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  • 1 Post By hometownextra

Thread: need help moving on

  1. #1
    bhawker is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default need help moving on

    It has been almost 2 months since I lost my gf. I liked this one more than any before and so losing her has hit me very hard. I have been dumped before, but this time I am not recovering. I feel like things are actually getting worse for me. I am literally thinking about her all hours of the day. I am trying to do anything I can to take my mind off her, but I still am reverting back.

    I actually feel like Forest Gump. The anxiety gets so bad at times that I literally just go running. This helps but my body needs a break. I barely eat and I have dropped almost 20 pounds. I think I sleep on average 3-4 hours a night. My work is suffering and I have been getting more and more people seeing the affects this is taking on me and asking what is wrong.

    I have been trying to take the approach of getting back out there and dating as much as I can. This is not working and I am clearly not in the right mental mind set right now.

    Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to get myself back to a state of normal living?

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    linking is offline Banned
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    Default Re: need help moving on

    I was in your situation....this is how I done it.

    Getting over your ex.....the lowdown

    Linking x

  3. #3
    hometownextra's Avatar
    hometownextra is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: need help moving on

    Good linking Linking

    1 find the good inside and go enjoy things you like. Especially if the relationship deprived you of a hobby or interest regain it.

    2 fighting that anger or depression add time to your workout, physical pain can lessen emotional, not to mention extra hormones released will help you think clearly. If you don't exercise start. The last part of this point is what better way to get back at her than improving yourself? Adding exercise will just make you a better you and also is a good outlet for your stress

    So Run Forest Run!
    Learn to be a better person not a better player.

  4. #4
    rockd is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: need help moving on

    This was me maybe, last November. Ex cheated on me in a bad way and I was really strung up about it. Couldn't sleep, woke up half awake in a dream state and couldn't get out of it all the time, lost maybe 10 pounds and I was already a skinny guy. Oh yea, and I thought of her every farking day with girl's perfumes and girl's with similar hair, it's a college town so there is always a decent chance you can see that girl around campus.

    I was like this for months, I had a hard time just meeting girls, (let alone picking them up) who I thought were just almost as good as my ex. It was bad.

    What I did is that I tried to go out a lot and pick up girls. Sounds cliche, but I got a couple of friends with benefits with girls I didn't care about emotionally too much and rided it out with them. But I never really got over it with that, It took several lucky events to happen. 1) I was out at the bars so often and hitting on so many girls that the three times I saw her at the bars I was with someone (different girl each time) and she was with no one but friends. Then at a party of mine she came up to me and apologized and that she felt bad, and shed some new light on what she let happen. To her, my lifestyle was so good she felt like she really missed out on something. And she did man. But it wasn't over, so far were about in February and I'm skipping some less important detail. The second reason I was lucky was that my college has counselors, that helped a lot. I wasn't spewing my emotions and she was kissing my ass and said everything would be better, no, she told me my ex and the guy (who was a close friend of mine) were legit assholes, and yes in those words. This counselor ragged on me too for some petty problems I had haha. I further found out a lot of my problems and worked to fix them. By this point I was almost completely over my ex, might be mid April now. But what really finished off those feels was meeting a really cool girl who I found by chance. You never know when you'll meet the next person you'll care about, but you,your lifestyle, your mindset, everything about you better be where you want it to be. Optimal really. Or you could fark it up with that girl too. Use this time, the time before you meet that next girl you'll care about, to make yourself as best of person as you can. Otherwise you might regret not starting this now, half a year from now.

  5. #5
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Arrow Re: need help moving on

    Quote Originally Posted by bhawker View Post
    It has been almost 2 months since I lost my gf. I liked this one more than any before and so losing her has hit me very hard. I have been dumped before, but this time I am not recovering. I feel like things are actually getting worse for me. I am literally thinking about her all hours of the day. I am trying to do anything I can to take my mind off her, but I still am reverting back.

    I actually feel like Forest Gump. The anxiety gets so bad at times that I literally just go running. This helps but my body needs a break. I barely eat and I have dropped almost 20 pounds. I think I sleep on average 3-4 hours a night. My work is suffering and I have been getting more and more people seeing the affects this is taking on me and asking what is wrong.

    I have been trying to take the approach of getting back out there and dating as much as I can. This is not working and I am clearly not in the right mental mind set right now.

    Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to get myself back to a state of normal living?

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
    it sounds like you are suffering from a major depressive episode as the result of this girl. the good news is that they seldomly last more than 90 days.
    as for forgetting about her, the best way to do that is to stay busy with work and hobbies. avoid long periods of downtime and always try to be doing something.

    as for the sleep problem, try taking some Nyquil (it should help you to sleep like a baby)

    spend time with those who are close to you and try to make the best of life. live life one day at a time until things get better and you will get better as long as you believe things will get better.

    there is no better medication than a positive outlook

  6. #6
    hometownextra's Avatar
    hometownextra is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: need help moving on

    NyQuil the good old moonshine of the medical field
    Learn to be a better person not a better player.

  7. #7
    bhawker is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: need help moving on

    Thank you for all your advice. I know I'm having a major meltdown. I've never experienced this before and the problem is I live in a new city and have no friends. I have no outlets to go and get her off my mind and I think that is why things are spiraling out of control for me. I will give the NyQuil thing a try. I know the lack of sleep is definitely a major part of the problem too.

  8. #8
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: need help moving on

    Quote Originally Posted by bhawker View Post
    Thank you for all your advice. I know I'm having a major meltdown. I've never experienced this before and the problem is I live in a new city and have no friends. I have no outlets to go and get her off my mind and I think that is why things are spiraling out of control for me. I will give the NyQuil thing a try. I know the lack of sleep is definitely a major part of the problem too.
    sounds like the lack of social support is what has you so down having good friends makes a big difference. I would suggest that you join a club or group like martial arts or dance or even yoga (wich will double to give you something to keep your mind occupied and to get you some new people in your life)

    laying around at home thinking about her isn't going to make things better. you need to take measures to be more actively involved in your life. try-

    exercise- when your alone do some push-ups or whatever other exercises you like, (excersise causes your body to release endorphins wich should make you feel a little better)

    eat well-
    make sure your getting plenty of glucose in your diet, just drinking a glass of orange juice everyday should also make you feel better.

    take honey- honey has been known for being one of the single most vitamin rich foods for centuries. a tablespoon of honey every day should help to stabilize your mood.

    all these things will help so long as you have at least some social support. (social support is the single greatest factor that affects depression)

    you'll get better budy, it just takes time.

  9. #9
    bhawker is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: need help moving on

    I did something I have never done to anyone. I contacted her and wrote some nasty stuff. She really hates me. I'm very upset with myself because I am not the type of person to go and do something like that. I feel the sleep deprivation has started to get me to do things I would never consider doing. Regardless I did what I did and now have to own up to the consequences. Last night I took some sleeping pills and today I felt more aware.

    Meteora, I do most of what you suggested although I'm going to try the honey. Friends is a major issue for me and one that I think has slowed the process down. My true friends are in another city and the only friends I have made here are all married and they are very hard to get together with. I think my goal for now is not necessarily women, but people in general. I'm going to start looking for social places to meet people.

    Once again thanks to everyone for the advice. It has been helpful.

  10. #10
    hometownextra's Avatar
    hometownextra is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: need help moving on

    It is good idea not only build up your support group but going out to find and make friends makes game easier, IE you make more friends you have more social proof... So that is a very solid idea. We all do stuff we look back on and say what the heck was I thinking. But that is a good way to recover go out and make new friends across the board.
    Learn to be a better person not a better player.


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