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  1. #1
    halston1-12's Avatar
    halston1-12 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Help! What the hell went wrong here?

    Ok, here's something that recently happened to me and I can't for the life of me figure out what the hell is going on, so I'm putting it up on here to see if any of you expert PUAs can help me out.

    I'm 53 (I look 10 years younger, not fat and no gray), divorced for 3 yrs, on good terms with ex (no sex with her since split), have met and dated 9 different women since, slept with 2, turned down 3, and wanted to with 3 others (including the one I'm about to tell you about), but couldn't close the deal.

    Ok, so last Saturday a really cute lady (48) contacted me on one of the dating sites I'm on that she was “intrigued” by my profile. I sent her a message back and we traded a few through there, then I sent her my cell number and asked for her to text me sometime. She texted me within 45 minutes, and we went back and forth for about 70 texts over the next hour. The texts were getting sexual, I put on the dating site that I had a weakness for big boobs, and she texted me asking if 36DD was “big enough”. I said oh darling, those are plenty for me. Then she says we can either continue texting or meet later, so we made plans to meet at Applebees that same night.

    We met there at 8:30 and she was definitely what she appeared to be online. Good looking, nice body, and easy to talk to. I found out her ex was 6'2” and 300 lbs, and she had known him since high school and they had 2 grown kids, 22 and 20, about the same age as mine. She was only 5'3”, a nurse and also going back to school. She said they tried to reconcile in 2010 but it “didn't work”, and I got the feeling she hadn't had any since then.

    We stayed at Applebees until about 11:00 pm, then we finally left. I was the one who looked at my watch and said it was probably time to go, she never said anything about leaving. We walked out to her car and I kissed her after she had gotten in and rolled down the window. It wasn't a just peck but we didn't linger either, only a little tongue. I didn't say anything about seeing her again, and neither did she. I thought we had a great night and I couldn't wait to get home and to do what I thought would be some more “sexting”.

    It took me about half an hour to get home, and she lived really close to where we met so she would have been home for a while by then. There was no text from her by the time I got back, so I sent her a short one asking “if her posse knew she was safe”. Never got a response back. I did that because she mentioned having a bunch of friends, any of who would “protect” her at any minute if she needed it. She told me that the last “first date” she was on, she had to sneak out the back of a bookstore because the guy was a creep and she was looking for a way to ditch him. She also said her friends would have to “approve” of me, as there was another girlfriend of theirs who married a guy she met and they “never saw her again”. I should mention that during our date, her phone was blowing up with texts from her friends asking how it was going (it was on silent, but she showed it to me and there were about 50 texts from them), and that she almost didn't tell them she was meeting me because she didn't want any of them to follow her to Applebees.

    Since I never got a response back from the one text I sent after the date, I sent her one more the next day with a pic of something neutral we had talked about. I didn't ask what happened or what she thought. No response to that one either. By the next day (Monday) my curiousity was absolutely killing me, so I logged on to the dating site we met on (no message from her there either) and sent her a message saying I had a great time with her and thought she did too but maybe not, and asked her if I had already been “kicked to the curb”, saying if so, “that was fast!” . So far no response to that either. I did see that she was online yesterday, so she has obviously seen my message.

    I am trying to figure out what the hell went wrong here. I have purposely held off on any more contact, because I don't want to be the needy clinger and don't want to completely kill any chance of ever seeing her again. I had asked her about a second date near the end of our night at Applebees, and she said yes. I just can't figure out why I haven't heard from her by now, when she clearly knows I'm interested. At this point, my plan was to call her in a few days just to see how she's doing (and to see if she even answers the phone).

    What could it be? Did her friends already jackpot me without even meeting me? Did she look at all of their texts after she got home (or maybe even talk to them) and decide I was already out? Did I spend too much time on the first date (2 ½ hours) and ruin it? I wasn't getting any signals to that effect. I know it should have been way shorter, but I was into her and neither of us had any plans, plus I knew we wouldn't be able to see each other again during the week because of our work so we just stayed and talked. Also, she only had one drink and I ate some appetizers and had no drinks, and I paid the bill.

    I'm very picky on the kinds of women I'm attracted to, and this one was the first in a while I really wanted to see again.

    Any ideas on wtf happened here, and how to proceed?? Much appreciated my fellow PUAs, thanks!

  2. #2
    Mr8Hyde6's Avatar
    Mr8Hyde6 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help! What the hell went wrong here?

    Hey... YOu did good with the whole flirting stuff. I am not a huge fan of online dating so it's a little bit of a different world to me, but I have had a lot of success stories.

    I am not sure what went wrong with you. I think though you definitely shouldn't of texted her again about being kicked to the curb and also messaged her on the site. That just radiates neediness.

