I'm Oldhabits, mid 30's living in Europe. Bare with me since this is going to be fairly long.
I've signed up because I am interested in changing my old ways and habits. I realize this is going to be a awkward request for advice, since I'm not interested in becoming a PUA for the sole reason of scoring many woman but I'm interested in bettering myself and actually allow a woman into my soul and mind without blowing up.
I'm far from a PUA when it comes to woman/dating. I have tasted plenty of the love potion which woman have to offer, however these have all been FwB. This has been like this for over 10 years now of connection-less sex, which seemed/seems great at the time.
Long story short, when I was 26 years old I fell deeply in love with a girl. This relationship was doomed from the beginning due to: Stealing her from her BF, she confessed having been sexual molested as a child, mismatch in religious upbringing. Needless to say that this was a stormy and shake relation which lasted a year ending in her cheating on me.
This left me in a very bad physical and mental state, it took me a year to recover. Since then I've blocked out every attempt made to access my heart and allow my true feelings to shine. Basically I became a cold heart bastard chasing tail and not giving a f**k about my actions. Which is a move/state of mind recommended a lot on the forums, and for good reason because my game improved tons online and RL. I do have a problem establish a true connection.
Why am I here? I'm here to see if there's anyone that can help me open up without letting it effect my interaction with woman. Why? Because I'm tired of not being able to have a solid relationship. This process started when the topic of relationship arose with a fb I've been seeing for over 3 1/2 years now, she just turned 22 now. She told me I was unable of having relationship because I didn't know or allow myself and that I attracted woman based on my image. She was spot on and it woke something up in me, this was a year ago. Beginning of this year my brother died and I traveled to South-America for his funeral. This led me to wanting to change my ways and learn to open up again and take it from there. It's a scary thought knowing the road I'm going to be travelling but I'm excited to start this.
Since I've been back I've cut contact with all the fwb I had, accept for the 22y old. I reestablished contact with one girl I met online before I left to to SA, I walked away from her due to her flaking my date suggestions and not wanting to invest but wanting her pussy a.s.a.p. We've been in contact for 3 weeks now and I'm trying to open her up instead of overwhelming her with sexual advances leading to a lay.
The problem I'm having is that it's eating away my confidence due to not being able to close. I like the interaction I have with this girl but I'm afraid I'm not doing things right since I haven't bedded her within a week, 2 weeks tops.
I realize this has become a enormous gigantic post, but I have to start somewhere, so here it is.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
P.S. I screwed up my username but hey who gives a fuck eh