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  • 1 Post By linking
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Thread: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that I was LJBF ed?

  1. #1
    newbierio is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that I was LJBF ed?

    A little bit long thread, but I think it is worth the detailed report.

    #1 Meet this girl by lots of friends (30+) 2 months ago. Got phone number of all the friends, including hers. Called a little bit and a we met at another barbecue with the same lots of friends. Still calling every 3 or 4 days with kind of a promise to give surf lessons. Until now, no hitting, only small chat with lots of friends.

    #2 Her birthday was like 2 weeks after we first met (called at her bd). She made a party with other people at a big closed place. Around here, people are not used to give birthday gifts. But I gave an enclosed special gift with a cool picture and a card telling something romantic like "we should take a picture like that". A day later she texted me that she liked the surprise very much.

    #3 The weather didn't help for the surf lessons, so I asked her to have lunch. I choose a cool place at the beach front and she made the way there. We talked a lot to build rapport. Very light kino, ok. Then, as the night came, I asked her to walk with me on the beach. As I escalated the kino, she gave a bad body language response. So I backed up a little bit, trying to escalate again with no success. I didn't asked why she was like that. Anyway, as I dropped her at her car, she told me to go some other beach another week, as the weather would be better. I understood that as "I want to know you better".

    #4 Some weeks later, all these friends (30+) went to her place at a city nearby. As there were a lot of people at her place, too difficult to isolate her, although when possible she always came to me with a curious question about me. At a night party, I froze, not intentionally. After that, she gave lots of IOD's. A day later, at another party I tried to fix this mess by giving some compliments when needed. But there were millions of people again, but I would find the right time to isolate shortly. Just before I would start talking she told me "You are being very complimented by everyone, bla bla", and she gave me compliments also". I gave mine small compliment to her and then came home, as I knew from the beginning that the game wouldn't on that weekend.

    #5 Called her some and she told me she would go on a social project on Saturday morning. I kind invited myself to isolate again (2 hour drive until the social project place). We talked a lot in my car (us 2 alone). When we arrived there, she was kind always looking for me. I gave the attention necessary. But, as the morning passed by, I noticed her body language changing a lot: from a little bit of indifference in the morning to kisses in the air like a girl in love as I dropped her at her place. I knew that no game in the social project too, but it was set up for later. Let's roll on.

    #6 At night, I would go to a birthday someplace (she knew), but as the friends were getting together and I couldn't get in the birthday, she (with 20+ common friends) decided to go someplace else (nightclub kind) and I followed everybody. I thought everything was set up for this place at night! BUT, she completely FLAKED. She was body positioned completely behind her friends and when finally I got in front of her (with some friends beside), she would look everywhere but me. With such a REAL BAD body language, I left the place and came home pissed and understanding nothing (maybe it would be the presence of friends, cousins, etc).

    #7 Next day, talking to some female friends, they suggested to text at that same day calling her to dinner, so I would know for real what she wanted quickly. Agreed, texted her, but "don't know, maybe dinner with cousin". I understood was wanting nothing and gave up at all.

    I did not contacted her at all for 2 weeks. No text, no call. Not even meeting with the common friends.

    But, there was another barbecue with the same common friends. I decided to completely flake her. Only to change if she gave some IOI.

    #8 When she arrived at the barbecue I was talking to another girl that was giving me lots of IOI's. She saw it. After she talked to everybody, the first place she went was beside me and the other girl still giving me IOI's and I intended that I didn't notice her. She gave away and went somewhere else in the party. As the thing went on I noticed her giving small IOI's as like being sorry. As I noticed that, I gave a hug with some kino. Great response. Got away, just after that (trying to push/pull). Later, did again and then asked "Is everything fine?"/"What happended that saturday that you were avoiding me?". She avoided the answer. As she left the party, she gave a hug that would be less than a friendly hug, more than a lovers hug. Great body language response.

    With that good response, some days later called her to have dinner again. This time, she answered promptly "let's go". But our schedule didn't match and we went to have dinner only yesterday. Just after I called her to have dinner, her best friend (that I already knew) added me on facebook (much coincidence: should have told something to her friend).

    Her appointment before the dinner yesterday got really late, and I thought that maybe she tried to cancel the thing. But we went.

    #9 I choose one of the best romantic places in town, not fancy and formal, but more of a cool place (and very expensive, although ok for me). I managed to get a corner seated with pillows(romantic thing). But I decided not to kino during dinner. Keep a distance and get close only at the car. She didn't give much IOI. In fact she was more quiet and shy (maybe intimidated), but I was talking comfortably, more of a friend style. Only thing I noticed was turning body completely to me and pulling hair once or twice (later, she clipped her hair). As we walked to the car, hugged her because of the cold (17o. Celsius). Escalated kino with success, zero rejection, but no kiss. She said like "did not want to mess things, you are a friend". I continued kino, zero rejection. In fact, only rejection was turning placing my head close to her in order to kiss, but even tough lightly. I said "let's talk". As I tried to understand the whole thing I continued escalating kino (I thought would be the only thing left to do): hugs, touching her face, etc. Zero rejection. She was cold (17o. Celsius), we entered her car, and we got to the point where we were at a distance looking at each other eye to eye, I touching her face and she rubbing my back lightly. But I knew it wouldn't get anywhere...

