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  • 1 Post By Bandit
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Thread: Need some advice on getting out of the friendzone.

  1. #1
    Chevyguy123 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need some advice on getting out of the friendzone.

    Okay so there's this girl that I've been friends with for about a year and half now, I want out of the friendzone and I need some advice as how I do just that.

    I planned on sending her this message to let her know where I stand, tell me what you think.

    "I seem to be the person that you tell all your problems to and the person that you come to when you need to vent, I'm not saying I hate helping you and listening because I love making you happy, but I'm not that guy. I'm not the guy that's gonna always be there for you, and listen to your every problem, I value myself more then that. I'm spending to much time and effort trying to be there for you and help you with your problems when I should be putting that effort into other things. In all honesty I want a girlfriend more then anything, someone I can talk to about things with and have her be just as passionate about them as i am and be opened minded like I am. I want someone I can spend time with and just laugh and not have a care in the world. All this effort I put into trying to be there for you and helping you, when it seems you don't want it, could and should be put into finding a girl that's right for me. After not talking to you for the last couple months I focused on myself, I started working out, driving, and talking to a hand full of girls. It made feel incredible and I still feel incredible, but like I said I don't want to be that guy, and I'm not gonna be that guy. I'm not getting sucked in to that hole that I once fell victim to, and if it sounds like you might be losing me, maybe thats the way it is. Like I said I value myself more then that, I'm an attractive guy, I'm nice, funny, and I'm open to new ideas constantly, so many girls would love to have a guy like me. That's why I'm not going to spend the time and effort on something that seems to be not worth it. don't get me wrong I love all the memories and times we spent together, but I want more for myself and I deserve more."

  2. #2
    Nixxx is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some advice on getting out of the friendzone.

    If you send that text, please can a moderator Bann him.


    It is the most needy text i've ever seen. Get out of the friendzone the proper way.

    Get drunk, make a move, have sex.

    have the awkward stage

    repeat step 1

    Hang out 1 on 1 in a date environment and move it from there.

    if she blows you out in step1. Then do it to her friend.

    Jealousy is the best policy. I know i made karma sound a bitch on a previous post but its cool unless your screwing over another guy. i think thats bad karma

  3. #3
    Bandit's Avatar
    Bandit is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need some advice on getting out of the friendzone.

    No! I didn't even read the thing and I already know it's a terrible idea based simply on the size of the thing. The only consistent ways of getting out of the friendzone is to pay her less attention. It's not guaranteed, but it's consistent. Writing out some long ass message about how you don't have the time to give her the effort she's asking for is totally counter-intuitive. That's idiotic.

    Everything your saying is true, but you can't say it to her, cause that will make you sound like a bitch. Say it with your attitude. Ignore her for a month or two. Don't give her the attention she's always asking for. Make her work for it and show her your desirable with how you act. Show her your talking to a bunch of girls. Show her you've been working out. Just don't make it obvious. If after that she's still not interested, move on and find another girl. You don't sound that interested in her anyway, so why not just skip to the end and move on? Save yourself some trouble.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  4. #4
    boondockarchangel is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need some advice on getting out of the friendzone.

    WOW!!!!

    Thank you for writting this as a warning of what not to say.

    Seriously the most needy thing I have ever read...and talk about whinny and WAY overdoing it with the whole " look at how awesome I am and everyone wants me".

    Seriously this will kill absolute any chances ever. Honestly....she will either be pissed that she wasted all that time with you while you had an agenda....or laugh at what you wrote because its so over the top.

    Did you really send this? I know this is how you feel...and we have all been there...and its even therapeautic to write it all out.


    If I were to rewrite your message...keep it simple and don't explain yourself ... "Hey, we had some good times but I need to disappear for a while and figure some stuff out. Don't get offended if we don't talk like we use to, just need some space."

    Its vague.....she will be dying to know wtf this is all about. She will might even think she has something to do with it. DO NOT tell her its about her, even though it is ..just say " Dont trip chocolate chip. Just need some time. Maybe we can go back to talking in the future, but honestly I just need some time to myself."...in the meantime let it be known you are a catch WITH ACTIONS NOT WORDS....get tagged on facebook, let her friends know you are going on dates..... she will begin to see you in a different light at the very least...

    BUT before you can do any of this....you seriously need to go out and date. I can tell by your whinny neediness you have zero inner game. No offense...just something you have to work on by going out and getting confidence with girls.

  5. #5
    Bandit's Avatar
    Bandit is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need some advice on getting out of the friendzone.

    Guys, calm down. There's no need to chew him out. He asked for advice, not for you all to beat a dead horse. It's already been said, the message is needy and it shouldn't be sent. The point's been made. Offer some constructive criticism for the newbie or don't bother.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “WOW...What a Ride!”

