saying that although he's "not super cool with it" he "wanted to say there's no hard feelings" and he "hopes our friendship will remain strong" (we're not close - acquaintances is a stretch).

    The same day she tells him: she starts telling me she's not sure what she wants. She feels selfish leaving him. I ask her if she was happy with him if she would have slept with me, her answer: "Presumably not."

    She feels like it's not working out with her bf because she "has been handling things poorly" (I guess sex with me would count) and claims if she wanted to she "could probably work things out with him relatively easily." She likes me, but is "relucant," "not great at managing relationships." Typical indecisive BS.

    It's been two days and she hasn't left him. I want the boyfriend out of the way and to continue exploring things with her. What should I do? Play it cool and distant, ignore her? Or try to hang out with her, get myself more on her mind, keep working her? I'm trying to strike a balance but I'm a bit over my head, please help!

  2. #2
    ColonelMathus is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Slept with a Gorgeous Girl who has EPICALLY Pathetic BF - What do I do

    i would like to see the answer from multiple people since i got into this situation at one time and farked up too... not sure on a solid approach

  3. #3
    Arck is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Slept with a Gorgeous Girl who has EPICALLY Pathetic BF - What do I do

    Thanks for the response nonetheless, here's hoping for some advice...

  4. #4
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Slept with a Gorgeous Girl who has EPICALLY Pathetic BF - What do I do

    Well I'm by no means an expert but I like your responses so far....

    Don't go hard and heavy and start telling her to leave him. I would suggest saying something like:

    "well it's your decision to make, ultimately you need to decide whether you're happy with him long-term or not, I can't make the decision for you."

    This remains non committal, you don't want to start trashing her bf as this will make you look jealous. If she asks you what you think of him just say that it's not really your place to comment.

    I also wouldn't start telling her that you are definitely open to a relationship after, as then she has all the power in the decision. Maybe say things like we can discuss the possibilities if you finish with him as I don't feel comfortable talking about it whilst you're still with him.

    I believe that if the relationship is as rocky as you describe it will implode by itself, you don't need to do much. She's only staying with him out of pity anyway.

    I have experience being the AFC and basically this is how the rival prized my gf away. I used to be angry at him for it but I was such a pushover that I had it coming and I wasnt happy anyway so he did me a favour. Life lesson learned


    wow wasnt that deep !

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Slept with a Gorgeous Girl who has EPICALLY Pathetic BF - What do I do

    I bet his act of messaging you was done in front of your target to demonstrate his maturity to her and ploy to start a reconciliation w/her. He didn't get jealous and your target may see that as a DHV. She may also be reacting to her feelings of guilt and may still love this FUD.

    Ask yourself these Qs, "Is she worth it? Do you want sloppy seconds? Are you ready for some negative drama?"

    And the biggest Qs, why the heck did she tell the FUD she made out w/you? Did she use you to make him jealous? People aren't as spontaneous as they pretend - there is often a motive for their actions.

    I wouldn't sleep w/her again unless she dumped the FUD & proved that she was D-free.
    Carpe diem!

  6. #6
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    nameinator is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Slept with a Gorgeous Girl who has EPICALLY Pathetic BF - What do I do

    Have you thought about using the boyfriend destroyer technique (short summary - praise him to the stars and let her disqualify him herself - there's a really good thread somewhere).

    With that said, I agree with the above posters about this girl - is she really worth it? Do you really want to be with a girl who cheats and then lies about it?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Slept with a Gorgeous Girl who has EPICALLY Pathetic BF - What do I do

    EMSaenz touched on some great points; why would she tell him she hooked up with you? It's a power play on her part. Also, never run anyone down... take into account that no matter how "pathetic" her "loser boyfriend is", he is still the one she wants to date right now. This girl has a lack of direction and self confidence if she really does have serious feelings for you but can't end her current situation.

    I know you came here though to find out how to get her and her boyfriend to separate; PM me if you want to know what I would do.
    Rule Number 1: You are not a PUA.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Slept with a Gorgeous Girl who has EPICALLY Pathetic BF - What do I do

    To quote a popular saying:

    "Don't go for someone who is 'on the fence' about you... go for someone who will JUMP THE FENCE to be with you."


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  9. #9
    LockDown's Avatar
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    Default Re: Slept with a Gorgeous Girl who has EPICALLY Pathetic BF - What do I do

    It sounds like u are already into her way more than she is in to you.

    Game other chicks.. . Let her figure her stuff out. The temptation for u will be to start being clingy but leave her be for a little while. Just stay busy. Text her once in awhile to keep her thinking of you. But dont invest too much time in her yet.

    Also, everyone else is on point... bf destroyer, shes trying to make him jealous etc (he text you just to show her he isnt. Her plan backfired lol!)

    Have her around as a fbuddy until she ahows she wants to be with u.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  10. #10
    Arck is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Slept with a Gorgeous Girl who has EPICALLY Pathetic BF - What do I do

    Thank you all for the input, it means a lot.

    As EMSaenz and Icarus point out, I have no doubt her telling him is a power play, because there's no other reason to tell him. I'm not sure what reaction she was looking for from him and whether or not his response was DHV or just backfired and did the opposite. But he's still the one she's with, and I need to ratchet down my thoughts about him. Despite how I've described him here, I have at least avoided saying too much about him to her and kept it fairly neutral.

    Quote Originally Posted by nameinator View Post
    Have you thought about using the boyfriend destroyer technique (praise him to the stars and let her disqualify him herself..).
    I did indeed read the BF Destroyer thread and I've been thinking about it a lot. I definitely see the utility, though I'm wary of using it now because I think she might be suspicious of anything I say about him and think it's a ploy, even if it's positive. Will she buy that BF destroyer routine if we've already slept together?

    Quote Originally Posted by EMSaenz View Post
    Ask yourself these Qs, "Is she worth it? Do you want sloppy seconds? Are you ready for some negative drama?"
    You're absolutely right asking if I'm really sure she's worth it - and no, I'm really not, and yes she's obviously very suspect gf material given her willingness to cheat and lie about it. Still, I'd like to keep things going with her partly just for the challenge/practice and as a fbuddy.

    Quote Originally Posted by LockDown View Post
    It sounds like u are already into her way more than she is in to you.
    ...The temptation for u will be to start being clingy but leave her be for a little while. Just stay busy. Text her once in awhile to keep her thinking of you. But dont invest too much time in her yet.
    I like sleeping with her, but I do need to check my desire, be less available and less interested. She wants to talk tonight, and I'm planning on being unavailable while I'm busy going out somewhere. I've already been working another girl a little bit just to keep my mind elsewhere. Is all of this a solid enough attitude to have going forward or should I further adjust?


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