Please help I am desperate!
I am 26 years old and have just come out of a 4 and a half year long relationship.I was completely crazy about this girl from the moment I met her. From the beginning we started dating, she wanted to break up with me after a few weeks, because she was afraid i would cheat on her like her last boyfriend. This happened a few times as she had her flashback moments but we always staid together.
After 3 years of us being together, her parents started to build a new house with the upper floor for her and me. She asked me if I would move in with her, at first I said shure. But when they started to build the house I started to back away. I am still a student and don't have any money so I felt really bad when I thought I would move in a flat her parents would pay for and everything. Because of that I shut my self off from the new house. I didn't help her at planing and decorating and everything and I became really passive in the relationship. Now after one and a half year she said that I have completely pushed her away by not helping her with the house and not standing by her side, so she is completely cold towards me. She said she needs time now for herself, to finish her university and to get a fulltime job. At first I begged her to give me another chance but she said I should work on myself too and finish my studying, and it is no use for use to jump back together, and we should let the time tell if after so much time we will still miss each together we shall talk then, if not we can stay friends. She even offered to stop calling me so I can get myself back together but I told her I like hearing her voice.
After a few days of my missery I told her I will give her time to work on herslef and I will work on myself and hopefully we will end up together again. She said I shouldn't think about us, but just about myself and let the time tell.
I still really wan't her back so badly, I even thought through the new house and everything, I came to a conclusion that I was only afraid and I should have stood by her side and helped her, now I would do anything to make her happy and have her back.
I am not shure about her intentions as she keeps calling me evey day, from time to time she even tells me she likes me and calling me honney and sending me kisses. When we went for lunch the other day she hugghed me and gave me a long kiss on the mouth, so I am totally confused. This happened also a few days later, when she asked me to go with her shopping for iphone case and she kissed me in the store. When she dropped me of at home I told her that she still means a lot to me and she said I do to her as well. I told her I only wan't her to be honest with me and not to give me false hope just so that I will find out later that she has a new guy. She said she won't give me false hope and that she has no interest in guys at the moment she only want's to work on herself. I am still hoping that she is waiting for me to make something out of myself, get a job and get my life in order, and then she might come back.
I don't wan't to get my hopes up for us getting back together just to be disappointed later on. I don't know what to do, but I wan't her back so desperatelly, she is the love of my life. Please help!!!