Re: How do I punish in a LTR?
Be careful about falling into the trap that a relationship should be treated just like a pickup. The rules can change drastically.
You could do a freeze out. Tell her your busy or whatnot. That's one way.
If the freezeout doesn't change her behavior then you have to think about the idea of actually talking to her about her behavior. You are in a relationship now. This means that you have to communicate. This sounds cliché, but it's true. Beings that she is your gf it means she actually gives a shit about you. So she's not going to look at you as whiney when you bring an issue up. Why? Two reasons...
1. It depends on how many times you've brought it up. I believe in the quote "whatever you put your attention on, you give it power." But I feel there is a thin line between addressing an issue and reinforcing the behavior. If you've brought it up multiple times and she still does it then you are going to seem whiney and needy. If it's the first time then it be silly for her to look at you as whiney. She's your gf and cares about your happiness. She'll do what she can to make you happy. Which brings me to reason number 2.
2. It depends on HOW you bring it up. Pointing the finger and playing the blame game only makes her defensive and not want to do anything for you. You have to realize she is still her own person and doesn't have to do what you say. This is why you ONLY focus on stating your standards and expectations. Telling her "You need to stop cancelling and rescheduling. You're always doing this to me" is very different from "I like it when our plans are on schedule. I don't like last min changes. It's a real buzzkill when I was originally excited about them." So again, focus on stating what you expect and what behavior you are willing to deal with.
There's many more rules to dealing with LTRs, but the first thing to keep in mind is that a relationship is NOT a pickup. You've already slept together. Are obligated to each other with your titles. She obviously cares about you and wants you happy. Comparing her to some hottie at the bar who doesn't even take your phone number is just not calibrating.
"All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."