Some back story:
I've been talking to this Mexican girl for a few weeks. About a week ago while talking on the phone, I mentioned that I conceal carry a gun - which is because I work in Detroit. Well, she wasn't very receptive to the idea and went on to tell me about a story of a family member who left a loaded gun lying around - then one of the kids got ahold of it and shot his sister while playing a game. It's a legitimate concern I guess. Most people who haven't had a positive experience with guns - or haven't themselves been a victim of a crime - tend to hate them at first glance. I went on to explain the positives to hopefully redeem any rapport that I may have lost. She ended up caving and said "as long as you don't bring it when your out with me". I promised I wouldn't bring it out on the first date and left it at that.
Well, a couple days later, on Sunday, I went to her house to have dinner with her family. We were originally suppose to go for sushi (she promised to take me out for my birthday which was a few days before). That morning though, she cancelled the sushi date and said her parents were making dinner and that I was invited. I didnt put two and two together at that time. I figured that it was a good thing that she was willing to introduce me to her family. Looking back now, I'm thinking that it's possible that the gun had something to do with it.
Anyway, I stuck around for 5 hours on Sunday and while I was there, the family got news that a family member was found dead in Texas (her cousin). He was found that morning with a gun next to him. They weren't sure whether he did it to himself or whether someone else did it.
They were all speaking in Spanish at this time so I was completely lost - all I knew is that something was wrong. Me and the girl went outside to talk and I asked her what was wrong and she told me. The whole time, I'm thinking to myself "great!, this couldn't have came at a better time!"
That was Sunday. About an hour after I got home, I texted her to tell the family thank you again for having me. She then told me that she would be leaving Tuesday to Texas to grieve with the rest of the family. We are both religious people so I told her I was sorry for her loss and that I would keep her family in my prayers. I figured I had to say something - I wanted to sympathize with her just so she knew I cared - but at the same time I didn't want to become "that guy". You know, the one she can go to when she needs a shoulder to cry on - that screams friendzone if you ask me. She said "thanks! ://" and it ended there.
I waited a few days just to give her some space then yesterday, Wednesday, I texted a funny picture just to make her laugh then said:
Me: Hey Maria, hope your trip was safe. Enjoy the time with your family.
Her: thanks Sean
Me: Have you found out when you'll be coming home?
Her: Not yet
Me: Ok, I was going to ask if you wanted to do something Sunday
Her: I don't know yet but I will know in a bit and let you know.
The convo sucked. I wasn't expecting it to dead end like that but she wasnt really engaged so I just left it at "ok".
Later on that night, she texted me a link to the obituary/funeral info. The viewing is on Thursay and mass is Friday. She didn't really explain further. I don't know if she was hinting that she would be home by Sunday or if she wasn't going to be home and I didn't ask - I just left it alone for now. I continued with some small talk (usually I keep our conversations light and fun but she was pretty upset and I didn't want her to think I wasn't taking her situation seriously). A couple texts later, I said "I'm going to let you go, I'll ttul". She said "night" and that was it. During the conversation, she never made an attempt to ask me how my day went or anything (which she usually does) - actually she didn't do much at all to keep it rolling. She just answered my questions which is why I cut it short.
My problem is that she wasn't at all engaged or interested in our conversation. I'm just thinking that if she likes me that much, wouldn't she be happy to talk to me? Especially when she's sad? Or maybe she just wants to grieve alone with her family? Am I being selfish for wanting to talk to her?
Also, she is returning my texts And she also followed through when she said she would let me know - I'm not sure if she's just replying out of kindness or if she really is interested. Did the "butterflies" she may have felt leave when she heard about the loss of her cousin? Or I suppose it's possible she didn't feel them at all. Or maybe she's on her period also.
Note: I don't plan to talk to her again until Friday evening unless she decides to initiate. For now it's probably best to give her space.
Any thoughts? Have any of you every dated a girl who was suffering a loss?