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  1. #1
    BearScoob is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default She asked " How can I fix it?"

    So this girl has been somewhat inconsistent. Granted she recently broke up from a 5 year relationship, and is working crazy hours for the next few weeks (graveyard shift, 12 hour shifts, only one day a week).

    We have a good rapport, flirty, sexual tension, etc.... I even did a pretty big favor for her because she was in desperation ( not really AFC, more like... she's a human being and it would be fucked up if I didnt do this for her). But when I asked for a similar favor....she was too busy to fully follow through. When I asked to hang out....she is way too tired and barely has time to do laundry and run errands.

    She could tell I was frustrated and asked me if I was. I said simple "yes". She then freaked out and asked "How can I fix it?". I then said lets hang out. She replied that it will be difficult until she gets off this crazy schedule. So I just said" Ok . well im heading out to the city. I have to go." She said have fun and i ended it with a joke to show I wasnt faded by her mini-resistance.

    I am freezing her out now and its been a few days. Now I am wondering if I should call her out on her overall flakiness and say something to the effect of "Hey. you seemed genuinely concerned that I was frustrated with you. I do want you to do something about it, but before you fix anything , I think you should know where the frustration stems from. " Then proceed to tell her that I dont want someone close in my life that asks me for a big favor but doesnt show the same level of respect when I need someone to help me out, and that I dont want her to be one of those people in my life. But I am hesitant with this because it may come off as needy and emotional (especially since it was a month ago), but I do feel I need to set boundaries with her.

    Or should I continue to freeze her out until she comes to me with a solution?

    Mind you, this is the kind of girl that likes to be told what to do and likes a guy who sets up boundaries.

  2. #2
    TheDuke's Avatar
    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She asked " How can I fix it?"

    Why are you freezing her out? I just don't get it. Guys come on here and think the answer to every problem is to freeze the girl out--IT'S NOT!!!

    When she realized you were frustrated, she wanted to fix the problem. This is behavior you want. But how did you respond to it? By freezing her out. Good job...if you're looking to punish positive behavior.

    She's on a hectic schedule right now. You recognize this and should respect it. If you wanted to hang out, why didn't you offer to bring her some take out or something one night. If she's working a crazy schedule, you have to make it easy for her to hang out with you.

    But in summation, I'm sick of reading threads where the first thing the guy does is freeze the girl out. Jeez.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  3. #3
    BearScoob is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She asked " How can I fix it?"

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDuke View Post
    Why are you freezing her out? I just don't get it. Guys come on here and think the answer to every problem is to freeze the girl out--IT'S NOT!!!

    When she realized you were frustrated, she wanted to fix the problem. This is behavior you want. But how did you respond to it? By freezing her out. Good job...if you're looking to punish positive behavior.

    She's on a hectic schedule right now. You recognize this and should respect it. If you wanted to hang out, why didn't you offer to bring her some take out or something one night. If she's working a crazy schedule, you have to make it easy for her to hang out with you.

    But in summation, I'm sick of reading threads where the first thing the guy does is freeze the girl out. Jeez.
    I guess I just needed a couple of days to chill myself because I was pretty pissed/frustrated and didnt want to come off that way when I talk to her.

    I have seen your advice before and you give awesome advice. I guess since i have been "cool" with everything before, she shows less respect and doesnt even know why I am frustrated with her.

    My question to you would be....how would be a good way to re-enage her and let her know why I have been frustrated perhaps something along the lines of "Hey, I think its only fair to let you know why I have been frsutrated instead of just keeping it to myself."...or hell what would be a good suggestion on telling her "how to fix it?" since she is currently incapable of hanging out.

  4. #4
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    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She asked " How can I fix it?"

    Why don't you do what I said and offer to bring her some food one night or something like that. Saying that you're frustrated when you aren't even with her comes off as really needy IMO.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  5. #5
    BearScoob is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She asked " How can I fix it?"

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDuke View Post
    Why don't you do what I said and offer to bring her some food one night or something like that. Saying that you're frustrated when you aren't even with her comes off as really needy IMO.
    When you said that, I thought that was a good idea, but I would run into the same wall about her being too busy at the moment with only one night off and having a weird sleeping schedule.

    Maybe freezing out isnt the way to go. But I do think she needs space to chill out and let her come to me. I figure she is on a crazy schedule, stressed, barely has time to do laundry on her night off. Like you said. I need to respect her crazy schedule at the moment

    And I definitely need to chill out myself. The way I see it, she knows i want to hang out, she cant right now, so maybe I should just chill the fuck out and just let her get through all this. It would be a mutually beneficial "freeze out" until we both are in a place where we want to talk and chill with each other without all the drama

  6. #6
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    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She asked " How can I fix it?"

    Quote Originally Posted by BearScoob View Post
    When you said that, I thought that was a good idea, but I would run into the same wall about her being too busy at the moment with only one night off and having a weird sleeping schedule.

    Maybe freezing out isnt the way to go. But I do think she needs space to chill out and let her come to me. I figure she is on a crazy schedule, stressed, barely has time to do laundry on her night off. Like you said. I need to respect her crazy schedule at the moment

    And I definitely need to chill out myself. The way I see it, she knows i want to hang out, she cant right now, so maybe I should just chill the fark out and just let her get through all this. It would be a mutually beneficial "freeze out" until we both are in a place where we want to talk and chill with each other without all the drama
    Well then do that. Honestly, if she's being sincere, it sounds like she's into you. Just stay on friendly terms with her, but don't contact her too much. When she works her schedule out, then you'll know whether she was just brushing you off, or if she was being honest.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  7. #7
    BearScoob is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: She asked " How can I fix it?"

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDuke View Post
    Well then do that. Honestly, if she's being sincere, it sounds like she's into you. Just stay on friendly terms with her, but don't contact her too much. When she works her schedule out, then you'll know whether she was just brushing you off, or if she was being honest.

    Thanks again TheDuke. You are definitely an asset to the community. No joke, I have seen some of your posts and you could write a book since your mentallity seems to coincide with the PUA who is looking for something legitimate, not just a lay. I find a lot of PUA gurus and masters are just looking for the lay and the numbers.

  8. #8
    TheDuke's Avatar
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    Default Re: She asked " How can I fix it?"

    Thanks for the kind words. There are a lot of members on this forum who are looking to help people with their life and not just looking to get them a quick lay. It's a good community that way!
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."


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