    For all you know, her exhusband was needy and obsessive and it might of, in some way, reminded her. Not saying you are that guy, I am just speaking generally. Girls associate anything to something traumatic of huge in their life.

    I would wait it out longer. See if she responds. If not, well, I am sure you will do fine.

  3. #3
    Devil_dog's Avatar
    Devil_dog is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help! What the hell went wrong here?

    I'm no expert but I'm here to help. First of all DONT REPOST. Okay now, regardless of whether or not you made any major mistakes you did come off as needy right after. One text post date will suffice in letting her know you had a good time. Trying several times and logging on wasn't the best move. Definitely makes you seem needy. You kept talking about her friends you needed to pass with. Look your 53 and you have a wealth of life experience and value to offer. Act like it. Be the buyer. If this girl wants you she should be doing some work to get your attention. If she likes you she will qualify her reasons to her friends and they will like you. Trying to set up another date the same night doesn't make sense. I'm not sure what your kino (touching) escalation was like but if you kissed her thats good. So my closing thoughts are wait a few days to re-initiate contact, she might even reply. Start letting yourself believe that you deserve her and she would be lucky to be with you. If she doesn't want to date again, you only lost a girl who wasn't for you. haha there's always "Plenty of Fish".

  4. #4
    TheDuke's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! What the hell went wrong here?

    Yep, there are really only two possibilities here:

    1) She wasn't interested and let you down "easily"; or

    2) More likely, she wanted you to take her home or at least try to take her home and she was put off when you didn't.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  5. #5
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Help! What the hell went wrong here?

    Yeah to me, if she is already getting sexual with you by text within a day and before a first date then you should have tried to take her home, you done well but you didn't k close quick enough. A k close is much better in the middle of a date than at the end but I don't really understand why she has stopped talking to you....very odd :/

    Linking x

  6. #6
    halston1-12's Avatar
    halston1-12 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Help! What the hell went wrong here?

    Hey everybody thanks SO much for the quick replies. To address a couple of the comments and questions, my first post-date text was only "did u tell the posse that you're safe", meaning her friends who were texting her. I didn't say anything in the two post-date texts I sent about having a good time, only in the on-line message I sent later.

    The reason a second date came up while we were on the first is because SHE mentioned a second date in our texts even before we met. We texted about eating pizza in bed & having sex & watching tv, and she said "maybe not on the first date... gotta play hard to get a little!" Exact quote. So I don't think she was looking to hook up the very first night, or that she was disappointed I didn't try.

    I touched her right arm gently several times during the night, and I didn't sit across from her, we were at one of those high-tops and I sat to her right.

    Only other thing I can think of is that 1) she's either crazy or 2) just not interested but has a very strange way of showing it. I'll post back here in a few days after I try and call her later this week.

    Thanks again!!

  7. #7
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Help! What the hell went wrong here?

    If she said 'maybe not on the first date' this does not mean no, in fact every time I get told 'I don't kiss/have sex on a first date' I make a point of trying exactly what she said she wouldn't do and it nearly always works. If she weren't going to do it I doubt she would have bothered mentioning it.

    Linking x

  8. #8
    Vicodin24's Avatar
    Vicodin24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help! What the hell went wrong here?

    You won't get them every time. Not doing "everything wrong" doesn't guarantee anything...it just ups your chances. Women are weird, you should know that by now

    Assuming this one got away, here's what you can do in the future with others:

    Instead of you texting them asking if they're home and all, tell them to let you know when they're home. Gives off a caring vibe and makes women much more inclined to go further than a first date/kiss.

    Hope it helps!
    Always leave her better than you found her.

  9. #9
    TheDuke's Avatar
    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help! What the hell went wrong here?

    Quote Originally Posted by halston1-12 View Post
    The reason a second date came up while we were on the first is because SHE mentioned a second date in our texts even before we met. We texted about eating pizza in bed & having sex & watching tv, and she said "maybe not on the first date... gotta play hard to get a little!" Exact quote. So I don't think she was looking to hook up the very first night, or that she was disappointed I didn't try.
    This SCREAMS she wanted to hook up to me. "gotta play hard to get a little!" is just telling you that she wants to hook up, but you might have to work for it.

    The more you say, the more clear it is that you didn't escalate quick enough. Some women are like that. They want a guy to take control and make something happen.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  10. #10
    lenric's Avatar
    lenric is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Help! What the hell went wrong here?

    Well there's a thing I really like about the first kiss. Don't need to be nervous, it's not like fucking for the very first time.

    Tickling. Tickling. Tickling. All about that. U 2 are getting physically closer, thus emotionally, and it will spark that special moment when she looks at you like you just fingerbanged her cat in a really sexy way. It means she's enjoying your company and thinking about kissing you.


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