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  • 1 Post By TheDuke

Thread: The end of a 1.5 year relationship, how to respond.

  1. #1
    kidsinatra is offline PUA in Training
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    Default The end of a 1.5 year relationship, how to respond.

    Hey folks, long time no see
    So my now ex ended it a couple nights ago.
    The relationship was going on a year and a half, the last four months of it long distance (7 hours apart)

    I noticed her hiding her relationship status on Facebook, reading, but not replying right away to my texts (in the past it would be immediate), and generally showing other signs of distance.

    We were planning for a future together, and on a regular basis (multiple times per day) would text and tell each other things like "you're the love of my life", "I can't wait to start out family together", "how do you want to raise our kids", etc etc. We'd frequently talk and plan out our future together. She had met my family, all of it, and did very well with them, on multiple occasions.

    Within a week or two all of this essentially came to a halt.

    One night I brought it all up as I was concerned, and she showed no interest (failure to maintain eye contact, fidgeting and doing her nails while we were talking) etc. Blatant signs that she had no respect for me any more.

    She said we needed 24 hours, so we took it.

    At the end of the 24 hours she said it was over. I asked her after all we'd said if she was willing to work though the problems, she basically said no. I'm chocking this all up to maturity level (I'm 23, she's 21, and california girl 21 at that)

    The way I see it the distance got the best of her, and she started talking to someone else.

    She sent me a one liner text the next night saying something along the lines of "hope you're doing okay"
    I replied with "hope you're doing okay as well"

    I've been catatonically depressed and fell asleep at 6 pm when I got home, and slept till 6 am, at which point I didn't have the will to get out of bed and slept till 10am.

    When I woke I saw she sent me a text at around 1 am (my old bedtime) that said "Michael.."
    Then "Goodnight"
    I replied the next morning at 6 am with "Yes?"
    followed by "Good morning. Have a good day at school"
    She replies at 8:47 am "Not talking to you is killing me.."
    10:40 I reply "I kinda feel the same way" <-bad call on my part but im in a bad place remember
    immediate reply from her "I know you hate me, Im sorry."
    I reply "I don't hate you" "I'm sorry I didn't make you feel that way."
    which doesn't make complete sense but I think you guys know what I was going for
    Her final reply "You deserve the best Michael, because you"
    next text from unfinished previous
    "Are the best."
    That last statement really pissed me off because I feel like she's directly belittling me and masking it as a complement.

    HELP!!!!

    I'm going to the doctor as soon as I get $ for anti-depressants and anti-anxiety.

    I'll be frequenting the boards again to refine my PUA technique.

    And yeah, not gonna lie, maybe I'm a novice, but it hurts. Real bad.

  2. #2
    kidsinatra is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: The end of a 1.5 year relationship, how to respond.


  3. #3
    SonnyCurtis is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: The end of a 1.5 year relationship, how to respond.

    Hey man it's okay to hurt. We have feelings - that's what makes us human. I don't think she means you any ill will, she's a young girl she's emotional and probably very conflicted right now. This too shall pass good luck friend

  4. #4
    kidsinatra is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: The end of a 1.5 year relationship, how to respond.

    Should I reply to her last text with something clever?
    Or just "Awe, well that's nice of you"
    I want it to have some punch.

  5. #5
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    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: The end of a 1.5 year relationship, how to respond.

    I know you're not going to listen to me, but the best thing you can do right now is to take some time away from her and figure your shit out. You need to get a grip on yourself.

    My gf and I (my "first love") broke up after 8 1/2 years and about 1 1/2 years of long distance. It fucking hurt like hell (and still does and probably always will to some extent). But trust me, the best thing is for you to figure yourself out. Cut contact with her for a while. At least a few weeks, but ideally as long as it takes for you to pull yourself back together.

    Honestly, you're not going to listen to me because the pain will be too much. You'll think that you guys are different and that this is "meant to be," and all that shit. But you'll eventually reflect on what I'm saying and realize I'm right.

    Don't worry about getting her back right now. If after you've figured your shit out you still want her back, then you can figure it out.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  6. #6
    kidsinatra is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: The end of a 1.5 year relationship, how to respond.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDuke View Post
    I know you're not going to listen to me, but the best thing you can do right now is to take some time away from her and figure your sh1t out. You need to get a grip on yourself.

    My gf and I (my "first love") broke up after 8 1/2 years and about 1 1/2 years of long distance. It farking hurt like hell (and still does and probably always will to some extent). But trust me, the best thing is for you to figure yourself out. Cut contact with her for a while. At least a few weeks, but ideally as long as it takes for you to pull yourself back together.

    Honestly, you're not going to listen to me because the pain will be too much. You'll think that you guys are different and that this is "meant to be," and all that sh1t. But you'll eventually reflect on what I'm saying and realize I'm right.

    Don't worry about getting her back right now. If after you've figured your sh1t out you still want her back, then you can figure it out.
    Thanks Duke
    Deep down I know and have known you're right. My friends and family basically say the same thing. Don't reply, communicating with her will impede/prevent you from moving on.

    I'm taking the last couple (benzodiazepines) that my buddy from way back gave me last time I felt like I was losing her, and I feel 100% completely fine, but when the pill wears off, gDamn it hurts. I get stuck in an endless loop of thinking about her.
    Medical cannabis also helps but not like the meds.
    I'd like to refine my PUA skills and pick up HBA's at raves and or bars and what not, after which I'm sure I'll have built up my confidence enough to ween myself off of them.

    I just need that feeling again. The "yeah, I still got my swagger", which I know I do, and I am a moderately good looking guy (7+ on rated dating sites, though not sure of reputability). I just don't have the confidence to make the moves and game the girls on campus.


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