  6. #6
    Ikben is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need some advice on getting out of the friendzone.

    Hey,

    Like said before it's probably the worst text you could send in order to achieve your goal.

    It'd guess you've got these feelings for a long time and kept them to yourself for a long time/or got rejected the first time you hinted about them and then kept them to yourself. So I understand why you've the urge to spill them all out and get it over with but that would be counter productive. Spill your guts on this forum or to people who don't know her. I understand that's not the same but it might help in someway.

    You didn't give much information on how you interact with her and how you carry yourself/how people perceive you. Which is, in my opinion, the key information in order to get the best advice for your case.
    But based on what you wanted to text her my advice would be moving on and gain some experience in acting in a challeging/attractive way and get some general experience in what makes girls attracted in general and in you as a person/what kind of behaviour that you're confortable with displaying that works to attract girls.

    When you're in the friendzone in my opinion there's generally 4 things that can be done
    1) You accept that being friends is better than nothing
    2) You don't accept it and try to escalate from friendship to romance by behaving for example more aloof, unpredictable, etc. (read a book or two about the toppic and test first how you're behaviour is precieved on other women) and risk losing her as friend.
    3) You hope for a miracle
    4) You move on and can then freely choose between option 1 or 2 or 3

  7. #7
    topgunningit's Avatar
    topgunningit is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some advice on getting out of the friendzone.

    whats so bad about being friends? Embrace it.
    ------------------------------------

  8. #8
    OhSnap is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need some advice on getting out of the friendzone.

    I didn't read the message but here's the thing. Some of you people don't understand at times.

    You'll know what a friendzone is when the girl makes it clear. If you were just friends for a long time, its not a friendzone.

    If you are friendzoned and its clear. The best thing to do is lose contact with the person. It can take months, you have to lose contact, hence lose that friendship connection slightly. By that I mean, stop hanging out with her as much or at all, same goes for talking. This isn't only for friendzones it works for girls who were super great on you at first and suddenly turn cold.

    I had this girl I connected back to after a long time, went great, hung out and it started becoming facebook conversation, until she deleted her facebook and stopped answering txts. From there I knew it went cold so I backed off. Soon this week I started talking to her again, ended up in arranging a night out and her telling me she enjoys talking to me.

    Taking distance works but you didn't explain to us any scenarios at all so.. Its kinda hard to help you out.. I'm just telling you what I know.

    Good luck.
    ablindman's new account, pm me if you need help.

  9. #9
    topgunningit's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need some advice on getting out of the friendzone.

    Quote Originally Posted by OhSnap View Post
    I didn't read the message but here's the thing. Some of you people don't understand at times.

    You'll know what a friendzone is when the girl makes it clear. If you were just friends for a long time, its not a friendzone.

    If you are friendzoned and its clear. The best thing to do is lose contact with the person. It can take months, you have to lose contact, hence lose that friendship connection slightly. By that I mean, stop hanging out with her as much or at all, same goes for talking. This isn't only for friendzones it works for girls who were super great on you at first and suddenly turn cold.

    I had this girl I connected back to after a long time, went great, hung out and it started becoming facebook conversation, until she deleted her facebook and stopped answering txts. From there I knew it went cold so I backed off. Soon this week I started talking to her again, ended up in arranging a night out and her telling me she enjoys talking to me.

    Taking distance works but you didn't explain to us any scenarios at all so.. Its kinda hard to help you out.. I'm just telling you what I know.

    Good luck.
    I agree and also disagree. I had a girlfriend of mine that I was close with that we were kind of friends but wasnt. We were really attracted to each other but she was that type that love to be in control. So when she told me 'lets be friends', I went along with it, I mean she has loads of girlfriends why not befriend her and chat it up with her girlfriends? She didnt like that and jealousy ensued, as always.

    She wanted to become more than friends since everyone keep telling her how much of a great catch I am. I told her she missed her chance and I end up dating couple of her girlfriends. Yep cry me a river.

    Whats my point? The point is that you need to increase your social circle and it takes one person at a time. If she wants to be your friend, do not fight it, there is so much benefits of having a female friend. Other women will give you so much play by just seeing you with another female, especially as friends. Sh!t I mean I go out to dinner sometimes with girls who are friends, last time it was with 3 girls and the waitress totally hit on me the whole night. I felt like Hue Hefner.

    Those 3 girls that I was having dinner with was so pissed I was chatting with the waitress the whole night. I told them look at it this way, if you really cared that much then we would have been dating but since we are not then I am free and you are free to do whatever.

    As said before embrace it you will gain so much.
    ------------------------------------


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