    What she told me was:

    - She only noticed that I was into her on the beach (#3). She should have noticed by the card (#2).
    - She told me that "you are great, bla bla, but I feel nothing".
    - Told me "you know I rejected the first dinner", I answered "Yes, I noticed, but you came to this one!!!"
    - Told me "I thought this would be a more friendly dinner".
    - Told her "I know you have fear of something. Noticed that after #6". Replied: " ahh.. fear of nothing" (probably avoiding the subject). "Only fear of you not understanding that we are friends". I think she may really have fear of me going away (losing friendship).

    Well. I went home (in my car), texted her "great company and great dinner. Kisses", not to sound like an idiot that looked like pissed. She replied fine.

    The only thing I can do now is to not to contact for a long time. In fact, I will be in vacations for the next 20 days to an exotic location. Thought of sending a postcard or calling her from there, but won't do it.

    After that long report. I would like to know what I did wrong? I know I did some little mistakes, but I know I did somethings right. Would you point what I did right?

    The point is that I did something very wrong somewhere and don't know what!!!

    Much thanks!!

    Newbie

  2. #2
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that I was LJBF

    You went wrong right at the start and completely friend zoned yourself. You didn't make your intentions clear, you were calling every 3 or 4 days and not hitting on her just being friendly that was what was wrong. Also from then on you seemed very needy, the bday gift etc, not good :/ always make your intentions clear and realise that life ain't a movie and overly romantic gifts and gestures towards a girl that isn't quite obv very into you don't work.

    Linking x

  3. #3
    newbierio is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that I was LJBF

    Thanks for answer. Agree with you, completely!

    The problem was that she is a oneitis, so I got insecure.

    Suggest any fix on this situation besides ignoring her for a long time?

  4. #4
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that I was LJBF

    I can't see you fixing this very easily, move on mate it's better that way, move on, work on your game some more and maybe re open at some point. There are some friend zone threads on the forum tho if you search it

    Linking x

  5. #5
    newbierio is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that I was LJBF

    Been thing during the weekend about what was me main focal point that I am being wrong..

    Even she being a oneitis, the fact is that I am as needy as hell!! All the girls I've been out recently (not a few) were more needier than I am. And any other girl in the past that eventually it worked out, it was because I was in a non-needy phase. Doing psychiatric sessions for 3 years now, I know for sure what are the reasons, that are irrelevant here.

    What is relevant is: neediness is the BIGGEST turn-off for a girl. Even Brad Pitt would get nobody if he was needy.

    What is more relevant, how to overcome neediness? Been reading all weekend in the PUA literature (books, not google), and it is difficult to find, but I did: in order to overcome you neediness you must become charming to everyone (Robert Greene), not only the girl you want. Do find what people want, and please them! Using the example from Neil Strauss, even if a guy comes with a new Ferrari shinning new, with plastics on the seat, do please him with "Cool car! I really envy you".

    Do that three time a day, and you will get the attention you need, you will forget you neediness. The rest come after, you will have more girls to game, and they will chase you.

    Thanks everybody.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that I was LJBF

    I think sometimes I'm needy.. Can you show me some ways get over being needy

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that I was LJBF

    You're needy because you're attached to an outcome. You worry about not getting it, so you do whatever you can to get it, and that effort will fuck you up.
    There really is no fast way to stop being needy. Start talking to other girls... that way, over time, you'll become less attached to an outcome, so your neediness will fade away.

  8. #8
    newbierio is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that I was LJBF

    You are right! I am too attached to the outcome, but this is just part of the neediness...

    I also know it is not easy to overcome this. I do talk talk to other girls, go out, make out, but they don't solve my neediness.

    That's why I choose someone that I *think*, would solve my neediness.

    In fact, from the moment I choose to go after girls that would fulfil my neediness is the sametime that I am getting too wrong.

    I am really considering getting back to get any girl at all (>= eight). This way, for sure I won't be worried about the outcome...

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that I was LJBF

    You're answering yourself dude.
    You think about getting girls. This is an outcome. This is an agenda. The golden rule to avoid neediness, and as a result, become better at dealing with women is simply to have no agenda.

    Talk to girls with the single purpose of having fun...

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Done some things right with oneitis, but what was wrong that I was LJBF

    Alright thanks guys.. Other forums say "just stop texting them and text more people" but the answer is to noticed that I'm always needy something from girls when I talk to them. It's never for fun


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