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Thread: How do I punish in a LTR?

  1. #11
    lenric's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Well, that depends. I get what you're saying and I agree with you, however, I advocate the rule that an IOI gets and IOI, thus, an IOD gets an IOD.

  2. #12
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    I agree with the advice given in this thread that you should freeze her out. Make yourself unavailable for a few days. I would also make myself unavailable on Friday and Saturday.

    The more YOU chase the further you will push her AWAY.

  3. #13
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Yes but stay away from little games. Girls aren't stupid... they know what you're doing. Being busy is good, canceling is just tit-for-tat and makes you look petty and vindictive.

    Imo, this is about establishing control and showing her that she does not dictate your actions. I would really advise against the planned canceling, it's just so obvious what you're trying to do.

    Plus her IOD is being met with an IOD, telling her that you are busy IS the IOD.

  4. #14
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    On whether or not to act as if nothing happened: Personally, I hate that shit when someone does it to me. My ex of 5 years did that to me every time we quarrelled and it eventually led to us breaking up. Every time it happened I noticed, and I put another notch in the tally I had begun keeping long ago. So, don't do that.
    you are a soul playing a game of human
    might as well unlock all the secret areas

  5. #15
    Vincent85 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Thanks for all the comments.

    Sorry, lenric. Appreciate the advice but I don't agree with it at all. The behavior seems passive aggressive and petty to me, and while that may be beneficial if you want to get into a girl's pants, I definitely think it's a no-no in long-term relationships, since it'll make things worse.

    Hunterkiller: Interesting. The reason I want to avoid talking about it is not to seem phased or emotionally wound up by her actions. How can I -after a few days of freezing her out- express my reason for doing so (IF she asks) without coming off as whiney?

  6. #16
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Quote Originally Posted by sidewinder89 View Post
    Yes but stay away from little games. Girls aren't stupid... they know what you're doing. Being busy is good, canceling is just tit-for-tat and makes you look petty and vindictive.

    Imo, this is about establishing control and showing her that she does not dictate your actions. I would really advise against the planned canceling, it's just so obvious what you're trying to do.

    Plus her IOD is being met with an IOD, telling her that you are busy IS the IOD.
    You're right mate!............... .................... ...................

  7. #17
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Be careful about falling into the trap that a relationship should be treated just like a pickup. The rules can change drastically.

    You could do a freeze out. Tell her your busy or whatnot. That's one way.

    If the freezeout doesn't change her behavior then you have to think about the idea of actually talking to her about her behavior. You are in a relationship now. This means that you have to communicate. This sounds cliché, but it's true. Beings that she is your gf it means she actually gives a shit about you. So she's not going to look at you as whiney when you bring an issue up. Why? Two reasons...

    1. It depends on how many times you've brought it up. I believe in the quote "whatever you put your attention on, you give it power." But I feel there is a thin line between addressing an issue and reinforcing the behavior. If you've brought it up multiple times and she still does it then you are going to seem whiney and needy. If it's the first time then it be silly for her to look at you as whiney. She's your gf and cares about your happiness. She'll do what she can to make you happy. Which brings me to reason number 2.

    2. It depends on HOW you bring it up. Pointing the finger and playing the blame game only makes her defensive and not want to do anything for you. You have to realize she is still her own person and doesn't have to do what you say. This is why you ONLY focus on stating your standards and expectations. Telling her "You need to stop cancelling and rescheduling. You're always doing this to me" is very different from "I like it when our plans are on schedule. I don't like last min changes. It's a real buzzkill when I was originally excited about them." So again, focus on stating what you expect and what behavior you are willing to deal with.

    There's many more rules to dealing with LTRs, but the first thing to keep in mind is that a relationship is NOT a pickup. You've already slept together. Are obligated to each other with your titles. She obviously cares about you and wants you happy. Comparing her to some hottie at the bar who doesn't even take your phone number is just not calibrating.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  8. #18
    Vincent85 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How do I punish in a LTR?

    Sorry for the late reply. I was busy.

    Thanks Batman for the advice, very helpful and makes alot of sense. Problem solved btw


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